The baby-making market

Thanks to his low sperm count, Chicago resident Jason and wife Megan were unable to conceive. Full Story
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Dr Mom

United States

#22 Jan 14, 2008
Sweetness you are misinformed. Many postpartum mothers have nurses take care of their babies and when they are transitioned back to the biological mothers it takes time to re-bond them.

The baby recognizes the nurse as the mother and the re-bonding with the biological mother takes time. But, it all works out in the end.
Chris wrote:
<quoted text>
No, that is not true. People are not ducks. There is a lot of research on this subject. Dienne's post was right.

Since: Oct 07

Chicago, IL

#23 Jan 14, 2008
Simon Says wrote:
[snipped]
What artificial insemination is leading to is people picking and choosing what traits they want their child to have. Soon, if not happening already as in China, people will be having their child aborted because itís the wrong sex or it has some genetic defect that they do not want to deal with.
[snipped]
Sorry to be the one to tell you, but this IS already happening. Most women--especially those over 35--can elect to undergo a series of tests that tell you if there is a possibility that the fetus has certain birth defects. Some women then use these test results as the bases for their decisions to terminate. Granted, the tests are far from perfect and currently are only able to test for a limited number of diseases/defects; but I imagine that the list of things that can be tested for will continue to grow as science and technology increase in sophistication.

I have my own personal beliefs (which would prevent me from choosing an abortion--so when I was pregnant, my husband and I refused these tests), but I would NEVER tell another woman what is best for her and/or her body.
Chris

Chicago, IL

#24 Jan 14, 2008
Bonding is a clinical term. I think some of the posters here mean to say attachment. Yes, an adopted baby or child can form a loving attachment to their new parents. Bonding is what happens in utero.
Jojo

United States

#25 Jan 14, 2008
h
Chris wrote:
Bonding is a clinical term. I think some of the posters here mean to say attachment. Yes, an adopted baby or child can form a loving attachment to their new parents. Bonding is what happens in utero.
Bonding happens throughout life. It isn't restricted to one event. In fact, they can prescribe you a hormone to induce bonding.

Since: Nov 07

Oskaloosa, KS

#26 Jan 16, 2008
The child can form a bond/attachment with the adoptive parents - but will the adoptive parents be able to form a bond/attachment with a child that is not of their own creation. Many people can - but not everyone. That's where the "it's not a puppy" warning comes in.

In preparing an adoptee to search for and possibly meet their biological parents the worst case scenarios MUST be discussed - especially if the adoptive parents actually know the biological parents' history. Discussing the what-ifs with a teenager (either directly or with professional help) makes sense. Many adoptees (and some non-adoptees) create a set of fantasy parents and eventually grow out of it. Some adoptees are able to handle the truth better than others - the question is not whether to tell them the truth - but WHEN and HOW.

But finding out at age 31, like I did, and/or having the adoptive parents take whatever they knew to their graves - is not the way to go.

Birth and adoption records should be available to the adult adoptee and to the adoptive parents of a minor child. This isn't about finding one's *real* parents - it's about finding one's self. Something that everyone else can take for granted.
wondering

Bartlett, IL

#27 Jan 16, 2008
Gaye wrote:
... and/or having the adoptive parents take whatever they knew to their graves - is not the way to go.
Birth and adoption records should be available to the adult adoptee and to the adoptive parents of a minor child. This isn't about finding one's *real* parents - it's about finding one's self. Something that everyone else can take for granted.
Thank you for your thoughtful answer.

You do know that many years ago, adoptive parents were told absolutely NOTHING about the child's birth parents (health history, age, location, etc.), nor was the birth mother given any information about the whereabouts of her child.

So it wasn't so much a matter of adults "keeping secrets" as it was about their not knowing the 'secrets' in the first place!

AND believe it or not, there was actually a time when adoptive parents were even told that it was unwise to tell their children they were adopted!!! There have been many changes in attitude over the past four decades, most of which I think are definitely for the better.

Not sure yet what I think about "open" adoptions. I guess time will tell whether or not they are a good thing.

Since: Nov 07

Oskaloosa, KS

#28 Jan 17, 2008
Open adoptions and open records work when the people involved respect each other.

The same issues arise in a divorce with kids involved. Some people are just plain nasty - and the kids end up victims.

It's like any other relationship. Friendships, business partnerships, marriages. Respect for the other person(s) is what is required.

Years ago, a divorced father was "encouraged" to stay out of his kids' lives (especially if the wife remarried) so there wouldn't be any confusion about loyalties. Promoting that kind of policy today would be political suicide.

Giving ALL people access to the history of their own origins is now being seen as an idea whose time has come.
TellKidsTheTruth

New York, NY

#29 Jan 20, 2008
Not telling a baby s/he was conceived with donor eggs or sperm is an awful idea. Kids can tell when there are secrets in a family and those secrets eventually come out.
Even if no one slips, we're already doing genetic testing for disease. In a few years the child is going to wonder how s/he can have type A blood when the parents raising her are type O, or worry s/he is going to get Parkinson's disease like the grandpa s/he may not even share any genes with.
Don't use donor egg or sperm if you plan to lie to your kid. People who deny their child info like this don't deserve to be parents. I am speaking as someone who used donor sperm to have her two kids. We read them a book about the nice man who gave one of his cells so they could be born. They're thrilled to know they were so wanted.

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