A Place to talk when thoughts of suic...

A Place to talk when thoughts of suicide come to mind

Posted in the Depression Forum

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Death

Redmond, WA

#1 May 27, 2007
I wanted to start a thread for those of us who think about suicide to have a place to come to & get our feelings out. Sometimes just telling someone our thoughts online helps.

I can say, if it wasn't for the fact that I truely believe in hell & totally believe when I die I am going there, I would have taken my life a long time ago. That fear is the ONLY thing that keeps me alive. And don't start with the God Loves Me crap because I've giving up on all that. If God loved me, he would have never giving me life in the first place. I do not like or want to go to church. I am not comfortable in the church/religion world. I just don't want no part of it. I know I will pay for it when the time comes but that is my choice. I deserve to be punished anyway. I can't see anyone wanting to take the easy way out & not getting what they deserve. I've been nothing but a phuck up all my life & I should have to pay for all the stupid a$$ mistakes I make. I really wish I was dead or that I could just end it but I'm not in a rush to get to hell any sooner then I have to. I have nothing here on earth either. No friends. No family. NOTHING. Life is just a boring waste. Nothing has ever changed for a long time & nothing will ever change until the day I die.
MCR addict

Downingtown, PA

#2 May 29, 2007
i feel the same way... i dont go to church, and i do feel like killing myself alot of times everyday... but i hold in there for my little brother. just seeing him smile at me somewhat numbs the pain for a time.
anita

Elyria, OH

#3 May 31, 2007
You can make it to heaven without ever stepping foot in a church.

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm...
darkchild

Greenwood, IN

#4 Jun 2, 2007
i felt that way ever since i lost my uncle, my job, my girl, and my hope all in the past 2 years.....
Death

Redmond, WA

#5 Jun 2, 2007
I can understand darkchild. I lost a lot within one year. But I've always felt this way. Its not because of what happened a couple years ago. I always wished I could just end it ever since I was a teenager. Of course, back then it was the usual teenage problems that had me wishing I was dead. But now that I'm older, its more of the knowing that my life as it is now isn't really going to change any. It will be just the same old boring routine until I die. No family, no friends, nothing. :(
Death

Redmond, WA

#6 Jun 3, 2007
I'm sick & tired of hurting. Life SUCKS!
GJK

Anchorage, AK

#7 Jun 3, 2007
I used to think about committing suicide when I was a teenager. When I got older it wasn't as frequent, but still sometimes I wanted to diaspear off the earth for awhile, let time go by and get better...but I didn't want to kill myself anymore, because I had better ways to deal with my depression than suicide. I think I owe my life to therapy. I was forced against my will into counceling, but it was the best think that ever happened to me. It seems embarressing and stupid... but it's worth it. Your life is worth it. Check out http://goodtherapy.org this website is cool because it has a world wide therapist search engine. Type in your area, and you will get a whole list of people in your area.
MCR addict

Downingtown, PA

#8 Jun 6, 2007
i just started to cry today. for no reason. alot has been goin on in my life and i just feel like i'm all alone. we're all gonna die sometime... so would it be so bad to just end your life now?
Zoompad

Reading, UK

#9 Jun 7, 2007
Well, some of us believe that Jesus is coming back very soon, and if he does then some of us will not die.

You are not alone, not really. I know it feels bad when you feel that no-one cares.

Suicide is not such an easy thing to do, not really. I should know - I tried to do it several times. I am so glad that I did not succeed, as I would havve not only missed out on so much joy, but other people needed me, and it would have caused them to suffer. Have you ever seen the film "It's a wonderful life" with James Stewart? Please, if you haven't, go and get a copy and watch it today. It's a marvellous, inspired, lifechanging film!
Zoompad

Reading, UK

#10 Jun 7, 2007
Death wrote:
I wanted to start a thread for those of us who think about suicide to have a place to come to & get our feelings out. Sometimes just telling someone our thoughts online helps.
I can say, if it wasn't for the fact that I truely believe in hell & totally believe when I die I am going there, I would have taken my life a long time ago. That fear is the ONLY thing that keeps me alive. And don't start with the God Loves Me crap because I've giving up on all that. If God loved me, he would have never giving me life in the first place. I do not like or want to go to church. I am not comfortable in the church/religion world. I just don't want no part of it. I know I will pay for it when the time comes but that is my choice. I deserve to be punished anyway. I can't see anyone wanting to take the easy way out & not getting what they deserve. I've been nothing but a phuck up all my life & I should have to pay for all the stupid a$$ mistakes I make. I really wish I was dead or that I could just end it but I'm not in a rush to get to hell any sooner then I have to. I have nothing here on earth either. No friends. No family. NOTHING. Life is just a boring waste. Nothing has ever changed for a long time & nothing will ever change until the day I die.
I know what you mean about church. Look, Jesus wouldn't even be welcome in most churches! I don't think God is angry with you at all for not going to church. He isn't like that at all, like some finger pointing grumpy old man in the sky! Your idea of God sounds more like Alf Garnett!

Life doesn't have to be boring. My life is far from boring. In fact, I would like a bit of peace and quiet every now and then!

You ought to make some friends though, everyone needs friends. I'll be your friend, if you like?

“Dare to be different.”

Since: Jun 07

Kingston Upon Hull, England.

#11 Jul 9, 2007
I personally don't think God cares if anyone goes to church or not, nor does he care if someone wants to commit suicide. If you don't like a job, and you can't change it, you resign. If a relationship is crap, and you can't improve it, you walk out. Ultimately, only you can decide if life is giving you what you want out of it. If it isn't, you need to decide if what you want is attainable, and if it isn't, whether you are prepared to live with that. These questions are your choice, and no one else's.
Scared

Portland, OR

#12 Jul 23, 2007
I dunno about church. I dunno about heaven or hell. I have no idea what I want anymore. I guess I'm just posting this because maybe it'll make me feel better. I shouldn't have clicked this link...
Zoompad

Reading, UK

#13 Jul 27, 2007
Scared wrote:
I dunno about church. I dunno about heaven or hell. I have no idea what I want anymore. I guess I'm just posting this because maybe it'll make me feel better. I shouldn't have clicked this link...
Well, I hope you feel better soon anyway. Depression (caused by child abuse) blighted my life, and I feel like I was robbed. I feel better these days though.
LOKA

Montville, NJ

#14 Jul 31, 2007
ok well ima a 17 year old teen but lately i been feeling very down i been feeling as if theirs no point of me being in a family where they all seem to be very good i look at them sometimes and wonder do i really belong here? i thought plenty of times of killing myself but never really got to the point of doing it did once but my parents came home which made me think twice of doing it they are very religious i go to church on sundays but at da the same time i wonder do i really belong in this earth iono im very confused i have felt as if im worth nothing and nothing good ever comes my way i smile just to cover up how im really feeling inside but at points i forget and tell da ppl around me dat im going to kill myself pretty soon and yopu will never have to see me again i even told a few of my sibloings and friends that they would be dead as well i blame my parents for my actions because they treat me as if im a lil 6 year old im old enuff 2 do things but they just dont give me dat oppurtunity my teen years have suxed i havent attended any high school parties or anything social because of them ughhh i fuqkin hate my life am i sick in da head or is disz a phase? iono im very confused ? can someone help me? is disz curable?

“It's about freedom of choice.”

Since: Jun 07

Mannasas Va.

#15 Jul 31, 2007
LOKA wrote:
ok well ima a 17 year old teen but lately i been feeling very down i been feeling as if theirs no point of me being in a family where they all seem to be very good i look at them sometimes and wonder do i really belong here? i thought plenty of times of killing myself but never really got to the point of doing it did once but my parents came home which made me think twice of doing it they are very religious i go to church on sundays but at da the same time i wonder do i really belong in this earth iono im very confused i have felt as if im worth nothing and nothing good ever comes my way i smile just to cover up how im really feeling inside but at points i forget and tell da ppl around me dat im going to kill myself pretty soon and yopu will never have to see me again i even told a few of my sibloings and friends that they would be dead as well i blame my parents for my actions because they treat me as if im a lil 6 year old im old enuff 2 do things but they just dont give me dat oppurtunity my teen years have suxed i havent attended any high school parties or anything social because of them ughhh i fuqkin hate my life am i sick in da head or is disz a phase? iono im very confused ? can someone help me? is disz curable?
Depression is a very serious matter & you should seek help immediately.You need to tell you parents how you're feeling & why so that they can seek professional help for you.

I've been pretty depressed myself lately & am trying to take steps to deal with it<hence the reason why I went in search of this forum>,today was a pretty bad day for me even though it seemed to start off positive enough. I began seeing a therapist yesterday myself so that is one option that you seriously might want to consider trying because it can help...at least in the short term.

My therapist told me yesterday that among the most important things to focus on is the fact that,if you take your own life then you won't be able to accomplish the goals you've set for yourself.For me that goal<and part of what I feel is leading to my feelings of depression> is to have a more active social life & to finally be able to meet that special someone who I can hopefully have a future with but it's just so frustrating lately when it seems as though that goal will remain forever out of reach.
Shawn

Dubai, UAE

#16 Aug 2, 2007
LOKA wrote:
ok well ima a 17 year old teen but lately i been feeling very down i been feeling as if theirs no point of me being in a family where they all seem to be very good i look at them sometimes and wonder do i really belong here? i thought plenty of times of killing myself but never really got to the point of doing it did once but my parents came home which made me think twice of doing it they are very religious i go to church on sundays but at da the same time i wonder do i really belong in this earth iono im very confused i have felt as if im worth nothing and nothing good ever comes my way i smile just to cover up how im really feeling inside but at points i forget and tell da ppl around me dat im going to kill myself pretty soon and yopu will never have to see me again i even told a few of my sibloings and friends that they would be dead as well i blame my parents for my actions because they treat me as if im a lil 6 year old im old enuff 2 do things but they just dont give me dat oppurtunity my teen years have suxed i havent attended any high school parties or anything social because of them ughhh i fuqkin hate my life am i sick in da head or is disz a phase? iono im very confused ? can someone help me? is disz curable?
Hi there... I just wanted to clear something to you “Suicidal thoughts are symptoms of a treatable illness associated with fluctuations in the chemistry of the body and brain.

They are not signs of personal weakness or character flaws, nor are they conditions that will just
"Go away" by them."

I advice you that if you dont feel improvement please seek a counselor as soon as possible. Don't just sit and wait ...you have to take initiative for yourself..if you need more help email me personally at shawn (@) undoing-depression.com

Thanks
Shawn
Author of "Undoing Depression" & "Undoing Suicidal Cravings"
www.undoing-depression.com
what to do

Auburn Hills, MI

#17 Aug 6, 2007
I usually feel like killing myself just to save people I live the pain of seeing me like this.
sure, it would be hard for a while, but they would adjust.
i think my son deserves a better mother
i feel like i am a burden
i can't focus, i feel lost

“It's about freedom of choice.”

Since: Jun 07

Mannasas Va.

#18 Aug 8, 2007
what to do wrote:
I usually feel like killing myself just to save people I live the pain of seeing me like this.
sure, it would be hard for a while, but they would adjust.
i think my son deserves a better mother
i feel like i am a burden
i can't focus, i feel lost
Have you considered therapy at all?

It took a considerable amount of willpower for me to go to a therapist myself & it really helps although some days the situation does seem like a lost cause.

There are times when things will go well & then the very next day something would happen that just makes me feel like crap so it's a difficult balancing act of sorts but going to therapy & having others support me has certainly helped.

I've also found it to be very helpful to keep track of the day's events throug hwriting a journal.My therapist even said it was a really good idea & she was impressed with the way I was expressing myself in writing as opposed to the problems that I've had doing so directly.

“It's about freedom of choice.”

Since: Jun 07

Mannasas Va.

#19 Aug 8, 2007
http://www.topix.com/forum/topstories/TBS9S33...

Here's the link to a thread on one of the other boards started by another individual who is also dealing with depression,we seem to have a strong group of friends in that thread who are really trying to help each other out.
zoompad

Reading, UK

#20 Aug 8, 2007
what to do wrote:
I usually feel like killing myself just to save people I live the pain of seeing me like this.
sure, it would be hard for a while, but they would adjust.
i think my son deserves a better mother
i feel like i am a burden
i can't focus, i feel lost
I felt like that for years. I am a child abuse survivor. I didn't realise that I had PTSD. Here in Britain child abuse survivors are treated like scumshite.

I feel a lot better these days, thanks to the self help forums I found on the internet. Talking to other people who have also been abused has made me realise that I had a very good reason for being depressed, and I no longer feel guilty.

Your son does not deserve a better mother - he deserves you. I have found that being a bit more relaxed about the mess in the house has helped me to enjoy my life with my children. I am not saying my house is a pig sty! but it is just a place to live, and I no longer feel too stressed out about the fact that the furniture is a bit old and shabby and stuff like that. I spend more time with him these days, and we have more fun. And I get angry about child abuse and the awful way I was treated - I have a right to be angry. It's better than being sad about it.

Whatever is making you depressed, you need to look at it and see it for what it is. You clearly ARE a good mum, or else you would not show such concern for your son - it is clear to me that you love him very much. And love is the most important thing on the list to give to our children.

My son has seen me crying, and it IS upsetting for him, but he knows that it isn't him that made me sad. We are a Christian family and pray together about problems. It is a real blessing to be able to talk as a family to our heavenly Father.

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