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Nancy

Lanoka Harbor, NJ

#67 Mar 2, 2013
Marleen wrote:
i am so sick of my life. ive been treated for depression for over 3 years now.but no amount f medication or trying to do stuff that i should "enjoy" aren't helping at all. i have a husband and three kids and i know i should be happy,but i'm not and i just want to die and get this misserable life over and done with. i know exactly how i would do it too. i have been hoarding my zolpidem sleeping tablets for months now (i have about 120 of them hidden) and at this stage i just want to take the lot and go for a swim in the lake down in the woods till if fall asleep and drown.
the only thing that is stopping me is the fact that whenever i leave the house i have to bring my youngest child who is only 30 months old. i couldn't do it with him there. who would ensure that he is safe and not fall in the water with nobody to help him?
i think i may sneak out tonight when everybody is asleep. but i am starting to think that maybe it is more than simple depression. what if i am simply being treated for the wrong mental illness? but i feel too silly to say this to my psychiatrist, because i'm only a stupid patient.
i've taken 2mg of xanax to keep me kind of sane today. i really don't want to live anymore, but at the same time i do because i keep hoping that tomorrow will be better. i need some helpful and kind words.
I feel same except I haven't actually planned anything.
I am hurt beyond hurt.
My own husband hates me that's how I feel.
Why am I here? MY kids
I can't leave my daughter ,youngest one.
I know I won't be here forever and It makes me sad
Bottom line,my husband has mentally and optionally humiliated insults and it hurts on top of hurt.
My family (parents) care too much about everybody else to even care if we r OK.
Friemds? My last BFF for 30 yrs just stopped talking to me cause my hubby made sure to insult her too.
I didnt do anything but I realize now she wasn't a friend either.
I can go
ON and oN and ON but I'm still here.
idk God
Will take us... Where is God? I need him and he seems to not hear.
TruthSetFree

Pryor, OK

#68 Mar 9, 2013
Nancy wrote:
<quoted text>
I feel same except I haven't actually planned anything.
I am hurt beyond hurt.
My own husband hates me that's how I feel.
Why am I here? MY kids
I can't leave my daughter ,youngest one.
I know I won't be here forever and It makes me sad
Bottom line,my husband has mentally and optionally humiliated insults and it hurts on top of hurt.
My family (parents) care too much about everybody else to even care if we r OK.
Friemds? My last BFF for 30 yrs just stopped talking to me cause my hubby made sure to insult her too.
I didnt do anything but I realize now she wasn't a friend either.
I can go
ON and oN and ON but I'm still here.
idk God
Will take us... Where is God? I need him and he seems to not hear.
God is just a prayer away, dear heart. Pray and keep praying. He will respond. That's what prayer is all about. It is a priviledge to be able to talk to the Creator if you stop and think about it, but he has made it so that he will respond to those who seek him out. You will be amazed at the peace he can give you, even in the midst of this sorrow and pain. He can do many things of which you can't do for yourself. Give him a chance to work in your life. Don't give up. He will help you if you let him.
hope

Florence, MA

#69 Mar 18, 2013
Nancy wrote:
<quoted text>
I feel same except I haven't actually planned anything.
I am hurt beyond hurt.
My own husband hates me that's how I feel.
Why am I here? MY kids
I can't leave my daughter ,youngest one.
I know I won't be here forever and It makes me sad
Bottom line,my husband has mentally and optionally humiliated insults and it hurts on top of hurt.
My family (parents) care too much about everybody else to even care if we r OK.
Friemds? My last BFF for 30 yrs just stopped talking to me cause my hubby made sure to insult her too.
I didnt do anything but I realize now she wasn't a friend either.
I can go
ON and oN and ON but I'm still here.
idk God
Will take us... Where is God? I need him and he seems to not hear.
Nancy, there is hope out there. Try a therapist or a crisis center... there are people who are trained to help you and they actually care how you feel. It sounds to me like you deserve much better than your husband. Maybe it is time for a change in your life; your daughter absolutely deserves to have her mother around, happy and healthy.
Keep praying but if that doesn't work for you then look for help in other places- there are so many people out there willing to help you, all you have to do is ask.

Since: Mar 13

UK

#70 Mar 21, 2013
Marleen wrote:
i am so sick of my life. ive been treated for depression for over 3 years now.but no amount f medication or trying to do stuff that i should "enjoy" aren't helping at all. i have a husband and three kids and i know i should be happy,but i'm not and i just want to die and get this misserable life over and done with. i know exactly how i would do it too. i have been hoarding my zolpidem sleeping tablets for months now (i have about 120 of them hidden) and at this stage i just want to take the lot and go for a swim in the lake down in the woods till if fall asleep and drown.
the only thing that is stopping me is the fact that whenever i leave the house i have to bring my youngest child who is only 30 months old. i couldn't do it with him there. who would ensure that he is safe and not fall in the water with nobody to help him?
i think i may sneak out tonight when everybody is asleep. but i am starting to think that maybe it is more than simple depression. what if i am simply being treated for the wrong mental illness? but i feel too silly to say this to my psychiatrist, because i'm only a stupid patient.
i've taken 2mg of xanax to keep me kind of sane today. i really don't want to live anymore, but at the same time i do because i keep hoping that tomorrow will be better. i need some helpful and kind words.
How can you be so seflish? Ending your life because you're unhappy, which will probably lead to your children having depression due to their mother not being around, I'm 16 years old my "uncle" sexually abused me from the age of 6 to the age of 14, I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Chronice Depression, Anxiety&Panic attacks regulary and I'm a self harmer, I've taken 3 overdoses, one which my mum knew about, I told everyone I took 20 paracetamol when in actual fact I took over 100+ tablets of everything, and when I was laying in hospital on a f*cking drip and I saw the effect I was having on my family I felt so guilty, I still have thoughts of suicide, and I am very suicidle, but the only thing that's keeping me here is my family, I don't want this to come across abrubtly, I just don't want your children to grow up without a mother, so you need. Be strong for them even though it is hard.
KKS

Barrington, IL

#72 Jun 4, 2013
I am married to a man I should never have married. I almost backed out but worried, what will people think. So I went ahead. He went back to college before we married and I did not see his lack of a work ethic. I was going to leave him after 2 years but I was pregnant with our first child. So I stayed and threw myself into her life, and work. I loved her so much I wanted a second child. So we had another daughter. Each time I told him what I wanted. I wanted to freelance and be able to raise my kids. He promised both times to change and take things more seriously. But he never did. He was a freelance photographer. He never took a real job. So I had to keep my job, keep insurance etc.
Keep in mind he has a preexisting condition- Lupus. I kept saying he needed a job with benefits so if he became ill he could get disability. He never would do that. For several years I was involved totally in my daughters lives and work. I did not want to raise my kids in a shared time thing. So I kept on going.I figured I would divorce him when they kids were older.
But- he got very sick and has been on and off for several years. He has not worked for 14 years. I put my kids through college on loans, I have dealt with layoffs and the bad economy. I have no respect for him. He will make it to a Cubs game on time but can not get up to go to an Apt on time. He has no idea what our kids are doing.
I am drowning in debt, have 2 jobs. Hate my main job and deal with a mother who is elderly and needs my attention and a sister who deal with issues where she needs to talk and needs my help as well.
My kids now live in New York and CA. I am alone and lost. I try not to think of ending it but can't help it. But I wont. I take my responsibility seriously but wish someone wold help. I wish God would help all of us. But am I selfish for saying that?
GA CUNN

Los Angeles, CA

#74 Jun 15, 2013
I hate myself!!! When I was in High school I used to think if I killed myself would anyone care? NO! Nobody hates me as much as I do. I don't want anyone to think about suicide because of what I said. I am only talking about my F**ked up self:(
Gary

United States

#75 Jun 22, 2013
depresed wrote:
I never felt so good before.... all that blood i cleaned my mind. Now i realize the only way i can save my life is by taking someone elses live... it feels good.
That's not funny Jackass.

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#76 Jun 27, 2013
Talk to someone. Talking can be very theraputic.
Don't think about suicide, don't do it. Trust me. You need to be there for your family, they need you as a mom.
You need to calm down and breath...
If you think that suicide is the only way to end everything, then that is the depression speaking, not you. Suicide is not what we want to be remembered for..
Whitney

UK

#78 Jan 30, 2014
I've been on Effexor from http://goo.gl/TRCx1y only one week but am cautiously very optimistic. Prior to this I was on citalopram but still feeling very low and sleeping poorly, feeling like I needed to be in bed 12-16 hours a day. Now I am waking naturally after only 8 hours sleep and finding it much easier to concentrate at work. I can hardly believe it is working so quickly but I feel so much better. I've had no side effects.

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