Do they still love you even though they keep leaving?

[ash]

bi polar pain-

will you plz email me? I need to understand what a person with bp goes thru. The person I was with for the last ten years of my life suffers from this I always thought it was just pot and alcohol addiction until I did my research. I have tried to get him to open up to me for years. He never could. Please help me understand this I am hurting badly!

[bi-polar pain]

Leave your e-mail address. I will do my best to explain what I can. The bi-polar brain is so hard to explain. As I said I am 51 years old and I am still dealing with the pain of it and hurting with it as much as I was the first time I was diagnososed. I have been on meds. so long I had learned how to adjust them to try to keep the worst of the manic and depression monsters away, but still it doesn't always work. I still get manic [very manic]. I still get depressed. And the worst yet is where I am now, the mixed episode. Manic and depressed. I have been this way for over eight weeks now.

We are strangers to ourselves so how can we expect anyone else to know us. I can tell you basically about myself, but when it comes to who I am, my true identity, this dis-order has taken that away from me. I will try to help you understand as much as I can, I hope I can help.

[BPsoonDivorcee]

My husband of 5 yrs just left me out of the blue. He went psychotic on me, dissappeared for a few daus. Then after a few weeks separation he told me I have been holding him back from reaching his potential- whixh is living a life wothout adult responsibilities. He won't do marital counseling and told me he just wants to be "free" from the pressure. Is this real? Or is he still in a manic epispde? Should I just let him fly free? Or fight for our marriage? This abusive treatment has truly broken me. I don't know if I would survive this again. Any incite woulf be greatly appreciated, particularly from someone who is BP and has experience similar feelings as my husband. Please help! Everyone is telling me to get out while I can! But I really love this man.

bi-polar pain wrote:

Leave your e-mail address. I will do my best to explain what I can. The bi-polar brain is so hard to explain. As I said I am 51 years old and I am still dealing with the pain of it and hurting with it as much as I was the first time I was diagnososed. I have been on meds. so long I had learned how to adjust them to try to keep the worst of the manic and depression monsters away, but still it doesn't always work. I still get manic [very manic]. I still get depressed. And the worst yet is where I am now, the mixed episode. Manic and depressed. I have been this way for over eight weeks now.
We are strangers to ourselves so how can we expect anyone else to know us. I can tell you basically about myself, but when it comes to who I am, my true identity, this dis-order has taken that away from me. I will try to help you understand as much as I can, I hope I can help.

[grouchy]

Bipolar pain, will you please email me too. I have questions about being able to tell if he really loves you. It is very confusing sometimes. Please email me at [e-mail]. Thanks for your time.

[Danielle]

Not sure if things are still the same since it was 2011 but for what its worth im sorry you went through all that. Im bipolar too, and it is extremely difficult for my partner as well, I havnt left him at all...he has wanted to leave me a few timea though, which is completely umderstandable...no one deserves to be messed around on, especially if they are faithful and devoted themselves. I believe monogamous people are amazing and deserve to be with someone who shows them the same respect. You sound like you are giving all the effort and not recieving any true commitment. Not all bipolar people are like that (sleeping around). Once their demons are delt with and they realize who they are some people can change.

My 2nd BP relationship wrote:

I just read your whole story. I'm sorry I don't have an answer for the question you're asking. I've often wondered the same thing. Though I have no story like yours. You were very understanding about the manic/no monogamy part. I've never had to deal with that. This sounds way, way too painful. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. I understand holding on to the wonderful side, those amazing moments where they make you feel so special. But is it really worth all this back and forth? Are we together or not? I'm sure someone else will respond to you. It will be interesting to see their answers.

[Nutz]

Hi, I was diagnosed BP II and temporal lobe epilepsy 10 years ago. I have never cheated on any of my partners despite the high's and low's. Because a person is bipolar doesn't give them an excuse to do as they please. Its a horrible demon which unfortunately we have to deal with which we didn't choose to have. BUT we can choose to seek help. So I am afraid there is no excuse to destroy a person who only showed us love. Admittedly I still have my ups and downs even with meds etc. But I don't have them so bad anymore and as soon as I feel oops, I go see my psychiatrist.
I don't know your full story, just that he leaves. Does he want to play the field? Has he? Is he aware of his condition and do everything in his power to control it as best can be?
I usually break up with the guy because I feel I am hopeless and they deserve better and believe they deserve better. But its not to escape my responsibilities or to shag everything that moves. I believe I am doing them a favor for them to find a healthy and stable woman. But I don't call them names or become abusive, I tell them why. And I do this despite loving them. I believe its because I love them that I am letting go. But as I said, not to screw something or any of that. And as I said, I don't know the full details of what your partner does.

[Confused and sad]

My boyfriend of 2 years has undiagnosed bipolar. There is no doubt. He has been diagnosed as a teenager with ADD. He has manic episodes which has suddenly left me for no apparent reason, and then came back and avoided the situation like it never happened and somehow would try to blame me. 2 months ago he brought me flowers on a Wednesday, talked about engagement rings on a Thursday and left me on a Friday saying that I was not genuine and compassionate. I could tell days before that he was entering a manic state as he has in the past every spring and fall. This one is the worst though. He is a very loyal faithful loving man when not manic, but this time I snooped at his emails and facebook (not proud of it) and found that he was answering a sex ad on Craig's list and looking up numerous girls on facebook. It's so not like him! I was actually shocked. He wouldn't take any calls from me and still won't since I confronted him that I know all these things that he was up to. I confronted him at his house face to face immediately after the sex ad entry, and he seemed almost drink. Slurred words etc and telling me that he knows I'm a heroin addict!! I NEVER touched drugs a day in my life and he knows this but he was adament that I'm a heroin addict. So strange and we haven't spoke since unless it was a mean text or him telling me how he's the king and everyone in Boston knows how important he is (grandiose behavior). I tried just a few days ago to tell him to please just talk to me because I know this man loves me but he won't answer me, and I'm wondering if its because hes out of his manic episode and ashamed and can't face me because I know too much now and how he seeked other woman.. Please give me some insight. I'm driving myself crazy as to how he could just suddenly leave me out of his life and be ok with it!! He has no family or friends here and I'm confused as to how he is ok with life without me when he bent over backwards literally a week before all this to see me every minute he could!! Please help.:(

[Nutz]

Ok Confused and Sad, here is some insight from someone who was diagnosed with bp 10 yrs ago...and hopefully you can see how we think and it should give you some peace.

Yes, we are passionate lovers and so warm, loving and "loyal". That's part of our charm and its a "gift", one of the perks we get with this illness. That's why its so difficult for our spouses to leave us. BUT, we can also quickly replace you, as if you never existed. People are disposable to us, and there are loads more out there to move on with. And then we do the same to the next and the next and the next. You are not special. Despite me being on meds and therapy, if a partner gives me an ounce of shyte, I think "fck you" and move on. And then when I feel like some loving and not just sex, well I come crawling back, manipulate so well that he thinks everything was his fault, he spoils me, I get that love, until I get bored again and leave. Shocking, disgusting, but these are facts. I am engaged, its the 8th time, I broke off every other one. One lasted just 2 days, I drove him so nuts he tried to kill himself and was airlifted. Did I go see him in hospital? No. My thoughts were I broke up with him that day and if he wants to be stupid and trash his car, why must I waste time on an idiot and I went out that night. Ok, admittedly I wouldn't do that to my current fiance, but its taken me 10 yrs to get to this stage. Can you stick around that long? And what if he never gets to that stage? As most bp people don't.

[Confused and sad]

Thank you. I have one more question. I thought he'd be back to normal out of mania after almost 3 months, so I tried to reach out to him as a friend as I thought maybe he crashed into depression. He wrote this back to me via text.. " I DON'T LOVE PHONY LYING IN THE CLOSET GAYS THAT ARE DRUG ADDICTS".... What??!!!! I'm not phony, not a liar, not GAY, and never touched drugs a day in my life!!!! Is it possible hes still full blown manic after 2 and a half months??? And he's actually working, his family thinks he seems ok and normal, and he's functioning fine from what I hear. Does he seriously think these things about me or what??!!!!! Is it possible hes faking that he believes these things to just get me out of his or possibly just has to put his guilt on me cuz he can't handle it???? Whenever he's manic he's calling people drug addicts and lesbiens. Is that maybe his own issues possibly?? I don't know what to think. As far as know, he's always loved women and like I posted before, he's answered Craig's list ads for Hookups with women. Please answer my questions!! Anyone..:(

[Nutz]

Episodes can last 6 mths even in my experience, sometimes longer, hectic hey? Yes, he is taking all his anger out on you as he knows if he does on anybody else they will tell him to fck off. We can function very well in manias. Even our work improves as we are more elated, more creative during these times and morre charming with our colleagues.
You don't need this, really you don't.