I dont know what to do
Rild85

Leeds, UK

#1 Jul 21, 2014
I have felt (well basically pointless) for about 10-15 years, i managed to get hooked on coke and drink with give me small bursts of betterness then i learnt to bury it and put on a brave face for many years which helped stop the drugs and slow down the drink, but within the last 3-5 months ive had allot go wrong and been very unhappy with allot recently (money, transport, works, abortion) which has also dragged allot up from my past (including errors in my calmer points) which has exposed my pointlessness of being here which in turn also helped contribute to my relationship break down that has just added to my worthlessness of being here. I just really really dont want to be here at all and i have no where to turn. I only ever trusted 1 person to tell im unhappy but it was just thrown back at me which has made me think that i am just a waste. I just want to go, i have a plan to make it look 'accidental' but i cant bear the thought of leaving my little girl even thought she would be better off without me as i cant fully provide the life she deserves, Iv tried over the counter drugs as i dont have the balls to see a dr. I dont want to abandon my little girl and im not brave enough to just go i dont know what to do

Since: Sep 12

Rancho Santa Margarita, CA

#2 Jul 30, 2014
Rild85 wrote:
I have felt (well basically pointless) for about 10-15 years, i managed to get hooked on coke and drink with give me small bursts of betterness then i learnt to bury it and put on a brave face for many years which helped stop the drugs and slow down the drink, but within the last 3-5 months ive had allot go wrong and been very unhappy with allot recently (money, transport, works, abortion) which has also dragged allot up from my past (including errors in my calmer points) which has exposed my pointlessness of being here which in turn also helped contribute to my relationship break down that has just added to my worthlessness of being here. I just really really dont want to be here at all and i have no where to turn. I only ever trusted 1 person to tell im unhappy but it was just thrown back at me which has made me think that i am just a waste. I just want to go, i have a plan to make it look 'accidental' but i cant bear the thought of leaving my little girl even thought she would be better off without me as i cant fully provide the life she deserves, Iv tried over the counter drugs as i dont have the balls to see a dr. I dont want to abandon my little girl and im not brave enough to just go i dont know what to do
You are NOT a waste!!!! You are the momma that God gave your daughter. You are NOT a mistake and you never have been. Your daughter needs you and your love more than you know or realize. I understand. I wanted to kill myself 8 years ago from all the pain from my past and the overwhelming heartache and pain that I was enduring at that time. But, I too, had a little girl, a 1 year old daughter.

I had a gun in my hand, ready to put it up to my head and end all of my pain but I couldn't leave my little girl. She needed me, just like your daughter needs you. You CAN get through this!!! I promise. You are worth SO much more than you realize. PLEASE don't listen to the lies of others or the lies that are running through your head. PLEASE do not end your life!!!! I'm begging you... For your daughters sake and yours. If you need to talk, post here. I'll respond.

You are not alone. I will be praying for you.... You are a wonderful creation with much to give this world. You CAN do this, dear one. Choose to live!!!
Rild85

Bradford, UK

#3 Aug 2, 2014
Mustardseeds wrote:
<quoted text>
You are NOT a waste!!!! You are the momma that God gave your daughter. You are NOT a mistake and you never have been. Your daughter needs you and your love more than you know or realize. I understand. I wanted to kill myself 8 years ago from all the pain from my past and the overwhelming heartache and pain that I was enduring at that time. But, I too, had a little girl, a 1 year old daughter.
I had a gun in my hand, ready to put it up to my head and end all of my pain but I couldn't leave my little girl. She needed me, just like your daughter needs you. You CAN get through this!!! I promise. You are worth SO much more than you realize. PLEASE don't listen to the lies of others or the lies that are running through your head. PLEASE do not end your life!!!! I'm begging you... For your daughters sake and yours. If you need to talk, post here. I'll respond.
You are not alone. I will be praying for you.... You are a wonderful creation with much to give this world. You CAN do this, dear one. Choose to live!!!
Thank you for your reply sorry i never put im a dad not a mum. I just dont want these thoughts, memories or feelings anymore theyve been there for many years but as i fail in life more its all becoming more intense and i just want it all to stop. Im just hoping everyday for an 'accident' so its over without the guilt of leaving my child or her ever thinking i didnt love her. I dont have belief in any religion so i dont believe im here for a reason. Im just here taking up space

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