Fatherless Daughter

Saint Petersburg, FL

#1 Oct 8, 2012
I am the daughter of a preacher, I am a straight A-B student in my first year of college. I volunteer at our church, and I have volunteered with special needs kids. I was in National Honor Society both 11th and 12th grade. I don't really ask my parents for much because I don't feel like I deserve anything. I am silent and submissive and I don't talk back.

How can I? I've thought he was going to hurt me at least twice before. I KNOW he cares for my other siblings more than he does me. Because neither of them backed in a corner in fear of having their skull bashed in and their brains splattered on the wall. So I remain silent when he screams at me (I meant scream, not yell or shout) as all good daughters should. He does scream at my siblings, too. But they somehow have the courage to speak up for themselves. I can't. My voice has been taken from me by my own father. I'm nothing. Not even worth his time.

But my own silence is killing me.

HOW can I EVER talk to my dad when all he ever is is condescending and judgmental towards the people I care about and treats me with disdain when I say I feel like they are worth my effort to love because God first loved me? He doesn't know that I used to self injure and still struggle with it from time to time. 9/10 he's the reason I start in the first place. He doesn't have a clue that I dream of losing weight like it's going out of style.

I feel brainwashed. I'm crying right now because everyone tells me how lucky I am these days to have a father in my family, but that's all he is. He's "dad", not "daddy". I'm... I'm not his princess. I'm just a product of conception. I feel like I lost some important relationships because of lies he's always fed at me. The Bible talks about being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

He must've missed that sermon.
#3 Sep 26, 2013
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#4 Jan 30, 2014
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