Living w/ non-herpes partner

Living w/ non-herpes partner

Posted in the Genital Herpes Forum

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Puzzled

Montrťal, Canada

#1 Sep 22, 2007
Met this person a few months ago and she was just told by a previous partner that he has genital herpes. She got tested positive. I got tested myself and tested negative ...hence the horrible dilemma...

I very much like this person, but the information available seems so widespread and sometimes even conflicting, it is hard to find the way through it all... I very much like this person and would like to develop a relationship further ...does anyone have any advice/experience with partners being positive negative?

I know, use a condom at all time, but still a risk. Then this would mean no oral sex?

I also find somewhat puzzling that 1 in 5 person has genital herpes ...strange feeling to walk down a busy sidewalk thinking about this ...is Herpes part of the standard STD detection tests or due to the implications (easy to imagine someone who's never had symptoms being diagnosed and on and on), do people have to ask specifically.

Thanks.
Lyte

Overland Park, KS

#2 Sep 24, 2007
Well I can just say from my own experience. I lived with my partner for over 3 years and never contracted herpes until the last year of out relationship. I unfortunately was not aware that he had herpes.

For the first 2.5 years of me finding out that I had herpes, I had no signs or symptoms of the virus after the time of finding out.

For the last 1.5 I wouldn't and haven't had sex with anyone. I have had constant and consistant outbreaks even on medication. It has never went away at all. That's one of the main reason that I check this site, to see if anyone else has or is experiencing my dilema.

Prior to me having this constant and consistant outbreaks I received plenty of oral sex and did not infect anyone with it. My personal experience and opinion is this: A person knows when and when not to have a sexual intercation with a person in reference to their virus. Just as I've said for the last 1.5 I haven't and wouldn't have sex with anyone condom or not, because I know my body and I know what I'm experiencing. With that said, now that she has disclose to you about her situation, then you guys should be fine.

One thing about this story that sound puzzling is that you said she "was told by her prior partner that he had it" and then she went to get tested and tested positive. Well to answer your question about is "herpes" tested for standard STD check ups. The answer is NO, because there is no way to determine if a person has HPV 1 or 2 with a blood test. The only way to determine if you have genital herpes is if you have an active outbreak during the time of the check up. That's why you're not screened for herpes during a standard check up.

When I discovered I had herpes, I was so out of it and distraught that I called the local clinic and told them about my situation, since I knew my BF had went there a couple of years before. I was scared that since he had herpes that he could possibly have HIV. The person I spoke with looked up his file and said that he tested negative HIV and they have no record of him ever being diagnoised with herpes. With that said, there is no question that he gave it to me, because he admitted it. But still he tested negative for it when he went to the clinic.

At the end of the day, every person herpes experience and situation is different. Some have it more severe than others. Some have it and never experience any symptoms from it at all.

I found it puzzling the statistic's on herpes as well. I feel that if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. I have NEVER been a sexually active person. Had only had sex with 5 people and I got it. I had never had an STD in my life before this, so it can happen to anyone. That's life for you!
Puzzled

Montrťal, Canada

#3 Sep 25, 2007
Thanks you very much for sharing your experience and information... As with many aspects of herpes, it seems somewhat difficult to find the absolute truth about it ...if there actually is a truth...

Here is a piece I found on the net regardng testing:

Herpes is most easily diagnosed when blisters are present. When you are asymptomatic and take a blood test, the test looks for antibodies that fight the virus. While these tests are fairly accurate, tests can have false positive rates. Newer tests are more reliable than older tests; they can differentiate between Herpes Type 1 (oral herpes) and Herpes Type 2 (genital herpes). However, even in the newer tests, false positives can occur around 5 percent of the time.

I do believe she had independant tests ...will have to verify...

So much confusing information ...makes it that much harder that she's never experienced any symptoms.

As for the statistics, seems like they all comme from the same study and copy/pasted from site to site!??

Will get to the bottom of it sometime.

Thanks again!

P.S. I find it somewhat staggering that the clinic would have released his personal results to you?? Was he consenting to this?
Lyte

Overland Park, KS

#4 Sep 25, 2007
Lol, no they didn't have his consent. But I was contemplating murder and suscide. At the time I had just found out and was hurt. I didn't know what this meant. I had always heard of herpes and just the fact that it couldn't be cured I was devastated. I provided them with his social security number, and the person just told me "under tha table" if you will.

You just have to look at it like, we're all human before anything else. If you put yourself in my situation inregards to the person that gave me the information, I would have told someone like myself the information as well. The person even had told me that it wasn't a big deal, that practically everyone had herpes, and I didn't have take any medication for it. And for the first almost 3 years I didn't.
female

Richmond, VA

#7 Mar 4, 2008
my husband was diagnosed with herpes about 1 years ago....i just found out 2 weeks ago that my culture was positive for herpes. My husband went back to the dr last week and his blood test was negative...any thoughts...it's very confusing to me.. why would his blood test show negative now and my culuture is positive????
Lost_in_Montreal

Valleyfield, Canada

#8 Apr 16, 2008
I am with somebody with gen herpes, and I know exactly what you are going through. Not one day do I not think about it, not one day do I not look at somebody and judge if they have it or not.
I know it shouldn't bug me this much and we aren't even at that point yet and I am a virgin so this makes it all scarier, plus I've had unpleasant experiences with jerk guys in the past... but Iíve spent my whole 20 years building a reputation I worked hard to get by being a good kid and I know gen herpes wonít make me bad, but I know the stigma attached and I do not want that. I am healthy, young, and lifeís difficult as is and I canít imagine one more thing making it harder for me. I tend to be obsessive, which is why I canít let this go, but this will NEVER go and I canít obsess forever.
If I'm having so much trouble with it now, imagine if I had it? I'm just not built for it and I found out through an unfortunate e-mail that revealed other information about his past.
Long story short, though we both want to, we've both learnt to live with the possibility that we might not get intimate and he might not even let me if I chose to. This has created a block for me, and weíll probably break up from this in a year. But we both really care for each other, and even without the sex, weíve already contributed a lot to each otherís lives and it really sucks, but I donít see the vaccine or microbicide coming out until potentially 2011 earliest.
Lost_in_Montreal

Valleyfield, Canada

#9 Apr 16, 2008
This relationship I have has definitely made me grow up fast, what we went through in a 1-2 months (now it's been 3) is more intense than what anybody else I know have been through because it all came out forcefully and we had to deal with where we were early on when our feelings weren't really grown yet.

It's so hard, I always keep jumping around thinking with Valtrex, condom, knowing outbreaks and even wearing boxer shorts to cover the whole genital area, all with that I'd have like a 0.04% chance of getting it. But I don't know if that risk is worth it for me, this is so hard and nobody I know how difficult it is for me to struggle with this every single day because I know I'm in a "doomed relationship" as in... I know that the end result won't be good and we'll both end up broken up and miserable though we both feel it's the right thing to do.

I know this is going away from the topic.. and I know the people who have gen herpes probably hate me a lot right now, but considering he's had 11 partners and I've had 0, my sex life just started out on a rough patch.

I needed an outlet.

But back to the main topic, any experiences with seronegative couples? anybody try the boxer brief technique (we both thought it'd be a smart idea to add protection IF we had sex)

I'm on the internet every single day trying to find a little smidge of hope.
unknown

Cedar Park, TX

#10 Apr 23, 2008
female wrote:
my husband was diagnosed with herpes about 1 years ago....i just found out 2 weeks ago that my culture was positive for herpes. My husband went back to the dr last week and his blood test was negative...any thoughts...it's very confusing to me.. why would his blood test show negative now and my culuture is positive????
It did not show up in blood test yet because he is still forming antibodies. It can take up to
four months in blood. That being said...it looks like he got it recently...I'm sorry. That is why only the culture came back positive. Too new to show up yet in blood. Good luck.
sadmale

Maple, Canada

#11 May 7, 2008
ok seriously, im [email protected] 17 i have had sex with 7 people, 2 of which unprotected. my family background is garbage seeing as both my mother and father were addicted to perks and coke. meaning, that my family is in debt about 200,000. it was all good untill i lost my own [email protected] health, i have to live with this sh!t for the rest of my life. and on top of it all im in love with this girl and i want to be intamite but i love her to much i dont want to put her through this so im eventually jus going to have to let her go and spend the rest of my life as a lnely old bastard. i have tried jus about everything except the medication because i dont have the money for it. im stuck in this situation and i ask my self and cry myself to sleep almost everyday. why me? why am i put in this situation. theres no answer and thats the most disturbing part. all i can do is hope andd wish someone cmes out for a cure soon because im fearful for my life. i dont know how much longer i can live with this psychologically fucking with me. and if i told n e one, it would definately get out and i would be labelled as dirty and no one would want to even chill with me. i sit on the bus wondering, am i the only one with this? am i alone, all the media projecting sex into my mind doesnt help one bit. i have had my first outbreak for 2 and a half months now. and no sign of letting up as every few days i find a new ulcer. sometimes i think it would be better if i wasnt living but there is no alternative to life. at least fo rme there isnt. and if there was it would be straight to hell for me because i dont believe in god, i cant convince myself of somethign that isnt real. and see my rambling has no point to it because i cant help n e of u, im sorry. i wish i could and remember theres always someone out there taht has it worse.
Dr_Alfonsowitz

Radcliff, KY

#12 Aug 4, 2008
I am currently working on my residency at Scripps. I have had to deal with herpes cases for quite some time. In my personal opinion those who have Herpes should be sent to an island as if they had leprosy. I know, I'm a doctor, but this horribly contagious disease has to stop somewhere. It's unfair to the abstinent persons of this world that schmucks (I'm also Jewish, hence the schmuck comment) like the aforementioned sadmale live irresponsible lives and spread herpes like a bee pollinating a flower. What's worse is the commenter Lyte having said...
"Prior to me having this constant and consistant outbreaks I received plenty of oral sex and did not infect anyone with it."
Does this mean that Lyte did not inform her victims of her genital herpes this reminds of behaviors of black widows or Bangladeshi-ans. Because let's be honest here, would any normal minded individual agree to have sex with some one who is poisoned with herpes?
Sincerely,
Dr. Alfonsowitz
Chicago

Ingleside, IL

#14 Aug 13, 2008
Puzzled wrote:
Met this person a few months ago and she was just told by a previous partner that he has genital herpes. She got tested positive. I got tested myself and tested negative ...hence the horrible dilemma...
I very much like this person, but the information available seems so widespread and sometimes even conflicting, it is hard to find the way through it all... I very much like this person and would like to develop a relationship further ...does anyone have any advice/experience with partners being positive negative?
I know, use a condom at all time, but still a risk. Then this would mean no oral sex?
I also find somewhat puzzling that 1 in 5 person has genital herpes ...strange feeling to walk down a busy sidewalk thinking about this ...is Herpes part of the standard STD detection tests or due to the implications (easy to imagine someone who's never had symptoms being diagnosed and on and on), do people have to ask specifically.
Thanks.
This is hard to hear but very simple... walk away. Unless you are going to marry this person for sure then there is no point in messing around with this disease. I dated someone for three months it was a bad relationship to begin with. She didnt warn me she had the std till it was almost too late. I had no idea what Herpes was and I just assumed you needed to have sex to have it, wrong. I stayed with her for one more month and 20 days later I was tested positive for Herpes.

If i had a time machine I would do everything in my power to warn myself to stay away from this girl. Sure you feel bad at the time for leaving her but its just easier for the future and your life to come.

Again if you feel that this girl is someone that will be there for the rest of your life then go for it! I messed up, had i known you can get it through oral sex Id have stopped her months ago. Now i must find peace in living with this disease.
los angeles girl

United States

#15 Nov 1, 2008
98% of people have hsv1 and 50% have hsv2. take medication and you will be fine. it is too common and virtuously impossible to not catch. ..you can't cry over spilt milk. i am sure by now you have come to realize its not as bad as people make out. its something pretty much everyone has but nobody talks about. just do your part as a decent human being and inform future intimate partners that you have herpes. it is there choice if they are willing to take the risk and your choice to take necessary precautions. over the next few years we will all be cured hopefully but until then, don't contribute to speading. this is your wake up call.
herpemypee

Tacoma, WA

#16 Nov 22, 2008
I believe that I have had Herpes for years. Although blood test keep showing negative. I still have symptoms and have break outs on my ass. I just order meds online and it seems to help. The bottom line for the jew fag is that most of us don't even know because his profession is full of schmucks and cannot diagnose correctly.....so I'll continue to go through life treating myself until they get new books to learn from.
MEe

Russellton, PA

#17 Nov 28, 2008
I beleive that this is more common than people think ,at first you are devistated,scared,mortified,an d embarresed, than the more you read the more you will relize you are not alone, millions of peole everywhere do have it. It is not the end of the world although that is what it feels like at first, I got it from the hs1 virus in my husbands mouth and now I have it down there from oral, we can be as careful as can be , but he is aware of how high the risks are of contracting it also, the best thing to do is talk about it, try not to be ashamed, hold your head up and be thankfull that you still have control of your life, keep your body healthy and try not to stress out to much,take your medicine you'll be fine, give it time.
Hyperon

South Africa

#18 Dec 30, 2008
No and no again 1) You must find someone to talk this over with.
2) Try Jesus as you personal savior, He is the only one that was willing to die for you.
3) Start a support group ore forum for others in your position not only concerning herpes but also other bad things
4) keep yourself busy
5) Contact me on [email protected]
georgia girl 36454

United States

#20 Dec 16, 2009
I just found out that my boyfriend has herpes (he got tested). I have fallen madly deeply in love with him. He is the best man I have ever met, he treats me like a princess. I have an appointment next week to see if I have it. He started taking the medicine today for it. If I don't have it, can we still have a baby and me not get it. I read that as long as he takes the meds everday, there is a 94% chance I can't get it. I do want to marry this man either I have it or not and we both want to have a baby someday.
down to earth

Los Angeles, CA

#21 Mar 12, 2010
You are a monster! I am disgusted by response of ignorance. You are going to be a doctor and you are retarded and close minded! Have you heard of stem cell research? Do you know what generation we have entered and what our capabilities are? You are just as bad as Hilter with those evil thoughts of yours. I hope you don't become a Doctor. People like you should be sent to an island.
To begin with our health care system is a machine; second we have unprofessional, ignorant, practitioners going out treating patients like you! Lastly, donít use religion in vain Ė this is reason people create hate. I know some outstanding, intelligent, Jewish people that would be mortified upon your comment.
In the end, I guess government needs ignorant people like yourself to make this society function Ė I guess itís not meant for everyone to read between the lines and think outside the boxÖ
Dr_Alfonsowitz wrote:
I am currently working on my residency at Scripps. I have had to deal with herpes cases for quite some time. In my personal opinion those who have Herpes should be sent to an island as if they had leprosy. I know, I'm a doctor, but this horribly contagious disease has to stop somewhere. It's unfair to the abstinent persons of this world that schmucks (I'm also Jewish, hence the schmuck comment) like the aforementioned sadmale live irresponsible lives and spread herpes like a bee pollinating a flower. What's worse is the commenter Lyte having said...
"Prior to me having this constant and consistant outbreaks I received plenty of oral sex and did not infect anyone with it."
Does this mean that Lyte did not inform her victims of her genital herpes this reminds of behaviors of black widows or Bangladeshi-ans. Because let's be honest here, would any normal minded individual agree to have sex with some one who is poisoned with herpes?
Sincerely,
Dr. Alfonsowitz
high on life

Nottingham, UK

#23 Mar 14, 2010
couldnt have said it better myself down 2 earth ha!
maananda

Chengdu, China

#24 Jul 11, 2011
hi,D:)When you have Herpes, HIV/AIDS, or any other STD, it can feel like you are all alone in the world =herpesanddating,net= is a place where you didn't have to worry about being rejected Just feel free to chat, share stories, make friends in your local area.
lady love

Brooklyn, NY

#25 Jul 15, 2011
Hi, I think I'm in a similar situation as you. I am also a Virgin. My bf told me he had herpes after 11/2 years of being friends. I had so much strong feelings for him since I first got to know him. We have been dating off and on for a Year b/c I'm still ambivalent. I sucks that I'm still ambivalent. I feel its not fair to him or me. I was wondering what did you and your bf decide to do? Did you stay together or work it out.
Lost_in_Montreal wrote:
I am with somebody with gen herpes, and I know exactly what you are going through. Not one day do I not think about it, not one day do I not look at somebody and judge if they have it or not.
I know it shouldn't bug me this much and we aren't even at that point yet and I am a virgin so this makes it all scarier, plus I've had unpleasant experiences with jerk guys in the past... but Iíve spent my whole 20 years building a reputation I worked hard to get by being a good kid and I know gen herpes wonít make me bad, but I know the stigma attached and I do not want that. I am healthy, young, and lifeís difficult as is and I canít imagine one more thing making it harder for me. I tend to be obsessive, which is why I canít let this go, but this will NEVER go and I canít obsess forever.
If I'm having so much trouble with it now, imagine if I had it? I'm just not built for it and I found out through an unfortunate e-mail that revealed other information about his past.
Long story short, though we both want to, we've both learnt to live with the possibility that we might not get intimate and he might not even let me if I chose to. This has created a block for me, and weíll probably break up from this in a year. But we both really care for each other, and even without the sex, weíve already contributed a lot to each otherís lives and it really sucks, but I donít see the vaccine or microbicide coming out until potentially 2011 earliest.

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