Psychological ED gone on too long! W...

Psychological ED gone on too long! Wife about to kick me out!

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incrisis

Marietta, GA

#1 Jul 9, 2008
I've had psychologically-caused ED for over 18 months. My wife is very angry about it and has repeatedly threatened to kick me out. I think she's done with me.

We've been married almost 12 years and I had no problems for the first 10. But we've decided to have a baby and during intercourse one time she asked if I ever fantasized about other women. I had to admit yes. I immediately lost my erection and from that point on, it's been a struggle that has gotten worse. She blames me now for everything bad that has happened since.

I've been to my physician, psychiatrists, psychologists, and a urologist but I can't get over the anxiety that prevents my erections. I love my wife with all my heart, but it is killing her. I'm torn between leaving to at least let her find peace, and staying and most likely failing her again. She refuses to see a therapist or anybody else with me. She says I've robbed her of having a child and have caused her misery for the last year and a half, and she won't forgive me for it. Honestly, I can't blame her. After we argue, we always make up and she tells me how much she loves me. It looks like we've made up for the last time.

I've tried all the ED drugs, including bi-mix, which works most of the time, but I am still anxious and too focused on the "goal" of being able to make love to my wife that the connection is not there.

I need serious help and I need it fast. I don't know what else to do. I need to not be anxious anymore! Why am I so weak?
rob

Birmingham, UK

#2 Oct 18, 2008
You know I think its all in your mind unless you have been taking registered Viagra I dont think any other generic medication works But in you case they have acted like a placebo and given you confidence a boost

Good luck
Grrrrrr

New York, NY

#3 Jan 16, 2009
Have you decided to see a therapist? I think just talking this thru with someone (who has probably dealt with this situation in other clients) may shed some insight to why your having trouble getting hard and your relationship with your wife.
ismail hassan
#4 Feb 13, 2009
pls try to go back to ur historical sexual life before u married and try to make a good realation with an other for a while u may success
Flavio

Portugal

#5 Apr 24, 2009
My wife is very angry about it and has repeatedly threatened to kick me out.

This is a terrible thing to do and won't help your at all. I don't want to pass judgement, but are you sure she's the right person for you?

Anyway, you are not alone. Sexual performance anxiety is common but there are many solutions available. I also had the same problem and tried a drug called VIGAMED (oral phentolamine) with great success. VIGAMED is an alpha blocker, an ED drug that inhibits the negative effects of stress hormones (adrenaline is an erection killer) and could be the perfect solution for you.
Flavio

Portugal

#6 Apr 24, 2009
Of course, VIGAMED is excellent but it is not the only solution to psychogenic ED and there's a lot more you can do to improve your sexual health (and improve your anxiety levels, as well): exercise, healthy diet, natural supplements (L-arginine,pycnogenol). I know this is easier said than done, but try not to think about it too much. You will overcome this. Good luck!

Since: Apr 09

Ewa Beach, HI

#7 Apr 30, 2009
Get a sample of Endurnz and give that a try. Its a natural male ED pill. I have used it for awhile now and I have, better said, my GIRL, is happy. Dont tell her u took it. Give it a try and give her a surprise..
John William

United States

#8 Jun 4, 2009
You can get Vigamed phentolamine at www.worldwide-pharmacies.com or www.propecia-discount.com

I have bought from both and have been very satisfied with their service and prices.
Flavio

Portugal

#9 Jun 5, 2009
I had to admit yes.

This was a stupid thing to do. There's nothing worng about phantazising with other women, but telling your WIFE about it DURING SEX is just too stupid.

I hadn't read this earlier and now I think your wife is right. You hurt her pride and her feelings and she's furious.

VIGAMED may work in cases of sexual performance anxiety but I believe a centrally acting drug would be the perfect solution. Unfortunately, ZORAXEL is still a few years away.
Flavio

Portugal

#10 Jun 5, 2009
You can get Vigamed phentolamine at www.worldwide-pharmacies.com

Great tip John, thanks! I didn't know this online pharmacy yet.
Chuck

Asheboro, NC

#11 Jun 6, 2009
incrisis wrote:
I've had psychologically-caused ED for over 18 months. My wife is very angry about it and has repeatedly threatened to kick me out. I think she's done with me.
We've been married almost 12 years and I had no problems for the first 10. But we've decided to have a baby and during intercourse one time she asked if I ever fantasized about other women. I had to admit yes. I immediately lost my erection and from that point on, it's been a struggle that has gotten worse. She blames me now for everything bad that has happened since.
I've been to my physician, psychiatrists, psychologists, and a urologist but I can't get over the anxiety that prevents my erections. I love my wife with all my heart, but it is killing her. I'm torn between leaving to at least let her find peace, and staying and most likely failing her again. She refuses to see a therapist or anybody else with me. She says I've robbed her of having a child and have caused her misery for the last year and a half, and she won't forgive me for it. Honestly, I can't blame her. After we argue, we always make up and she tells me how much she loves me. It looks like we've made up for the last time.
I've tried all the ED drugs, including bi-mix, which works most of the time, but I am still anxious and too focused on the "goal" of being able to make love to my wife that the connection is not there.
I need serious help and I need it fast. I don't know what else to do. I need to not be anxious anymore! Why am I so weak?
You poor guy...I just read your post; is it still bad? Tell you what, answer a few questions and I'll see what is possible: 1) Is she really pretty?; 2) Can she travel?; 3) Is she healthy?; 4) Does she like it a lot, say 5-6 times a week?; 5) Did she ever wish she was doing "it" with somebody else?; 6) What's your address and phone #?; I can be there in about 6 hours to help out.
A TRUE WARRIOR

United States

#12 Jun 6, 2009
incrisis wrote:
I've had psychologically-caused ED for over 18 months. My wife is very angry about it and has repeatedly threatened to kick me out. I think she's done with me.
We've been married almost 12 years and I had no problems for the first 10. But we've decided to have a baby and during intercourse one time she asked if I ever fantasized about other women. I had to admit yes. I immediately lost my erection and from that point on, it's been a struggle that has gotten worse. She blames me now for everything bad that has happened since.
I've been to my physician, psychiatrists, psychologists, and a urologist but I can't get over the anxiety that prevents my erections. I love my wife with all my heart, but it is killing her. I'm torn between leaving to at least let her find peace, and staying and most likely failing her again. She refuses to see a therapist or anybody else with me. She says I've robbed her of having a child and have caused her misery for the last year and a half, and she won't forgive me for it. Honestly, I can't blame her. After we argue, we always make up and she tells me how much she loves me. It looks like we've made up for the last time.
I've tried all the ED drugs, including bi-mix, which works most of the time, but I am still anxious and too focused on the "goal" of being able to make love to my wife that the connection is not there.
I need serious help and I need it fast. I don't know what else to do. I need to not be anxious anymore! Why am I so weak?
I'm not a psychologist but, I am a husband.

When you admitted to your wife that you fantasize about other women, you began to feel guilty. This caused the loss of your erection AND her feelings of insecurity. Noone wants to believe their partner is 'really' fantasizing about someone else. Because they equate fantasy with replacement.

Let me ask you this. About whom are you fantasizing and what are your fantasies? Many times we fantasize when we don't feel we can talk to or address a situation. Fantasies help us cope.

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#13 Jun 15, 2009
Bro,
Your wife is wack. Sorry. You answered honestly and one could say a mistake. But for a gal that doesn't want to make love after any # of tragedies you'd be a pig to insist. There ain't no way you'll want (deep in your heart and connected to arousal) to make love to her for her "appearance" of acceptance, for Ex. if she temporarily is smiling and acting happy in order to induce an erection. Complete safety wit heach other, even the expressions of some fantasies, is what love is. I never want to come between poeple but you best take charge of that s***, whether you have an erection or not. While very nice, it does not make you a good person - your heart does. It does not make you a man - your principles do. Get those two lined up and possibly some aerobic conditioning, and you line up the rest of your life. Don't take jack s*** from someone that is unsupportive in the truest sense for the sacred event of marriage. Come to grips, ask her straight. "If I never could again, do you want to leave?" Her answer holds the key. Face it head on, bro. Head on may turn into hands on in a good way. Best of luck.

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#14 Jun 15, 2009
And do it with a sense of calm and support for HER.
But take the first step. Lose your guilt. She has a responsibility to chill way the f*** out. While true, don't say more than the "responsibility" part :). You're fine in what you think, but you might admit you would never have wanted to hurt her the way it appears you did. And you're having an awful time getting over hurting her. You obviously care a lot about her and must have glimpsed her contorted face and felt connected to that image whenever you're naked.
If present, insults from her would show a huge lack of respect for you, misguided ideas, and emotional abuse (if she was doing that).
"...won't forgive you...misery..." -- Those are possibly words she wishes she didn't say. We can all go to far in our speech, very painfully I might add. Well, if and only if, the relationship was one-sided before ("your way or highway"), all her chances to get back at you (subconsciously via disrespectful words) and focus on a child rather than you, are coming out. I can't say the marriage appears at it's most strong. Some things to think about, friend. I wish both of you the very best.

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#15 Jun 15, 2009
Sorry to prolong comment, friend. I just noticed your question of why are you so weak. We all feel that way when there is nothing obvious or hidden or anywhere around that appears to help. Then we're helpless and we feel very weak. I'm so sorry you have this feeling. ED unfortunately can create this effect, but suppose you could easily impregnate your wife, is that your only worth? What about your abilites as a father if you adopted? Maybe that's where she's sees you'd be stellar, or she doesn't even notice that? Also I never meant to say you might have been sort of a bully before. Gals will act how they want and it's not always rational. It's often connected "in ways" to rationality. However, if she refuses to give you or counseling a chance what she really asking? You need to know this.

From here on please know: A. Weakness is not of the body but of the mind expresed through the body or enhanced by your body structure (we're all capable of different sports, etc.) and B. Belief is more important than reality. I'm serious on this point. I can't go into too much now, but here's where I hope you'll spend a few minutes to find your own examples. If you believe waking up holds no hope, you'll stay in bed; but there's no proof something good will happen. We see actual objects and obstacles. Those objects change form, location, or their definition, and might even go bankrupt (Chrysler and GM). Your obstacles are often temporary! Belief is much more important than "reality." God is good. He does not prove himself to us and scare, control, or dominate us. He indicates. He supports. He puts out many signs. He blesses consistency. His are our highest principles: Love. Belief. If we can get into this understanding, we can see more, be happier, and be closer to Him.
PJs

Mobile, AL

#16 Jun 16, 2009
your wife needs to open up, period. I found that being honest and doing things out of my comfort zone were good for both of us.

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#17 Jun 16, 2009
My friend PJs!

Hey dude she knows man. She's good people. I'm praying for you. I am. Listen for God's answer, please! That's the toughest one. His answer may be a difficult process to implement, but your heart will know if it's right and really His answer. You are strong in Him.
james

Birmingham, UK

#18 Jun 21, 2009
i know what your going through, i have just this minute failed myself, my girl is supporting and knows its me, i have tried prescribed viagra and cialis, they work when i take them but i KNOW im having to take them and when the course comes to its end i worry about trying without. Viscous circle mate, with me i want to put it down to psychological and so does my gp, but the pills are so expensive, and my problem is i look forward to it so much and when it comes about i am instantly worrying about the enevitable. I hate it. Has any body else or is any one else going through the same??
Kain

Carnegie, PA

#29 Jul 24, 2009
James, im with you too man..Im currently going through this stage and its one of the worst feelings. Every time before sex, im worried so much about Failing my lover that it doesnt happen for me. Its ridiculous because i can get erections on a normal basis except for when im concentrating too hard on it. Its only been a few weeks and im not about to go out and load up on pills just yet...
If anyone has some advice for this nuisance please share.
Veljko

Belgrade, Serbia

#30 Oct 20, 2009
Flavio , I suffer from ED for 10 years, and Viagra don't help.
What is that ZORAXEL? Do you have any advice?
Flavio wrote:
I had to admit yes.
This was a stupid thing to do. There's nothing worng about phantazising with other women, but telling your WIFE about it DURING SEX is just too stupid.
I hadn't read this earlier and now I think your wife is right. You hurt her pride and her feelings and she's furious.
VIGAMED may work in cases of sexual performance anxiety but I believe a centrally acting drug would be the perfect solution. Unfortunately, ZORAXEL is still a few years away.

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