I can't fix my life
Hopeless

Beckley, WV

#1 Dec 14, 2013
I never post on these things. No one may read this through. That's fine. I just don't have a single person to talk to and feel as though I'll burst.
I used to have a good life. Good family and friend relationships, A degree, good job, good credit, comfortable living. Generally happy.
Got married--he turned out to be horrible. Abusive, controlling, etc. Got divorced--life spiraled out of control.
Got hooked on Rx pain pills to numb my emotional pain. Lying and stealing to get my next fix. Lost everything. Destroyed my credit. Destroyed my relationships. Destroyed my life.
Got with another addict who made everything worse. Got pregnant. Had to move in with my parents at the age of 26. Got clean. My mom wanted me to give her up. Selfishly I did not. Her father has nothing to do with her. My parents can't stand us living with them. We're a huge burden. I can't afford a place of my own even without all the debt I'm in. I have no friends. I have a job but no one is interested in being my friend. They make me feel stupid. I feel like I'm awkward and weird. I've tried reaching out to old friends, no one reaches back. My family treats me very differently. My sister was my best friend. She's very distant and rude now. I want to make things better but don't know where to start. So I do nothing. I'm such a loser now. I hate myself. I hate that my daughter has me as a mother. She's 9 months old and perfect and deserves better.
I'm so lonely and miserable and I deserve it all.

“Spiritual Abuse is Cruel”

Since: Mar 12

Location hidden

#3 Jan 2, 2014
Hopeless wrote:
I never post on these things. No one may read this through. That's fine. I just don't have a single person to talk to and feel as though I'll burst.
I used to have a good life. Good family and friend relationships, A degree, good job, good credit, comfortable living. Generally happy.
Got married--he turned out to be horrible. Abusive, controlling, etc. Got divorced--life spiraled out of control.
Got hooked on Rx pain pills to numb my emotional pain. Lying and stealing to get my next fix. Lost everything. Destroyed my credit. Destroyed my relationships. Destroyed my life.
Got with another addict who made everything worse. Got pregnant. Had to move in with my parents at the age of 26. Got clean. My mom wanted me to give her up. Selfishly I did not. Her father has nothing to do with her. My parents can't stand us living with them. We're a huge burden. I can't afford a place of my own even without all the debt I'm in. I have no friends. I have a job but no one is interested in being my friend. They make me feel stupid. I feel like I'm awkward and weird. I've tried reaching out to old friends, no one reaches back. My family treats me very differently. My sister was my best friend. She's very distant and rude now. I want to make things better but don't know where to start. So I do nothing. I'm such a loser now. I hate myself. I hate that my daughter has me as a mother. She's 9 months old and perfect and deserves better.
I'm so lonely and miserable and I deserve it all.

Dear one...No, you don't "deserve it all". You just lost your way. There is an answer.
Contact me. We'll talk. I care.
With love,
Scarlett

Since: Jan 14

Location hidden

#4 Jan 14, 2014
I know this feeling too. I have never felt so miserable in my life and I've gone through similar situations. People say it gets better. I'm still waiting. Meanwhile I feel like if I didn't have my children I would've killed myself long ago. Bit then again maybe I should and stop being a miserable part of their lives. I'm sorry you're going through this. But you aren't alone
humanSpirit

High Springs, FL

#5 Jan 15, 2014
Hopeless wrote:
I never post on these things. No one may read this through. That's fine. I just don't have a single person to talk to and feel as though I'll burst.
I used to have a good life. Good family and friend relationships, A degree, good job, good credit, comfortable living. Generally happy.
Got married--he turned out to be horrible. Abusive, controlling, etc. Got divorced--life spiraled out of control.
Got hooked on Rx pain pills to numb my emotional pain. Lying and stealing to get my next fix. Lost everything. Destroyed my credit. Destroyed my relationships. Destroyed my life.
Got with another addict who made everything worse. Got pregnant. Had to move in with my parents at the age of 26. Got clean. My mom wanted me to give her up. Selfishly I did not. Her father has nothing to do with her. My parents can't stand us living with them. We're a huge burden. I can't afford a place of my own even without all the debt I'm in. I have no friends. I have a job but no one is interested in being my friend. They make me feel stupid. I feel like I'm awkward and weird. I've tried reaching out to old friends, no one reaches back. My family treats me very differently. My sister was my best friend. She's very distant and rude now. I want to make things better but don't know where to start. So I do nothing. I'm such a loser now. I hate myself. I hate that my daughter has me as a mother. She's 9 months old and perfect and deserves better.
I'm so lonely and miserable and I deserve it all.
Not your fault at all.

Put it together: The high divorce rates by the republican Reagan (1980's)and mind drugging of American by Bush Sr (1990's). The attack on the public school system by the Mental Health Industry?....

The dirty deal of Tryptophan

From: Prescription for Nutritional Healing by James F Balch, MD and Phillis A. Balch, CNC

Tryptophan

Tryptophan is an essential amino acid that is necessary for the production of vitamin B3 (niacin). It is used by the brain to produce serotonin, a necessary neurotransmitter that transfers nerve impulses from one cell to another and is responsible for normal sleep. Consequently, tryptophan helps to combat depression and insomnia and to stabilize moods. It helps to control hyperactivity in children, alleviates stress, is good for the heart, aids in weight control by reducing appetite, and enhances the release of growth hormone. It is good for migraine headaches, and may reduce some of the effects of nicotine. A sufficient amount of vitamin B6 (pyridoxine) is necessary for the formation of tryptophan, which, in turn, is required for the formation of serotonin. A lack of tryptophan and magnesium may contribute to coronary artery spasms. The best dietary sources of tryptophan include brown rice, cottage cheese, meat, peanuts, and soy protein. This amino acid is not available in supplement form in the United States. In November of 1989, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reported evidence linking L-tryptophan supplements to a blood disorder called eosinophilia-myalgia syndrome (EMS). Several hundred cases of this illness-which is characterized b~ an elevated white blood cell count and can also cause such symptoms as fatigue, muscular pain, respiratory ailments, edema, and rash-were reported, and at least one death was attributed to the outbreak. After the CDC established an association between the blood disorder and products containing L~tryptophan in New Mexico, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration first warned consumers to stop taking L-tryptophan supplements, then recalled all products in which L-tryptophan was the sole or a major component. Subsequent research showed that it was contaminants in the supplements, not the tryptophan, that was probably responsible for the problem, but tryptophan supplements are still banned from the market in the United States.

Read this.

Amino Acid: Tryptophan

http://www.ceri.com/trypto.htm
humanSpirit

High Springs, FL

#6 Jan 15, 2014
No science to psychiatry. No medical model. No evidence based medicine. No test for chemical imbalance of the brain. Do away with false diagnoses leading to prescribed mind drugs. Psychiatry "No Science"

Psychiatry: An Industry of Death, Introduction

&fe ature=youtube_gdata_player

----------

Death, violence, erratic behavior and the suicide by mind drugs

http://ssristories.com/index.php
humanSpirit

High Springs, FL

#7 Jan 15, 2014
The dirty deal of Tryptophan

From: Prescription for Nutritional Healing by James F Balch, MD and Phillis A. Balch, CNC

Tryptophan

Tryptophan is an essential amino acid that is necessary for the production of vitamin B3 (niacin). It is used by the brain to produce serotonin, a necessary neurotransmitter that transfers nerve impulses from one cell to another and is responsible for normal sleep. Consequently, tryptophan helps to combat depression and insomnia and to stabilize moods. It helps to control hyperactivity in children, alleviates stress, is good for the heart, aids in weight control by reducing appetite, and enhances the release of growth hormone. It is good for migraine headaches, and may reduce some of the effects of nicotine. A sufficient amount of vitamin B6 (pyridoxine) is necessary for the formation of tryptophan, which, in turn, is required for the formation of serotonin. A lack of tryptophan and magnesium may contribute to coronary artery spasms. The best dietary sources of tryptophan include brown rice, cottage cheese, meat, peanuts, and soy protein. This amino acid is not available in supplement form in the United States. In November of 1989, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reported evidence linking L-tryptophan supplements to a blood disorder called eosinophilia-myalgia syndrome (EMS). Several hundred cases of this illness-which is characterized b~ an elevated white blood cell count and can also cause such symptoms as fatigue, muscular pain, respiratory ailments, edema, and rash-were reported, and at least one death was attributed to the outbreak. After the CDC established an association between the blood disorder and products containing L~tryptophan in New Mexico, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration first warned consumers to stop taking L-tryptophan supplements, then recalled all products in which L-tryptophan was the sole or a major component. Subsequent research showed that it was contaminants in the supplements, not the tryptophan, that was probably responsible for the problem, but tryptophan supplements are still banned from the market in the United States.

Read this

Amino Acid: Tryptophan

http://www.ceri.com/trypto.htm
humanSpirit

High Springs, FL

#8 Jan 15, 2014
Cartoon NAZI guards / Prozac

http://www.naturalnews.com/cartoons/mental_tr...

________

PSYCHIATRIC FASCISM by Don Weitz Toronto, Ontario

http://www.antipsychiatry.org/weitz2.htm

For almost 150 years, psychiatry has been masquerading as a medical science and as a branch of medicine. It is not and never was a science or a type of health care. Modern psychiatry is driven by unproved empirical assumptions, medical biases, and pseudo-scientific opinions. There are no scientifically established, independently proven facts in psychiatry. Psychiatry, in fact, has no laws or testable hypotheses and no coherent and comprehensive theory. Psychiatry conspicuously lacks scientific proof or evidence to support its news-media-parroted claims of "mental illness" or "disorders".

After about seventy years of psychiatric practices and research, there is still no diagnostic test for schizophrenia or any of the other three hundred so-called mental disorders listed in the current edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), which is essentially a list of class-driven moral judgements of allegedly abnormal behaviour, published and propagandized by the American Psychiatric Association. The DSM is the official bible of organized psychiatry. The DSM is the equivalent of the Malleus Maleficarum in the middle ages, which Spanish inquisitors used to identify, target, stigmatize and burn witches and heretics. Today's witches, heretics, and scapegoats are labeled mentally ill or schizophrenic.

Hospital psychiatry with its emphasis on the control of inmate behaviour through high risk behaviour modification programs, biological "treatments", physical and mechanical restraints, locked doors and wards, and seclusion/isolation rooms, have always exhibited several fascist elements. I want to focus on three: fear, force and fraud. These are the guiding principles and policies used to control citizens and groups in the population whom government leaders and other authorities, including the police and so-called mental health experts, have judged to be dissident, problematic or difficult to control. Hospital psychiatry is very similar to the prison system. In the prison or correctional system psychiatrists have been used as consultants to design dangerous, unethical behaviour modification programs and to conduct high risk drug experiments on prisoners. Both the psychiatric system and the prison system systematically use fear, force and fraud for the purpose of social control and punishment - not for purposes of treatment or rehabilitation, both of which are euphemisms. It is or should be obvious that forced treatment is in fact punishment. It is frequently cruel and usual and should therefore be banned in the United States under that nation's Eighth constitutional amendment. Virtually all treatments in psychiatric facilities are forced or administered without informed consent. They are administered against the "patient's" (the prisoner's) will or with consent obtained by threatening the "patient" with worse consequences, or with consent obtained by keeping the "patient" unaware of importantinformation about serious risks and alternatives. Informed consent in psychiatry is a cruel sham. It doesn't exist.
humanSpirit

High Springs, FL

#9 Jan 15, 2014
Child psychiatry is sick with hidden conflicts of interest

BY DR. LEONARD SAX

When I first began writing prescriptions for children 22 years ago, it was unusual for a child to be taking powerful psychiatric drugs. Today it's common. How did we get here?

Dr. Joseph Biederman is part of the answer. He's an important guy. His title is "chief of pediatric psychopharmacology" at Massachusetts General Hospital, the main teaching hospital for Harvard Medical School. Pediatricians and family doctors look to him, and doctors like him, for guidance about what they should do with problem kids. For the past two decades, Biederman has pushed the use of medications for treating ADHD and bipolar disorder. Over the past two decades, the use of medications for treating those disorders has soared.

Sen. Charles Grassley (R-Iowa), recognizing how much influence Biederman has in promoting these medications for children, wondered whether the doctor might be taking money from drug companies. When first asked, Biederman admitted to taking perhaps "a couple hundred thousand dollars" from pharmaceutical companies. When he was asked to take another look, it turned out that Biederman and a colleague had accepted more than $1.6 million from the drug companies. And they hadn't told anybody.

Or consider the case of Dr. Fred Goodwin. After stepping down as director of the National Institute for Mental Health, Goodwin moved on to serve as the host of the NPR program "The Infinite Mind." Goodwin didn't think he needed to tell anybody that the drug companies were paying him $1.3 million, even as he reassured listeners on his program about the safety of powerful psychiatric medications for children. Last month, after his connections to the drug industry came to light, NPR canceled his program.

Or consider Dr. Charles Nemeroff, who was until just a few weeks ago chairman of the psychiatry department at Emory University. Between 2000 and 2007, Nemeroff pocketed $2.8 million in payoffs from drug companies. He never told anybody about it until a Senate investigation brought the payments to light.

Are the medications recommended by these opinion leaders risky for children? We don't know for sure. Researchers at Harvard have reported that giving medications such as Ritalin and Concerta to young laboratory animals results in those animals displaying a loss of drive when they grow up. There could be a similar phenomenon in our children.

I've seen many young men in my own practice who took these medications as children or teenagers and are now content, as twentysomethings, to live in their parents' homes, work a few hours a week at the coffee shop, and spend most of their free time playing video games.

So the verdict is out. Maybe the drugs are harmful to children. Maybe they aren't. Would you like to volunteer your child for the experiment?

The Cleveland Clinic may be on the right track toward fixing this problem. The clinic has just begun exposing ties to the drug industry for every one of their doctors. Any doctor who accepts more than $5,000 per year from the drug industry, or any industry, must acknowledge that fact online. The site doesn't provide the juicy details about exactly how much money each doctor gets, just that it's more than $5,000.

I'd like to see every other health care facility follow that example - or go further and disclose the actual dollar amount received above $5,000. Or above $500, for that matter.

Until that happens, what's the bottom line for parents? Buyer beware. If your doctor recommends a medication for your child, ask: What's known about the long-term risks of this medication? What's the source of that information?

The traditional rule for good medical practice has been "First, do no harm." For parents, that translates: "When in doubt, say no." Don't let anyone push you into giving your child a drug whose long-term risks are uncertain.
humanSpirit

High Springs, FL

#10 Jan 15, 2014
There is no science to the mental health industry. No medical model. NO evidence based medicine. No test for chemical imbalance of the brain to which the APA admitted to the falsehood in 2004. The industry is based on hearsay and is political.

Inside the Battle to Define Mental Illness

Every so often Al Frances says something that seems to surprise even him. Just now, for instance, in the predawn darkness of his comfortable, rambling home in Carmel, California, he has broken off his exercise routine to declare that “there is no definition of a mental disorder. It’s bullshit. I mean, you just can’t define it.” Then an odd, reflective look crosses his face, as if he’s taking in the strangeness of this scene: Allen Frances, lead editor of the fourth edition of the American Psychiatric Associations Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (universally known as the DSM-IV), the guy who wrote the book on mental illness, confessing that “these concepts are virtually impossible to define precisely with bright lines at the boundaries.” For the first time in two days, the conversation comes to an awkward halt.

There are no genetic tests, no brain scans, blood tests, chemical imbalance tests or X-rays that can scientifically/medically prove that any psychiatric disorder is a medical condition.
sero3553

Finland

#12 Mar 3, 2014
Psychiatric drugs dont work well.

http://nonpsychiatry.wordpress.com/
Stephen H

Asheville, NC

#16 May 10, 2014
I have a good supporting family who helps but thats about all I have. I have suffered from court problems since I was 18 and was charged with 4 felonys, 2 breaking entering and 2 larceny and really it should of just been 1 of each cause thats all the video showed me doing was stealing one thing but they assumed I stole a gold ring too apparantly with no proof just that it went missing but not even on the same day that I stole a simple WII from the YMCA. I was stupid and young and with friends and we found a key that unlocked a door to the teen room and I went it while my friends watched and I took it only because I felt pressured and we were going to sell it so we could have some cash. It was dumb and after I knew I was caught on camera I even returned it and tried to apoligize but the lady at ymca who is boss or whatever decided to charge me for it and the ring that was apparantly stolen. A $1000 gold ring to be specific is what they said. Stupid but I took all the blame and kept my friends out of the mess. On top of all this I went under a deffer-ed prosecution where I was basically put on probation type deal where I have to be good for 1 year and do 150 hours of community service and do random drug tests, and I paid 1700 dollars worth of court cost which my mom helped, but most of that money was mainly cause of that ring that I had to pay for which I didnt even steal. SO I stayed good but thats when I met my girl while working a part time job and things were okay back then I just felt like I gotta get the hours done and be good and soon things will get better. Well nope I started losing contact with my best friends that I had stuck up for, and moved in with my girls parents and it was starting to go downhill. I was so busy working and ending up finding out my girls prego and I was 19 at the time, she was still 18. I ended up just trying to stick with it and keep a postive attitude always passing all my drug tests and being good and then we decided to move away and into my grandmas house where she had like a 2nd living space cause we felt like we needed more room then a 1 bedroom place with her parents. So things still seemed okay but after going through all those changes my girl was going through it changes even me. Eventually I had a new job taxi cab driving which my grandpa owned the business so he helped out and still trying to get hours in for community service, 150 hours is alot and also make money to keep paying them bills. I just wasnt making enough and my girl couldnt work anymore because baby was getting near time and I had to sell my car but we still have my girls car which is great but expensive 2009 ford focus. I felt like I was losing everything and in touch of who I am. My life has changed so much and then my grandma and grandpa tried to help me with hours for community service cause the time was getting close to have them all done. I went every day monday through friday 9 to 6 at the animal shelter till they closed doing hours and would be dropped off by them and picked back up. I tried to get as many done but only got 120 done out of 150. So of course court sends a letter saying I failed to meet the terms for the hours, and had another court date. Then the baby came march 13 which is 6 days after my birthday when I turned 20. Things became even harder, my grandma started getting mood swings like crazy and never helped with the baby, even my mom was fed up with how she acted but I could tell since she has had alot of people live in her second basement house she was probably burnt out. She ended up kicking us out before the baby was even a month and now we are back in my girls parents house taking care of our daughter the best we can. I have no car, no friends, no job now, no money, on top of it I have a 700 dollar credit card maxed. Court is coming up again in 5 days which is on my girls birthday and yeah life just keeps getting worse I could just keep going with the negative but im out of characters.
Stephen H

Asheville, NC

#17 May 10, 2014
Before all this had happend I was working a good job and had a nice car, good friends and things were good and I graduated high school and right when I wrecked my first car is when it all started going down hill. I never knew my life could change and become so depressing I cant sleep anymore, I really feel like ending my life sometimes but I cant bare the fact of not seeing my daughter and amazing girl friend any more. I cant get a job cause court makes it impossible to get a good one and I dont even have a car anymore so I feel stuck and my girls already working again after 1 month and half of having baby. Shes almost 2 months old and I have court coming up again on my girls birthday to decide whats going to happen with the 4 felonys I guess my life is just over and Im just gonna try to be happy Im still alive atleast.
Stephen H

Asheville, NC

#18 May 10, 2014
Yes it was crazy what my grandma did and kicked us out when she has never done that to anyone living their before especially family, so we dont associate with her anymore and even my mom doesnt. We all deleted her from facebook and everything even my mom, he daughter which is crazy! It was all just a big waste of time living with her and moving in and losing my job just to work a shitty taxi cab job and things just keep changing and getting worse so yeah my life is pretty much screwed :(

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