do all bipolar relationships end in d...
mary spencer

Hillsboro, KY

#162 Jun 10, 2012
my son has a girlfriend with deep depression and jealousey and my son has bi polar I am afraid he will end up in searous trouble if they don/t get help together and I am put in tge midle of this ( mother) help
Nutz To You

Shipshewana, IN

#163 Jun 11, 2012
mary spencer wrote:
my son has a girlfriend with deep depression and jealousey and my son has bi polar I am afraid he will end up in searous trouble if they don/t get help together and I am put in tge midle of this ( mother) help
If they are adults you are not responsible. No matter the age, your only concern should be that of you son. He needs help on his own. If he doesn't' get it, minimize your contact. Be happy in your own life. It cannot be dependent on her getting help too. Be happy in your own life. How either ends up is dependent on how seriously they understand their illness and how they pursue meds and therapy.
jakester711

Myrtle Beach, SC

#164 Jun 12, 2012
gaydj4u wrote:
Over 90% of BIPOLAR relationships end within 2 years. Im surprised you lasted this long.
GOOGLE IT! "bipolar divorce rate"
Dated my former wife for 8 years, then married for 20 years. So you cannot cast a wide net. Doing so could apply to so many other factors. The divorce rate for so called normal people is over 50 %.
My relationship ended after 28 years & yes it was a mess for a time. That unfortunately is what divorce is for anyone. The illness was in the end the reason for the end of our marriage. So one could say we were doomed from the start, 90% failure rate. Raised an amazing young man, now 23 and working toward his MSW. He looks forward to a profession in which he can help those who have suffered like his father. Together 28 years !!!
lynn

South Glens Falls, NY

#165 Jun 16, 2012
Dina wrote:
Hey lynn, I reply back but I dont know if it show up heres my email [email protected]
Dina mine is [email protected]
gregmech26

Farmington, MI

#166 Jun 16, 2012
The facts don't lie. 90% divorce rate. Don't shoot the messenger. Life is about the rule, not the exception.
tru-lu

Leicester, UK

#167 Jun 21, 2012
holy cow. was hoping for a rope to be thrown. instead the weights have been tied on?! in a worse state than i was before i came on here. am dealing with some seriously draining behaviour.

girlfriend of a year of recently diagnosed bp bf. he is now receiving psychiatric therapeutic help and taking medication
Hail Satan

Springfield, IL

#169 Jul 23, 2012
W8ting4theThaw wrote:
<quoted text>
Ok Gaydj, let's just assume for the sake of argument that the divorce rate for bipolar is 90%. In fact, I wouldn’t be the slightest bit surprised if this were true.
But let’s "unpack” this fact for a minute:
The average divorce rate is somewhere between 50-55% in the so called “normal” population, right?
So essentially, bp are only 35 to 40% more likely to get divorced than the average couple.
Now, let’s examine some characteristics of the BP personality which may account for a higher divorce rate, WITHOUT BEING PART OF A PARTICULARLY NEGATIVE CHARCTER TRAIT .
1) Bipolar ppl most likely get married earlier, and more often than the average person because they are more impulsive. FACT: The younger the couple upon marriage the more likely they are to get divorced.(It’s true, GOOGLE IT!)
2) Bipolar ppl are more likely to get remarried, contributing to a higher percentage of marriages per capita and adding a 50% chance of divorce to any subsequent marriage allows the same bp person to have a higher divorce rate just by virtue of multiple marriages, each individually having a 55% divorce rate.
The fact is that Bp's are more likely to marry impulsively, and the more impulsive the marriage, the more likely a divorce. Simple.
3) The people who marry them: Bipolar love is very exciting and exhilarating, and there is a certain type of personality who is attracted to the bp kind of guy. Have you ever thought the type of person who is attracted to bp may not be entirely stable themselves??
4) Most bp’s experience the onset of bp only after age 20 to 30, and most don’t even know they have the illness until 8-10 years from it’s inception. I imagine that a vast majority of divorces involve undiagnosed bp’s. I would venture that the divorce rate is much, much higher in the case of undiagnosed bbp’s (as was the case in my situation)
While the above reasons should not account for a 35-40 percent spread over the usual divorce rate, one should not take naked statistics at face value without at least attempting do determine alternate explanations for that phenomena.
I really like your analysis and reasoning; there are so many factors. I do believe that the percentages are a little misleading and will be interpreted as the word of God since the "normal" 50 percent divorce rate most likely includes bi-pols as well as all other types of individuals, each with varying and different symptoms of conditions. So, maybe if somehow someone could find some "normal" segment of the population and isolate them for a statistical study, it would be a fairly lower incidence of divorce. Everyone is unique in their own individual way :) These statistics are likely just based on an American sample, and the times are always changing. So many variables, and this all assumes that everyone is know to be bipolar or not. I would not be surprised if in other countries or some other cultures, if the statistics depict a completely different story, discrediting justifications and methodology that are used for discrimination and bias. Everybody please dont believe everything you read, just look at the bible... man I am all jokes today- Hah! Just remember that statistics are a measure of a sample of the past. Also it doesn't mean at all that you are actually represented or reflected accurately in the sample. For example, gays, legally married or not, who knows how they are included, I am not doing the research though. Once people learn about the statistics such as 50 percent divorce, statistics will then change due due to reactions, same thing happens as times change. I see it as 50 percent chance that you get a chance out of misery and look forward to a happier life. Just Ramblin, came across this by chance, decided to type, not to be on this site again.... manic on everyone! I recommend hot manic sex for everyone!
Stupid

Douglas, GA

#170 Jul 28, 2012
It really pains me to read some of these posts because I can relate so well. I've been divorced from my bipolar wife for 3 years now. She kicked me out over 30 times that I can remember. When we were married, one time she bought a $40,000 ring. I was making decent money back then, but not that damn good. So, the house got foreclosed on and I'm left with a terrible credit rating. But, here's the sad part. I tend to remember her when she was being good. I tend not to remember the bad. She still refuses to get help. Oh, did I tell you her boyfriend is a convicted murderer? Yep. In spite of all of this, she refused to get help, see a therapist or get on meds. She did take some SSRI's for a while but that actually made her worse. But, I continue to see the good side of her and not the bad. By going back to her so much, it actually made me homeless for a while, the last time she actually kicked me out. Sad. There are so many episodes of her behavior, I can't even begin to address it here and now. But, having said all of this, I still love her. And, I'd do almost anything to help her help herself. Pity, I doubt she ever will get help. I think that there's a part of her that likes being this way...and likes somehow blaming me for it.
Paul

Toronto, Canada

#171 Aug 2, 2012
Guys please help me. I had a gf for almost a year and we just broke up. We were happy with each other. But over the past month or so she has become very distant and always upset. On the day of our break up she told me to get out. We were suppose to get married. I saw she had some meds on the counter that weren't there anymore. I asked her what they were for she said that they were antidepressants. She went from night to day over night. I asked her to start taking the again and she told me to fuck off. Any clu as to why this happend to me ?????
Fortville Resident

Decatur, IN

#172 Aug 2, 2012
Paul wrote:
Guys please help me. I had a gf for almost a year and we just broke up. We were happy with each other. But over the past month or so she has become very distant and always upset. On the day of our break up she told me to get out. We were suppose to get married. I saw she had some meds on the counter that weren't there anymore. I asked her what they were for she said that they were antidepressants. She went from night to day over night. I asked her to start taking the again and she told me to fuck off. Any clu as to why this happend to me ?????
It happened because you care about someone with a broken mind. It cannot be mended; you can't fix her with love. Being hurt by someone is hard, but should never, ever settle for a relationship that is not healthy, happy, encouraging, and kind. Your only concern now must be you. Don't call, text, fbook, email, or answer the door for her. You will be okay if you allow yourself to be. Your ex will move on probably much faster than you do. It is not a reflection on you it is the nature of the disease. If you were engaged to someone who was on medication that you did not know about for such a severe disease, you were not in a mature relationship so it did what it was supposed to do -- end.
Give yourself time to grieve, and then give yourself permission to be happy. She won't change, she cannot due to her skewed brain chemistry. You can change and mature - so do! You really will be ok.
arunkumar

Mumbai, India

#173 Aug 18, 2012
Man honestly telling you.. If she wants a divorce happily give her.. She can only understand your love by time.. no use of one side love.. If she feels your love she will come back.. But people with bipolar are totally intolerable in normal relationship.. She must be gifted to have such person showin love on her.. You are in love its ok.. But better not to have sympathy for one who does-not have on you.. Moreover you are not a psychiatrist to treat a patient.. Even if so there are no evidence of a psychiatrist marring a bipolar patient for accepting disorders..Even if so it is for fame.. Honestly telling you better to be out of the relationship.. dont fuck your happiness for nothing.. No cure.. no proper diagnosis, no proper medication.. then why the hell fuck your happiness.. Life and the end will mend and treat them with bipolar.. live life for you some time.. why to marry a problem with no solution.. sorry to hurt your feeling.. but thats the fact...
isabella

UK

#174 Oct 13, 2012
Nutz To You wrote:
<quoted text>It is time to be supportive of YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!! HELLLLLOOOOOOOO. You deserve happiness, respect. One doesn't have to read between the lines to see you don't get that from this relationship. Three years is enough. No more. There are no medals or gold stars for managing to try and fix this relationship. You cannot. The person is unfortunately broken. They can temporarily glue themselves together with meds and therapy. You are not the glue or the therapy. You are a person seeking happiness. It is obvious the relationship does not make you fulfulled; despite what the other one is saying the relationship does not fulfill them either. Very little can be fulfilling when brain chemistry is so skewed. Get out, Get out now, don't call them, answer the door if they knock, write a letter or email, Facebook, drop all contact. FOREVER! Fall off the face of the earth. Land on your own two feet and start walking, running, hobbling or crawling to happiness - DO NOT LOOK BACK. Your future is ahead of you, not where you are or where you were. Good Luck! Bipolar people are survivors. He will manage just fine without you. You are not responsible for his future.
... I wish you were still chatting on this thread.. I would like you to know that I have found solace, support and great strength from reading these comments. I would like to thankyou and will be forever grateful,
Nutz to You

Columbia City, IN

#175 Oct 14, 2012
isabella wrote:
<quoted text>... I wish you were still chatting on this thread.. I would like you to know that I have found solace, support and great strength from reading these comments. I would like to thankyou and will be forever grateful,
I'm still here. Thank you very much for your response. It is good to know that you have found good in my thoughts.
Lola

Terrace, Canada

#176 Oct 19, 2012
Leave. I've been through 12 years of " hoping he will get better " or have fewer episodes or ... the verbal abuse doesn't end and the love fades over time. You end up caretaking and pretending you love them. But in truth they know it and will react. You become trapped financially and emotionally - feeling as if you should stay committed as it is your duty. After all they can't help, they are inflicted with a horrible illness.
I could be doing so many positive things without worrying about him interfering or wrecking it eventually. They should date one another -
BP's can switch and forget and help each other. To top it off I can't stand the SMOKING. He won't quit and says he will but deep down he won't. it will take a stroke to wake him up or ruin him forever.
Be his friend from a distance when he is well. Just don't sacrifice your giving heart for this. It is a sad reality but it is true.
Stay well.
Trent

Saint Petersburg, FL

#177 Nov 11, 2012
I'm in a relationship with the most beautiful girl I've ever met.... But just recently she started not sleeping not eating and getting worse and worse and worse. I called her mom and asked her what's going on and she told me she was bipolar and wouldn't snap out un less she was taking her medication. She has always treated me like the king of the house and loves me and does everything for me. About a week ago she got really excited over the election and started saying horrible things to me. I've never seen my girlfriend be so hateful. I've been researching bipolar nonstop for five days now. My girlfriend has the worst which is bipolar 1. I'm hurt and depressed and don't know what to do but I love her so much I can't leave. I ended up having to put her in the hospital so they could medicate her. I only did this after four days of mental and emotional abuse. I've been visiting her every day sometime she says she loves me and she's sorry and other time she says she doesn't want to be with me and she hates me. I'm planning on staying with her as long as she wants to be with me. I know that's not her fault and she can't help the chemical imbalance in her brain. I've known other people that were bipolar that didn't get this bad but my girlfriend has an extreme case. It's really hard being on the other side of the relationship with bipolar person. I will not abandon her and let her push me away. I'm going to take care of her. All I can do at this point is love her and be there for her
Take care of yourself

Rockwall, TX

#178 Nov 11, 2012
Trent,

I was in a relationship with a wonderful women as yours, I am still in love wthh her, but the back and forth abuse took its toll on me as well. 99% of the time she was the perfect girl friend. That one percent was shear HELL.it takes a very emotionally strong person to stay in theses kind of relationships.i can tell you have a good heart that is your weak link however. Take care of yourself and make sure you do not get pulled in..You can not fix this issues you can only support her...btw no matter what the condition is she is still responsible for her behavior. I wish I had the strength to del with my Ex because she was so very special. And I mss her....tread with caution.
isabella

UK

#179 Nov 11, 2012
Trent wrote:
I'm in a relationship with the most beautiful girl I've ever met.... But just recently she started not sleeping not eating and getting worse and worse and worse. I called her mom and asked her what's going on and she told me she was bipolar and wouldn't snap out un less she was taking her medication. She has always treated me like the king of the house and loves me and does everything for me. About a week ago she got really excited over the election and started saying horrible things to me. I've never seen my girlfriend be so hateful. I've been researching bipolar nonstop for five days now. My girlfriend has the worst which is bipolar 1. I'm hurt and depressed and don't know what to do but I love her so much I can't leave. I ended up having to put her in the hospital so they could medicate her. I only did this after four days of mental and emotional abuse. I've been visiting her every day sometime she says she loves me and she's sorry and other time she says she doesn't want to be with me and she hates me. I'm planning on staying with her as long as she wants to be with me. I know that's not her fault and she can't help the chemical imbalance in her brain. I've known other people that were bipolar that didn't get this bad but my girlfriend has an extreme case. It's really hard being on the other side of the relationship with bipolar person. I will not abandon her and let her push me away. I'm going to take care of her. All I can do at this point is love her and be there for her
hi trent; sorry you're going through this.. I think its great that you're doing a lot of research on Bi Polar; forewarned is forearmed after all, however you didn't mention how long you have been with your girlfriend for and I have to wonder, as you two are in a loving and honest relationship, why she didn't tell you about something as important as this. My ex husband is bipolar. He too was once an amazing boyfriend; romantic, clever, funny, caring, charismatic, strong. He had a period of depression, and a period of milder mania before, but I did not see the warning signs. He only sought help and was diagnosed after a horrific manic episode where he was so callous, cold, distant and was engaging in multiple affairs, all during a time when the children and I needed him most. Since then, I did the exact same thing as you; hours of research, trying to find an answer, a cure, an explanation; anything. I feel sorry to say to you that from what I have read; it doesn't get better. Even with medication and regular therapy,it seems,some bipolar people continue to cycle and can get worse (hypersexuality etc.like my ex). I think there is something I can say to you which is before you go about helping her, help yourself first, because in time, a bp relationship begins to feel very one-sided and lonely. Make sure you have tons of support and read up on "enabling" the illness and "codependency" etc., because you can so easily lose yourself always sympathising with them and eventually they can't / won't empathise with you at all. It will become always about them, so if you feel your self esteem dwindling, then is the time to leave before you become damaged yourself. I wouldn't wish bipolar to be a part of my worst enemys life. And you must ask her about why she hid this from you and why she wasn't receiving any ongoing treatment for this. Look after yourself, god speed,and if you were one of my family, I wouldn't be so gentle or polite; I would be telling them to leave now, and lead a happy life with an equal trusting and fullfilling relationship, because tthe chances are , it won't ever be that. Bp-ers lash out at those closest, which is why the other bp people you know "aren't that bad"; actually you don't live with them so you aren't a target/scapegoat/emotional sponge for them. I hope you like emotional chaos because that's how it will be. Take care. I hope you prove me wrong.
Nutz to You

Mokena, IL

#180 Nov 14, 2012
Trent wrote:
I'm hurt and depressed and don't know what to do but I love her so much I can't leave. I ended up having to put her in the hospital so they could medicate her. I only did this after four days of mental and emotional abuse. I've been visiting her every day sometime she says she loves me and she's sorry and other time she says she doesn't want to be with me and she hates me. I'm planning on staying with her as long as she wants to be with me. I will not abandon her and let her push me away. I'm going to take care of her. All I can do at this point is love her and be there for her
Don't even try to be a hero. It won't happen. This horrible illness cannot be overcome by your love. You will be broken mentally, physically,emotionally, financially, and, spiritually if you continue this relationship. You're already speaking in contradictions. I ... will not let her push me way ... planning on staying as long as she wants. WTF!
It is nutz to put your life in the hands of someone who is severely mentally ill, either she won't care about the responsibility or it will feed into her mania or depression. Either way all that you lose and you will lose it all will not help/cure her one bit.
Learning a loved on is bipolar and moving on away is similar to dealing with a death. There stages you go through. Right now you think you can fix her. You can't - you will learn that either through the experiences of others on this site or on your own. It really doesn't matter. You don't have to suffer from the collateral damage of this illness.
You're not married, you don't have kids -- get out, get out now. Cut all ties, make every step a step toward a positive and production life. It is not being cruel to her; it is being kind to yourself!
isabella

UK

#181 Nov 14, 2012
Trent wrote:
I'm in a relationship with the most beautiful girl I've ever met.... But just recently she started not sleeping not eating and getting worse and worse and worse. I called her mom and asked her what's going on and she told me she was bipolar and wouldn't snap out un less she was taking her medication. She has always treated me like the king of the house and loves me and does everything for me. About a week ago she got really excited over the election and started saying horrible things to me. I've never seen my girlfriend be so hateful. I've been researching bipolar nonstop for five days now. My girlfriend has the worst which is bipolar 1. I'm hurt and depressed and don't know what to do but I love her so much I can't leave. I ended up having to put her in the hospital so they could medicate her. I only did this after four days of mental and emotional abuse. I've been visiting her every day sometime she says she loves me and she's sorry and other time she says she doesn't want to be with me and she hates me. I'm planning on staying with her as long as she wants to be with me. I know that's not her fault and she can't help the chemical imbalance in her brain. I've known other people that were bipolar that didn't get this bad but my girlfriend has an extreme case. It's really hard being on the other side of the relationship with bipolar person. I will not abandon her and let her push me away. I'm going to take care of her. All I can do at this point is love her and be there for her
trent, Nutz to You is totally right ... I was too abashed to put it in such blunt terms; but she/he speaks the truth. It is what happened to me. It is the way that I felt. You will be left forlorn, alone, broken, wondering what the hell happened. It is a grief, and the recovery of healing from one of these relationships is akin to the grieving process. It seems the ending of these relationships is almost always the same ; I have been on other forums where people have lasted approx 35 years with their BP spouse, and have been left just at retirement age, in debt and with no spirit left havind dedicated decades to someone who in the end didn't care at all for them. Read it and believe it.
Nutz

South Africa

#182 Nov 17, 2012
Hiya Trent! This is going to be a long one so I suggest you light up a cigarette, grab some coffee and then read. I am 32 years old and was eventually diagnosed with BP about 10 years ago. I also have temporal lobe epilepsy which affects my emotions so its a fck up. You say she is beautiful, etc etc. Yeah, so am I, full of fun, great to be around, but you know that saying? When she is good she is good, when she is bad she is evil! Yip, that about sums me up. Trent, most BP people are easy to love because we are excellent manipulators and impulsive which makes a relationship exciting. We do wild things which make you feel alive. But trust me, it doesn't last. Then the paranoia sets in, the self destruct and pushing people we love away. Small things can trigger it off. I know by now, anybody's birthday or another big day like easter or something and about a week before I become a demon. That's on medication! I know by now after being in ICU a few times, clinics, psychiatrists, medication that although all of that helps, it will never cure me. Its like a cancer. The meds make me think a bit more and keep my moods stable most of the time, BUT, if I am on an antibiotic, or take the wrong headache pill, it almost cancells out the meds! Even a cough mixture sent me into an ambulance, adrenalin pumped straight into me, not because I had done something but because of the interractions of the meds and cough mixture. Fark, its a constant battle. Recently my meds stopped working so well and I hit a helll of a slump. Carved words into my thighs, told the bf who is fantastic to find somebody else etc. Although I would NEVER cheat as I saw what my mother did and how much pain she caused, most BP people do cheat. We love the excitement of random sex, we love the glittering lights of a casino, we destroy. I am now on the battle of finding the right cocktail of drugs again, which can take months to get me back to who I was. Now remember, through all of this I have a 9 year old daughter! She stays with her father who married my ex best friend. I gave him custody and she is in a stable home. I love her to death. But to give you an idea, when I am trying to commit suicide I hardly think of her, I just reckon she would be better off without me and she doesn't love me. That's my child! Does it sound logical? Nope. But when a BP person is having an episode this is how we think. We are selfish. Now that my meds are kind of working I think what kind of a mother would do that to her 9 year old daughter? Trent, I am a "good" bipolar person, I take my meds, see my psychiatrist, and I am kiond of under control. And I always warn people, incl bf in the early days that I am bp. That way they can do some research and decide if they want this shit in their lives. Most bp refuse to seek help, blame others and can't see that its actually them, destroy lives, both adults and children, and if we are "good" we take our meds but as soon as we feel better we stop and boom! Back to square one. So, if she is not willing to seek help ON HER OWN, and stick with it, then you gotta duck dude. Because it will get worse. You will probably be cheated on, your self esteem will be stripped from you and in extreme cases you may end up in serious debt and then be discarded as you no longer have a use. Sounds harsh, but I can judge, I am bipolar! Its like an alcoholic, if they don't get help on their own, you cannot help them, except this is 100 times worse. Don't thgink with love and a happy environment you can cure her, this is crap. So, do you really want this? What if you marry her and kids are involved? What about them? Its cool if you can keep her stable with meds etc, but that's if she wants it. Very seldom happens. Don't lose yourself any further, walk away. Sorry if this sounds "nutz", but its all fact. Ok, good luck and remember who you are and what you deserve ;-)

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