I broke it off with my bi polar ex no...

I broke it off with my bi polar ex now I feel guilty..

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Since: Feb 13

Charnwood, Australia

#1 Feb 26, 2013
My ex and I have been dating on and off for 3 years now. We recently decided after a 6 month break that we would try and make things work again. She initiated the contact back between us after finding out she was diagnosed with BP and PTSD. She was seeing a new psychologist and she seemed like a changed person, I was falling back in love with her and was so proud of her.(I always suspected bi polar and it was suggested multiple times by various support workers prior to our breakup, but my ex remained defiant at the time that "it was not a proper diagnosis" and refused to get a proper diagnosis.)We broke up last time when she kissed a old family friend while on holiday with her dad, although I was supportive of us working through it, she left with her dad and broke it off not returning home for weeks. We remained friends and eventually got back together. then broke up again, before this break up and reunion. Recently we were going well despite a few minor arguments, we were having sex and she was telling me how much she loves me and how much she misses me. a few weeks passed and she was suggesting I join her down the coast with her friends in a few weeks. She then flipped on the idea and thought we were moving too fast and suggested we take time to work on our personal issues and said the coast idea was off. she said her friend was bringing 3 guys down with her, 1 of them being her friends bf the other 2 being his mates. We even said we could do something special for valentines day when she got back, I felt her mood change and she hadn't seen her psychologist for 3 weeks. I was starting to feel worried and paranoid. When she returned she called me saying she was back and was wondering if I wanted to take the boys out clubbing. I was busy and said I couldn't. she called me the next day telling me she was really sad they had all just left and they had such a beautiful spiritual experience while up there. she then went onto say without hesitation she was in a polyamorous relationship with one of the guys and they had sex while up there as well as an "orgy" situation she also told me "she didn't want this to affect our healing process" I got angry while having a panic attack at the shock to what she just said and she started telling me "what did I expect!" I hung up on her.we moved on and I actually came around somehow to the idea of polyamory she still said she loved us both and she started asking me questions about how to talk to this guy I was starting to feel more and more used. but I also felt blinded by love.I was confused. she was acting distant and telling how much she missed this other guy. I had enough and suspected I had been played all along so I gave in and looked at her PC and found her friend was trying to set up a "booty call" all along, as well as telling her friend that when she told me what happened "I called her a slut" I never did. I was in shock and told her I couldn't understand how she could be so cruel and I needed space. I confronted her and she said she never lied and told " she doesn't give a f*** what I think" we argued "I said I had had enough!" She ran outside calling this guy right in front of me, pretending like nothing was wrong, when I yelled at her saying "how dare she!" she hung up so he didn't hear, when she tried to push past me I grabbed her wrist and asked her to just please stop and talk to me.she was acting so cold,she was a completely different person.I let her go after only 5 seconds when she said to let her go. she now said I physically abused her and hurt her.I feel terrible I'm so in love with her still she txt me saying "she doesn't even know what I lost my shit about" and "never contact me again" when I responded saying "how dare you put me through this emotional abuse for weeks now and I trusted you! where does she get off saying this!"she tried to convince me that I was the one who was in the wrong.Im so confused I know I did 2 things wrong, looking at her PC and touching her.

Since: Feb 13

Charnwood, Australia

#2 Feb 26, 2013
I should also mention Im 25, my ex is 21 and this "guy" is 19. Shes a beautifully talented artist, writer, singer and guitar player she opened my eyes to so many beautiful things, it's truly heartbreaking. Her doctor doesn't want her on meds because she is worried it will take her creativity away, she told me eveyone was either high, drunk and taking drugs throughout the weekend, she was the exception, she doesnt even drink and definately doesnt take drugs shes actually in recovery... her dad is a ex heroin addict and her mum was an abusive alcoholic throughout her childhood.. and the guy is a drug dealer or as she put it to me the other day "he runs a business" and takes hallucinogens reguarly for "spiritual enlightenment" she says she loves him she was actually pining for him.. her view on it all is a complete shock to me, I'm really confused how she could change so quickly from someone I'd fight tooth and nail for to someone so unbearably cruel, heartless and detached from reality. Thanks for any input guys it's so comforting knowing theres others out there too.
Nutz to You

Mokena, IL

#3 Feb 26, 2013
CJP87 wrote:
Her doctor doesn't want her on meds because she is worried it will take her creativity away,.
Run, Run as far and as fast as you can. WTF, I mean WTF-her doctor is worried about her creativity - why? That is her speaking not her doctor. She is lying to you!
All love is conditional. What conditions are you willing accept? Are you, at 25, willing to settle for a life of mental, physical, verbal, emotional, financial and spiritual abuse. That is what she offers!
This is not love. Get yourself tested for STDs right away! Don't answer her texts, calls, messages from her friends, her knocks at the door. Disappear - because you will reappear as a stronger, better person ready to find a love that is a partnership.
Right now you are basically in shock and looking for answers that will give what you Want To Hear. You want to hear that love will make everything better; that you will be hero; that she doesn't mean to do things to hurt you. None of that is true. You cannot fix her, you cannot be the hero, and she has done things with intent and while having no consideration of you.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I know from experience how difficult it is.
You have every right to say ENOUGH - NO MORE! Don't call, don't text, don't write, don't knock at my door. Good Luck, Goodbye!
Until you do that and follow through you will torture yourself trying to make sense out of nonsense.
Nutz to You

Mokena, IL

#4 Feb 26, 2013
CJP87 wrote:
I should also mention Im 25, my ex is 21 and this "guy" is 19. Shes a beautifully talented artist, writer, singer and guitar player she opened my eyes to so many beautiful things, it's truly heartbreaking. Her doctor doesn't want her on meds because she is worried it will take her creativity away, she told me eveyone was either high, drunk and taking drugs throughout the weekend, she was the exception, she doesnt even drink and definately doesnt take drugs shes actually in recovery... her dad is a ex heroin addict and her mum was an abusive alcoholic throughout her childhood.. and the guy is a drug dealer or as she put it to me the other day "he runs a business" and takes hallucinogens reguarly for "spiritual enlightenment" she says she loves him she was actually pining for him.. her view on it all is a complete shock to me, I'm really confused how she could change so quickly from someone I'd fight tooth and nail for to someone so unbearably cruel, heartless and detached from reality. Thanks for any input guys it's so comforting knowing theres others out there too.
Fight tooth and nail for yourself and the happy, simple,productive life you deserve. Good things will come to you!

Since: Feb 13

Charnwood, Australia

#5 Feb 26, 2013
Nutz to You wrote:
<quoted text>Fight tooth and nail for yourself and the happy, simple,productive life you deserve. Good things will come to you!
Thank you so much Nutz to You, your words mean more then you can imagine, I can feel so strong and determined to leave finally and then her voice creeps in "your sick, your f***** this is f*****","I'm so sick of you losing your s*** and shaming me" I'll be getting tested tomorrow for STD's, I'm really scared, Im only now starting to realise what I ignored from all my family and friends and what they were trying to protect me from. After 3 years of this, Im only starting to see the tip of the ice berg of damage done. Thank you again
Nutz

South Africa

#6 Feb 26, 2013
Hey CPJ87, definitely run, and when you can run no more, HIDE! I am bp. Problem is, most bp people are extremely artistic, creative and very passionate in and out the bedroom. We are excellent at seduction and manipulation too. That's what makes it so difficult for our partners to leave (and we know this). Definitely get tested for STD's. Bp people love sex, extremely promiscuous and orgies with druggies? Hell, that's playing with your life! Aids is rife these days.
Don't try find what YOU did wrong, she was completely wrong, you reacted like any heartbroken person would (in fact you handled it well)! I would have gone nuts! Imagine you were married to her? Damn, she would do the same thing, only bdifference is she would take all your possessions by laying false charges of physical abuse and manipulating things sooo well that your own mother will think you are a monster (we are ace when it comes to the art of manipulation). Hell, we can screw 10 guys and then blame you, manipulate it so well that you will be believing its you that drove her to have sex with other men, and she is the victim. Yip, believe me, I am bp, we are very capable of these things. And when there is just a shell left, we drop you and move on. We move on very quickly, you are disposable and easy to replace.
There, that's from a bp person's mind. I was diagnosed 10 yrs ago.
When she comes crawling back, crying and shit, tell her you are on your way out to a date and she is making you late. Move on fast. She has.
Nutz to You

North Liberty, IN

#7 Feb 26, 2013
CJP87 wrote:
<quoted text>
Thank you so much Nutz to You, your words mean more then you can imagine, I can feel so strong and determined to leave finally and then her voice creeps in "your sick, your f***** this is f*****","I'm so sick of you losing your s*** and shaming me" I'll be getting tested tomorrow for STD's, I'm really scared, Im only now starting to realise what I ignored from all my family and friends and what they were trying to protect me from. After 3 years of this, Im only starting to see the tip of the ice berg of damage done. Thank you again
One of my favorite quotes "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."
You are wonder to behold, you are a person of character, you shall be well. Blessing to you, health to you, and peace.

Since: Feb 13

Charnwood, Australia

#8 Feb 26, 2013
Nutz wrote:
Hey CPJ87, definitely run, and when you can run no more, HIDE! I am bp. Problem is, most bp people are extremely artistic, creative and very passionate in and out the bedroom. We are excellent at seduction and manipulation too. That's what makes it so difficult for our partners to leave (and we know this). Definitely get tested for STD's. Bp people love sex, extremely promiscuous and orgies with druggies? Hell, that's playing with your life! Aids is rife these days.
Don't try find what YOU did wrong, she was completely wrong, you reacted like any heartbroken person would (in fact you handled it well)! I would have gone nuts! Imagine you were married to her? Damn, she would do the same thing, only bdifference is she would take all your possessions by laying false charges of physical abuse and manipulating things sooo well that your own mother will think you are a monster (we are ace when it comes to the art of manipulation). Hell, we can screw 10 guys and then blame you, manipulate it so well that you will be believing its you that drove her to have sex with other men, and she is the victim. Yip, believe me, I am bp, we are very capable of these things. And when there is just a shell left, we drop you and move on. We move on very quickly, you are disposable and easy to replace.
There, that's from a bp person's mind. I was diagnosed 10 yrs ago.
When she comes crawling back, crying and shit, tell her you are on your way out to a date and she is making you late. Move on fast. She has.
Thank you Nutz, I can certainly relate her to what you described and I know the passion you speak of, its one of the many reasons why I think we connected so much. I'm also a very passionate person and pretty opened minded around relationships and sex... but looking back I guess she knew she could take full advantage of that. I'm doing my best to just move on at the moment and shake this feeling that I could have handled it better. There were moments where I actually started to apologise and I could feel her trying to shift the focus and blame back to me. The defining moment came when I said on the phone to her "who knows maybe I've got BP too" Then she started her break up speech about me abusing her. I snapped and told her "she's not taking control of this, I've had enough!, We are done! I don't want this anymore!" I then hung up on her and she replied with a txt saying "never to contact her again" my final text being "Good job, you won! enjoy it! Good luck living your life of lies" It was scary but also empowering to actually feel it happening in real time and say something for a change and not just let her run over me, I was never really aware of it until then but I still feel at times slightly pathetic for actually believing maybe I had the problem and was in the wrong. Thanks again to both you your words truly do help. Much love and happiness to you both!
Nutz

South Africa

#9 Feb 26, 2013
Tjanks dude! Yeah, that's the problem with most bp relationships. Its a rollercoaster of emotions and a constant mind fck. So the partner leaves thinking "what if?", its a constant now you see it now you don't thing. Which leaves you confused. We are so loveable and easy to fall in love with, making us "the perfect partner". Then we are like a demon, as if we are possessed. And the partner is like "wtf?" And then the manipulation which leaves the person thinking "it must be my fault, they have had such a hard life and I am supposed to support her, what kind of a person am I if I just leave her in her time of need?". Trust me, when we are in our episodes we don't need a thing from our partners, in my experience I have made up my mind that he is boring, I dump his ass but make him feel guilty just in case I need to come back, I play like hell, the mania's are awesome, like a drug. And I don't need a boring, loving man. I need excitement, strangers in a bar etc. And I never gave a second thought to the idiot I left behind. But every now and then I would text "I miss you", just to keep him in case I needed to come back when I was finished playing. I would go back even though I didn't love him. He was company, but after a few bweeks, he would be boring again, I would dump him and do the same thing. I left him with the "what if?". Meanwhile I couldn't give a damn. Sick huh? I am one of the very few though that became self aware, longed to settle down and started the process of controlling it. After leaving ICU for the 4th time, almost losing my job, I began seeing my daughter who I had shoved aside because being a mother was ageing me I believed, even though she stayed with her dad. Many broken promises of seeing her until one day her stepmother phoned and asked me to come read my daughter's diary, she is 9. It broke me. Now I am engaged, see my daughter often, got a huge promotion last week and see the doc regularly. But don't keep hope, it doesn't happen often and when it does, its not an overnight thing.
Nutz

South Africa

#10 Feb 26, 2013
I stay on this forum because you guys, Izzy, Nutz to You, yourself all remind me of the hurt I can cause if I go back. I stay here to give a bp person's perspective as many "normal people try to understand the illness and although I speak from a bp person's mind, it may give insight but nobody will understand it. And I feel for the people who just want answers. Because they are wasting precious life time hunting for answers, there is no end of the rainbow, and the same can be said for bipolar, you won't find the answers no matter how far and how hard you try.

Since: Feb 13

Charnwood, Australia

#11 Feb 27, 2013
It's really good to hear your doing so well, your partner and daughter are both very lucky. You should be very proud of yourself, you are indeed rare. :-) thanks for your support and insight, it really has helped if not to understand her better but to help regain my self confidence and self worth, I'm starting to feel more confident already after speaking to more people and being on here. Anytime I start to miss her or have that doubt creep in I read your messages and remind myself that I'm making the right choice and I need to stay strong.
Nutz

South Africa

#12 Feb 27, 2013
Thanks so much CJ. I am the lucky one though. I have been given a precious gift, a fragile gift which I have to work on everyday so I don't break it. They love me and for that I am truly grateful and I love them dearly so the least I can do to show them, is make every effort to keep control and not hurt them.
Isabella

UK

#13 Feb 28, 2013
CJP87 wrote:
I should also mention Im 25, my ex is 21 and this "guy" is 19. Shes a beautifully talented artist, writer, singer and guitar player she opened my eyes to so many beautiful things, it's truly heartbreaking. Her doctor doesn't want her on meds because she is worried it will take her creativity away, she told me eveyone was either high, drunk and taking drugs throughout the weekend, she was the exception, she doesnt even drink and definately doesnt take drugs shes actually in recovery... her dad is a ex heroin addict and her mum was an abusive alcoholic throughout her childhood.. and the guy is a drug dealer or as she put it to me the other day "he runs a business" and takes hallucinogens reguarly for "spiritual enlightenment" she says she loves him she was actually pining for him.. her view on it all is a complete shock to me, I'm really confused how she could change so quickly from someone I'd fight tooth and nail for to someone so unbearably cruel, heartless and detached from reality. Thanks for any input guys it's so comforting knowing theres others out there too.
hey CJP, wow, I read your post and there were moments when you described your feelings so clearly and succinctly that you jolted my memory back to the early stages of my break-up with my bp ex husband. Enough about him, though (haha), I want to congratulate you for standing your ground and giving her a great parting shot ("life of lies") and also, most importantly, in amongst all of your shock and upset, for feeling at least a glimmer of pride in doing so! Good for you!! It doesn't matter that you let your standards/ideas slip with this one relationship so long as you learn from it and are wise enough to trust your instincts in the future. Sometimes we love someone, we are in love with being in love them, and yes, our fight and determination to save those feelings become skewed. Nutz to You is completely right; you must give yourself a complete, no-contact break in order to clear your mind; after all the drama and trauma you need to focus on trying to relax which may sound ridiculous but believe me, you will have been operating on high levels of anxiety for a while now without even realising it - your kind of situation must have been massive stress and of course you might still need to grieve this relationship; but family, close friends, love and laughter, new places and interests will all help you now. I had a horrific ordeal with my ex bp husband, I had ptsd because of it, however I made it my business to not let it be the biggest thing to happen in my life; make yourself unrecognizable from the person you were with her; all those hopes and dreams you put on the shelf because you were dealing with someone else's mental illness, take them down, dust them off and make them happen; this is your time now. Nutz and you are right, this forum helps us all, a priceless haven of understanding and support. Keep strong.

Since: Feb 13

Charnwood, Australia

#14 Mar 1, 2013
Isabella wrote:
<quoted text> hey CJP, wow, I read your post and there were moments when you described your feelings so clearly and succinctly that you jolted my memory back to the early stages of my break-up with my bp ex husband. Enough about him, though (haha), I want to congratulate you for standing your ground and giving her a great parting shot ("life of lies") and also, most importantly, in amongst all of your shock and upset, for feeling at least a glimmer of pride in doing so! Good for you!! It doesn't matter that you let your standards/ideas slip with this one relationship so long as you learn from it and are wise enough to trust your instincts in the future. Sometimes we love someone, we are in love with being in love them, and yes, our fight and determination to save those feelings become skewed. Nutz to You is completely right; you must give yourself a complete, no-contact break in order to clear your mind; after all the drama and trauma you need to focus on trying to relax which may sound ridiculous but believe me, you will have been operating on high levels of anxiety for a while now without even realising it - your kind of situation must have been massive stress and of course you might still need to grieve this relationship; but family, close friends, love and laughter, new places and interests will all help you now. I had a horrific ordeal with my ex bp husband, I had ptsd because of it, however I made it my business to not let it be the biggest thing to happen in my life; make yourself unrecognizable from the person you were with her; all those hopes and dreams you put on the shelf because you were dealing with someone else's mental illness, take them down, dust them off and make them happen; this is your time now. Nutz and you are right, this forum helps us all, a priceless haven of understanding and support. Keep strong.
Thank you Isabella, I'm truly grateful to have such beautiful caring people around me at this time, especially on this forum, your kind words and support warmed my heart :-) Im certainly trying my best to make a new better, positive life for myself. My anxiety is also one thing I'm only now starting to attribute (like you mentioned) to my unhealthy relationship, it scares me realising how deeply engrained some of the issues are now part of me...but also how obvious some of them are now. Its uncanny every time I start to doubt my actions and thoughts and start sinking into depression there you guys are :-D Thank you... I may never meet you so I cannot truly express how much it means to me to know there are people out there just like me. So from the bottom of my heart Thank You!! and much love and happiness to all of you and your loved ones.
Nutz

South Africa

#15 Mar 1, 2013
Thanks chief! And much love and happiness to you too. It will come, when you least expect it, trust me ;-)
Gjay

Australia

#16 Mar 13, 2013
CJP87 wrote:
<quoted text> Thank you Isabella, I'm truly grateful to have such beautiful caring people around me at this time, especially on this forum, your kind words and support warmed my heart :-) Im certainly trying my best to make a new better, positive life for myself. My anxiety is also one thing I'm only now starting to attribute (like you mentioned) to my unhealthy relationship, it scares me realising how deeply engrained some of the issues are now part of me...but also how obvious some of them are now. Its uncanny every time I start to doubt my actions and thoughts and start sinking into depression there you guys are :-D Thank you... I may never meet you so I cannot truly express how much it means to me to know there are people out there just like me. So from the bottom of my heart Thank You!! and much love and happiness to all of you and your loved ones.


Hi Cjp87,
I have read your posts and the reponses and you are not alone.
I have been married for 13years to a bp husband none medicated and with drinking problems(his medication of choice) and I have recently seperated(2wks)due to his manic escalating to physical violence and orders in place and charges laid.
Everything that has been described in this forum has happened to me and our family and in reading all this I now know and realise that i am not alone...There are many people that do not understand this condition or even acknowledge that there is one but until you have travelled this path with someone that you love they will never understand.The pain of knowing that now he must suffer the consequences of his actions in the court systems here in Oz.
I do hope that they take his mental illness into consideration and that he gets the help he needs desperately but i also know that one saying...You cannot help those who wont help themselves....
and when that person wont do for himself there is nothing more that you can do.
I am just starting down the road of repair for myself and my children it is going to take alot of time to come to terms with the damage that has been done but realising that the world still goes on without them and that there can be days where you can just catch a glimpse of happiness more and more and not be walking on eggshells and trying to guess when the mood swing going to hit

They say that love is blind but in my case I was not only blind I was also deaf. I am taking it day by day.

I hope this has helped and remember you are not alone.
Isabella

UK

#17 Mar 13, 2013
Gjay wrote:
<quoted text>
Hi Cjp87,
I have read your posts and the reponses and you are not alone.
I have been married for 13years to a bp husband none medicated and with drinking problems(his medication of choice) and I have recently seperated(2wks)due to his manic escalating to physical violence and orders in place and charges laid.
Everything that has been described in this forum has happened to me and our family and in reading all this I now know and realise that i am not alone...There are many people that do not understand this condition or even acknowledge that there is one but until you have travelled this path with someone that you love they will never understand.The pain of knowing that now he must suffer the consequences of his actions in the court systems here in Oz.
I do hope that they take his mental illness into consideration and that he gets the help he needs desperately but i also know that one saying...You cannot help those who wont help themselves....
and when that person wont do for himself there is nothing more that you can do.
I am just starting down the road of repair for myself and my children it is going to take alot of time to come to terms with the damage that has been done but realising that the world still goes on without them and that there can be days where you can just catch a glimpse of happiness more and more and not be walking on eggshells and trying to guess when the mood swing going to hit
They say that love is blind but in my case I was not only blind I was also deaf. I am taking it day by day.
I hope this has helped and remember you are not alone.
gjay, what a brave person you are and I'm certain that those glimpses of happiness you mention will turn to days and weeks of joy soon enough; be strong for yourself, your children and your future.
Nutz to You

Mokena, IL

#18 Mar 13, 2013
Gjay wrote:
<quoted text>
Hi Cjp87,
I have read your posts and the reponses and you are not alone.
It will get better, and you and your children are not alone in this. It is difficult for everyone. I hope for you and yours happiness, clarity, peace of mind, and calm.
Gjay

Australia

#19 Mar 14, 2013
Nutz to You wrote:
<quoted text>It will get better, and you and your children are not alone in this. It is difficult for everyone. I hope for you and yours happiness, clarity, peace of mind, and calm.
Thankyou Nutz to you,for your kind words, yes it is difficult but words of hope from people who are in the same situation and that have great insight into this condition mean more than what comes from authorities.(sorry Im a big believer that if you havent been involved in the situation then you dont give advise or really know what it is like)
What amazes me is the amount of people that deny that there is problem and then do nothing about it and hide, It is the old stigma of having mental health problems that others will think their "crazy" or a nutter that really gets me upset.
The calm i am waiting for. I am trying to give myself a daily dose and i light a candle and just be thank full for what I have for many others have less.
Thankyou again for your kind words Nutz to you, please take care
Gjay

Australia

#20 Mar 14, 2013
Isabella wrote:
<quoted text>gjay, what a brave person you are and I'm certain that those glimpses of happiness you mention will turn to days and weeks of joy soon enough; be strong for yourself, your children and your future.
Thankyou Isabella, I am not brave, I fell in love with a man that I think never really understood what had been happening to him. I was lucky to have 4years togeather without any episodes and when he started to drink they seem to come from no where and escalate. I know and saw him battle within himself to keep control but every time he would do his runner and all that is listed here he did and more.

I will take it day by day and deal with whatever happens and Im lucky I have friends that listened to me and came to some understanding that my bp husband is ill and not just a drunk.

Day by day and whatever happens will be,

Thankyou Isabella, take care

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