Indiana Taxpayers To Build Irsay Home Recording Studio

Posted in the Indianapolis Forum

Strictly Satire

Matthews, IN

#1 Apr 9, 2013
The CIB has announced plans for taxpayer dollars to fund Jim Irsay a 5.8 million dollar recording studio on his home property.

When asked about this latest taxpayer subsidy given to the multimillionaire sports franchise owner,a CIB spokesman said "it was a great deal for the city." The spokesman also said "the studio will bring more conventions to Indianapolis-even though no tourists will be allowed to enter and use said studio." According to the spokesman,"Tourists will just bask in the glow of knowing Irsay has his own studio when they walk the streets of our city when they visit."

One third of the cost of the studio will be the inclusion of a heliport on top of the studio structure. When asked if this was a frivolous and extravagant addition,a spokesman for Irsay gave the following comment;" He's a man of wealth and taste. He doesn't need to walk 50 yards from his home to his studio. A man of his stature should arrive at his home studio in a style befitting his wealth and as a man accustomed to being pampered and always getting his way." The spokesman was asked if a golf cart would be more appropriate for the 50 yard journey to the studio,the spokesman quickly interjected and sternly told this reporter that "Irsay is a man of wealth and taste. Nothing more needs to be said."

A member of the staff at The Indianapolis Star said "This will be an asset to the city of Indianapolis. We'll most likely do a lifestyle segment of the studio in our Sunday Edition. This will most likely bring forth more interest in Indianapolis from the movers and shakers of other cities to bring their conventions here."

A writer at Indianapolis Monthly concurred."We'll probably do a story on the studio as well. Not a technical manifesto on the studio itself,but as an article on the brilliance,elegance,talent and concern for our city Mr Irsay has continued to display."

A phone call to local alternative weekly Nuvo for comment was never answered. We did receive an e-mail from them extolling the virtues of receiving free tickets for home games.

"Mr Irsay is a music lover and simply wishes to continue his love for making music",said a longtime member of the Council. He continued,"We will do everything and anything to cater to his whims. If our infrastructure crumbles,who cares? At least we have an NFL football team. And in the end ,that's all that really matters. The taxpayer should be thankful for the honor of subsidizing such a worthy endeavor."

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