Help Please, Anyone
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Mike_Michaelson

Nassau, Bahamas

#1 Jun 20, 2006
Hey guys, I am new here and just looking for someone to talk to or basic advice.

I have been depressed at some point in time during the day, every day for a few months now. I have felt like this before, but it doesn't last long, usually it's gone in a day then that's it for a long time.

I have been going through a lot, my 5 year relationship with my girlfriend fell through, money problems, etc. A lot of my dreams that I have, I am not seeing them come true. I am now out of a job for the first time in 12 years, however losing the job didn't bother me at all because they were taking advantage of me and I was happy about it (strange huh). But not working has created other problems for me (money). On top of that I have been sick, I am ok now, but I will have to have a surgery sometime this year I guess (money again). The relationship part is the worst I guess because I think about it a lot and it brings me to tears, and the fact that I was sick I think about that a lot too.

For about 3 months now I haven't even cared if I find another job, in fact I haven't been looking, it's almost like I am fearful of going back, so I have been looking for ways to make money at home. I don't know how that will turn out, but I guess we will see.

I have done several depression tests online and all of em said I had clinical depression, but I am, afraid to go to a doctor, especially this kind of doctor. I live in a small city and I don't want people to think I am crazy or something like that, you know how stupid people are, they think that the only thing psychologists deal with are crazy people.

I don't know if being around people will help since I have always liked being by myself a lot even when I was feeling fine. I do have friends, but I don't go out a lot or hang out.

Well if anyone has any advice thanks...bye...
Mike_Michaelson

Nassau, Bahamas

#2 Jun 20, 2006
Well and it goes and puts where I am from on the post, just great...
Jenni

Studio City, CA

#3 Jun 20, 2006
Hey Mike,
I've gone through a lot of that, but my depression is constant. If your depression is that bad, you should see someone. Anti depressants may help you, or you may want to see a therapist, it does help. Or maybe just find someone to talk to about things. There are LOTS and LOTS of people who suffer from depression and are willing to talk about it. Sometimes that's all you need.
Hope I've helped in some small way. I'm here to talk if need be too.
Jenni
whitebutterfly

South Africa

#4 Jun 20, 2006
Mike_Michaelson wrote:
Well and it goes and puts where I am from on the post, just great...
Hi Mike - actually the addresses don't always reflect where one is - so if u hadn't said anything, no one would have known for sure.:)

i'll say what i feel [with my counsellor 'hat' on] and hope there may be something of value.

some questions need to be asked:
your age - probably mid to late twenties?
you are a guy if that's your real name.

one only needs to have been depressed daily for a fortnight for two periods of time to be considered 'clinically' depressed. If one sees a psychiatrist, then they will take drug route. if one sees a counsellor/psycho-dynamic therapist/psychologist, they will work on the underlying reasons for the depression, which could be one or a number of 'issues'- some maybe even quite longterm - eg. your 'social isolating'.
Tell us a bit about your family and siblings etc and their relationships, if u don't mind.
It is my experience that thre are a lot of nice people here in the forums who will chat - it's just that the time difference doesn't always make it live.
I, in Cape Town, South Africa, am a half day away from you for instance. so you'll catch me like now -early evening.
and a nice one it is :)[weatherwise].

the name 'Bahamas' always conjured for me an intensely exotic mood!
Like Hawaai did too for me. I have been there. But not the Hahamas.

Actually, your cultural principles and ideals will also be useful here in understanding your 'relationship style', etc.
[don't want to sound too technical].
Just know it will take time to, what i think is, healing a broken heart. It's sore. very. and you have my compassion on the spot!
i know that ouch!
:)

just remember the ages old expression:

"every cloud has a silver lining"

some would call it trite, nevertheless it is beautiful to me.
btw, i am female and fifty+:the "new teenager".
;)
whitebutterfly

South Africa

#5 Jun 20, 2006
and what everyone will recommend:

SMALL BABY STEPS

[It's not how you fall, but how you pick yourself up again, that wins the most admiration, firstly from yourself!]
:(:)

Plato said: "victory over oneself is the greatest victory of all", and Abe Lincoln said: "we are as happy as we make up our minds to be".

Our great forefathers!!
Depression 101

United States

#6 Jun 20, 2006
Hi all...
Well - I am depressed as hell and have been steadily getting worse for 6 years...
My faith has always pulled me out before but now Im not even sure of my faith. I have beliefs but they have changed. I feel like my blinders have been removed and its scary..
I am quite sure that I am an alcoholic. I drink every night. I have a 5 oclock rule that I RARELY break. In other words : No pouring before that hour. I DONT normally "get drunk" just "buzzed" so that I can sleep. Sometimes I go too far but NOT often. I also take benedryl to help me stay asleep. I dream too much and if I dont literally KNOCK myself out I get no rest.
My husband has cheated twice.(the last time a little over 6 yrs ago) I returned the gesture. We finally decided that it was time to shape up or ship out. We have grown closer in lots of ways and then in some ways further apart.
After the last case's of infidelity between us I began to have anxiety attacks.(I didnt know thats what it was for a LONG time and I thought I was dying) My nerves and my health (stomach problems) costed me my job.
I still get the attacks. They are much worse. I cant socialize or go to Walmart or to a Mall without breaking into sweats and near passing out! Ive tried medication. Paxil was the last. It put SO much weight on me.(Another kick in the head - depression wise) I was always thin and shapely and cute.(I never thought so - but when I look at me now and at pictures of me then - it tears my heart out!) I am now 200 pounds and feel AWFUL. I sit in front of this computer all day talking to strangers that have become my only friends AND in a sense family. I avoid my family. I avoid friends. I avoid life.
Ive taken several jobs just to quit because I couldnt force myself out of bed OR when on my job - Id have an attack and embarrass myself.
I am afraid of these medications (I almost died coming off of Paxil - which is why I SELF medicate now)
I DONT want to be around anyone. Well, I do, just NOT like I am now. My personality and my looks are hopeless.
I am at my wits end. Suicide is NEVER a thought though. I think those who do that are the ULTIMATE in SELFISH!! My Uncle killed himself - he makes me SICK! The hurt and sadness and endless questions that he caused that will NEVER be answered and NEVER go away!
I just wish I knew what to do. How to reverse this and get back to who I used to be. I know there are many out there who feel the same.
whitebutterfly

South Africa

#7 Jun 20, 2006
the first thing is a full commitment to evolving and healing.
then get pro-active toward small goals you set for yourself - in order of priority.
start with the things you are grateful for and happy about, and keep that list concurrent with the things you want changed and improved in your life.
draw upon the strength of others while you are temporarily 'out of strength' yourself.
there are always people willing to help others!
sometimes we are just too embarassed or shy to ask, esp. when we fear addictions may be getting control of us. It's important to monitor and follow medical guidelines for drinking. Otherwise the kidneys and liver really suffer - esp alongside a bad diet.[3 units a day for a female, and double that for a guy].
work on cutting down rather that ripping a behaviour right out -can be too 'shocking'. do things slowly.

and try and increase the things in your life that make you laugh.
:)
Mike_Michaelson

Nassau, Bahamas

#8 Jun 22, 2006
Thanks for the replies Jenni and Whitewhorse, you have been a BIG help. I am still wondering if I should see a doctor or therapist or just try to deal with it myself. Anyone that has taken medication for it, has it helped? How does it make you feel?

Yes I am a guy, and you are correct about the age also.

My relationships with my siblings are good and also with my family. I don't think it that is the cause of the depression, maybe the cause of the social issues though because my parents always kept me isolated and were overprotective when I was growing up.

I do wish that I was better in social situations however, but I just can't seem to get it. When I do feel comfortable I am very open and normal, but in most situations where there are several persons or people I don't know it is very weird for me.

Today and yesterday wasn't as bad as on Tuesday, the depression is still there, just not as bad, but it comes and goes, it'll probably be like this for a few days then will come on strong again. Anything can trigger it, a thought, music, something on tv, I never know when it will get really bad. Has it ever been like that for you guys?

Thanks again for helping, hopefully someday I can return the favor.
Mike_Michaelson

Nassau, Bahamas

#9 Jun 22, 2006
I feel a lot like you do at times too depression101. I am not proud to say it, but I did some crazy stuff to deal with a few times. I always thought people who did drugs were crazy and I never wanted to do it, but this time, I did some weed, I didn't like it, but I just wanted it to have some effect on me, I wanted to feel something from it, it did nothing for me though, I tried a few times and felt nothing. I have smoked cigars before and honestly I felt more from smoking cigars, isn't that strange?
Enna

United States

#10 Jun 23, 2006
Just thought I'd put in my two cents about medication and self-medication...

I haven't found either to be especially helpful, to be honest, and I've suffered varying degrees of major depression for the last dozen years or so.

Have you tried exercise--really vigorous exercise? This can be as effective as anti-depressants--without the evil side effects. I was on every anti-d imaginable for ten years, and they did all kinds of terrible things to me. Not that they don't help some people, but I think we rely on them too much. Just like alcohol, weed and other forms of self-medication, prescription drugs may alter your mood--but they don't address the underlying issues that caused the depression in the first place.

I've also had some calming effects from hypnotherapy and acupuncture. I'm in a terrible place right now and probably shouldn't be offering advice, but... I think you should find a good therapist to talk to about your issues and then go from there. Just make sure it's someone you have a connection with and can really trust--I went through a bunch of practitioners who were probably really competent but not right for me. Now at least I'm on the right track--I've found a great psychiatric nurse practitioner who does hypnotherapy. She's also helping me with a current physical illness, which it sounds like you're dealing with as well.

But my best advice is to find a physical activity you like and get moving. It feels good, and if you choose a social sport, you might even meet some nice new people to get your mind off your break-up...

And now I need to take my own advice!
Mike_Michaelson wrote:
I feel a lot like you do at times too depression101. I am not proud to say it, but I did some crazy stuff to deal with a few times. I always thought people who did drugs were crazy and I never wanted to do it, but this time, I did some weed, I didn't like it, but I just wanted it to have some effect on me, I wanted to feel something from it, it did nothing for me though, I tried a few times and felt nothing. I have smoked cigars before and honestly I felt more from smoking cigars, isn't that strange?
whitebutterfly

South Africa

#11 Jun 23, 2006
very nice and true response.

good luck to you - it does take a huge shift to push oneself up out of that deep black hole - and to SUSTAIN the things we find that do help.
I agree, med just complicates things, i think.
Playing around with visual imagery is also very enhancing.
I am practically attach4ed to my digital camera and spend hours with my pics in photo-shop - lots of colour - flowers - hearts any theme!
Set these nice pics as a screen-saver slide-show so u always have these cheery pics popping up. Add in scans of things you like [kind of a 'treasure' map]- so your brain pleasure centres start to recognise more of some.
Visually guided meditation can take you to a state of pure bliss. Find a class - then takes their tapes home as well. Lovely way to go off to sleep.
And then the reality is that the 'underlying issues' you speak of are often circumstances that are so awful and untimeous[losing my mom at 5 yrs of age for eg.] that you simply have to find a way to process them into your life given that history will always be. You need to reach an acceptance of what did happen and then try everything you can to nurture yourself slowly - with people who make you feel comfortable.
I agree, GETTING MOVING, is the most important - all the time - never give up. It gets oxygen to the brain and there are those 'feel-good' hormones to wash over you, of course,!

And yes Enna - following our own advice is the hardest, hey!
; )
James

Chatsworth, CA

#12 Jun 25, 2006
Is it unethical to sell off or give excess medication to other patients who have the same prescription?
whitebutterfly

South Africa

#13 Jun 25, 2006
James wrote:
Is it unethical to sell off or give excess medication to other patients who have the same prescription?
WHO 'OWNS'[COMMERCIALLY] THE MEDICINE?
Mike_Michaelson

Nassau, Bahamas

#14 Jun 28, 2006
Whitehorse and Jenni are you guys still around?
Dorrie

Red Deer, Canada

#15 Jun 28, 2006
Mike_Michaelson wrote:
Hey guys, I am new here and just looking for someone to talk to or basic advice.
I have been depressed at some point in time during the day, every day for a few months now. I have felt like this before, but it doesn't last long, usually it's gone in a day then that's it for a long time.
I have been going through a lot, my 5 year relationship with my girlfriend fell through, money problems, etc. A lot of my dreams that I have, I am not seeing them come true. I am now out of a job for the first time in 12 years, however losing the job didn't bother me at all because they were taking advantage of me and I was happy about it (strange huh). But not working has created other problems for me (money). On top of that I have been sick, I am ok now, but I will have to have a surgery sometime this year I guess (money again). The relationship part is the worst I guess because I think about it a lot and it brings me to tears, and the fact that I was sick I think about that a lot too.
For about 3 months now I haven't even cared if I find another job, in fact I haven't been looking, it's almost like I am fearful of going back, so I have been looking for ways to make money at home. I don't know how that will turn out, but I guess we will see.
I have done several depression tests online and all of em said I had clinical depression, but I am, afraid to go to a doctor, especially this kind of doctor. I live in a small city and I don't want people to think I am crazy or something like that, you know how stupid people are, they think that the only thing psychologists deal with are crazy people.
I don't know if being around people will help since I have always liked being by myself a lot even when I was feeling fine. I do have friends, but I don't go out a lot or hang out.
Well if anyone has any advice thanks...bye...
You are not alone! I doubt there will be people that think you are crazy for seeking help, and if they do they are ignorant. They have no idea what you are going through. I was diagnosed with PostPartum Depression in March of 05, and I'm still recovering. After I saw a therapist and a p-doc I realized I've had depression issues for as long as I can remember. My family Dr. took my depression quite seriously obviously, because of our son, and the same day I told him what was going on he reffered me to a counsellor. The counsellor was ok and I saw her on a regular basis for the first few months. She reffered me to a PPD therapist who I saw regularily, then she reffered me to my p-doc who I absolutley love. She prescribed me with Effexor, I'm still taking it now and I'm almost 100% feeling like my old self only better. I just wanted to give you an idea of the help that is availble for you. You start getting commuication lines set up with counsellors and therapist and if you still need p-docs. There is no need for you to feel this way! There is help out there for you, and lots of it. There is no need for you to feel ashamed, I felt the same way, but now that I feel better I can't believe I didn't tell more people so they would help me too. The sooner you reach out and get the help you need the sooner you will feel better. I wish you the best, and keep posting I'd love to hear more from you!
Dorrie

Caroline, Canada

#16 Jun 29, 2006
I just wanted to add that Enna is right about excercise. It has a very positive effect, even if you take a walk you will notice a difference in your mood.
whitebutterfly

South Africa

#17 Jun 30, 2006
Mike_Michaelson wrote:
Whitehorse and Jenni are you guys still around?
Yes Mike, I am - but ia am going through the final departure of my 97yr old gran who is on her last few breaths - her lungs have finally filled up with fluid and it's like she is slowly drowning. we are trying to keep her as comfortable as possible, but her spirit has already left. I had no uncles aunts grandads and my parents both departed too too eraly - so mygran is the last of the 'seniors'- so there is a huge shift foe me coming up - while I focus on the celebration of her extraordianry life. So you culd say I am a 'bit all over the place right now. But I have stuff to post soon.

Always thinking of you all, and Dorrie, very nice answer. I have lived with depression all my life which I know is circumstantial - and it really is the most awful feeling in the world.
My life feels to me like it's 'below the surface, with lifting up over the surface sometimes. Kindov the other way around to people who are always up but now and again feel 'under the weather'.

That's why I think the forums are good, because you are talking with people who can truly empathise, as it's hard for others who have never experienced long-term debilitating depression.

Each individual has to find their own total mix of remedies - and keep working on the coctail - with loads of movement thrown in.

Shaken not stirred?
;=]
whitebutterfly

South Africa

#18 Jun 30, 2006
'eraly' being 'early'.

and it's also early here - hence the typos
:=]
Dorrie

Caroline, Canada

#19 Jun 30, 2006
WHITEHORSE - Cape Town wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes Mike, I am - but ia am going through the final departure of my 97yr old gran who is on her last few breaths - her lungs have finally filled up with fluid and it's like she is slowly drowning. we are trying to keep her as comfortable as possible, but her spirit has already left. I had no uncles aunts grandads and my parents both departed too too eraly - so mygran is the last of the 'seniors'- so there is a huge shift foe me coming up - while I focus on the celebration of her extraordianry life. So you culd say I am a 'bit all over the place right now. But I have stuff to post soon.
Always thinking of you all, and Dorrie, very nice answer. I have lived with depression all my life which I know is circumstantial - and it really is the most awful feeling in the world.
My life feels to me like it's 'below the surface, with lifting up over the surface sometimes. Kindov the other way around to people who are always up but now and again feel 'under the weather'.
That's why I think the forums are good, because you are talking with people who can truly empathise, as it's hard for others who have never experienced long-term debilitating depression.
Each individual has to find their own total mix of remedies - and keep working on the coctail - with loads of movement thrown in.
Shaken not stirred?
;=]
I'm sorry for what you are going through. Loosing a loved one is obviously extremly tragic. I hope that you 'reach the surface' soon.

You are completly right about people that just feel under the weather at times. They have no understanding of how dibilitating depression can really be. When I was at my worst my husband would try to simply tell me 'to stop thinking that way', over and over I would tell him if I could I would. They have no understanding that at times you have no control over the thoughts and feelings that your brain produces. If it was a switch of course we would turn it off. I think more and more people are becoming familar with depression though, it's a troubled world in my opinion. My sister in law is horrible for thinking the worst of me, but she does it in an innocent way. I can tell that when I am around her she is watching my every movement, my speach, everything. She isn't a vendictive person so I know this is just her way of trying to understand. She is just naive, just like sooo many others. I agree with you that it takes many things to remedy our depression. The fact that it takes trail and error to figure out those remedies really sucks.

I wish you health and happiness, and it would be great if we could keep posting here. Bye for now!
whitebutterfly

South Africa

#20 Jun 30, 2006
Dorrie wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm sorry for what you are going through. Loosing a loved one is obviously extremly tragic. I hope that you 'reach the surface' soon.
You are completly right about people that just feel under the weather at times. They have no understanding of how dibilitating depression can really be. When I was at my worst my husband would try to simply tell me 'to stop thinking that way', over and over I would tell him if I could I would. They have no understanding that at times you have no control over the thoughts and feelings that your brain produces. If it was a switch of course we would turn it off. I think more and more people are becoming familar with depression though, it's a troubled world in my opinion. My sister in law is horrible for thinking the worst of me, but she does it in an innocent way. I can tell that when I am around her she is watching my every movement, my speach, everything. She isn't a vendictive person so I know this is just her way of trying to understand. She is just naive, just like sooo many others. I agree with you that it takes many things to remedy our depression. The fact that it takes trail and error to figure out those remedies really sucks.
I wish you health and happiness, and it would be great if we could keep posting here. Bye for now!
Hi again, Dorrie -
thank you for your kind thoughts - esp at this time.
It is only now that great strides are being takenb to remove the 'shame' and judgmentalism of depression. A friend of mine in Perth [Aus] said their premier resigned because of it. That's probably despite medication - but it brought awareness to the issue - and as we know, the debilitating aspect, no matter HOW intelligent and smart one is.

For me the 'self-pitying' aspect which is an intrinsic part of it [and the part others seemingly hate] is the part that almost causes the most distress. Also with serious consequences to self-esteem.

I always think it is tough for people living with someone who suffers from depressionn - that's why the whole syndrome is so awful - how it affects EVERYONE around you. Those people need to be encouraged to understand depressives and learn a whole new way of communicating with them - like learning the basic skills of a counsellor [which I am, in fact!:)]- many good on-line sites for this. And if someone truly loves someone with depression, they should make it their business to learn more about it and to encourage other family members to do same. It's a very pro-active thing.
yes, it will be nice to keep chatting here. I might steer Joanna to come here and join in. she's been having a tough time with people in the forums being quite hard on her. She is in a deeply distressed state right now - but we do see the sun peeping through always!.
I'm going to post below an amazing poem I saw yesterday on a fridge magnet.

best wishes, speak soon
yvonne

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