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Phoenix

Columbus, OH

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#103
Aug 2, 2010
 
Same experience wrote:
<quoted text>
When I read your story, I thought I was reading my story, except for the fact that I am a man and the woman I had a relationship with is bipolar. Let me tell you, she did just about everything to me that you jerk boyfriend did to you. Bipolar people "fall in love" ridiculously quick and often. They push you away when you least expect it and when it seems the relationship is going strong. I almost married her until I realized I wanted someone who could actually think about me and my feelings once and awhile. After I left her, she married someone else within months. It didn't really surprise me, she is very needy and is obsessed with sexual attention. I knew she couldn't be without a guy for very long. My advice to you is the same advice I got from 2 people I know who have lived with bipolar people.....RUN AND DO NOT LOOK BACK NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS! THERE ARE OTHER GUYS OUT THERE WHO CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY! DO NOT SETTLE BECAUSE YOU ARE LONELY OR HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM. Remember this one thing: LIFE ALWAYS GIVES US WHAT WE THINK WE DESERVE. YOU DESERVE THE BEST OUT OF LIFE. ALWAYS TELL YOURSELF THAT AND BE A GIVING, CARING PERSON AND THAT'S WHAT YOU WILL GET BACK. I wish you the best.
On a day like this, your message comes as a god send.I want retribution- I want God to make him suffer as much as I have suffered at his hands. I want him to be miserable for the rest of his life knowing that he lost me- who would have loved him unconditionally forever and made him a better man. Forced him to finish school, go get his masters-help with schoolwork as I used to in order to make him achieve that, get a stable,respectable job. Make him reconnect with his family and let go of bad friend influences and alcohol and pot. Now all that is lost but it is not my loss.....it is only his......I pray to God that he makes me forget this loser soon and move on with my life and be able to love another deserving man.(my relationship with the second guy in between the 2 rounds with this guy ended coz I could not fall in love with him although I loved him. And how could I, this bipolar loser had cleverly rammed his foot in the door before I closed it and moved on). I am sooo scared that I may not love like that again and I am even more scared of being hurt like that again.
Vivien

Bridgewater, MA

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#105
Aug 2, 2010
 
Phoenix wrote:
<quoted text>
On a day like this, your message comes as a god send.I want retribution- I want God to make him suffer as much as I have suffered at his hands. I want him to be miserable for the rest of his life knowing that he lost me- who would have loved him unconditionally forever and made him a better man. Forced him to finish school, go get his masters-help with schoolwork as I used to in order to make him achieve that, get a stable,respectable job. Make him reconnect with his family and let go of bad friend influences and alcohol and pot. Now all that is lost but it is not my loss.....it is only his......I pray to God that he makes me forget this loser soon and move on with my life and be able to love another deserving man.(my relationship with the second guy in between the 2 rounds with this guy ended coz I could not fall in love with him although I loved him. And how could I, this bipolar loser had cleverly rammed his foot in the door before I closed it and moved on). I am sooo scared that I may not love like that again and I am even more scared of being hurt like that again.
Was it a man you were looking for or a son. Better take a look at your own self.
Phoenix

Columbus, OH

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#106
Aug 3, 2010
 

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Vivien wrote:
<quoted text>
Was it a man you were looking for or a son. Better take a look at your own self.
If your man is messed up in every way possible that you can imagine, are you not going to try to help him ?!
canada

Toronto, Canada

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#107
Aug 24, 2010
 

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move on,she will be living a sorried existance soon. you should be celebrating!
canada

Toronto, Canada

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#108
Aug 24, 2010
 

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time for celebration,not remorse. been there!
canada

Toronto, Canada

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#109
Aug 24, 2010
 

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why should anyone support active bipolar behavior! ALL they do is use you for they^re own needs ,unless it has been alongterm relationship cause then you become a headcase and dont realize it. its never to late to cut it off1
Looking4answers

Chicago, IL

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#110
Sep 9, 2010
 
W8ting4theThaw wrote:
I thought, "screw her" I dont need her! And indeed, I ofund a new job, talking my way into the second one and explaining away my firing like a breeze, even in a recession. I got an apartment in a relatively young, professional, and affluent area in the Hudson Valley and hit the bars to lay my mania on any passing skirt. And by god did ti work.... Little did I know how much I really missed my wife at the time and how much she missed me. The day of finalizing the divorce, I breezed through it cracking jokes the entire time. She had tears falling down her face. I told her we could forget the whole thing and pretend it never happened. She shook her head. Afterwards, outside the courthouse she clung to me and wept, wishing me the best, WTF? I wondered (I still did not know I was bi-polar)....
Two weeks later I crashed.
I quite my job during a phase of extreme manic delusion. To relate what was going through my mind during that period would probably put me in a state of collapse in this library as I type. Suffice it to say, I realized I was EXTREMELY ILL!!! Yes, I was fucking brilliant and smarter than everybody else and all that bullshit, but I was also a self destructive turd who caused extreme emotional anguish to the person who loved me most. As a lawyer who is used to research, I have now read a good 10-15 books on bipolar and everyting makes sense. The day after I quite my job I was in total shock. I couldnt sleep that night and called my ex at 6:00 in the morning. That night I had reviewed my entire life and realized that the same illness which caused me to quit and get fired w/in the space of 6 months during a recession, I had aflliceted my wife with for 8 years of marriage! Of course I never understood that I was sick becasue she was always there to blame for everything in the past!
Because I lived in a apartment with neighbors upstairs, I didnt want my sobs to be to loud. So here I am crouched on the kitchen floor, sobbing so hard that I could hardly get enough air in my diapghram to breath...."Hello" I hear her voice. I finally managed to utter her name--"Jessie"..(nam es changed of course) but that's it.
A pause.
"Bob?" she finally returns, and her voice is breaking also.
"I'm sorry, so...so...so very sorry, for everything"
She's crying to now, asking me if I need help. I cant continue the conversation so I mumble something and hang up.
She calls back five minutes later and suggests that I make an appointment for my therapist (social worker type, not p-doc) I tell her not to worry, I am not a danger to myself or others but that I now know that I need medical attention. As of this moment I am trying to waork out issues with my insurance but still have not received a proper diagnosis.
God bless you woman who stuck thorugh your loved one's illness. Of course some are utter shits regardless (Julie xoxox, I dont blame you for the way you feel) I am not an utter shit. I am very, very, sick and very, very, special. I had everything, I lost everything, in the past conversations I had with my ex where I gently hinted at me meducating and the possibility of reconciliation and she wishes me the best but its not gonna happen.
As for now I am lost and lonely and I am asking the woman out there who still think they have someone worthwhile of love. Please, please dont give up on them. Refer them to me at bgardner109@gmail.com
Sorry I'm tagging on 6 months later;i have spent hours reading about everyone else's experience. I believe my boyfriend is bipolar, but I have no validation and he does not believe there is anything wrong w/him. He is extremely intelligent, handsome, loving, outgoing...wonderful. But he goes back and forth and back and foth. In 5 years he had 4 jobs...i don't know what happened..we've been together 1.5yt(on/off). Since divorcing 3 yrs ago, has not been able to establish any kind of relationship, except with me...the one who has stuck it out, I suppose. Suggestions?
Jessica79

United States

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#111
Dec 13, 2010
 

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I have had a relationship with a Bipolar man off and on for 10 months.. I knew in the beginning that he was Bipolar but he is on meds and have been working with the doctors on getting him regulated.. Its very hard and sometimes I forget that he is Bipolar.. He had me convinced that it was me that was the problem and so I decided to do some research on relationships with Bipolar illness and came to this website.. I started reading all the comments that everyone has made and all of a sudden I didn't feel alone anymore and realized it isn't me.. I can't count the endless nights crying myself to sleep because of the things he would say to me. Telling me that he don't want nothing to do with me and that he doesn't want to talk to me, etc.. Then a week will go by and everything changes, and now he loves me and we are the happy go lucky people.. The hardest part of all of it is that I love him very much and I know that somewhere underneath all of it lyes this amazing loving person who means the world to me.. I have had everyone tell me that I need to let him go but for some reason my gut tells me he needs me.. I just want to Thank you guys... I know that may sound weird, but your posts has helped me so much to understand and to know that I am not alone and that I am not the crazy one...
Phoenix

Columbus, OH

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#112
Dec 14, 2010
 

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To Jessica79,

You can wait forever, but this 'amazing, loving person' thats hiding beneath the mean exterior may never reveal himself to you. Are you really willing to gamble away your life's happiness on a hypothetical, fantasy future ? Live in the present and judge the current situation, make your decision based on his present behavior. I thought just like you- that there was a loving person underneath it all and if I just stuck it out, was loving and patient, he would show me that side. I never saw it !!!!! Infact, I saw even uglier sides of his personality as time went on.I had lied to myself and fooled myself telling myself that my heart knew he could be saved with love,just like you, because I wanted to believe in him and us, so bad. My friends intervened and knocked hard sense into me and I left him. After I left him, he immediately moved onto his next victim, showing how little consideration/feeling he had for me. Today, although, my wounds have not quite healed, I am happy to be free of that emotionally abusive relationship. Take it from me and leave him, unless, you enjoy drama and emotional rollercoasters in your life ! You will be worn down and depressed and he will rob you of all your joy. Good luck !
sanjan

Sri Lanka

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#113
May 20, 2011
 
Apparently, once I became a part of WE, I lost the ability to dress myself. Because no matter what I wear, she always ask me to change. Reggie Steele (Joke)

One of the hardest part of any relationship is change. Recognizing it, adjusting to it, and accepting it. Change is inevitable, everything in life changes. Think about where you are now in life. To get to this very moment you had to change, grow, learn, experience and evolve. So why is it that when people change we tend to be caught off guard?
http://www.lovereallove.com/2011/05/relations...
Carmen46

Manchester, UK

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#114
Jun 21, 2011
 
Phoenix wrote:
To Jessica79,
You can wait forever, but this 'amazing, loving person' thats hiding beneath the mean exterior may never reveal himself to you. Are you really willing to gamble away your life's happiness on a hypothetical, fantasy future ? Live in the present and judge the current situation, make your decision based on his present behavior. I thought just like you- that there was a loving person underneath it all and if I just stuck it out, was loving and patient, he would show me that side. I never saw it !!!!! Infact, I saw even uglier sides of his personality as time went on.I had lied to myself and fooled myself telling myself that my heart knew he could be saved with love,just like you, because I wanted to believe in him and us, so bad. My friends intervened and knocked hard sense into me and I left him. After I left him, he immediately moved onto his next victim, showing how little consideration/feeling he had for me. Today, although, my wounds have not quite healed, I am happy to be free of that emotionally abusive relationship. Take it from me and leave him, unless, you enjoy drama and emotional rollercoasters in your life ! You will be worn down and depressed and he will rob you of all your joy. Good luck !
Hi there
I was in a very vulnerable place. My husband had left me for years prior and I was looking for love on the internet. Mr Special Bipolar found me. He had just been diagnosed and had attempted suicide after being fired from his job. i thought he needed support and I ended up falling for his amazing charm. He will always remain the most wonderfully special man that have ever met and whom I have loved. However, he had, he conquered, and he lost interest. He stopped using his meds, and ended up on a 3 monthly rollercoaster of highs and lows, and eventually after a year I knew that he would never say goodbye to me as he enjoyed having me around as his 'many friends that he had' but that he had had his thrill and I was now boring.
I lost my self esteem and self worth, and it took a long time to recover from it.
If he could have been more compliant to his medication, our love and his life would have stood more of a chance, but I have had to say good bye to hime in order to look after myself and reconnect with my own self respect and self worth. I was treated like a one night stand and bipolar or not, there is an element of honesty to one another, and likewise to myself whereby I need to let go in order to love myself too! If he loves me or finds me of value, he will return should he ever find the lucidity to do so. Meanwhile there are plenty of women out there to help him enjoy his highs!
xxxx

Since: Dec 10

Australia

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#115
Jun 26, 2011
 

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carmen46
same as you I lost all self esteem
wondered why he treated me like a shag on arock whilst other women were ttreated like princesses.
they are the Xtreme Opportunists with narcissitic tendencies ..which actually mean they have no feelings of love for you ever , never will .
No empathy for you at all ...life is a game of pretend and sexual fantasy to these people .
after they have walked all over you with Jack boots they will move onto their next victim with no remorse whatsoever .
Dont waste another precious moment of your energy on these viscous users ..when you have expired in their mind they dont even have the gutz to tell you . they just give you the silent treatment
they are only interested in women who fall at their feet , once you pull their covers you just become like the rest of the world UNIMPORTANT .
So Done

Brooklyn, NY

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#116
Jun 29, 2011
 

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Realized I have not been on this site since last October,haven't needed to since my Bi-polar ex-boyfriend has FINALLY got the message to not contact me (we have a court mandated no contact order that he liked to ignore). All I can say folks is life is so good and normal without him. It hurt so badly when I made the descision to end our relationship but I know it was the right one. I can now look back and not blame myself for doing more to keep him stable. He decided to go off his meds, and became violent. I was under going treatment for breast cancer and he decided to drop his meds during my chemo. I am now clear and healthy. I think the stress of that relationship helped compromise my immune system. I am able to forgive him as he was getting increasingly ill through the years, I just kept adjusting to his symptoms. I have come to the place where I can mourn him almost as if he had died. The man I
knew and loved was gone. So for those of you hurting please be re-assured that it does get better. I have a new man in my life who is "normal" and he treats me like the lady I am. I would not go back to that roller coaster life for anything. If the relationship is taking too much out of you it is time to end it. Life on the other side is wonderful after the initial pain. So please keep the hope and don't let this dis-ease ruin your life along with those who suffer from it.
karen

Millinocket, ME

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#117
Jun 29, 2011
 

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Thanks for posting. Even though we have been separated for almost 1.5 years, he is still around, not much but have a connection because of the kids. It would be much easier if we didn't have the children to keep us associated. I still have moments when I wish we could be a family again especially because the kids miss him and that makes it hard.But I do see the roller coaster is not there anymore and I am grateful for that. Each time I think there could be something, he does something that reminds me who he is. There are still the glimpses of the old him and that is what I miss. I am having one of those "I wish days" so thank you for snapping me out of it.
So Done

Brooklyn, NY

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#118
Jun 30, 2011
 
Karen, we did not have children together but we were a blended family. My daughter is 15 and his son is 10. I miss his son much more than him. But due to the no contact order I will not ever be able to see him. Once in a while I have I wish days too, but there were so many bad times, it does out weigh the good. My daughter is extremely happy he is out of our lives, no need for her to be on the roller coaster. You are now able to provide your kids with a sane, "normal" home. That is huge! Hang in there, the wish days do get fewer and fewer.
karen

Millinocket, ME

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#119
Jun 30, 2011
 
Yeah, always constant reminders like he is always picking at me STILL about little things that might not get done here. He still stops by from time to time. I am just constantly grateful he is not here every day. So sad that you cannot see his son. Maybe someday he can see you. I think my older daughter is relieved in her own way that we don't have the conflict around. In the beginning, that opinion was voiced but it has been a long time and that is isn't as clear. Thanks.
Amazed SA

Durban, South Africa

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#120
Aug 19, 2011
 
So Done wrote:
Realized I have not been on this site since last October,haven't needed to since my Bi-polar ex-boyfriend has FINALLY got the message to not contact me (we have a court mandated no contact order that he liked to ignore). All I can say folks is life is so good and normal without him. It hurt so badly when I made the descision to end our relationship but I know it was the right one. I can now look back and not blame myself for doing more to keep him stable. He decided to go off his meds, and became violent. I was under going treatment for breast cancer and he decided to drop his meds during my chemo. I am now clear and healthy. I think the stress of that relationship helped compromise my immune system. I am able to forgive him as he was getting increasingly ill through the years, I just kept adjusting to his symptoms. I have come to the place where I can mourn him almost as if he had died. The man I
knew and loved was gone. So for those of you hurting please be re-assured that it does get better. I have a new man in my life who is "normal" and he treats me like the lady I am. I would not go back to that roller coaster life for anything. If the relationship is taking too much out of you it is time to end it. Life on the other side is wonderful after the initial pain. So please keep the hope and don't let this dis-ease ruin your life along with those who suffer from it.
It has been just mind boggling to read what everyone has to say on the site I was involved for 5 years with a man who was bipolar and at first I did not know what was happening. It took me 9 attempts to leave him. The roller coaster of emotions and walking n egg shells toppled by the excessive abuse was just horrible. That was 13 months ago and I have come along in leaps and bounds. Ihad never even heard of bipolr until I met him. He wined and dined me and each time we fought he bought the most extravagant gifts and then all chapmagne and honeymoon phase only for that to dissappear before he would call me the most awful names under the sun. Thes swearing and abuse nearly did my mind in
Understanding

United States

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#121
Sep 17, 2011
 

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I myself have been with a man who I feel is BP. He will not seek treatment. He has all of the symptoms and the roller coaster rides are bad. He is now telling me that he dosent love me and that my touch sickens him. I dont believe it because we were talking about the future. I love him but once a year around this time he wants me to leave so that he can go play and not feel bad about it. None of his relationships have worked in the past. The longest on was 10 years and he has kids with his ex. But he harasses her still. He has not gotten over the past. He always dwells on it. Now he has the attention that he is seeking with a woman that he claims to be madly in love with. I know that it will not last. I have been his longest relationship since his wife. He goes thru women like water. 2 months max relationships, that is if they last that long. He is a predator when it comes to women. Always wanting something new. But he tells me that he is comfortable living with me. I would stay with him forever. He is loving to me one moment and then he is texting his new girlfriend.He kicked me out last year but 6 weeks later he wanted me back. I lasted as long as I did because I overlooked a lot of grief. He has controlled me with a job, isolated me. I have no money, job, friends but he dosent care that he created this situation. I was trying to fix him and I cant. If I do not leave like he asked and stay away he will yo yo me forever. Is he ever going to get it or is he going to keep making the biggest mistake in his life?
Denise

Hialeah, FL

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#122
Oct 8, 2011
 

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Hello, Wow....Not that Im happy for anyone whos been through this however, I'm relieved to not be alone. My bipolar husband left me after 5 years. He thinks Im to blame for everything because he did nice things for me. He doesnt realize his mood swings, put downs, mental games, verbal abuse, etc. Its so frustrating that in his mind he has done no wrong and I am to blame for everything. He almost drove me crazy and I did not know he had this problem until after we were married. I tried to help him but he was impossible especially that he refuses he has a problem. Im devasted that I couldnt help him but I was destrying myself in the process when at the end he ended the relationship anyway. My advice to anyone that has a person who refuses help is for you to refuse to help them as well otherwise, as I said you will not be able to help them and destroy yourself in the process.
why me

Sharon Springs, NY

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#123
Oct 8, 2011
 

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Denise wrote:
Hello, Wow....Not that Im happy for anyone whos been through this however, I'm relieved to not be alone. My bipolar husband left me after 5 years. He thinks Im to blame for everything because he did nice things for me. He doesnt realize his mood swings, put downs, mental games, verbal abuse, etc. Its so frustrating that in his mind he has done no wrong and I am to blame for everything. He almost drove me crazy and I did not know he had this problem until after we were married. I tried to help him but he was impossible especially that he refuses he has a problem. Im devasted that I couldnt help him but I was destrying myself in the process when at the end he ended the relationship anyway. My advice to anyone that has a person who refuses help is for you to refuse to help them as well otherwise, as I said you will not be able to help them and destroy yourself in the process.
It seems that you and I have gone through very similar situations. My wife tried to blame me for everything too. She was famous for turning stories around so I'm the bad guy. She lied to everyone and told them outrageous stories about me and how I had so many problems.
I also found out the hard way after the marriage.

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