Eva

Houston, TX

#21 Mar 2, 2010
My Father is 84 years old w/Dementia. he went in to have a feeding tube placed in after the procedure he shut down, it has been 2 weeks and he will not wake up from sleep, he hears us and at times nods his head..At what point do we stop trying to keep him alive and let him rest..I am so torn up but we are in week 4 of our hospital stay and doctors do not know what it can be..
Crystal

Saint Joseph, MO

#22 Mar 6, 2010
msssr wrote:
My father has dementia and I believe he's in or close to the final stages. My question is about Hospice. Has anyone asked for hospice for a dementia patient and "qualified" for it? I've been told that dementia is considered a terminal illness but our doctor doesn't seem to be in favor of putting my Dad in to Hospice. We're still looking into it. Would like to hear of any similar experiences.
My family has just been told that my Dad has Dementia and the doctors have suggested Hospice, in which my Dad qualified for, I am not sure what stage my Dad is in but the doctors have told us that it will not be long, of course they have been telling me for years my Dad needs to be more active.
Crystal

Saint Joseph, MO

#23 Mar 6, 2010
My father is 80 and will be 81 in April, my brother and I have just learned that he has dementia. About 4 weeks ago he fell and went to the hospital where they found he had a serve UTI, he started getting better but then about 2 weeks ago he got an Upper respitatory infection which we all thought this is the end. But he proved us wrong and I almost think it is because I asked him to stay I could not let him go which I was told I was being selfish. All I know is this man, my father, is my best friend and I cannot let him go, not yet, not like this. I am lucky he still knows who I am and he can manage to tell me he loves me, and like he always did before he tells me everything will be ok.. But I know he is just as scared as I am but I cannot help him, I want to take it all away for him...
There is 7 of us kids but there is only 2 of us that seems to care, I go everyday and night to see him, putting everything else on hold because he is my daddy but so much more than that..
Sorry if I seem depressing but this disease is depressing and thank you for letting me post..
Mona

Talala, OK

#24 Mar 10, 2010
I put my grandmother in a pshyc unit last night. Actually a judge had to sign the order even though I have full guardianship. Guardianship means nothing in Texas. I had to go through the emergency room and the doctor on call wanted to know why I was admitting her. I told him the nursing home requested it I was trying to place her in. I pulled her off bp medicine and no place will take her where they cannot extend her life even though it's against the families wishes. Her story is like the rest, sharp person, asset to the world, grew up during the depression, raised kids during WWII, christian lifestyle. And for her service to America, she gets to lay in a bed for a couple years, breaking hips from falling and bed soars. When I told the doctor in emergency I was trying to shorten her life, he went out to the nurses station and told them "Mamma had to die" She has an AD and I have all power. That means nothing to the government or those after Medicare money. She's a commodity. Extended life means more money for the nursing home. Two homes closed in the town I'm trying to place her. Families just don't have that kind of money. My goal is to cause a life ending stroke before she is to the bedridden stage. She's 91 and got dementia after three strokes three years ago. In Dec. she pooped the the garbage can and blamed it on someone else. Now, three months later, she's on the verge of permanent bathroom failure. After eight months of just me taking care of her, I'm exhausted. And I'm just getting to the hard part. No I don't have help, not enough family left alive. I just want a natural death for her, not one extended with pills. People managed to die for six thousand years with out our government, but now we can't even do that without permission.
Katrina-Californ ia

Pacifica, CA

#25 Mar 27, 2010
Crystal wrote:
My father is 80 and will be 81 in April, my brother and I have just learned that he has dementia. About 4 weeks ago he fell and went to the hospital where they found he had a serve UTI, he started getting better but then about 2 weeks ago he got an Upper respitatory infection which we all thought this is the end. But he proved us wrong and I almost think it is because I asked him to stay I could not let him go which I was told I was being selfish. All I know is this man, my father, is my best friend and I cannot let him go, not yet, not like this. I am lucky he still knows who I am and he can manage to tell me he loves me, and like he always did before he tells me everything will be ok.. But I know he is just as scared as I am but I cannot help him, I want to take it all away for him...
There is 7 of us kids but there is only 2 of us that seems to care, I go everyday and night to see him, putting everything else on hold because he is my daddy but so much more than that..
Sorry if I seem depressing but this disease is depressing and thank you for letting me post..
Crystal, cherish every day! Your father and my husband are the same age, and
I am going thru almost the same issues. My husband is my best friend and the one who always
said..everything will be all right. They also tell you clearly what they want at the end of life
stage- they do not want to go on- as hard as it is- one has to let go- I am sitting here at 5 am
because my husband is so so sick, I wonder if he is in pain and cannot say so, I wonder what
to do?
Katrina-Californ ia

Pacifica, CA

#26 Mar 27, 2010
Just read about stage 7 dementia, it seems that the medical community
is not sure what to do either. Some patients are comfortable, most are
in severe pain. How much medication, and what, seems to be a question.
My husband is close to not being able to eat, he always stated that he
never wants to be on tubes of any kind- what do I do?
There is no good estimate of what the life expectancy is, I guess its
whenever they are ready to go, or when God is ready to take them.
We the care-givers just have to go to the end of this journey as best as
we can.
Randy

Warsaw, IN

#27 Apr 3, 2010
Reading all your comments brings back the memories that took place over 4 years of dealing with dementia in my Mother. Many of you have expressed guilt over a disease or events that you are not responsible for. Age related dementia is very common and dementia coming out of some form of trauma, such as a stroke, broken hip etc. happens frequently. I personally believe it is best to allow hospice take care of your loved one when their end time is near. The RNs can dispense pain killers and anti-anxiety medications, along with food, and personal care. I told the hospice workers that I wanted my mother to pass in her sleep without any pain, and that is how she passed away. Remember the good times and try not to dwell so much in the present. Your loved one does not have much time left and do not blame yourself for what you can not control. They appreciate your being near, even during their last moments, though you may not know it. I can't imagine getting through anything like this without a faith in God. Without an eternity mindset, it will be very hard to deal with.
daughter also

AOL

#28 Apr 13, 2010
daughter d wrote:
I think I am searching for information on the life expectancy of a person with dementia because I can't take seeing my mom this way and I am hopeful she will not have to live like this much longer. Do you feel that way too? It's very confusing to love someone, yet pray they will die gently in their sleep. Soon. I located an article which lists the 7 'stages' of dementia. I found it helpful in determining which stage she is in(6th), which may indicate what will happen next.
http://www.omnimedicalsearch.com/conditions-d...
Wow. daughter d, You have spoken the words from my mouth. My mom too is stage 6 and I pray daily she will join my dad in heaven. Hang in there and love her while you can. Bless you:)
Rose

Swampscott, MA

#29 Apr 13, 2010
My mother was diagnosed with mild dementia almost 5 years ago. She's now almost 86. Although her dementia symptons have increased dramatically, her heart condition remains stable. She's had atrial fibrillation, valve issues, congestive heart failure, diabetes, and high blood pressure for many years. Way before the dementia symptons came about. All these other medical conditions are well controlled with medicine.

Over the past 3 years or so, she's had recurrent urinary tract infections, which have cause her dementia symptons to increase exponentially. She's now dillusional and confused most of the time. It's very difficult for her to distinguish the difference between her dreams and reality. ex: She dreams she's healthy and walking and should be able to go home from the nursing care facility we've found for her. Of course she gets agitated when we tell her she can't go home because she can't take care of herself. In her reality (her dreams) she's fit as a fiddle.

No one really knows how long they will last like this. Our road is a long, rough one. It's absolutely hearbreaking to see our once vibrant, indendant parents this way.

I'm sorry I have no answers for you, or myself and siblings. I just wanted to relate my experiences with someone going through the same heartbrak. Enjoy the good moments, I say moments, because that's as long as they last sometimes. And try not to let the turmoil they are in consume you.
kathleen

Lake Oswego, OR

#30 Apr 20, 2010
msssr wrote:
My father has dementia and I believe he's in or close to the final stages. My question is about Hospice. Has anyone asked for hospice for a dementia patient and "qualified" for it? I've been told that dementia is considered a terminal illness but our doctor doesn't seem to be in favor of putting my Dad in to Hospice. We're still looking into it. Would like to hear of any similar experiences.
My father-in-law has had severe dimentia since I've known him, he is 88. We got hospice involved because he stopped eating and was about to pass when the "hospice doctor" stepped in and "fixed" his problem. He is now in a locked facility at higher cost and coasting blissfully along stressing us out 2 years later. Short answer, make sure hospice just supports and doesn't try to fix the problem. This just gets worse for the family. The patient has no stress because they don't know anything and there is no legal way out. I'm furious with hospice for not allowing him to pass.
Mary

Sydney, Australia

#31 Apr 23, 2010
I'm caring for my grandmother who has early stages of dementia. So heartbreaking when I watch a once higly intelligent woman asking me what day it is, ten times in one hour.

Something that helps me is I try and imagine that the person who I remember her being, the person I've known for all of my life, watching me and being proud and thankful caring for her and the person she is now. THat helps me. Sometimes. It makes me feel like there are three of us in the room. Hope that helps.
David from MA

AOL

#32 Apr 29, 2010
I'm going through a similar time as the rest of you, with my 82 year old mother. It's painful to watch, and makes me guilty wishing that God would take her. I went through the same thing with my father only a few months ago.
To Lynn from MT,concerning Medicare paying for Hospice care in a nursing facility. My mother will only be covered for up to 100 days, by Medicare,IF she shows improvement, which of course,is not likely.
After Medicare determines there will be no improvement, she has to private pay, even on Hospice care which means I have to empty her bank accounts to $2,000 and then sell her house and car. At a cost of $9,000 a month, it wont last long. If you have no assets, or if you have spent them all on your care, then MediCAID takes over.
I hate to bring up the subject of money at a time like this and when it means nothing to the ill person, unless they wanted to leave something to their familiy. Just dont think that the government will take care of you for free if you own anything. That was what my father thought. He died just one month short of spending his entire half of what they owned.
That's the way it is here in MA.
yo momma

Becker, MN

#33 May 14, 2010
o well girl.
Mary Rita

Clearfield, PA

#34 May 17, 2010
After reading these posts I feel less alone. My 85 year old father was diagnosed with vascular dementia. Since four short weeks ago he has been in the hospital 6 times. He found his sister dead after a stroke when he went to take her for groceries. This was determined to be the trigger that turned memory loss into a full blown paranoid violent aggressive person. My father never said an unkind word and loved his family more than life. Each day I wake up thinking it was a nightmare and then the grief and disbelief hit me again. My dad has so many people who love him and who he loves but cant remember. God being at the center of his life I only pray that memory stays with him.
Southern

Cape Coral, FL

#35 May 30, 2010
my first look at a forum like this.
My wife of 42 years has vascular dementia. She is on Aircept but the Dr warned me that while it might slow this horrible disease, nothing can stop it. We lost our beautiful daughter to Pneumonia in 2006 and that seemed to kick off the dementia. had to be treated for depression for a couple of years, but have fully recovered my mental faculties....
This dementia has been very linear in it's progression.
She is at the point now where she is a bit nonlinear.
What I mean by that is, that now she will forget something....like who her brother is...but remember it the next day.......
I would guess that at this rate she will forget me this year or next.
I am the sole caregiver and do not know what will happen if I pass. I am 74 (She is 67) and aside from Diabetes, am OK.
It is really weird. She absolutely cannot remember anything short term and is losing long term too,but her personality is still my girl....
This caregiving is hard. But.......... in sickness and in health.
heartsick

Denver, CO

#36 Jun 1, 2010
I feel so badly for you.
My father 83 year old father is in the latter stages (7) of dementia, but his vitals are strong so we have every reason to expect he could live a long time at this awful stage. My mother cares for him 24/7 in their home with help from my husband and me, but his needs are taking their tole on her. I cannot bear to see Dad like this, and watching Mom be beaten down by it is horrible. My sibling, like yours, is in denial. He wants the best, but can't see that a facility for Dad might be best for Mom. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. This disease is horrible, and sucks the life out of all it touches. May you find some peace and respite soon.
notalone

Bossier City, LA

#37 Jun 6, 2010
Dad is in stage 7. Been there for a couple of years now. He doesn't know who I am, nor has known me for several years. In the hospital now with issues of aspiration. His swallowing ability has decreased over the last 6 months or so, so much that the folks want to put a feeding tube in. These decisions are hard. I am 36 and have a young family. Dad is in a nursing home, as I can't realistically leave my job to care for him when I have young mouths to feed. This produces a lot of guilt in my soul. What if it were 100 years ago when nursing homes weren't around? What if Medicaid didn't exist?
I identify with much of what you folks speak of. Guilt, praying for the end, guilt for praying for the end, etc.
I wish I knew what to recommend. I don't. I pray the Lord would know my struggles, and I know He does. I am thankful that even in my darkest thoughts - the Lord is there. He knows me better than I know myself. I am also thankful that there are others who struggle with these emotions.
May God give us and our suffering love ones peace.
Alice

Street, MD

#38 Jun 22, 2010
What happens when the body continues to be robustly healthy and the mind is gone? My mother in law is now 83. There is not one thing wrong with her physically, she bowls 3 days a week and walks all over her neighborhood. Almost immediately after her husband died 5 years ago, we noticed she was having some short term memory problems, nothing too bad. Then two years ago she suddenly stopped caring for her appearance - didn't brush her hair, change her jewelery or wear make up - and the house started getting junking with newspapers and junkmail piled up. Six months later she was forgetting to pay bills and take showers. At this point, my husband started taking over the bill paying and we also arranged for a care worker to go to her house a couple hours at night to make her dinner and leave memory aides for her (bowling ball on the counter means she bowls the next day). This worked for awhile, then she started going to the neighbors every morning asking what day it was and what was she supposed to be doing. So we asked the aide to come for an additional 2 hours in the morning to get her oriented, make sure she took a shower and put on clean clothes. The aide is now leaving there rent free in return to keeping an eye out. Joan doesn't remember anything after about 15 second, cannot follow a TV show. I noticed at Thanksgiving that while she will look at a magazine or paper, she doesn't really read it anymore or get anything out of it. Her mother was like this and lived to be 98. We are very worried, since if she gets much worse, living in her own home will be out of the question. Although she has a decent retirement and various long term accounts and annuities, we don't know if we can make this last 15 years. So, in a way, I am comforted when I hear people say that dementia patients only live 4 or 5 years, but sceptical due to her excellent physical health and her mother's longevity.
Sad in Syracuse

Liverpool, NY

#39 Jun 22, 2010
This is absolutely a horrible disease. Yesterday my mom 82 told us all to go to hell. We just brought her home two weeks ago after a hospital stay and 5 weeks in a nursing home after falling and breaking her hip. We didn't want to put her in a home and we brought in care givers so she could be in her own home. My brothers and sister and myself have been there this whole time and it is amazing that she doesn't even remember any of the time we spent with her or are spending. She thinks we are poltting against her. She tells the aid to get out of her house she doesn't need anybody. She is mad at the world and mad that she can not do as she wants. She has become cruel and mean and says very hurtful things to us. We know the truth but does she really think the things she is saying? We have always been a family that takes care of each other and will continue to do so. This is not my mother and I pray that she can find some peace in these last years.
annrlilly

United States

#40 Jul 12, 2010
My 93 yr old mom has gone down mentally so quickly in the past two weeks. I leave the facility every day in tears. I am thinking about bringing her to our house until she is gone. Any input?

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Dementia Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Social Security disability approvals decline (Dec '13) Apr 19 Not a moocher 90
My Mom with Dementia Apr 7 Looking 1
News Are antipsychotic drugs more dangerous to demen... Mar '15 humanspirit 1
Laughter Yoga: Treatment for Alzheimer’s and De... (Feb '11) Feb '15 Tylequious Jackson 2
appearing to be able to control their behavior ... (Feb '14) Dec '14 ashleyjohnn 2
News Drug used in dementia carries kidney risk (Aug '14) Dec '14 ashleyjohnn 3
News Can music stave off dementia? (Sep '13) Oct '14 Robinwilliams 2
More from around the web