Dating Bipolar People - What you shou...

Dating Bipolar People - What you should Know

Posted in the Bipolar Disorder Forum

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Dave

United States

#2 Mar 8, 2010
In other words to sum it up, just move on if you can.
Icy hot

United States

#3 Mar 13, 2010
Juliexoxo..I've been reading what you wrote everyday and will continue to read it until I am over what I thought was a wonderful relationship w/ my BF. I believe this will get me through. Although I was willing to stand by him and be there for him.. he still pushed me away.
circus

Portland, OR

#4 Mar 13, 2010
This advice is priceless. All you have wrote, I can confirm. I am relieved to know at this early time. It won't be easy to forget him because I did/do love him, and I still don't know why. Thank you all.
chels

Stockton, NJ

#5 Mar 29, 2010
yea... so im a bit lost? now your not bipolar right? it was the man you were engaged to. so im sorry if i am wrong i may have teken what you said the wrong way but it looks to me that you said You will find they are controlling and delusional and cannot accept blame for any of their problems." They live in the past blaming others for how they turned out. They have few people in their lives and can't understand why."
this is not comletely true... everyone is different every bipolar person had their own mind. they may all get some what deporessed and separate them self from people when the bipolar kicks in. but thats not how they always are. and the part where you say Also if you have children consider the impression a child will receive is that they have to praise, worship and always do what their parent with bipolar wants them to do in order to be loved. They will feel NO unconditional love
a bipolar person is just like you and i they love just as much as you would love your child. who is to say they cant give a child unconditional love? they are normal people who have a problem maybe some bipolar people dont accept what they have and go on living that way without help but those who get help are just as normal as anyone. they can love their children and husbands just as much as anyone could. possibly even more. they are kind people who in my opinion got a gift to be different and an oportunity to show the world that they can over come battles many of you cant. they are just like you and i with a little twist and maybe sometimes theyhave difficulties at life and nothing may come easy for them but those battles make them who they are and build them stronger!
w8ting4thethaw

Warwick, RI

#6 Mar 29, 2010
I can personally attest to the fact that a bp father can show unconditional love. Even while gong through some of the most extreme mood swings, while being completely unaware at the time that I was bp, I never took it out on my kids. In fact, I remember telling my p-doc at the time that when I was really depressed I used to tickle my kids at the time and wrestle with them a lot, all the time praying that it would distract them from looking in my eyes and seeing the utter death and darkness I was living through at the time reflected in my eyes... We are aware, we may love and hate at the extremes of the human spectrum but its not like all of us are oblivious turds....
bugj

Denver, CO

#7 Apr 14, 2010
Julie from Houston,You sound like a bitch..... :)
Julie XOXO

Spring, TX

#8 Apr 17, 2010
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that shared their similar experiences with me privately. Please remember you will not be successful at anything or with anyone if you are living against your inner beliefs. Stay healthy and seek help and education regarding this disease. It amazes me how much stigma there is and how ignorant most people are regarding bipolar disorder. (Example above.) Don't let negative comments from bipolar sufferers affect you. They belittle you to normalize themselves.(The rest of us are the problem, not them.) It allows them to feel ok about themselves. Most of their maladaptive responses are further denial that anything is wrong with them. The also respond poorly because there is no certainty of their future, because at any time, the disease can destroy their future by job loss, jail, criminal record or hospitalization. Empathize with them and try to put yourself in their shoes. It's just such a crying shame that a symptom of mental illness is the brains ability to create an altered state of reality resulting in disbelief that anything is wrong with them.
jon

Lowell, MA

#9 Apr 17, 2010
huh
Jon

Lowell, MA

#10 Apr 17, 2010
My boyfriend is bipolar what should i do? LOL
Want2Help

Lees Summit, MO

#11 Apr 18, 2010
That is by far the wisest, most insightful thing I have read in regards to what I am going through with a man I adore. I think there is a differentiation of Bipolar 1, and probably even in that category. It just so happens that my situation is spot on to what you are talking about. Mine is a dear, sweet, loving, gentle soul who is such an amazing person. It's not fair and I have compassion for him. I just have watched him progress into an out of control manic state that has turned into psychosis, delusions and paranoia, alcoholism and drug abuse. He was sober when we met and had been for 4 or 5 months. But, then began a manic phase, prgrssively, but once it got out of control, it spiraled, fast! I have never witnessed such a complete and total transformation of a person before. I am to the point now where he is at his mother's house, with no care, keys, money and everyone has given up on him. He has fooled 4 hospital admissions nurses in the last week alone, rushed him to the er because he got locked out, didn't have meds and doctor said would have stroked out any minute (blood pressure meds) had he not come in. I can only be his friend now and can't even go over to his house with him. literally, he can't get through one sentence with him w/o him getting upset with me, he's not tracking at all. I know death by suicide or recklessness, etc. is eminent any day now.... what can I do and still protect myself? His mother hs given up, no other family. He is not thinking clearly and needs help. I have been very good at setting boundaries for myself since this happened. But, I do care for him so much, I know I personally can't be in a romantic relationship anymore with him because of what I am able to tolerate. I have been the most patient person with him, when he was with me, he took his meds regularly, was clean and sober and I am the only one that he does this with, I'm not sure why...we just have a connection. I am very patient with him and I usually do not react to him, I calm him and he immediately feels badly. He has nvr been violent, when he is not in this psychosis which is the first time in his life like this, he keeps himself in therapy on meds and is very aware and accepting of his bp. I think it is the addictions that are killing him now, negating his meds and he desperately needs help. So, you are very wise and have been in this situation, much more in depth than me.....what can I do from somewhat afar at this point? I want to help, be his friend. I do know that I can only be his friend righ tnow from afar, I think. But when he does get better, god have mercy that he does...I will be his good friend again. I would love to be able to right now, but even I upset him now. By upset, I don't mean he has ever called me a name, he hasn't, he has been disrespectful and belittling just lately. Believe me though when I say, this man was very, very reciprocating emotionally prior to this episode, which was started by a few tragic events in his life around him, too much, too painful, too much at one time for anyone. I have been able to take care of myself and keep my boundaries and what I hold valuable throughout this. i want to be able to see through what he calls his "satan side", which he hates. I am very educated and can spot manipulation easily...and he is a master and brilliant. But, doesn't he deserve someone to care? "everyone thinks and looks at me like I'm a monster now". What have I done to myself an deveryone else, omg.". "I am a monster" "I just can't seem to stop". So, bottom line...I would never consider doing this for anyone else by choice. i do believe we met for a reason. Just tell me what to do, please.....
married for 20 yrs

Liberty, KY

#12 Apr 21, 2010
I have been diagnosised with bi-polar disorder 8 yrs. ago and have been married for 20 yrs. I will in no way tell you that a relationship with a person with this disorder is a walk in the park, it's not. But I donn't blame everyone for my condition, I just got lucky. I donn't tell lie after lie that I am aware of and I donn't bankrupt anyone. In fact I am the one that manages the money. As far as arguements go, we donn't have them. I know that my bi-polar disorder will cause me to be unreasonable and out of hand so I vent in other ways. We are in no way as close as we were before I was diagnosised with this disorder, but this is one thing that I do blame on him. I had just left the hospital after being diagnosised with bi-polar [I tried to commit suicide] and he looked at me and said, we donn't have to tell anyone about this do we. So I donn't know if I would call what we have is a relationship now or not.
Julie XOXO

Houston, TX

#13 May 10, 2010
I am no doctor. I think the worst part about being emotionally involved with a person suffering from BP, is our denial that the disease may be more than we can handle. Even if you accept that your role will be more of a caretaker than a supported member of your marriage/relationship...no matter how much you think you will be able to handle what comes your way, you will have emotional needs. You are normal (whatever that is), and at certain times in your life will need a shoulder to cry on, someone to lean on and someone that will defend you. (My fiance, relishes when people attack me or say anything negative to me. Everytime there is a disagreement, situation where I am belittled by his family, he smiles from ear to ear and tells me there is something wrong with me too. I even bought into this until his psychologist pointed out that the only situations like this were from people who didn't really know me and only knew of me through my fiance.) You will have to find a support system. Want2Help, you need a healthy place to talk. You have so much inside and you need to let it out. Find a support group or complete the Family to Family course through NAMI. There are caring people out there like us, you just have to find them. It will return a sense of normalcy and give you invalueable information on how to cope, empathize and handle situations specific to what you are dealing with. Love to you. Remember your reward is in heaven.
Mark

Cary, NC

#14 May 11, 2010
Julie XOXO I agree pretty much with everything you have said especially in your first post on this blog. I have dealt with 2 BPs one uncontrolled and one controlled with meds. The controlled one I married which has ended in a separation heading for divorce. While the uncontrolled one was by far the worst the lies and deception and lies by ommission damaged my marriage. In the end it was she who abandoned the marriage by magnifying what in a normal marriage would be small fixable problems. Basically if one is considering getting involved with a bipolar person... don't just move on. I am not trying to be mean here it is just that if you are looking for happiness you have a better shot of finding it with someone without this disorder.
Peter

Boston, MA

#15 May 17, 2010
I ended a relationship with a bipolar person 6 months ago. I look back now and see all the manipulations she tried on me. I was really lonely and I stupidly almost married her. She is very needy and moody. She wanted to marry me after only dating 3 months. The more I tried to slow it down, the more she tried to manipulate me and fight with me. I noticed from many conversations that she has strange views of sex. She had been abused more than once. She was very controlling and I could not reason with her about many things. Sometimes she couldn't get enough of me and would be very needy. She would not let me get off the phone even when I needed to get some sleep. She would start to question my love for her. Other times she would avoid me for days, which was easy because we lived hours apart and she just wouldn't answer the phone. She hated herself and was very insecure. She sometimes criticized me for weird reasons. One time I stuck up for her at a public place when someone was being rude to her. I didn't make a scene, I just nicely told the employee that we were paying customers and that we should be treated better. She screamed at me in a later argument, that she started over nothing, that I was a very rude person and she wasn't going to put up with it anymore. Trust me, I am known as a very polite person and always showed her incredible respect. She always expected perfection from me and always excused her mistakes and poor behavior on me or her period or told me I was crazy and she did nothing wrong and that I was overly sensitive. The irony is she was incredibly sensitive. One time I questioned her motives. BIG MISTAKE! She flipped out and said "I never do anything with a bad motive, ever!!! Don't you ever say that to me again!!! My ex-husband used to say that!!! When I stopped catering to her every need, I felt her start to pull away. Here is the same girl who kept begging me to marry her and said she loved me so much. I broke it off and 6 months later she married a guy 24 years older than her, who I hear has no money but is a nice guy. HE OBVIOUSLY IS MORE DESPERATE THAN ME. Two desperate lonely people who will probably end up destroying each other.This just happened. How do you think that marriage is going to work out? Oh, did I mention she has a kid with emotional problems?

Since: May 10

Hawthorne, CA

#16 May 20, 2010
I have sever BP. I coped with it for years and was in good relationships. I just thought I would get into moods and be honestly just a dick. I wasnt nice. The condition has trumpeted but I am TOTALLY aware of it and what its tendencies are.

Got to be mature about it. My last relationship it was my ex who was tweaked and she had no notable condition. lol

I will never blame any condition/BP on how I act. If things get bad I will isolate my self safely or go and bleed sweat (work out) til I feel calmness. Works everytime. Any processed inflammatory foods get axed. Hard part is maintaining the discipline to do so. Sometimes I even fail here. At that place some support structure is good. For this I go to Al Anon meetings.

I say be fair, be honest, and realize life is short, even with compassion. Do what is best for you.

anix
JLM

Charlotte, NC

#17 Jun 1, 2010
I have BPD and at 39 years old, I have given up atempting to find a romantic partner. It is not due to my disease but more because of how the nasty weak men who are atracted to me use it to get there way. I can not be myself and have a partner. When I try,I get used and abused.
Many guys think because I am crazy they can lie to me or take my money. After all, who would believe a woman who is "nuts".I am also poor, so the alcoholics and drug addicts come out of the woodwork too. They assume we are the same because the stigma of bipolar is the same as one gets if they have a substance abuse problem. It is unfair and wrong but I have no control over how others think.
I am all done atempting to find anyone who like me is sober, good with money and willing to love me as I am. I have decided the rest of my life will be about my art and enjoying the simple things in life, alone!
For those of you who find it to be to much for you to be romantic with BP people,let me make a suggestion, stop dateing. Do not date anyone unless you are 100% sure they will never have any health problems. Since you can not know that about anyone, be fair and just do without like I have.
Remember, BD could strike you at 40 or even older. Would you expect your mate to love you and stay to spite your mood swings and social rejection? I would want a loyal partner but since I know that is unlikely I have taken mesures to avoid the pain you will feel if you find yourself alone because your brain stops makeing a chemical and people find you strange.
matt

Altoona, PA

#18 Jun 4, 2010
I just recently had my bipolar girlfriend break it off with me. We dated for 9 months, and during this time she went through a very rough trouble with an abusive ex-boyfriend. We had been dating for a few weeks when it happened, and there were many court issues that arose. I should have ran, but I was falling in love. I did everything I could, and while at times I would get fed up with her antics, I tried to stay positive and be her rock as hard as I could. I talked her into giving up life in the college town we were living in, and getting help through a treatment program back at her parents hometown. When she started to do well, she told me that me saying that I would leave her if she didn't get help, was the push that got her into the program and on meds. She started to do really well, and I would visit every other weekend, because I am a poor college student (going back to college, so a little older). All of a sudden, she started to get upset with me. She called me 5-10 times a day for 7 months and never didn't text me back if she was busy, then nothing for a week. I went there and we connected talked about how we had never fought and were starting to and had a great weekend with tons of fun, love, and that good conversation. I was starting to worry going into that, but the ride back to college felt great.. until I didn't hear from her for another week. She finally sent me an email saying that we were fighting too much and she wanted to be single. The weekend before she told me for the 100th time that she wanted to marry me. I was shocked. After a few days she finally called me and told me that it was too hard for her to not be in school and me to be there. I understood this and we decided to have a break until she got done her program. The next week I got about 5-7 calls that were either about how thankful she was for what I did for her or how great I was, or how much she loved me and missed me. I decided to go to see her last weekend for Memorial day. I went there and stayed at my friends house and discussed with her that we would meet on Sunday. Sunday came and I called, she answered with a very angry tone and told me she couldn't do it. She then proceeded to text me an i'm lonely and want to see you message followed by a stop crowding me, we're separated, leave me alone message. I decided then that I was done. I now know that she is probably with this other guy that she met through treatment (80% sure) and has separated herself from her family (the only other support she has). I think that I should be done, but no one ever loved me this much and I cared so much. I got broken up of a serious relationship with an email, and instead of anger or hurt all I did was worry if she was ok. How do I get over this, and what do I do when she breaks down and calls me again?
matt

Altoona, PA

#19 Jun 4, 2010
add on to my last post:
At what point do I chalk things up to her illnes and getting on the right meds and completing therapy will eventually help. And what do I chalk up to her being an actual bad person to me?
roshes

Colorado Springs, CO

#20 Jun 7, 2010
wow, i was reading this,, well first of all let me say i am very bipolar. Im a guy.. and im very crazy... I lie to people, i have very few friends, I take advantage of people, mostly because they take advantage of me through my disorder.. Im 21 years old and the longest relationship i have been in was like a month... It is all true... I lie to people, i blame everyone else for my mistakes, im stuck in the past.. I have been on hundreds of medications,, none of them work. I think the only drug that actually helps me is cannabis, I do alot of other drugs too.. The only other drug that really helps is snorting adderal or riddilin, but it might be making things worse
i need help, ok i mean I really need help... is this why i cant hold a relationship? Is it always going to be like this? I cant stand the thought of being by myself forever. I think i would rather not even be alive,
damn..Im really depressed now that i read all of this...
Every girl i date thinks im weird.. I just cant be myself when i am with a girl. I get really nervous. Like im always doing the wrong thing.
I have to go to school now, but i will bookmark this page.. I really need help, i hope someone here can help me out...
Mark

Cary, NC

#21 Jun 8, 2010
To Matt in Pa: You are on a rollercoaster ride that appears to be continuing. Has your girl friend been diagnosed by a mental health specialist in this program you speak of. The reason I ask is that what you describe sounds like some other problems such as Borderline Personality Disorder. I had dealings with a person who had this and the behavior that you described is very similiar. Bipolar disorder and other personality disorders are not uncommon. You have to make the decision of how much you want to be there for her support. But you are probably in for a ride to hell and back. You may want to review all your options. I know it is hard to walk away from someone you love but in the long run it may be for the best as far as your own mental health and peace of mind. Whatever you choose good luck.

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