What can I do to fix myself? I am des...

What can I do to fix myself? I am desperate for help.

Posted in the Depression Forum


Brooklyn, NY

#1 Jan 27, 2013
I want to be Asian (Eastern) so badly, I am half Sri Lankan and half Haitian. I have been made fun of all of my life for being black. I hate being black. Everyone stereotypes me to oblivion and those stereotypes are negative. It's became to the point where I just want to end my life all the time. But I cannot ever do it due to being afraid of the pain. One day I know I will not care. I know I am a shame to society for feeling this way and I would be better off a dead person, but I am just to afraid of the pain to do anything so I must live this life until I stop caring about the pain. I acknowledge that I am a mentally screwed up to the point of no return because of my problem. But I do not want to Asian or white to the point of just imitating their culture and hating every single black person I see (however I feel this way but I have enough respect for other people not to say anything.).... The only thing that I guess I consider doing is watching anime alot. But I suppose that isn't too wrong.:p Asian people are generally smart, beautiful their culture is not screwed up like this stupid black rap, r and b cultures that promote sex, violence, more negatively and stupidity within my race. Asians are liked by every race, unlike my race, or atleast from what I have experienced and seen in my lifetime. I did research as to why i cannot ever have the same abilities as Asian or white people no matter how hard I work and it is because we are born with a certain hormone which makes my race more violent and our brains are less developed than other races. When I saw this I lost hope in myself in everyway possible. I feel like I was reincarnated into a cursed life because I was born this way sometimes. There is no way to change race I might as well try to just accept being black rather than hate it. But it is hard because those retarded ghetto rapper, gangsters that are influencing my race which pisses me off to no end.:( It makes me want to cry for hours sometimes, which just shows how much more pathetic I am. I cannot talk about my problem to anyone in real because I have no friends and I cannot bear to tell anyone how I feel because it is just to shameful if anyone can offer serious advice please email [email protected] Thank you.

I am very mentally ill because of this and cannot get help.:( OMy race is so screwed up, just looking at the African American forums on this website makes me want to end my life, which is why I posted this in the Depression forums, because it has to correspond with depression. I know I will not get any serious answers on that forum if I had made it there.:( I do not think anyone can help me, I hate life.:(

What can I do to fix myself? Please do not type like some troll or whatever about being a self hater or what not. I already know I am a self hater and I may never be able to fix myself.:/
#2 Sep 24, 2013
I have ordered 2 times from this website PILLSMEDSHOP. COM . I called yesterday the customer care and asked for a discount as i was about to order twice the regular amount.

“Spiritual Abuse is Cruel”

Since: Mar 12

Location hidden

#5 Dec 14, 2013
Or, you may come here, and I will respond. There are many, many people who are going through rough, painful times in their lives. I've been there also, to the point of wanting to kill myself. Jesus healed and delivered me from deep suicidal depression, and has given me the desire to want to help others. He can help you just as He has me and many others.

The reason I started this blog about spiritual abuse was because "church" as people think of it, is not the answer. "Church" is man made. Jesus only is the answer. Come find out :)


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