Is this OCD?
Posted in the Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Forum
#1 Jul 27, 2011
I have a problem. I can't stop obsessing about my sexuality.
I'm straight. I've always been attracted to girls, never men. But throughout my life, I have been called gay sometimes, and it's always made me doubt my sexuality. People talk about being in denial about sexuality, and this makes me think "am I gay or bi, and just in denial?"
So recently, I have been almost testing myself to see if I'm bi, and find myself enjoying watching shemale porn, a bit. Gay porn I can't watch. I find myself trying to watch it, and wanting to watch it, but when I start watching it, it feels wrong.
I know deep down that I'm 95% straight, at least. Maybe 100% but because of the way I think and obsess over it, I feel like I'm convincing myself that I'm bi, when I don't think I am. The problem is it's hard to really know for sure, when I could be in denial.
When I really look at it, I feel as though I'm not bi, but I have this horrible feeling, like something is on me, weighing my body down. Like a negative energy just resting on my head and shoulders.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like I can't be in a social situation anymore because of this feeling that I keep obsessing over. I fear that people will bring up homosexuality in conversation, and I won't know how to express my feelings or opinions on the matter. It's caused me to lock myself away in my room, and fear social situations.
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