Are you twitching - or just pleased to see me?

Bird-watching hides in some of Lincolnshire's tranquil nature reserves are apparently being used as love nests by amorous couples. Rachel Shaw from the county's Wildlife Trust said: "They can be romantic places if you have the right company." It is hoped that wise management will prevent the bearded tits being disturbed by a stray shag. Beware of the dreaded thrush if you're getting up early just for a lark.

[gimme crumbs]

What do you expect when they shut the birdbath too early. That's the real reason those bearded bird-watchers carry binoculars. Never trust a man who wants to spend their whole life alone in a shed.