bipolar, Single forever?
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llaina

Winnipeg, Canada

#1 Sep 3, 2010
I have just read a few of the threads about dating those with bipolar disorder, and my heart is breaking. I am a 29 year old woman who has bipolar disorder. I have been living with this disorder since I was 19. For the first few years since I was diagnosed I vacillated from very extreme, lengthy depression, to hypomania and finally full blown mania. When I was bipolar I was unable to make good desicions and thought I was invisible to harm, however I was not angry, violent or abusive to others. I am inclined to think that it is not my inherent nature to be this way but I am not entirely sure. Not everyperson with bipolar diorder eperiences the same symptoms or exhibits the same behavior. I can speak only for myself and my own experience. Each person is unique in this world and that is true of those who have bipolar disorder. I know that I was very sick until I was fortunate enough to have been put on the right medications to regulate my mood. I can also say that for the past 5 years I have worked steadily and have also taken a number of courses at the local college. I have not had a manic episode, hypomanic episode, or depressive episode during this time. My heart is breaking because although I would very much like to have a long term, committed relationship, upon surfing the net for personal experiences, I am inclined to think this will not ever be possible for me. I have alot of love to give and like to think of myself as a kind hearted person. I wonder if I should give up on finding love. I know that if I do this I will always have a missing piece to my life.
Jim

Northampton, UK

#2 Sep 5, 2010
No don't give up. I'm in the same boat but have learned over a long period of time that things can often seem very bleak, but that bleakness is an illusion. I'm sure you'll find someone.

Jim.
Chris

Laguna Niguel, CA

#3 Nov 4, 2010
I battled with it since i was 16. I met my wife in Dec of 06 and we are happily married now. I am not going to say that it has not taken some work but you just have to be patient.
llaina wrote:
I have just read a few of the threads about dating those with bipolar disorder, and my heart is breaking. I am a 29 year old woman who has bipolar disorder. I have been living with this disorder since I was 19. For the first few years since I was diagnosed I vacillated from very extreme, lengthy depression, to hypomania and finally full blown mania. When I was bipolar I was unable to make good desicions and thought I was invisible to harm, however I was not angry, violent or abusive to others. I am inclined to think that it is not my inherent nature to be this way but I am not entirely sure. Not everyperson with bipolar diorder eperiences the same symptoms or exhibits the same behavior. I can speak only for myself and my own experience. Each person is unique in this world and that is true of those who have bipolar disorder. I know that I was very sick until I was fortunate enough to have been put on the right medications to regulate my mood. I can also say that for the past 5 years I have worked steadily and have also taken a number of courses at the local college. I have not had a manic episode, hypomanic episode, or depressive episode during this time. My heart is breaking because although I would very much like to have a long term, committed relationship, upon surfing the net for personal experiences, I am inclined to think this will not ever be possible for me. I have alot of love to give and like to think of myself as a kind hearted person. I wonder if I should give up on finding love. I know that if I do this I will always have a missing piece to my life.
david

Hamilton, UK

#4 Oct 3, 2011
ive just met someone with bp and like her very much and im going to let this put me off.

“Writer, Bipolar 1, Hate It!”

Since: Jan 12

Wichita, KS

#5 Jan 7, 2012
I don't want to ever hurt any living soul and can't help but wonder, sometimes, if we're just not meant to be a lonely species.
truth

Laguna Beach, CA

#6 Jan 8, 2012
I had a bipolar Gf, she was the best.

wish I could go back after dating a boring "even keel" stable girl thinking that would be better.

The normal girl cared more about stupid work watercooler politics and Bullcrap than me and a fun life.

BP girl = road trips and partys !
Feel

Germany

#7 Jan 14, 2012
Personally,i've decided that staying single would be the best decision for me,considering that bipolar is hereditary & biogical in origin.i just wouldnt be able to live with myself if i were to get married & were pass this curse to my kids,knowing first hand the frustration & despair that come with being bipolar.but like you said,bipolar people dont have the same experiences as we are all different as people.i wouldnt encourage anyone to give up on such a beautiful thing such as love but i'm just sharing my opinion about relationship as someone who has bipolar.you mention that your mood has been under control for the past 5 year so that's a good sign that you stand a good chance of having a healthy relationship without the havoc that mood changes that untreated bipolar can cause.
MentallyReady

Vancouver, Canada

#8 Jun 28, 2012
Gone are the days I thought I would conquer the business world. Going on 4 years treated, holding a stable job for the past 2 years. My relatinships with all my family are great and I feel i'm ready for the next step. So a girl comes into my life. She's like a 10.5 on a scale of 10, absolutely gorgeous, and we start dating, 3 days in shes' letting me know of her past and depressive times and her high times, and i'm thinking whoa this chick might be bi-polar. Before we get any more involved I let her know that i'm Bi-polar and everything is halted. She plays the card that she's not sure what that is, and says she needs time to think. It's been two days I feel so exposed, but the more I think about it she probablly is right. I can't guarantee I won't ever fall off the mood spectrum, anymore than someone can't guarantee they wont have a heart attack or a debilitating stroke, or get cancer. The one thing I can take from her is getting into spirituality. When Bi-polar I have realized that when in control of the mind and taking your medication, you can do wonders. It's depressive thought patterns which trigger mood. If your medicated, positive thoughts will add to positive energy. All in all, I think anyone can have a great relationship, they just have to be educated about it.

Since: Jul 12

Pittsburgh, PA

#9 Jul 11, 2012
I understand what you're going through. I myself am bipolar and see many relationship threads that state it's just not possible to date and have a life with people like us but they're very wrong.

I believe everyone has a someone, sometimes it just takes a little longer to find that perfect fit but you are perfect just the way you are. There may be times where you have problems in your relationship but who doesn't have problems? Everyone has some issues and those who say they don't are lying to cover up a deeper truth.

Just stay strong and be hopeful, you will find that perfect person somewhere who accepts you for who you are. I have been with my dearest for 10 years now and we have two children together and live happily. Sure we have our arguments as I go through my up and down moods but they're like yours. I just want to go out sometimes even when it doesn't like it's a good idea, but there's no violence or cruelty. I think you'll find your soul mate very soon, you sound like a great and caring person! Good luck dear!
Nutz To You

Decatur, IN

#10 Jul 11, 2012
KneeFriendly wrote:
I understand what you're going through. I myself am bipolar and see many relationship threads that state it's just not possible to date and have a life with people like us but they're very wrong.
I believe everyone has a someone, sometimes it just takes a little longer to find that perfect fit but you are perfect just the way you are. There may be times where you have problems in your relationship but who doesn't have problems? Everyone has some issues and those who say they don't are lying to cover up a deeper truth.
Just stay strong and be hopeful, you will find that perfect person somewhere who accepts you for who you are. I have been with my dearest for 10 years now and we have two children together and live happily. Sure we have our arguments as I go through my up and down moods but they're like yours. I just want to go out sometimes even when it doesn't like it's a good idea, but there's no violence or cruelty. I think you'll find your soul mate very soon, you sound like a great and caring person! Good luck dear!
Frankly, I am more interested in your "perfect person's" story. You must be aware that someone experienced living with bipolar individuals would see you as someone currently in a "high" moment or whose meds are really doing the job. I hope for everyone on this site to find happiness and peace.
Sammthepoet

Orange, CA

#11 Dec 13, 2012
I have a poem all about these feelings. I'm 27 and have rapid cycling bipolar 2. I haven't had a date in six years and I didn't like anyone I dated before that. I'm doing this by voice recording so the grammar may not be perfect.

I Wasn't Made For Love

I wasn't made for love. Maybe lust or longing or loneliness. I'm not appealing or easy to talk to. I'm no longer pretty or pleasant, don't spend much time in the present. I'm a realist who suffers from daydreams. I'll go from dark to vibrant to dead. I wasn't made for love. No one could trust the girl who makes music instead of making something of herself. I am intelligent, conscious, speaking bold words. Insane with the cadence to a song no one's heard. I'll go from dark to light, from violent to contrite. I've made many things with my hands. But after all is said and done, I wasn't made for love.
Nutz

South Africa

#12 Dec 14, 2012
Ok, Sammthepoet, thanks for sharing. Just for clarification, are you trying to say you are not made for love?

I thought the same. Gave up completely. Then when I least expected it, BOOM, there he was. Never been happier in my life. Don't give up hope, just take time to build your confidence and stop bashing yourself because you are BP and feel different to everybody else. I am BP, I am different, but I take the good out of my illness, the passion, the impulsiveness, the joy and control the bad part, it makes me special. Not retarded ;-)
Isabella

UK

#13 Dec 14, 2012
Sammthepoet wrote:
I have a poem all about these feelings. I'm 27 and have rapid cycling bipolar 2. I haven't had a date in six years and I didn't like anyone I dated before that. I'm doing this by voice recording so the grammar may not be perfect.
I Wasn't Made For Love
I wasn't made for love. Maybe lust or longing or loneliness. I'm not appealing or easy to talk to. I'm no longer pretty or pleasant, don't spend much time in the present. I'm a realist who suffers from daydreams. I'll go from dark to vibrant to dead. I wasn't made for love. No one could trust the girl who makes music instead of making something of herself. I am intelligent, conscious, speaking bold words. Insane with the cadence to a song no one's heard. I'll go from dark to light, from violent to contrite. I've made many things with my hands. But after all is said and done, I wasn't made for love.
I love your poem. I think its good enough to be published; beautiful, honest, sad and brave.
A Girl

Columbia, MO

#14 Feb 27, 2013
That's a really good poem. It's sad and amazing .
I think I might be bipolar so I'm looking at all of these so yah.
Isabella

UK

#15 Feb 27, 2013
A Girl wrote:
That's a really good poem. It's sad and amazing .
I think I might be bipolar so I'm looking at all of these so yah.
hi, I suppose you have looked up all the signs and symptoms and are looking at some "real life" storys now? I sincerely hope you have a good support network of family and friends; I think its very brave of anyone to seek help and be honest with themselves and others. I wish you luck and strength in managing things in the future.
Nutz

South Africa

#16 Feb 27, 2013
Yeah, A Girl, support is great if you are diagnosed. But I sincerely hope that you are not bp. Its a lot of work to control.
A Girl

Columbia, MO

#17 Feb 27, 2013
Thx everyone
Eburna

Charleston, WV

#18 Feb 28, 2013
Thing that sucks with bipolar and I'm learning the hard way is no matter what is said, no matter how 'special' a bipolar person makes u feel...and my ex made me feel like a true man, like I was king of the world. The most amazing woman ever, but then the flip side...6.5yrs...u think to ur self...yeah, I've got this under control, her bipolar isn't that bad...let me repeat SIX AND A HALF MOSTLY WONDERFUL YEARS...now she's gone...15weeks and counting as of tomorrow.
Isabella

UK

#19 Feb 28, 2013
Eburna wrote:
Thing that sucks with bipolar and I'm learning the hard way is no matter what is said, no matter how 'special' a bipolar person makes u feel...and my ex made me feel like a true man, like I was king of the world. The most amazing woman ever, but then the flip side...6.5yrs...u think to ur self...yeah, I've got this under control, her bipolar isn't that bad...let me repeat SIX AND A HALF MOSTLY WONDERFUL YEARS...now she's gone...15weeks and counting as of tomorrow.
eburna, stop counting the weeks since she left; I know its hard but it seems like you have to try to move on. no doubt it was beautiful for 6.5 years,.. But you are still a man! You are still the same man you were when she was with you!..Was it during a manic episode that she ended it? Was she diagnosed/seeking help with meds and therapy at the time? Whatever the case, 15 weeks is a long time, so I'd say for you to get out there and join in with life again; make some plans, set yourself some goals (even little ones), you are already getting through this, so you're stronger than you think.
Eburna

Charleston, WV

#20 Feb 28, 2013
Isabella...she hadn't been acting right for a few months...we had an adventurous type of lifestyle both of us in 20s when we met, me a bar owner and sum what a local celebrity. She is bisexual and also a sex addict I believe due to years of alleged sexual abuse. We had an open relationship at times. But then on the flip she would blow up about it. As I aged (I'm 36 now) pu$$y became less important and I'm looking for a friend a lover a wife. All the things she said she wanted as well...I stopped any outside curricular activities with others yet she continued accusing me of things. I have now read this is a hallmark of bipolar is the accusations...I decided I could not allow her to talk to me so downgrading and wud not tolerate it. That went on for a few months the she found a reason to leave, first it was because of sumone I added on fb, then she came back, but left again because basically of who I talked with while she was gone the first time! Then she started wanting to have sex, I told her it wud hurt too bad I don't want her for that, we've been together too long and I want her as my wife. She said she needed to think about it, I said she cud have a few weeks but we've dated for 6.5 years it's time to $hit or get off pot so to speak. She came back in a few days said she wanted it etc etc...I told her not to rush and if she came back and left again it wud hurt me reaaaalllly bad, I have a yung daughter etc.(11). She came back, next day was out. Sent me. An email, said she wasn't on mess her mind wasn't rite and she was moving 3hrs away and checking herself into hospital and was cutting off fone because 'cusnt bare to hear wut I wud say'. That was 15 weeks ago.

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