Ask Amy

Mar 11, 2009 Read more: Chicago Tribune 925
Dear Amy: My wife, "Jenna," and I go out to eat occasionally with a couple who are friends of ours. Read more
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Daria

Whitmore Lake, MI

#1 Mar 12, 2009
LW1--How about, "We're all hungry! We're going to order." Not hard.

Or have her polish off a bottle on the way. Then she'll be good to go for dinner.

LW2--Oh dear. Write it all down, but don't send it. You've scared this boy shirtless.

LW3--Did this party include live demonstrations?

“I'm subtle in spades!!!!!”

Since: Sep 08

Phoenix, AZ

#2 Mar 12, 2009
I dunno, I think maybe Jenna has a good excuse for drinking. If I had to hang out with people like the LW and crew I'd be slamming shots.

What sort of mealy-mouthed loser wouldn't just order food if they were hungry? Just order your friggin' food you maroons and let Jenna pitch her drunken fit if she wants too.
Erika

United States

#5 Mar 12, 2009
LW1:(Yaaaaawn)

LW2: Talk to him.

LW3: Who would have a party in a bathroom??? Ta-cky and na-sty.
liner

Hicksville, NY

#6 Mar 12, 2009
If you have a party in a bathroom, you either have a very big bathroom, or very few friends. I vote for the latter.
Gigi

Champaign, IL

#7 Mar 12, 2009
Hey Stumped in Oklahoma: Maybe the wife can't stand the other couple and this is the only way she can make it through the evening!
Cirrus

Milwaukee, WI

#8 Mar 12, 2009
LW1: So many people think that because somebody isn't falling-down drunk they don't have an alcohol problem. Too sad.
LW2: So it's ok for him to say those three little words, and when she says them back he books? What a loser.
LW3: It's always an occasion to celebrate when the outdoor plumbing moves indoors.(sarcasm) Unbelieveably tacky. I thought I'd heard everything...I'm not posting my more sarcastic comments about party favors and suchlike because I don't want my post removed.
eva

Chicago, IL

#9 Mar 12, 2009
Amy gave the right response to LW1: the woman has a drinking problem and hopefully she'll get help. I don't see why some posters feel the need to make jokes about it.

LW2: What are the chances, after all the hand-wringing on the girlfriend's part, that her boyfriend didn't receive her heartfelt email?(Cyberspace isn't infallible, you know.) I understand her issue, but regardless, this isn't the kind of message you deliver for the first time in an email.

“I'm bringing sexy back...”

Since: Jan 09

Location hidden

#10 Mar 12, 2009
LW1 - I fail to see how that is a drinking problem. From what I read, she wasn't holding them hostage to leave, she was just being inconsiderate about them ordering food. If she is out with adults, than the adults can think for themselves and order food without having to get her permission. If she only drinks when she goes out with a group how does that give her a problem?

LW2 - Some guys can be flakey, from my experience. I couldn't imagine telling someone that I love them for the first time via email. Have we become that dependant on technology that it's come to that? If you can't see them in person, at least pick up the phone and personally tell them.

LW3 - Well, if I redid my kitchen and got the double stacked ovens that I covet so much, I'd throw a party for it, so I guess it wouldn't be much different. My only concern is that if everyone was having champagne in the bathroom, what happened if someone had to actually use it? "Um, excuse me, can everyone leave the party for a sec, this champagne is going right through me!" To each his own.:-)

“Two heads are better than one.”

Since: Feb 09

Chicago Burbs

#12 Mar 12, 2009
I'm amazed Amy can botch a response to LW1 and then come back with decent advice to LW2. She's totally hit or miss. And the movie recommended in letter 2 is very good. Kinda a chick flick but also written from a guy's perspective and it's got some good humor. A must see for single women.

So LW1: Take your wife out more and get the stick out of your butt.

LW2: You did the right think and should have no regrets. Follow Amy's advice.

LW3: Can we be more pointless?
Renee

Pleasanton, CA

#13 Mar 12, 2009
LW2: M
Aybe she sent the email to the wrong person by accident.

Since: Mar 09

Auburn, WA

#14 Mar 12, 2009
At the expense of sounding a prude, I will say that alcohol is a very dangerous attempt at self-medicating. The couple that drinks together, will not be living a happy life together regardless of what you may have seen on tv. Instead of these drinking binges, this couple should engage each other in new activities and interests to be shared together.


Very lucky is the man who receives a heartfelt email from his girlfriend. personally, I do not think the internet appropriate for such exchanges, too impersonal. I believe a written letter much better serves the purpose. Love is organic after all.

A bidet? What the **** is a bidet?
jordan

Chicago, IL

#15 Mar 12, 2009
lw2's problem was also with the delivey. you don't say important things via email! grow up, people.

lw3 is clueless...amy is right on. i get the "fun and memorable" thing, but when a party is thrown to celebrate the addition of an appliance whose sole function is to bathe genitals...ew...
jordan

Chicago, IL

#16 Mar 12, 2009
'scuse me: *delivery.* i hate typos.

“Choo-Choo!”

Since: Nov 07

Elgin

#17 Mar 12, 2009
Lil Roo wrote:
LW1 - I fail to see how that is a drinking problem. From what I read, she wasn't holding them hostage to leave, she was just being inconsiderate about them ordering food. If she is out with adults, than the adults can think for themselves and order food without having to get her permission. If she only drinks when she goes out with a group how does that give her a problem?
If every time she drinks, she must have 3-4 drinks, get "tipsy" (after 4 drinks she is actually drunk), she has a problem. It isn't how often or what the occasion is, it's the focus she puts on the ingestion of alcohol, especially the anger she expresses if others want to order food too soon. It may not effect their daily life now, but I would bet that it will.
Bobby Logston

Fort Lauderdale, FL

#18 Mar 12, 2009
The husband knew what he was getting into with that drunk. She can mess up her life -- and his -- all she wants. But when she drives and have children, that's when I'll get really angry.

“Joy is the shadow cast by pain”

Since: Dec 08

Twin Cities, MN

#19 Mar 12, 2009
Noir wrote:
At the expense of sounding a prude, I will say that alcohol is a very dangerous attempt at self-medicating. The couple that drinks together, will not be living a happy life together regardless of what you may have seen on tv. Instead of these drinking binges, this couple should engage each other in new activities and interests to be shared together.
Very lucky is the man who receives a heartfelt email from his girlfriend. personally, I do not think the internet appropriate for such exchanges, too impersonal. I believe a written letter much better serves the purpose. Love is organic after all.
A bidet? What the ***** is a bidet?
Those are pretty broad strokes you're painting. I had a boyfriend, a wonderful guy with whom I'm still close friends, who would do tequila shots with me. We didn't get drunk often, but when we did, we had fun. Friends of ours are HUGE drinkers -- they love their beer and they each have their own kig of beer (Summit for him, Miller Lite for her) in their keg fridge -- but they also own a house, throw great parties with lots of homemade food, have awesome jobs, NO DEBT. They started dating in their 30s after having grown up together. They got married a couple of years ago and they are meant to be together. On their first anniversary, the husband said to the wife: "Is there anyway we can be MORE married, because being married to you is the best thing int he world." Puke-inducing, to be sure.

But not all people who drink are losers whose relationships are barely functioning.

“Joy is the shadow cast by pain”

Since: Dec 08

Twin Cities, MN

#20 Mar 12, 2009
And a bidet ("bid-AY") is a sort of fountain for your tushie after you've used the toilet.
Susan in Warrenville

Wheaton, IL

#21 Mar 12, 2009
Lil Roo & Garth: The diagnostic manual for psychology (the DSM-IV) defines alcohol abuse as anytime when alcohol use is interfering with a person's job, family or relationships. In this case, Jenna's alcohol use is interfering with her relationship with her husband, and her friendship with the other couple. So by definition, she has an alcohol problem. Getting drunk is more important to her than the people in her life.

By contrast, the DSM-IV defines alcohol addiction as the physical dependence on alcohol. It does not appear that Jenna has that problem -- yet.

“Joy is the shadow cast by pain”

Since: Dec 08

Twin Cities, MN

#22 Mar 12, 2009
No, she shouldn't have sent the email to the boyfriend. If he didn't get it for some reason, they still would have been in contact by now. But if she hasn't heard from him in two days, something is up. He's either bent out of shape over her need to express her feelings electronically rather than in person, or he's dead. Either way, I hope she's learned a valuable lesson. And she should call him and have an honest voice conversation with him.

“I'm bringing sexy back...”

Since: Jan 09

Location hidden

#23 Mar 12, 2009
Redheadedme wrote:
<quoted text>
If every time she drinks, she must have 3-4 drinks, get "tipsy" (after 4 drinks she is actually drunk), she has a problem. It isn't how often or what the occasion is, it's the focus she puts on the ingestion of alcohol, especially the anger she expresses if others want to order food too soon. It may not effect their daily life now, but I would bet that it will.
Point taken.

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