Should I divorce my spouse?
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Champaign, IL

#1 Jul 10, 2009
My spouse recently diognosed as a Bipolar Disorder. We have been married for 3 years. Now I realized that why all of my in-laws behavior is so toxic & bizzare that I always try to avoid these people. Two of my in-laws have Scrizoprenia(cousin of Bipolar), one son of sister-in-law has ADHD-- a total mess.( I feel sorry to BP people).

Because it is a permanent inherited mental illness & we do not have any child yet, SHOULD I divorce my spouse so that my future child will not get this disease? Any idea?

Prairie Village, KS

#2 Jul 18, 2009
You ought to be ashamed of yourself! You are not a real man. You damn coward.


#3 Jul 19, 2009
I agree, what a self centered coward. You married your wife because you love her (at least i hope that is why you married her)and you are considering devorcing her because she has an illness that can be treated. Whatever happened to the "in sickness and in health" thing. By the way, even if you have a child with someone who doesn't have bipolar, it doesn't mean your kid isn't going to get it!

Chicago, IL

#4 Jul 20, 2009
I understand that you're thinking in this way for the sake of your children, but it may be better for everyone if you were to find a better way such as adoption. That way you can continue your life with the woman you (I assume?) love, and at the same time you can help an orphan in need.

Or perhaps it really would be better that way? Because if you're just going to be an unaccommodating jerk about something that isn't at all her fault, no one's going to be happy in this relationship. A woman like her needs someone better than that anyways. If you're willing to accept her for who she is, though, than I think you should most definitely stay together. A divorce, even if it happens before a child is born, can still seriously affect the child in negative ways. I speak from the experience of friends, and definitely think it's not a nonissue.

Markham, Canada

#5 Jul 27, 2009
I am one of three children of a bipolar mother. We are all well into adulthood and none of us seems to have any symptoms. We have had some serious downs and some really good times, but the one thing I have always been so proud of is that my dad stood by and support his wife through the worst of it. Chances are she has been like this since you knew her, only now she is why should a diagnosis change things. It is a helpful piece of information that can start treatment options. It is an illness, and a real challenge, be strong, do not let fear stop you from caring for and loving your wife. No relationship can guarentee a trouble free existence. Do not give up before you have tried.
Neil wrote:
My spouse recently diognosed as a Bipolar Disorder. We have been married for 3 years. Now I realized that why all of my in-laws behavior is so toxic & bizzare that I always try to avoid these people. Two of my in-laws have Scrizoprenia(cousin of Bipolar), one son of sister-in-law has ADHD-- a total mess.( I feel sorry to BP people).
Because it is a permanent inherited mental illness & we do not have any child yet, SHOULD I divorce my spouse so that my future child will not get this disease? Any idea?

North Webster, IN

#6 Aug 1, 2009
If your wife follows treatment reccomendations, and continues to follow them for an extended period, that is great. My husband denies having the disorder, so does nothing but blame me for all his problems. Thank your lucky stars if she knows she has it and does something about it.

Yes, it is highly inheritable. And if she's taking her meds like she should, she probably should not get pregnant.

Oh, and if you adopt, your kid could still have a mental illness from the other set of parents.

So deal with your relationship first.

Then, if she's mostly stable, deal with the child issues later.

Good luck.

Cork, Ireland

#7 Aug 1, 2009
I am in your situation my partner will not acknowledge he has a problem also. I am blamed for everything. I dont think i can take much more of this. Right now my own head is screwed up from it all. How do you cope

Leesville, SC

#8 Aug 7, 2009
Disgusted wrote:
You ought to be ashamed of yourself! You are not a real man. You damn coward.
Easy for you to say.I wonder how you would react if faced with those problems on a day to day basis.

Bellevue, WA

#9 Aug 11, 2009
Lonewolf wrote:
<quoted text>Easy for you to say.I wonder how you would react if faced with those problems on a day to day basis.
I agree, I had children with my soon to be ex, and it was not responsible, of him, or his family to not disclose that he had bipolar (signs typically come out as a teen/early 20's) and that his mother had been diagnosed. I am NOT wishing my kids away, they are the best thing that ever happened to me, but I probably would NOT have married him or had kids with him if I had known in advance. Who you fall in love with, and who the bipolar person is are two very different things. And if you can spare someone from a hard life (ie, having kids) you should think long and hard about it. Its fair to have all information before making such a huge decision.

Marengo, OH

#10 Aug 19, 2010
My absolute best advice to you at this point would be to help your wife. Here is the name of a site that will benefit her to the max degree. You can read up on this supplement and all the wonderful 100% success rate cases. Please look at this site and act. this is a site that will help with physical and mental well being. I have first hand experience with living with a bi-polar person and it is very exasperating. All the synthetic drugs this person was on just about sent me over the edge and I dont have the problem. Mental illness affects everyone around that person. Please look at this site. I believe it will save your wife and your marriage.

Marengo, OH

#11 Aug 19, 2010
One other comment in regard to the above stated about adoption. Once is generally not diagnosed with bi-polar until late teens or early twenties. So you could adopt ten children and they could all be bi-polar. Again I highly suggest you look at the website. It has been a lifesaver for so many people. They are out of Alberta , Canada but it is sold in the states also.
Robert In Toronto

Mississauga, Canada

#12 May 16, 2011

This is a genetically heritable disorder. It is often co-morbid with ADHD, Schizophrenia, ODD, OCD, BPD. The hormonal & psychological changes during & after pregnancy often exacerbate & magnify the daily issues to PPD & extreme cycling. Those are the facts (been there done that for 17 years of hell).

As far as the BPD name callers here calling you a coward, using the no-fault argument, or incurable disease guilt trip.. remember WHY you got married.

I got married to start a family. What I got was a self-centered narcissistic sociopath who neglected our children from birth.. this continued for 17 years.

Since you are at the beginning, without children yet, take the advice that you will get from the majority of we non-BPs. Turn & run for your life! Ninety percent of marriages to BPs fail, the remaining statistics are not marriages. They are codependent relationships with people who insist on a licence to be abusive because "its not my fault".

"You wouldn't leave a cancer patient" no you wouldn't BUT "you wouldn't sleep with an EBOLA patient" either. As we non-BPs advise, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE because that is what will be destroyed if you stay.(Why aren't you packed yet fool?)
Robert In Toronto

Mississauga, Canada

#13 May 16, 2011
A closing note echoing the comment from AL-Seattle.

My mother in law is BP. One of my sister in laws is BP. Those were medical diagnosed. From letters to my ex-wife from the MIL, I also suspect that three of the four maternal siblings are ADHD-PI diagnosed. Even with hospital paperwork, their denial continues.

This was known & hidden from all the non-BPs who had the misfortune to meet these women. There are 5 children now with typical issues (ADHD, BP, etc).

I love my children dearly, but had the maternal family showed the decency to be truthful my children wouldn't exist & I would have married someone else. More importantly, I wouldn't have wasted 26 years of my life on the lies from a simulated human.

So, RUN.

Milo, ME

#14 May 17, 2011
coming from a wife of BP (not known until 17 years into marriage-now at 21 and separated) my advice would be not to have children at all if you want to stay in your marriage. Any stressors have to be avoided. I believe some of his symptoms surfaced coming from the stress of the responsibilities of children, among other things. We did adopt (not because of the BP) and this does have an effect on them. They are now mostly without their father. He loves them and I will be there for him when he wants me but we cannot live together. I think that if it were just the 2 of us, we could have made it. Children need a stable home and dealing with bipolar is not stable. If you decide to have children know that probably most of the responsibility will go to you and accept that in the beginning. Mine is a great dad-that is when he spends time with them and that is not much and that is the saddest thing. It just kills me. Like others have said, you spouse accepts the BP and if mine had said I have it, lets deal with it, I would have worked it out but it is devastating when they won't accept or can't accept and they can only blame you for everything because they don't know what is wrong either.

United States

#15 Jun 1, 2011
My experience with my bipolar wife has been the most challenging hurtfull time of my life. She wasn't diagnosed untill after we had children. I can say if I was able to go back in time I would not remarry my wife. We went through a time where she was constantly sleeping with strangers this was only discovered after she ran into my boss in a bar and slept with him in the parking lot . Now she is on medication and has no sex drive at all. Which belive it or not is totally ok with me I do not feel in love or safe having sex with her. The meds do help alot with the violent outbursts those have pretty much ended over the past year.....I can say if it wasn't for my children there is not a chance I would still be with this women. I don't know your total situation but wouldn't wish what I have gown through on my worst advise is run and never look back

United States

#16 Jun 1, 2011
Disgusted wrote:
You ought to be ashamed of yourself! You are not a real man. You damn coward.
I think this is abit of a harsh statment. I personally comend anyone who has had to deal with this disorder

United States

#17 Jun 1, 2011
I should add that I don't think its right to add children to a relationship where bp is involved wether it natural or adoption. Children need a stable environment and people with bp are just not stable nor will life be around them. If you decide you love her and except her bp it would be irresponsible to add children. They will add to her stress and innocently cause more issues with her bp.
This will not be easy but you will need to monitor her money. I give mine an allowance each week and im fairly genorious with it. They are also skilled at lieing and decite mine had obtained a secret credit card and ran up 5k in dept and maxed out the card at the casino in 3 months. The allowance idea works but makes her feel like im controling her so I sit with her and show her our money for the month and where it goes. I also show her I have a set amount of money to spend this way she can see im being fair.....once you except the fact that they can never be trusted with anything important and create the road blocks to stop them you can have alittle stibility back..but I repeat never let your guard down and never just trust a bp to do the right thing....

Antioch, CA

#18 Feb 15, 2012
I have been married to my husband for 26 yrs now, for last 10 yr he has been treated for bp. Its getting worse, he wont go back to see the Dr to get his meds checked. He just tells me hes is tired. We have twin sons who are high funchion autistic and are a lot of work. They are 16 now and there dad is very involved in helping them but now his symptoms are getting worse, he has been on several dating sights met up with a few woman and tells me he wants a second wife and doesn't want a divorce, but has said if I file he wont fight it but I am to leave EVERYTHING to him including the boys. He has now in the last 2 months he has maxed out all of our credit cards and drained our bank acounts. Ism at a loss for the first time Sence before he was treated. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have lost 15 pounds in the last two months and want to climb in to a box. I want to leave but I cant seam to do it. I keep telling myself it can get better. What to do?

Bangor, ME

#19 Feb 16, 2012
If he gets better, great, but why wait until you do crawl into a box and can't get out? If you can't think of yourself, think of you twins who especially need a calm home. It's a very sad situation, but you have enough on your hands with your sons. I found that there were a lot of threats, I will take all your money, etc., but none of that happened when I got out and he seems to be able to handle our family better not living here. Do you really think he would want to handle your autistic children? Sounds like he has other "interests". There are ways to keep him away from you and your children if he is threatening you in any way. I have been where you are, not knowing which way to turn, but the only thing to do is keep an eye on your goal and that is to make sure you and your sons have a calm home. It is rightfully yours and no one person has a right to take that away! Hope that helps. Just keep reading posts and get any bit of encouragement you need. Karen

Since: Jan 12

Location hidden

#20 Feb 16, 2012
I have bipolar and am married it has been a hard road and my little girl got it. Even though my wife is my one true love. I have been in love before and I am sure that she is my true love. Though i am so sorry my doughter inherted my bipolar, I wouldn't want any other child, she is so amazing and so smart when you notice what she is really up to I have an advantage in this too. I have gone back to treament for life it's a long story but to e sure I would sooner kill myself then leave treament again in my life as I went back for the right reasions and so much more. As I was saying though being bipolar myself I can see what my little girl is going through and I talk with her, I try to make sure she never has to fall this far down to learn to get help and stay with it. See I know where my family went wrong in my treament. They handed it to me force fed it to me and told me that they would throw my out on the street with nothing if I didn't do it the way they told me to and with the doctors they picked and told me to see. I never had a say in any of it and I left it rejected it. I have finaly learned and I belive that I can help my little girl not go through the same things is her life about leaving treatment and to stay in it for her whole life. I talk with her about her treatemnt and get her involed and as she becomes older I want to give her more say in it and who she sees, not force feed it to her. By the way you could leave your woman and be with another, you will have heart break and pain for it and cause it to her for the wrong reasions and mabye some day find some one else and have a child and that child could still turn out with this dissorder anyways. Stay with the woman you love, I know inlaws sux I hate my father inlaw and he hates me he has been tring to get my wife to leave me since the first year we were togather and never stops he even talks shit to my child about me, but you know what she is smarter then that and my little girl doesn't belive him even when he buys her all the things she wants that I can't aford. She is still daddys little princess and I love her so much she is apart of me and apart of the woman I love. So think about it, you can have a child with some one else and still end up with a child with bipolar dissored even if neither of you have it, it just happens some times so stay with the woman you love and stick it out. And if she ever goes through an hard time and is not getting treated stick by her and talk with her tell her how she hurts you and how it hurts you to see her go through this and encourgh her to get help. And remind her you love her and how much you need her, she will get it eventualy and get help. Be with the one you love never throw away love don't be a fool it is such a presous gift, not to be waisted.

Good luck and just relax things will work out.
A frind if you need just message me.

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