when is enough truly enough?

[mishappy]

Married to a man with bipolar. He was diagnosed almost 3 years ago. 2 years after we got married. No symptoms at the time.

He's been depressed and hospitalized multiple times for that. And then came the first "real" mania...thousands of dollars later, addictions gone wild, big business ideas gone bad, up for days on end, seeking out stimulation and now we're onto delusions of solving the meaning of life.

And throughout this, at least as of late, he's always been on his meds. Abusing marijuana and alcohol at times, not changing his lifestyle as his doctors told him. But as long as he's making "BETTER" decisions, he's content and feeling like he's doing the right things.

Problem is. I want more. I NEED more. most people on here whose spouses are bipolar have ones that aren't getting treatment or taking meds. Mine is doing those things. And still he's unstable. Still he's all talk and no action. I'm thrilled that he's taking his meds, but at the end of the day without a change in lifestyle, what will really change?

And at this point, I love him. I still do. Even though sometimes I barely recognize him as the man I married. But I'm tired. So much damage has been done to my trust, stability and our relationship. I know we said for better or worse, and this is his sickness, but how long do I hang onto a seemingly sinking ship...and put our 2 year old on my shoulders at the same time? How much is too much? How much of my happiness and my daughter's stability do I sacrifice for the maintenance of this disease and my love for him and desire to save our marriage? Is it possible for him to get better to the point of leading a "normal" life with the BP? How long do I wait to find out? I feel like I'm quitting on him, on us...on our family.

So many questions, so few answers.

[dentec]

First I will say I've had Bipolar Disorder most of my life and I ended a relationship with a person who had problems and refused to get help, that been said here I go.If he is using Marijuana and Alcohol and not making the changes suggested by his doctor there is nothing you can do, all the medication is for not if he is drinking and smoking { I bet his doctor doesn't know about it } the Doctor would probably refuse his medication if he knew that.taking his prescribed medications does no good with the Alcohol and Marijuana and I wouldn't want it around my family anyway.If his symptoms are that radical his doctor should be doing something about it, he should be doing everything necessary for himself and his family. he is probably not in Theropy ? it sounds like to me he is not doing everything he needs to do or not do. The bottom line is you have to take care of you and your daughter and do what is best for you and her and it Sucks !you do not sacrifice anything for your daughter ! If you didn't have a child it would be different but that little girl has to be #1 If he won't knock it off and take responsibility for him self and his family I say leave, maybe that will wake him up, his Disorder is not an excuse. this is my opinion, good luck Dentec