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21 - 40 of 45 Comments Last updated Jul 15, 2014
ash

Minneapolis, MN

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#21
Apr 19, 2012
 
bi polar pain-

will you plz email me? I need to understand what a person with bp goes thru. The person I was with for the last ten years of my life suffers from this I always thought it was just pot and alcohol addiction until I did my research. I have tried to get him to open up to me for years. He never could. Please help me understand this I am hurting badly!
bi-polar pain

Somerset, KY

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#22
Apr 20, 2012
 
Leave your e-mail address. I will do my best to explain what I can. The bi-polar brain is so hard to explain. As I said I am 51 years old and I am still dealing with the pain of it and hurting with it as much as I was the first time I was diagnososed. I have been on meds. so long I had learned how to adjust them to try to keep the worst of the manic and depression monsters away, but still it doesn't always work. I still get manic [very manic]. I still get depressed. And the worst yet is where I am now, the mixed episode. Manic and depressed. I have been this way for over eight weeks now.

We are strangers to ourselves so how can we expect anyone else to know us. I can tell you basically about myself, but when it comes to who I am, my true identity, this dis-order has taken that away from me. I will try to help you understand as much as I can, I hope I can help.
BPsoonDivorcee

West Chester, PA

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#23
May 1, 2012
 
My husband of 5 yrs just left me out of the blue. He went psychotic on me, dissappeared for a few daus. Then after a few weeks separation he told me I have been holding him back from reaching his potential- whixh is living a life wothout adult responsibilities. He won't do marital counseling and told me he just wants to be "free" from the pressure. Is this real? Or is he still in a manic epispde? Should I just let him fly free? Or fight for our marriage? This abusive treatment has truly broken me. I don't know if I would survive this again. Any incite woulf be greatly appreciated, particularly from someone who is BP and has experience similar feelings as my husband. Please help! Everyone is telling me to get out while I can! But I really love this man.
bi-polar pain wrote:
Leave your e-mail address. I will do my best to explain what I can. The bi-polar brain is so hard to explain. As I said I am 51 years old and I am still dealing with the pain of it and hurting with it as much as I was the first time I was diagnososed. I have been on meds. so long I had learned how to adjust them to try to keep the worst of the manic and depression monsters away, but still it doesn't always work. I still get manic [very manic]. I still get depressed. And the worst yet is where I am now, the mixed episode. Manic and depressed. I have been this way for over eight weeks now.
We are strangers to ourselves so how can we expect anyone else to know us. I can tell you basically about myself, but when it comes to who I am, my true identity, this dis-order has taken that away from me. I will try to help you understand as much as I can, I hope I can help.
grouchy

United States

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#24
Oct 14, 2012
 
Bipolar pain, will you please email me too. I have questions about being able to tell if he really loves you. It is very confusing sometimes. Please email me at bootyliciouschicy@yahoo.com. Thanks for your time.
Danielle

Canada

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#25
Nov 11, 2012
 
Not sure if things are still the same since it was 2011 but for what its worth im sorry you went through all that. Im bipolar too, and it is extremely difficult for my partner as well, I havnt left him at all...he has wanted to leave me a few timea though, which is completely umderstandable...no one deserves to be messed around on, especially if they are faithful and devoted themselves. I believe monogamous people are amazing and deserve to be with someone who shows them the same respect. You sound like you are giving all the effort and not recieving any true commitment. Not all bipolar people are like that (sleeping around). Once their demons are delt with and they realize who they are some people can change.
My 2nd BP relationship wrote:
I just read your whole story. I'm sorry I don't have an answer for the question you're asking. I've often wondered the same thing. Though I have no story like yours. You were very understanding about the manic/no monogamy part. I've never had to deal with that. This sounds way, way too painful. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. I understand holding on to the wonderful side, those amazing moments where they make you feel so special. But is it really worth all this back and forth? Are we together or not? I'm sure someone else will respond to you. It will be interesting to see their answers.
Nutz

South Africa

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#26
Nov 25, 2012
 
Hi, I was diagnosed BP II and temporal lobe epilepsy 10 years ago. I have never cheated on any of my partners despite the high's and low's. Because a person is bipolar doesn't give them an excuse to do as they please. Its a horrible demon which unfortunately we have to deal with which we didn't choose to have. BUT we can choose to seek help. So I am afraid there is no excuse to destroy a person who only showed us love. Admittedly I still have my ups and downs even with meds etc. But I don't have them so bad anymore and as soon as I feel oops, I go see my psychiatrist.
I don't know your full story, just that he leaves. Does he want to play the field? Has he? Is he aware of his condition and do everything in his power to control it as best can be?
I usually break up with the guy because I feel I am hopeless and they deserve better and believe they deserve better. But its not to escape my responsibilities or to shag everything that moves. I believe I am doing them a favor for them to find a healthy and stable woman. But I don't call them names or become abusive, I tell them why. And I do this despite loving them. I believe its because I love them that I am letting go. But as I said, not to screw something or any of that. And as I said, I don't know the full details of what your partner does.
Confused and sad

Chelsea, MA

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#36
Feb 14, 2013
 
My boyfriend of 2 years has undiagnosed bipolar. There is no doubt. He has been diagnosed as a teenager with ADD. He has manic episodes which has suddenly left me for no apparent reason, and then came back and avoided the situation like it never happened and somehow would try to blame me. 2 months ago he brought me flowers on a Wednesday, talked about engagement rings on a Thursday and left me on a Friday saying that I was not genuine and compassionate. I could tell days before that he was entering a manic state as he has in the past every spring and fall. This one is the worst though. He is a very loyal faithful loving man when not manic, but this time I snooped at his emails and facebook (not proud of it) and found that he was answering a sex ad on Craig's list and looking up numerous girls on facebook. It's so not like him! I was actually shocked. He wouldn't take any calls from me and still won't since I confronted him that I know all these things that he was up to. I confronted him at his house face to face immediately after the sex ad entry, and he seemed almost drink. Slurred words etc and telling me that he knows I'm a heroin addict!! I NEVER touched drugs a day in my life and he knows this but he was adament that I'm a heroin addict. So strange and we haven't spoke since unless it was a mean text or him telling me how he's the king and everyone in Boston knows how important he is (grandiose behavior). I tried just a few days ago to tell him to please just talk to me because I know this man loves me but he won't answer me, and I'm wondering if its because hes out of his manic episode and ashamed and can't face me because I know too much now and how he seeked other woman.. Please give me some insight. I'm driving myself crazy as to how he could just suddenly leave me out of his life and be ok with it!! He has no family or friends here and I'm confused as to how he is ok with life without me when he bent over backwards literally a week before all this to see me every minute he could!! Please help.:(
Nutz

South Africa

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#37
Feb 14, 2013
 
Ok Confused and Sad, here is some insight from someone who was diagnosed with bp 10 yrs ago...and hopefully you can see how we think and it should give you some peace.

Yes, we are passionate lovers and so warm, loving and "loyal". That's part of our charm and its a "gift", one of the perks we get with this illness. That's why its so difficult for our spouses to leave us. BUT, we can also quickly replace you, as if you never existed. People are disposable to us, and there are loads more out there to move on with. And then we do the same to the next and the next and the next. You are not special. Despite me being on meds and therapy, if a partner gives me an ounce of shyte, I think "fck you" and move on. And then when I feel like some loving and not just sex, well I come crawling back, manipulate so well that he thinks everything was his fault, he spoils me, I get that love, until I get bored again and leave. Shocking, disgusting, but these are facts. I am engaged, its the 8th time, I broke off every other one. One lasted just 2 days, I drove him so nuts he tried to kill himself and was airlifted. Did I go see him in hospital? No. My thoughts were I broke up with him that day and if he wants to be stupid and trash his car, why must I waste time on an idiot and I went out that night. Ok, admittedly I wouldn't do that to my current fiance, but its taken me 10 yrs to get to this stage. Can you stick around that long? And what if he never gets to that stage? As most bp people don't.
Confused and sad

Chelsea, MA

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#38
Feb 17, 2013
 
Thank you. I have one more question. I thought he'd be back to normal out of mania after almost 3 months, so I tried to reach out to him as a friend as I thought maybe he crashed into depression. He wrote this back to me via text.. " I DON'T LOVE PHONY LYING IN THE CLOSET GAYS THAT ARE DRUG ADDICTS".... What??!!!! I'm not phony, not a liar, not GAY, and never touched drugs a day in my life!!!! Is it possible hes still full blown manic after 2 and a half months??? And he's actually working, his family thinks he seems ok and normal, and he's functioning fine from what I hear. Does he seriously think these things about me or what??!!!!! Is it possible hes faking that he believes these things to just get me out of his or possibly just has to put his guilt on me cuz he can't handle it???? Whenever he's manic he's calling people drug addicts and lesbiens. Is that maybe his own issues possibly?? I don't know what to think. As far as know, he's always loved women and like I posted before, he's answered Craig's list ads for Hookups with women. Please answer my questions!! Anyone..:(
Nutz

South Africa

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#39
Feb 17, 2013
 
Episodes can last 6 mths even in my experience, sometimes longer, hectic hey? Yes, he is taking all his anger out on you as he knows if he does on anybody else they will tell him to fck off. We can function very well in manias. Even our work improves as we are more elated, more creative during these times and morre charming with our colleagues.
You don't need this, really you don't.
justmeeh

UK

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#48
Jul 24, 2013
 
Just always do a conscious breathing everytime you feel some sort of pain in your heart. Through giving also, even a simple greet smile to random people you see in the street will help you to lighten up your feeling.. You will get there just keep holding.. Xxx
Manic and sober

Amelia, OH

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#49
Jul 27, 2013
 
My episodes are every 3 or 4 days. I feel fine for 3 days then I'm manic for the rest of the week. I can barely hold onto myself at many times. I want to run. I want to cheat. I want to drink. Anything to distract myself from the 'alligators'. Then I'm exhausted and can barely get out of bed. Anyone have any good healthy distraction ideas for manic at 2 am?
carter

United States

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#50
Aug 6, 2013
 
I am totally agree with bipolar and bipolar pain, just you know how is feel been in the torment with in you; my husband suffer from this ill, I blame myself for not understanding and prepared myself to battle this together with him, you are not monsters or else. I jut believe is the venting and suffering people have going trough with their partners, but I know personally the pain, the distress and the rolller coaster my husband is living so for I do too! Is just I believe like one of you say we not prepared correctly ourselves for fight this battle together with our love ones. My husband after 10 years left me for a women he met one night in a bar where he works, he want divorce now because he feels he found his real love with her, he met her saturday and start dating her tuesday and leave me for her, I didnt have doubts of his love for me until now even tho he is always looking for womens due to porn addiction, still I want my husband back and I am preparing myself to help him and fight this together when he come back cause I have faith he will come back .God Bless you all pray, faith and hope you can findt it in God word it will help you the ines who suffer the ill and the ok nes who's not. The book Battlefield of the Mind and the Bible is helping me personally and I jnow it will help you too!!
Sohurt

Houston, TX

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#51
May 10, 2014
 
Hi Soconfused

I think you have endured lot more pain than I did. The partying and sleeping around is something I couldn't take. Yet I think in 10 months he took away my laughter, my self esteem. I didn't grow up in the USA and never in my life I ever heard nor was closed to anyone who suffer this horrific mental illness that I never saw it coming nor any signs of this illness. My Bf just drop this bomb on me 9 months after in one of our many in and out relationship. I met him thru one social page, tall,.strong,.handsome yet a but shy I thought at first.
Quickly I felt for him and pictures he showed me of his kids. I didn't know what misery and painful ordeal I will be put thru with him. Almos
bobo

Macau, Macau

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#52
May 11, 2014
 
Bi-polar wrote:
You will notice that almost all of the posts are from people dogging others who are bi-polar disorder instead of people with this disorder.
Are we the only people that lie, get angry, rage, cheat? No, not by a long shot. If that were true 95% of the population would be bi-polar. But some of you seam to use this disorder to deflect the blame completely away from you. Are you willing to say that you are completely innocent and that the person that who has the illness is totally to blame? How long did you know this person before you made a commitment?
We don't change, we cycle from high to low. If a bi-polar person was abusive when you first got into the relationship, it is just like any other relationship. They will continue to be. We don't play mind games, we have to deal with our mind playing games.
When a person tells you they are bi-polar at the beginning, if you are leary, walk away. Don't get involved. If you are smart enough to know what all the the symptoms of someone that have bi-polar disorder entails, then you are smart enough to walk away and not get involved with one of "us".
Most of you make us sound like monsters instead of human beings that hurt as much let me correct that [our lives are constant pain, the nights we stay awake with thoughts running through our head like a room full of people talking to us at once and not being able to sleep for days on end or being so depressed you can't get out of bed]. We already feel like we have no place in the world. You are only confirming that belief.
I wanna know more about bipolar, can i talk to you?
mom

South Jordan, UT

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#54
Jun 5, 2014
 
This post broke my heart. My daughter has been seeing a young man for half a year. They clicked instantly. The first few months they were planning a future. Everyone expected them to be planning a wedding by now. The third month it all changed as quickly as batting an eye. This young man is very spiritual and self aware. He meditates, exercises, avoids TV , electronics etc, Lives a very healthy lifestyle. So he is already doing many of the things that are suggested for Bi polar. After trying to hold the relationship together for 4 months he just couldn't handle it anymore and went deeper into depression. He was already seeing someone for ADHD symptoms. He dropped out of her life because he knew he was hurting her. Since then he has been dx with Bi Polar, He is seeking help and is committed to getting better. I as a mother have watched the pain my daughter has gone through having to sit on the side lines with no contact from him. But although I am concerned I am not telling her to run like hell. I can see the goodness in him and I also know that although young she has handled the whole situation with more maturity than most 40 year olds would. My personal belief is that any relationships success is based on the commitment of the two parties to make it work whether mental illness is involved or not. Will it be harder than normal? Hell yes! But everyone deserves the chance at happiness and that shouldn't be taken away because you are ill. A lot of the behaviors I have read about sound like they could be primary personality characteristics that are exaggerated by the Bi polar. Although this young man has pushed her away and yes said some hurtful things, he has never been what I would deem verbally or physically abusive. He also has not been a person to go out and have casual sex. He has mentioned several times that he has never been interested in that lifestyle. He wants a relationship and is tired of "failing " in that area. I think it is unfair to lump all those struggling with Bi Polar into the same category. They are not monsters. Just like with all of the rest of us that are struggling with our demons. And yes we all have demons some are just harder to overcome than others. So when I give my daughter advice about her relationship I basically ask her is the bad times with him better than the good times with someone else? So far her answer has been yes. She is not fooling herself, she has set boundaries as to how far she will be pushed but for now as long as he is working on getting as healthy as possible she is willing to support him. I as a parent would expect no less of my daughter in any relationship.
wish

Gilbert, AZ

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#55
Jun 5, 2014
 
No offense to you but you are training your daughter to suffer. You should be first and foremost trying to protect your daughter, not help this young man.

This is just the beginning of what will be a life and relationship of pain and torment. What you should be asking her is, is she happy right now? If the answer is no then you should empower her to feel free to walk away, not further the obligation she already may feel to him.

Remember, they are not married. It's one thing to be older and in an already established marital relationship. To support her working through that in a marriage is one thing. To do this at this young stage in a relationship is a bad idea.

Marriage always makes everything worse. The trouble she is experiencing are red flags. Don't tell her to bend for those deficiencies now, or she will suffer long an hard. Is that what you want? No, I didn't think so.

Being a good person doesn't mean you have to put up with pain.
mom wrote:
This post broke my heart. My daughter has been seeing a young man for half a year. They clicked instantly. The first few months they were planning a future. Everyone expected them to be planning a wedding by now. The third month it all changed as quickly as batting an eye. This young man is very spiritual and self aware. He meditates, exercises, avoids TV , electronics etc, Lives a very healthy lifestyle. So he is already doing many of the things that are suggested for Bi polar. After trying to hold the relationship together for 4 months he just couldn't handle it anymore and went deeper into depression. He was already seeing someone for ADHD symptoms. He dropped out of her life because he knew he was hurting her. Since then he has been dx with Bi Polar, He is seeking help and is committed to getting better. I as a mother have watched the pain my daughter has gone through having to sit on the side lines with no contact from him. But although I am concerned I am not telling her to run like hell. I can see the goodness in him and I also know that although young she has handled the whole situation with more maturity than most 40 year olds would. My personal belief is that any relationships success is based on the commitment of the two parties to make it work whether mental illness is involved or not. Will it be harder than normal? Hell yes! But everyone deserves the chance at happiness and that shouldn't be taken away because you are ill. A lot of the behaviors I have read about sound like they could be primary personality characteristics that are exaggerated by the Bi polar. Although this young man has pushed her away and yes said some hurtful things, he has never been what I would deem verbally or physically abusive. He also has not been a person to go out and have casual sex. He has mentioned several times that he has never been interested in that lifestyle. He wants a relationship and is tired of "failing " in that area. I think it is unfair to lump all those struggling with Bi Polar into the same category. They are not monsters. Just like with all of the rest of us that are struggling with our demons. And yes we all have demons some are just harder to overcome than others. So when I give my daughter advice about her relationship I basically ask her is the bad times with him better than the good times with someone else? So far her answer has been yes. She is not fooling herself, she has set boundaries as to how far she will be pushed but for now as long as he is working on getting as healthy as possible she is willing to support him. I as a parent would expect no less of my daughter in any relationship.
mom

South Jordan, UT

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#56
Jun 5, 2014
 
wish wrote:
No offense to you but you are training your daughter to suffer. You should be first and foremost trying to protect your daughter, not help this young man.
This is just the beginning of what will be a life and relationship of pain and torment. What you should be asking her is, is she happy right now? If the answer is no then you should empower her to feel free to walk away, not further the obligation she already may feel to him.
Remember, they are not married. It's one thing to be older and in an already established marital relationship. To support her working through that in a marriage is one thing. To do this at this young stage in a relationship is a bad idea.
Marriage always makes everything worse. The trouble she is experiencing are red flags. Don't tell her to bend for those deficiencies now, or she will suffer long an hard. Is that what you want? No, I didn't think so.
Being a good person doesn't mean you have to put up with pain.
<quoted text>
I appreciate your concern and believe me I have talked to her incessantly about all the possibilities. My daughter is a 23 year old adult however and well beyond the age where I can tell her what to do so I do take offense to the term "training" Also I myself grew up with a parent that experienced mental illness and she is well aware of what I went through. She is aware of my concerns and I have asked her to at least entertain dating other people while staying open to trying again once his meds kick in and he has been in therapy a while longer. Since he has actively sought treatment because he has recognized something Is not right she feels like he at least deserves a chance. He has sought treatment in the past and was .misdiagnosed and is very aware of his emotions and feelings. At this point he has been completely up front with her about everything. She has talked to several people who are in relationships with bi polar partners also. At this point I do feel she is being realistic as she has assured me that before she would consider long term that she would insist on boundaries, that he stay medicated, in therapy and couples therapy. She also has said she wouldn't even consider marriage until he was stable for several years. She is a good person but her choices are not being made because of that. Simply put she loves him and it's no ones fault that he is ill. At this point she says that she feels she needs to at least give it a chance so she has no regrets. By the way she has been in relationships with "normal" guys that have treated her worse. The only thing that has made her unhappy at this point is that he has been distant while they are on a break. He went into a sever depression but was unaware why. He was just diagnosed and has only told her and one other friend. Am I thrilled that this is the person she chose? Of course not. But as a mom it is my job to support her in her choice. I also do believe that everyone deserves love and a chance at happiness.
Cdots

London, UK

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#57
Jun 6, 2014
 
mom wrote:
<quoted text>
I appreciate your concern and believe me I have talked to her incessantly about all the possibilities. My daughter is a 23 year old adult however and well beyond the age where I can tell her what to do so I do take offense to the term "training" Also I myself grew up with a parent that experienced mental illness and she is well aware of what I went through. She is aware of my concerns and I have asked her to at least entertain dating other people while staying open to trying again once his meds kick in and he has been in therapy a while longer. Since he has actively sought treatment because he has recognized something Is not right she feels like he at least deserves a chance. He has sought treatment in the past and was .misdiagnosed and is very aware of his emotions and feelings. At this point he has been completely up front with her about everything. She has talked to several people who are in relationships with bi polar partners also. At this point I do feel she is being realistic as she has assured me that before she would consider long term that she would insist on boundaries, that he stay medicated, in therapy and couples therapy. She also has said she wouldn't even consider marriage until he was stable for several years. She is a good person but her choices are not being made because of that. Simply put she loves him and it's no ones fault that he is ill. At this point she says that she feels she needs to at least give it a chance so she has no regrets. By the way she has been in relationships with "normal" guys that have treated her worse. The only thing that has made her unhappy at this point is that he has been distant while they are on a break. He went into a sever depression but was unaware why. He was just diagnosed and has only told her and one other friend. Am I thrilled that this is the person she chose? Of course not. But as a mom it is my job to support her in her choice. I also do believe that everyone deserves love and a chance at happiness.
Wow sounds like your daughter is incredibly mature for her years. I did try this approach with my ex but the no contact and indifference/lack of compassion from her side at times somewhat made me feel like she was edging for a breakup even though she did stress to me that there was no "finality" in our previous break. I became slightly pushy/insecure on it so figured it was best to break off. I don't know if she'll ever come to appreciate what we had once she gets through this PTSD and current episode that she has said she is experiencing. Though in some ways I probably seemed pathetic nearing its end and like a doormat by letting her know that I'll always genuinely care about her/be there if she does want to get in touch. I just wanted to let her know that I wasn't the type to just abandon her (I think I have done all that I could of done from my side). I don't know if its a case of something wasn't right for her in the relationship and as a result she has completely moved on. Despite her saying "what we had was special, i'm sad my illness has come in the way of it, its been really hard letting go..you are the most amazing individual I have met and you didn't do anything wrong nor did you push me away I just need to learn how to get through this on my own/cope with it and its not fair on you to be put through this" I can't help but feel that there is something being held back due to what appears to be a lack of willingness to resolve our relationship down the line etc. And she appears to be perfectly happy on her fb etc so its often made me think that it could just be me that lead to a break down in relations.
Cdots

London, UK

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#58
Jun 6, 2014
 
But honestly the best bit of advice and something that I got from a forum post is that it is important that your daughter carries on living outside of this and just gets on with things ensuring her day to day happiness. So can't continually stress over someone who in all honesty it is down to them to get themselves back to being well. She has handled it as well as she could have and needs to take a step back for her own well being and health whilst her bf gets himself back on track.

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