Couple don't like friend's cooking

Dear Amy: My husband and I are very friendly with a couple whom we enjoy very much. Full Story
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Daria

Westland, MI

#1 Dec 20, 2008
LW2--He is normally "very nice" to you? Then this was out of character for him? Find out why! Was he having a bad day? Did he have an argument with his friend? Did his team lose?
Yes, you are right to be upset, but speak up!
IMHO, a "very nice" guy would apologize. Sincerely.
PS Hey DDog, I spent two hours OUTSIDE yesterday! Two feet of snow! The fresh air seared my lungs and I'll be taking to my bed with a hot toddy today.....Thanks EVER so much >:)
pathetic

AOL

#2 Dec 20, 2008
LW2....Are you kidding me?

Boofreakin'hoo. Did he know you had cramps? If he did, then did you tell him that because you had them that you were requesting something? I assume not. Maybe he forgot, maybe he was just cheating on you. Who the eff knows. Speak up! You're married and if you can't tell your spouse your feelings then the marriage is doomed! Instead of the "silent treatment" maybe you should just divorce the bastard!
ivory dove

Helotes, TX

#3 Dec 20, 2008
LW1: A suggestion of "Try a little less spice (or a teaspoon of
olive oil), etc", is probably a tactful way to help her improve her recipes.
LW2: At least she isn't playing Bob Dylan's Positively 4th
Street on her CD player,(Which starts off with the lyrics,
"You've got a lot of nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning"..) and glaring at him.
Would LW3 feel like a dunce if the niece put on a temporary
tattoo and did that as a practical joke?
Endora

Cumming, GA

#5 Dec 20, 2008
LW1: She should be honest and tell her the same thing she told Amy. It's not like her friend was always a bad cook and can't do any better.

“Joy is the shadow cast by pain”

Since: Dec 08

Twin Cities, MN

#6 Dec 20, 2008
L1: I can make many dishes extremely low-fat and you'd never know the difference. Stuffed pasta shells with a tasty marinara sauce, banana bread, muffins, just for starters. But I don't attempt to mess with dishes such as fettuccine alfredo. But if the food is tasteless, what's the point? I partly agree with Amy--suck it up. But maybe get them a nice low-fat/fat-free cookbook.

L2: I don't know how people stay married if they have to write to advice columnists to ask such basic things. Can't you just talk to your husband at the time? If not, why not? I used to have cramps that were horrible, so I feel your pain. Haha. Your husband should have been nicer to you. Maybe he thinks you're whining/exaggerating. Tell him that cramps are, essentially, your body going into labor. The uterus is contracting, the hormones are pumping, etc. Maybe he needs to understand what cramps are and how awful they can be.

L3: Butt out. Amy sucks.
Wyndie

Meadville, PA

#7 Dec 20, 2008
Christmas is coming. LW1 could give her friend a new cookbook featuring tasty low-fat dishes. They do exist.
New Yorker

New York, NY

#8 Dec 20, 2008
Sorry - I disagree with your advice to In Pain. Her husband's behavior was so totally mean and insensitive that I think he needs more than a small comment. The tone of her post makes it sound like this guy is basically a clod who doesn't pull his weight around the house. I think she needs to have a major talk with him about being a supportive, concerned and kind spouse - and not just sitting on his butt and expecting to be waited on.
Stephanie

Székesfehérvár, Hungary

#9 Dec 20, 2008
LW1: Keep quiet. Your friend's house is not a restaurant. You don't get to order what you want and you don't get to complain about the food. Either you go and enjoy their company or you send your regrets and don't go.
Iris

United States

#10 Dec 20, 2008
My mother was also a very excellent cook until she was in her early 50's. For years she actually baked wedding cakes and catered receptions. However, when my father was diagnosed with high blood pressure she started cooking without salt. This led to her cooking with no fat and everything artificially sweetened. The food was tasetless. She would often get us to eat something like homemade ice cream and then bait us for a comment about how good it was. Then she would tell us how she changed the recipe or that she was out of a necessary ingredient and decided to add this or that.

She also would do the reheat thing. Cook one HUGE holiday dinner and when the different families came from out of town, reheat for days and days. I would prefer not to have the traditional dishes and just have a regular meal if it has been reheated over and over. My mother said the same things that the LW's friend did like people just don't eat the way they used to.

Although her mind was good, she developed other habits in the kitchen that I never saw earlier. When we would call her on one, she would say no one ever got sick. My older brother started telling her that he and his wife had and she still wouldn't believe it. She didn't and at 82 still doesn't take kindly to any suggestions of inferiority.

I don't know any solution for the LW other than what Amy said. I dreaded going to her house. I had friends who would say I can't wait to get home and taste my mother's and then name a particular dish. I have never in my adult years ever asked my mother to make a particular dish.

Now that she lives in a m-in-law suite at my brother's, I do all the cooking when I go.
yellowdoggie

Oklahoma City, OK

#12 Dec 20, 2008
LW1- I'd like to hear what LW1 would say to her friend. "Gladys, this tastes wretched. Why can't you cook a decent meal anymore?" If you want to keep your friend, shut up and eat. Gladys, with her low-fat meals, will probably outlive you.

LW2- Oh, grow up. Quit being a whiney baby. Yes, cramps are the pits and husbands just don't understand. The best husband in the world will occasionally act like a horse's ass. I can't believe you went to bed hungry and angry rather than tell him to kiss your butt. But you didn't, so now you can just suck it up and get over it. What, were you going to divorce him over this?

LW3- Are you, perchance, the easily shocked type? I'll bet your niece was playing you. Compliment her on her lovely new tatt and let it go.
Anne

Portland, OR

#13 Dec 20, 2008
LW2 - I used to have cramps so bad that could not function. I can't imagine eating. I think a lot of men think that women are exaggerating how they are feeling.

However, the writer said that she babies her husband when he is ill and I am sure that a lot of her resentment is due to that. My suggestion is that she let him take care of himself from now on if he is ill.

Oh yeah, stand there grinning and slept in another room so you don't "Catch it".
Erika

Littleton, CO

#14 Dec 20, 2008
LW1 & LW2: All problems seem to come from couples like you. Sux to be Amy.

LW3: Is the girl eighteen or over? If so, whether her mother knows about her tattoo or not is none of your business. Actually, either way, it's nonya! It's certain her mother will find out about it eventually.
Grumpyoldlady

United States

#15 Dec 20, 2008
LW2: By all means tell your clod of a husband what was going on with you - he sounds too insensitive to notice you're hurting unless you draw him diagrams. Then get yourself to the doctor - there are meds for cramps like that nowadays. No need to suffer if you don't have to.

LW3: you didn't say how old your niece is. If she's old enough to get a tattoo without parental consent, it's none of your beezwax. If she's too young to get a tattoo without parental consent, then you have to presume her mother consented and it's still none of your beezwax. Aunts do NOT get to weigh in on things like this.
Beth

United States

#16 Dec 20, 2008
Why don't you think about making a couple of dishes and bringing them with you? It's rude to go to someone's house empty-handed anyway, and then you can take some of everything but eat the majority of your own dish.
Cass

La Verne, CA

#17 Dec 20, 2008
LW1 - The food is *healthy*. You eat less. It's good for you. Eat it and don't say anything. Have a cholesterol feast on the way home if you wish.

LW2 - Your husband was being a jerk. Tell him. Or better yet, when he next ask you to fix him something (whether he is sick or not), just tell him to get it himself. Stop babying him.

LW3 - Is your niece over 18? In most places, she'd have to be legally an adult to get a tattoo. If she is not a minor, you should not interfere. Btw, how do you know that the picture is that of your niece?
Bella

Wolcott, CT

#18 Dec 20, 2008
yellowdoggie wrote:
LW2- Oh, grow up. Quit being a whiney baby. Yes, cramps are the pits and husbands just don't understand. The best husband in the world will occasionally act like a horse's ****. I can't believe you went to bed hungry and angry rather than tell him to kiss your butt. But you didn't, so now you can just suck it up and get over it. What, were you going to divorce him over this?
AngelaMN wrote:
L2: I don't know how people stay married if they have to write to advice columnists to ask such basic things. Can't you just talk to your husband at the time? If not, why not?
These two posters summed up everything I was going to say about LW2. Thanks guys!
Kuuipo

United States

#19 Dec 20, 2008
LW1 - It's rude to criticize other people's cooking when you are a guest in their home. Period. Offer to bring a dish, eat before you go, offer to share YOUR favorite low-fat recipes with the cook, suck it up and enjoy their company.

LW2 - I don't know what flew up his `okole, but I can't believe that you didn't call him on that rude remark. I'm assuming that youasked him nicely.

LW3 - It's a done deal, and a lot of people have tattoos these days. Say nothing.
EJG

New London, CT

#20 Dec 20, 2008
LW2 is married to a selfish clod without a clue. He is not holding up his end in this relationship at all. His wife has showered him with care and compassion when he is is ill and he has not reciprocated in kind when she is ill. He should be following her example.

LW3 is a buttinsky-wanna-be. If her niece is 18 or older, the tattoo is none of her family's business, unless the nice decides otherwise.
Janine Lee

Granada Hills, CA

#21 Dec 20, 2008
Your vapid reply to "In Pain" was meaningless. There is a lot more to this marriage than the letter indicates. Any woman who would put up with the kind of reaction her husband showed has
bigger problems than silence vs. yelling. Sounds like she is married to a selfish brute and/or she is (maybe) passive-aggressive -- this is pure PopPsych101 conjecture. Rather than have the oh-so-sweet talk you suggest, "In Pain" ought to look at the marriage as a whole, including her part in accepting that kind of treatment.
Turnip Truck Driver

United States

#22 Dec 20, 2008
LW1: I disagree with Amy. Don't accept invitations for dinner from them anymore. Instead, either go out to dinner, cater in or cook dinner yourself. There is nothing worse than that low-fat stuff and no one should have to endure it. Yuk!

LW2: You indicated "when you are sick." How much are you sick? That is not accusatory. That is asking how many times has your husband had to take up your slack of chores in the household. Maybe that night he'd just had a pleasant evening, came home to your whining and had enough. P.S. maybe it's time to check out what your health issues are with a medical physician.

LW3: NONE of YOUR business. Keep your meddling nose out of your niece's life. Unless her mother is blind, she will see the tattoo above her daughter's cleavage sooner or later.

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