Dating Bipolar People - What you shou...
Sapphirejewel

United States

#42 Sep 2, 2010
gregmech26 wrote:
Also, here is a "gem" you will "love"...be fully prepared to be blamed for everything bad that happens to her, that was entirely not your fault, be prepared to be thought of as the source and cause of his problems that you had absolutely nothing to do with, and be prepared to walk on eggshells, having to analyze and strictly EDIT everything that comes out of your mouth before it comes out of your mouth when you speak, out of fear of offending her.
You will be making one of the worst decisions of your life if you choose to stay with her and an even worse decision if you choose to have kids with her. She is NOT wife material and she is NOT mother material. I am willing to bet you wouldn't even get one dime out of her for a child support payment.
If I could be blunt, I think you need to have a realization and conception of how many single women are out there in the world who would treat you right.
You do NOT have to settle for somebody like this, out of fear of being lonely. You need somebody who thinks of you...your well-being, your feelings, what benefits YOU, at all times, and cherishes your feelings and raises your self-esteem...remember, your emotions are precious and not something anyone should be allowed to dismiss or stomp on.
Yes she is mentally ill and yes I feel sorry for her. But being mentally ill does not give anyone a free pass, blank check, or magical permission slip to abuse anyone. They need to curb their attitudes, act civilized, and keep their impulses to indulge in bad behavior in check, and know when to just shut up and be nice, just like everyone else in society has to. I can advise you and advise you to stop seeing her, but in the end of course it is all up to you.
Do your parents know about her and how she has treated you? They must be worried sick about you and surely want you to find somebody better and stable who is decent and who has morals, who will NOT make you cry, and who will NOT flip-flop and flake on everything, throw and break things like a punk 10 year old brat kid, or be hurtful to you in any way. Please never base the value of a relationship on how good the sex is or how entertaining the woman is.
By the way, there are Groups right here on Yahoo which are themed on coping with the Bipolar loved one. You may want to look them up and join, in Yahoo Groups...just go to Yahoo Groups and run searches on Bipolar this and that. Those people in there who actually live with a Bipolar and have lived with one for a long time, can tell you EXACTLY what it's like and what they have to deal with as a result of choosing a Bipolar mate.
Be ready, it won't be pretty, but at least you'll hear the unvarnished truth. Take care. There ARE stable women out there who wouldn't ever dream of acting the way she is behaving.
Thank you so much for your sobering posts. It is a true blessing, you will never now how much this means to me. Thank you.
theman

Winchester, KY

#43 Sep 14, 2010
Icy hot wrote:
Juliexoxo..I've been reading what you wrote everyday and will continue to read it until I am over what I thought was a wonderful relationship w/ my BF. I believe this will get me through. Although I was willing to stand by him and be there for him.. he still pushed me away.
I was in the same boat.. my ex went through several thousand dollars from her former husbands death...I tried to stick with her because of that and the fact that I loved her...she pushed me away also..you can't help but think that you could have done more. I guess that is the downside...you keep guessing....
thank you Julie xoxo

United States

#44 Sep 15, 2010
Julie XOXO wrote:
I have been engaged to bp for 9 years. He is BP1 on Depakote for 21 years and recently put on Saphris. You will find they are controlling and delusional and cannot accept blame for any of their problems. They live in the past blaming others for how they turned out. They have few people in their lives and can't understand why. They lie, oh boy do they lie without limits, do crazy things, are financially unpredictible,they usually have some crazy sex addiction. You will never be emotionally supported, but will be belittled and judged for everything you are doing that doesn't follow their opinion of how things should be. You can not reason or speak logically to them to get them to understand what they are doing. Their brain processes reality on a different plane than ours does. Most have addictions in attempt to self medicate to not feel bad about themselves. They are consumed by some type of extreme sport or hobby and will bankrupt anyone they can to support their facination. When they are manic they will disappear and you may never know what they are doing. They will suddenly separate from you because you bother them in some way, so many wind up living separated. You will always be the source of all the problems because think they are perfect. They have an lie by taking bits and pieces of truth and twisting them into something that will confuse and overwhelm you. You will never have a successful relationhip with a bipolar person unless they accept their disease and work on it. I mean really work on it not just pretend to so you will stay. If you start this relationship because you want a relationship so badly or feel as though you can't find anything better, you are going to be destroyed. Please seek help. If you are older, financially and emotionally independent then you may be able to have a relationship provided you never need to rely on anything from the loved one with BP. Never be afraid to leave a BP argument, if they can't manipulate you into saying they are right, they might just control the argument by beating you. You will have your patience tested every minute of every day and your inability to be patient may get you hurt. Get some therapy for yourself if you are involved. Don't turn to the BPs parents, they are too exhausted to help too. It's likely it will backfire on you because either they can't cope with it or feel their diseased should be exiled and you are the problem for staying. Realize you may have needs too and will not be able to lean on your loved one as in a traditional relationship. Realize that your BP loved one may not be able to provide support becaue he is having a high or low. They are highly narcissistic so it is difficult for them to genuinely give of themselves to anyone. I was strong for 8 years until I had a death in my family and a serious medical issue of my own which inconveniently occured during a manic stage of my BPs life. He was emotionally unavailable to me and while I cried out to him that I needed him, he became enraged. In my hysterics I engaged in an argument (normally I pick my battles and walk away) that could have ended my life. I wish you happiness, health and prosperity. Please keep in mind the potential of a BP and remember you can not always be level headed in your dealings with life. Also if you have children consider the impression a child will receive is that they have to praise, worship and always do what their parent with bipolar wants them to do in order to be loved. They will feel NO unconditional love which can lead them into unhealthy situations and in constant performance to gain love from their parent. I am writing not for help but so anyone considering this type of relationship will have some insight and knowledge of what he/she is taking on. Take care of you first or you are useless to everyone else. Best wishes to all. If you want to talk privately, juliexoxo12@yahoo.com.
Thank you so much for your helpful posting. God bless u
hellohellosmith

East Providence, RI

#45 Oct 5, 2010
well i just wanted to say that the person that i had a friendship with contacted me and i caved in and let him back in my life . well you know what happened he did the same thing to me all over again . called me up ranting and raving about something i said to him the week before . well this time i am really over it . but i did say terrible things to this person this time to finish the friendship , but you know what i really don't care this time . when you have been hurt so much it makes you have a thick skin . well this may make me sound like a horrible person but i am not . i am a good person , peace
gatinha

Colorado Springs, CO

#46 Oct 5, 2010
I am bipolar I and this entire site truly saddens me. I have my bachelorís degree in international business and I speak three languages fluently. I have been in three long term healthy relationships and have been a very loving and attentive girlfriend. I can assure you that I am probably more stable and productive than most of the people who have commented on this page. Your ignorance astounds me. You should all be ashamed of yourself for judging and degrading people who are bipolar. If youíve had a bad experience with someone donít go on a fucking site and blame it on the disease. Take some responsibility for your failed relationships. Good Christians my ass!
hellosmith

East Providence, RI

#47 Oct 6, 2010
hello this will be my last post on this site , thank you for the help i have gotten on this site . just wanted to say i had let my friend back into my life after he wrote me a letter stating he was sorry , well we went away on a trip and had a great time the day after we returned he called me up ranting and raving about something i had said to him the week before ( i had called him on one of his behaviors , he was sulking because someone phoned me and he was upset that i wasn't paying full attention to him !) well i lost it after that , the last time he did it i was sad , this time i was livid , i told him to stay way and that he was a sick bipolar &^%$,( i was wrong to say that i know )i know that sound terrible but i was so upset and angry at him , then he got personal told be i was overweight which i am , that i have low self confidence ( which i probably do ) and that i had bags under my eyes , all this to hurt me as much has he could !!!! this has made me look at myself and what i can do to improve my own life . now i know that people with bipolar will never take the responsibility for anything bad they do . you are always to blame , i am so tired of walking around on eggshells always watching what i say to this person . well it is all over now this is it . thank you all peace

Since: Oct 10

Oklahoma City, OK

#48 Oct 7, 2010
Julie, Your man is so ill it is beyond your scope of endurance. It is true some bipolar people cannot handle a lover kind of relationship. Yours sounds like one of those. Your description of him is NOT what the regular bipolar person is. Bipolar is treatable and managable with the right meds and psychicatrist.I have been bipolar all of my 58 years. I suspect that I am more healthy than you on my worst day. You are very sick and need to get professional help and find out why it is you are in this mess yourself. You blame him for it all. It is not a matter of blame. The man is extremely ill and is hanging by a thread and you cannot help him. Just remember you are not describing the average bipolar person. Only a very few of us are like that. You need to bend over backwards and study up on this illness. I am a Trained Facilitator for bipolar groups. If you came to my group I would listen to you but I would not allow you to hog up all the meeting time. I would tell you we need to move on to the next person now. People like you usually don't make it in groups of this nature even they are the very people you need to be around. Their candidness and wellness would be more than you could handle because you are not in a place yet where you can take a good look at your own inventory and liabilities. How sad. I have been married for 38 years, and am stable. You are not therefore you have nothing at this time to offer ANY relationship. If you stay that is your chioce, but it is also a big red flag representing how ill, angry, self centered, delusional, unedicated you are about yourself and your situation.Since your man is so ill I would say leave, but are you strong enough to do that and stay gone and not go back??? Somehow with my professional experience in these matters, i doubt it. I wish I had a better outlook lor you but at this time there just isn't one at all. Sorry Kelti

Since: Oct 10

Montevallo, AL

#49 Oct 16, 2010
I am reading this through my tears as I have just ended a four year relationship with a BP man who could have been the sole inspiration for this post. It will help in one respect. But in a sense, it makes the pain of leaving him even harder because I see this is SUCH a DISEASE and that he is not a complete jerk and I want the man that is inside!! I don't WANT to leave him! But I am becoming mentally ill staying with him. I havelost most of my friends, one family member, and have kids that are getting old enough to know whats going on. I am in for a tough road. I have gone back to him so many times. I have no bright future. If I walk away it is hell. If I stay, it is hell

Since: Oct 10

Oklahoma City, OK

#50 Oct 16, 2010
I am so sorry to hear about your loss As a Facilitator for bipolar support groups I hear this so much it just makes me ache all over I read a lot on ere about bipolar bashing, blaming You don't seem that type to me I'm not sure if you will get the support you need on this site because of that Please go to Bipolar Support Group There you will find a wealth of bipolars who are in recovery and know their illness as well if not better than any psychiatrist You will find me there too!

Since: Oct 10

Oklahoma City, OK

#51 Oct 17, 2010
Just a note:
1. This is a site for bipolar people seeking recovery and for their loved ones
2. It is NOT a site for bipolar bashing
3. It is not a site for putting all bipolar people in a category that is all one of the same We are all in different stages of recovery
4. It is a site most of all for bipolar people seeking support.
5. It is a site for asking questions about bipolar from those of us on here who are educated in this area.
6.Beware of what you read. This site is not bipolar friendly.

Since: Oct 10

Dublin, Ireland

#52 Oct 18, 2010
theres adisgusting stigma out there assosiated with people who suffer from bipolar disorder,i suffer from bipolar2 and i have come across some narrow minded people even family members god with people like that how do we stand a chance???

Since: Oct 10

Dublin, Ireland

#53 Oct 18, 2010
as a bipolar sufferer,i must say i couldnt have put it better myself...well said thank you x
why me

United States

#54 Oct 18, 2010
What is the best way to get someone who has all the signs of bipolar to face the truth and not let them work around there problem and try to make it seem like I am the one that needs help. If she can not face the truth, will she ever be able to face reality. It is like I came to the end of the road and there are no more detours.
sapphirejewel

United States

#55 Oct 18, 2010
Julie XOXO wrote:
I have been engaged to bp for 9 years. He is BP1 on Depakote for 21 years and recently put on Saphris. You will find they are controlling and delusional and cannot accept blame for any of their problems. They live in the past blaming others for how they turned out. They have few people in their lives and can't understand why. They lie, oh boy do they lie without limits, do crazy things, are financially unpredictible,they usually have some crazy sex addiction. You will never be emotionally supported, but will be belittled and judged for everything you are doing that doesn't follow their opinion of how things should be. You can not reason or speak logically to them to get them to understand what they are doing. Their brain processes reality on a different plane than ours does. Most have addictions in attempt to self medicate to not feel bad about themselves. They are consumed by some type of extreme sport or hobby and will bankrupt anyone they can to support their facination. When they are manic they will disappear and you may never know what they are doing. They will suddenly separate from you because you bother them in some way, so many wind up living separated. You will always be the source of all the problems because think they are perfect. They have an lie by taking bits and pieces of truth and twisting them into something that will confuse and overwhelm you. You will never have a successful relationhip with a bipolar person unless they accept their disease and work on it. I mean really work on it not just pretend to so you will stay. If you start this relationship because you want a relationship so badly or feel as though you can't find anything better, you are going to be destroyed. Please seek help. If you are older, financially and emotionally independent then you may be able to have a relationship provided you never need to rely on anything from the loved one with BP. Never be afraid to leave a BP argument, if they can't manipulate you into saying they are right, they might just control the argument by beating you. You will have your patience tested every minute of every day and your inability to be patient may get you hurt. Get some therapy for yourself if you are involved. Don't turn to the BPs parents, they are too exhausted to help too. It's likely it will backfire on you because either they can't cope with it or feel their diseased should be exiled and you are the problem for staying. Realize you may have needs too and will not be able to lean on your loved one as in a traditional relationship. Realize that your BP loved one may not be able to provide support becaue he is having a high or low. They are highly narcissistic so it is difficult for them to genuinely give of themselves to anyone. I was strong for 8 years until I had a death in my family and a serious medical issue of my own which inconveniently occured during a manic stage of my BPs life. He was emotionally unavailable to me and while I cried out to him that I needed him, he became enraged. In my hysterics I engaged in an argument (normally I pick my battles and walk away) that could have ended my life. I wish you happiness, health and prosperity. Please keep in mind the potential of a BP and remember you can not always be level headed in your dealings with life. Also if you have children consider the impression a child will receive is that they have to praise, worship and always do what their parent with bipolar wants them to do in order to be loved. They will feel NO unconditional love which can lead them into unhealthy situations and in constant performance to gain love from their parent. I am writing not for help but so anyone considering this type of relationship will have some insight and knowledge of what he/she is taking on. Take care of you first or you are useless to everyone else. Best wishes to all. If you want to talk privately, juliexoxo12@yahoo.com.
So helpful and a blessing. Keeping us all in prayers:-)

Since: Apr 10

Location hidden

#56 Nov 23, 2010
gatinha wrote:
I am bipolar I and this entire site truly saddens me. I have my bachelorís degree in international business and I speak three languages fluently. I have been in three long term healthy relationships and have been a very loving and attentive girlfriend. I can assure you that I am probably more stable and productive than most of the people who have commented on this page. Your ignorance astounds me. You should all be ashamed of yourself for judging and degrading people who are bipolar. If youíve had a bad experience with someone donít go on a fucking site and blame it on the disease. Take some responsibility for your failed relationships. Good Christians my ass!
Thank you, thank you, thank you Gatinha.

I am also a bipolar professional. I originally found this site right after I was diagnosed and looking for some way to stop that horrible sinking feeling that my whole life was spinning out of control. Can you imagine the utter despair I felt when I came upon this site? The behavior that the partners of these bipolar people describe sounds more sociopathic than bipolar.
Also, I always notice when a new poster arrives with some heartbreaking story seeking advice on how to build a better life with their partner and they are instantly hit with the most negative, destructive advice that is bolstered by a thousand tales of woe and culminates in a vivid description of the endless hell the poster will suffer (along with her/his children) if they do not run away instantly.

I still come back to this site for 2 reasons: a, to constantly set up an image in my mind of who I must NOT be (and this goes both for most of the posters and for the partners they describe) and b, to see if there are positive follow up stories from previous posters who managed to get their lives back on track that might inspire me.

I have since found other sites that are warm and accommodating and I am pretty sure the kind of toxic venom spewed on this site is instantly removed by the admins.

Try MDJunction and Pendulum Resources.

(Watch them judge... there will be a smattering of "clueless" a couple of "nuts" and a half dozen big red "disagree" icons by next week)
Ken

Fredericksburg, VA

#57 Dec 10, 2010
IF you are ever unsure if you can deal with a BP person, then trust me you are not ready to have a relationship with a BP person. I would say look for someone else. BP is a lifetime disease, it can be helped somewhat with meds and therapy but it will never go away and you will have to deal with it every day of your life if your partner has it. With all these things against you from the beginning you need to ask yourself if you really want this that much or maybe just wait for the next fish to make its way around to you. Better to be happy and single than unsure, unappreciated and unhappy in your BP relationship. For now I will just have to say never again for me! To everyone dealing with BP or someone with BP person, please hope and pray for a cure, it is a very nasty disease for the suffer and for the people around them.
Ken

Fredericksburg, VA

#58 Dec 10, 2010
I have read most of the threads in this post and there have been many people who will say that not all people with Bi-polar are like this or like that. What I have noticed that there is a great tendency for BPs to behave a certain way in relationships. I will share my story so that it might help people decide what they should do.
I was involved with a BP type 2 woman and most of the things that I have found that people are saying were true of this relationship. She was moody, had to have things her way, she would never accept personal blame or responsibility, the lies were just out of control, and the self centeredness was the worst. It was if the world and everyone in it was created to help her to deal with ďher problemsĒ(no matter the consequences to anyone else be it family or friend. She was also emotionally equivalent of a rubber band (into it some of the time usually emotionally distant) and she had addiction issues to coke and alcohol. She had just filed personal bankruptcy because of spending sprees and her addiction and had milked her family out of thousands (you can now add me to that list). When hypo mantic she had the grand ideas of being a world famous poet or sail around the world solo as if they were going to be the easiest things to do, when depressed there was no interest in anything but sleep, no self worth, and talk of suicide especially when she needed the sympathy or people to not call her out on things. You donít want to know the past of most BP especially in reference to sex. Mines biography would have made the likes of porn stars blush.
OF course I thought I could deal with these issues when we had the early talk about her BP and her supposed recovery. I was thinking that hey I did my homework, I know what Iím in for and I had know this person for quite a long period of time and I had dealt with other women with emotional issues. I thought I was prepared for this and things were going so great in the beginning like I had found my true soul mate. Well after a few months of me putting all the energy into the relationship (because she was too depressed most days and when cycling into hypo mantic the world was just too big, too much to be seen for me to be of any importance at that time. And yes she was on 3 different meds for depression/mood stabilization/BP and had been in therapy for years.
I have been in many relationships some long some short some ended by me and some ended by them and none of them were as messed up or emotionally draining as this one. It left me questioning everything, was this her regular personality, would she ever be different, was it the drugs, was it the wrong meds, what else could I have done to make the outcome any different? These are just too many relationship questions to deal with and they all centered around the effects of her BP condition. Iím sure some people, though hard work and perseverance have gotten a better handle on their BPD, but most people go for the path of least resistance and this is when you see the trends that have been so accurately described in these postings. So before you date someone with BP, my advice is take it very very slow, find out what they have done to improve their condition, look at their other relationships (Friends, family etc.) and please know the odds are against you in the relationship working out. You need to be a very independent person as you most likely will not be able to ďleanĒ on your BP partner because you will never know the state they are in when you need them. Realize that you will never be more important to them than their BP issues. Do NOT rush in and make any major commitments with a BP (marriage or children) no matter how real or how sure you think you are.
Ken

Fredericksburg, VA

#59 Dec 10, 2010
. IF you are ever unsure if you can deal with a BP person, then trust me you are not ready to have a relationship with a BP person. I would say look for someone else. BP is a lifetime disease, it can be helped somewhat with meds and therapy but it will never go away and you will have to deal with it every day of your life if your partner has it. With all these things against you from the beginning you need to ask yourself if you really want this that much or maybe just wait for the next fish to make its way around to you. Better to be happy and single than unsure, unappreciated and unhappy in your BP relationship. For now I will just have to say never again for me! To everyone dealing with BP or someone with BP person, please hope and pray for a cure, it is a very nasty disease for the suffer and for the people around them.
Joey

Belleville, IL

#60 Dec 11, 2010
Wow its like thats something i could have said, it got so bad one day i had to go in the bathroom and get it togather, im beyond scared of what this is gonna do to my life, everyone on here talks about having a bp spouse is eventually gonna have to end.....thats y i have to deal with it as long as possible, there is no need to rush loosing my home and family
Joey

Belleville, IL

#61 Dec 11, 2010
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