Thoughts on, and dealing with bw and ...

Thoughts on, and dealing with bw and incontinence PT1

Posted in the Bedwetting Forum

The Slice

Ossining, NY

#1 Apr 23, 2012
Disclaimer: Understand that much of what is stated here is opinion based on information and stories gleamed from other peoples' posts, and replies to them.

The first thing to understand, and I know it may not help alot, is that it's likely that the embarrassment associated with this problem is likely due to the shame that's ingrained in us about going to the bathroom anywhere but an appropriate bathroom. Think about it, we don't have anywhere near as much of a negative reaction to the thought of someone not using a "formal bathroom" as long as it's done discreetly (as out of sight as possible), and with minimal exposure of private parts, The teasing associated with bedwetting or incontinence, is usually one of two things, either someone expressing the fact that they are uncomfortable about it, or just plain "one upmanship" to get the better of someone and feel stronger. How ironic, because it achieves just the opposite. BTW, I truly believe that this type of teasing is insensitive, rude, immature, but not malicious. I think that most kids know that it can't be helped, but also realize that some people know that this is a way to get a laugh at someone else's expense. It's one of the woes of the teen and pre-teen years.

With that said, here are some suggestions that may help:

Understand that you are not alone, there are other kids out there and adults that have issues with both.

There are ways to dress that protective garments (pg's) can be fairly well hidden.

Think about this, which is more embarrassing, getting caught with protection on or the suspicion that you have protection on, or getting caught with wet clothes or a wet bed?

If you have started wetting the bed, or have had unavoidable accidents during the day, after a long period of dry nights or no daytime accidents, you need to tell your parents. This may be a symptom of a medical problem. Don't worry, there's no reason for them to get angry with you as you haven't done anything wrong.

A thought on the social aspect of this, especially for tweens and teens: You're at an age where it's so important to fit in, and not to stand out, or be "different" in an unusual way. I suspect that this is a large part of the reason why kids are so troubled by it. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just a part of growing up and finding out who you are.
The Slice

Ossining, NY

#2 Apr 23, 2012
PT2

Causes of incontinence or bedwetting

There are many things that can cause either one. Incontinence can be from a physical or medical cause such as paralysis, birth defects to include spina bifida and spina bifida occulta, trauma, to name a few. Spina bifida occulta is the mildest form of spina bifida and usually doesn't involve paralysis. However, that along with other birth defects can result in problems that later can be attributed to incontinence.

There are also emotional and learning disorder issues as well. Some people with autism, Asperger's syndrome (on the autism spectrum as well), and other things.

Bedwetting can be from a number of sources. Aside from that associated with incontinence, to include small bladder, poor regulation of kidney output during sleep, sleep disorders, and others that there may just be no answer for.

Let's talk a little about the urinary system and put that together with a little about sleep to help you understand what happens when you wet the bed. You probably all know what the kidneys do, and when they do it, the results go down to the bladder. Now the bladder is just a fancy storage container. It consists of several layers of tissue, the majority being muscle. At the base of the bladder is a donut shaped muscle that goes around the base called a spincter. Now what happens from the day you're born (possibly earlier) as a part of the autonomic nervous system, is that when the bladder gets full, receptors in the bladder wall signal that the bladder is full. When that happens, the bladder muscle contracts, and the sphincter relaxes, and the bladder empties. When toilet training has finished, there is voluntary control, but it does not control the sphincter mentioned before, or the bladder muscle. I find some confusion about the actual mechanism of voluntary control as I have read in one place that for women, there is an outer sphincter that works together with the pelvic floor muscles, and in men it's just the PFM's. However, other descriptions never mention an outer sphincter. Toilet training is really teaching kids that there is an appropriate place to go to the bathroom, how to use the toilet, and what to do afterwards, and to understand that they can control when their bladder and bowel empty. The rest is up to them to figure out, the same as learning to stand up, and to walk. Now let's talk about sleep. There are 5 stages of sleep, the key one here is stage 4, deep sleep. This is the stage where the conscious part of the sleeps. It's a very important and necessary part of sleep. Now, the sleep cycle lasts about 90 minutes, give or take, so a person normally goes through several cycles during the night. Now to put the two together, when the autonomic system is allowing the bladder to empty, and...... it's at the same time that the person is in stage 4 sleep, the conscious part of the brain is asleep and no override on the bladder emptying, so, you pee. Now, some people learn even as kids, to get up during the night and go to the bathroom, and then go back to bed and continue their sleep. I read of one case where it turned out that the young man was even more difficult to wake up than most typical teens. Well, eventually he was involved in a sleep study which showed that he would go into stage 4 sleep and stayed there the whole night.
The Slice

Ossining, NY

#3 Apr 23, 2012
PT 3

Tips

For parents:

Kids should never be punished for wetting the bed, or having daytime accidents.(Try to remember what it was like when you were their age.) It's incredibly embarrassing for them and that is enough of an incentive not to have any accidents, day or night.

Kids also need to take care of all aspects of this, changing their bedding and wash bedding and clothing as needed.

Kids should be taught and encouraged to manage their incontinence or bedwetting themselves given the proper tools.

While at home in their own bed, kids should have freedom of choice whether or not they want to wear protection.(Forcing them to wear protection is likely to get them to fight it,(choose your battles carefully)).(It's likely that if they're not forced to wear pg's, they'll want to because it's much more comfortable than waking up in a wet bed.)

Kids:

Beds in any other places need to have liners on them if for nothing else but a courtesy to the people where they are staying. Here's where parents can help minimize the embarrassment. For one of you kids going to a sleep over, perhaps one of your parents could contact the host parents and give them a "heads up", and while you and your friend(s) are outside, or at a movie, or something, a parent can put the liner packed in your stuff on the mattress so no one is the wiser.

So far as getting pg's on whether pull ons, or tape up, for you guys is no different than being able/allowed to dress yourselves. If tabs are what's available, and you're having trouble with them, ask your parents to help you figure it out if need be rather than just having them take over.

It should be stressed the importance of wearing protection when you are in the car, on a bus, or in the common areas of the house where you might fall asleep (like watching tv or a movie) so that you are not likely to wet seats or furniture. This also applies if you have incontinence issues to wearing pg's all the time.

Things you can do that may help:

The first thing to remember is that restricting fluids, that is no fluids at a certain time before bed, does not work and can actually be dangerous if you get yourself dehydrated

Cutting back (not stopping completely) before bed may help some but what may help even more is drinking lots of water in the late afternoon - early evening. Plain water is a diuretic so it will help pull water out and get you to pee. This hopefully will lower the amount that will pee during the night.

If you are waking up during the night and realize that you've wet recently (that is that it's still a warm pg) get up and go to the bathroom. That is, go in the bathroom and do all that you would do if you acutually needed to go. This will help set a pattern in your brain and hopefully will help you eventually wake up before you go in your garment. This of course assumes that you have daytime control of your bladder.

When you go to the bathroom, practice starting and stopping your urine flow. That is to let go and get a full stream going, and then stop it. Do this as often as possible, and work on increasing the number of times you can start and stop the flow. The fuller your bladder is, the harder it will be to stop the flow so it might be kind of hard when you first start doing it, but the fuller your bladder is, the more there is there, and the more opportunities you have to stop and start the flow. This will essentially be the "Kegel exercises" that will help strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and increase your bladder volumes

Measure your maximum urine volume a couple of times a week. Pick a time where you can do this (morning time say on the weekend when your bladder might be partly full already). Keep track of this, and hopefully, you will gradually see a trend of increasing volumes
The Slice

Ossining, NY

#4 Apr 23, 2012
PT 3 cont'd

For those dealing with daytime incontinence issues:

If things have gotten bad enough that you are being told that you have to wear protection at school, don't fight it, as you'll lose. I've heard of it getting bad enough that kids have had to go to the nurse every hour to hour and a half and be checked to see if they need changing/or still have protection on. As tough as it may be for you, the best thing is to work with the school. Play their "game". Just do it, and it's more likely that it will be just a matter of checking in with them and telling them what's happening.

Remember a question I asked before, which is more embarrassing, someone who either thinks they see you or sees you with protection on, or someone seeing you wetting your pants?

Set yourself up with what I call a "survival kit". At minimum, you should have pg's, "zipper" bags to put wet pg's in, and a way of cleaning up before putting on a new pg.(Disposable washcloths work well here.) What would also help is a change of clothes and a larger bag to put wet clothes in. The whole point to doing it this way is that if you are at school, or some other public bathroom, you can change in a stall in privacy, and stuff your wet pg into your kit bag to throw out in a more discreet location.
The Slice

Ossining, NY

#5 Apr 23, 2012
I goofed, this should be #3

PT 3

Tips

For parents:

Kids should never be punished for wetting the bed, or having daytime accidents.(Try to remember what it was like when you were their age.) It's incredibly embarrassing for them and that is enough of an incentive not to have any accidents, day or night.

Kids also need to take care of all aspects of this, changing their bedding and wash bedding and clothing as needed.

Kids should be taught and encouraged to manage their incontinence or bedwetting themselves given the proper tools.

While at home in their own bed, kids should have freedom of choice whether or not they want to wear protection.(Forcing them to wear protection is likely to get them to fight it,(choose your battles carefully)).(It's likely that if they're not forced to wear pg's, they'll want to because it's much more comfortable than waking up in a wet bed.)

Kids:

Beds in any other places need to have liners on them if for nothing else but a courtesy to the people where they are staying. Here's where parents can help minimize the embarrassment. For one of you kids going to a sleep over, perhaps one of your parents could contact the host parents and give them a "heads up", and while you and your friend(s) are outside, or at a movie, or something, a parent can put the liner packed in your stuff on the mattress so no one is the wiser.

So far as getting pg's on whether pull ons, or tape up, for you guys is no different than being able/allowed to dress yourselves. If tabs are what's available, and you're having trouble with them, ask your parents to help you figure it out if need be rather than just having them take over.

It should be stressed the importance of wearing protection when you are in the car, on a bus, or in the common areas of the house where you might fall asleep (like watching tv or a movie) so that you are not likely to wet seats or furniture. This also applies if you have incontinence issues to wearing pg's all the time.

Things you can do that may help:

The first thing to remember is that restricting fluids, that is no fluids at a certain time before bed, does not work and can actually be dangerous if you get yourself dehydrated

Cutting back (not stopping completely) before bed may help some but what may help even more is drinking lots of water in the late afternoon - early evening. Plain water is a diuretic so it will help pull water out and get you to pee. This hopefully will lower the amount that will pee during the night.

If you are waking up during the night and realize that you've wet recently (that is that it's still a warm pg) get up and go to the bathroom. That is, go in the bathroom and do all that you would do if you acutually needed to go. This will help set a pattern in your brain and hopefully will help you eventually wake up before you go in your garment. This of course assumes that you have daytime control of your bladder.

When you go to the bathroom, practice starting and stopping your urine flow. That is to let go and get a full stream going, and then stop it. Do this as often as possible, and work on increasing the number of times you can start and stop the flow. The fuller your bladder is, the harder it will be to stop the flow so it might be kind of hard when you first start doing it, but the fuller your bladder is, the more there is there, and the more opportunities you have to stop and start the flow. This will essentially be the "Kegel exercises" that will help strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and increase your bladder volumes

Measure your maximum urine volume a couple of times a week. Pick a time where you can do this (morning time say on the weekend when your bladder might be partly full already). Keep track of this, and hopefully, you will gradually see a trend of increasing volumes

“Essex and proud”

Since: Jan 12

Chelmsford

#6 Apr 26, 2012
Hi the slice pretty good job :) ur really helpful on here if u want to repost these on my new thread I'd like that as even more people will get 2 see them who r like me and many others who have bedwetting and/or incontinence problems.
Keep it up!:)
Emily
X
john

Crewe, UK

#7 Apr 26, 2012
Emily9865 wrote:
Hi the slice pretty good job :) ur really helpful on here if u want to repost these on my new thread I'd like that as even more people will get 2 see them who r like me and many others who have bedwetting and/or incontinence problems.
Keep it up!:)
Emily
X
go advice on parenting pity my mum didn't read this when i was young
john

Crewe, UK

#8 Apr 26, 2012
i had a bad childhood at the hands of my mum due to my incontinence has any one else found the same
Steve

Leeds, UK

#10 May 23, 2012
john wrote:
i had a bad childhood at the hands of my mum due to my incontinence has any one else found the same
I got a lot of stick over my bedwetting as a child I was often belted for it and most mornings had my nose rubbed in my wet sheets. Often I was made to sleep in the same wet bed for several nights, all to no avail. But eventually it just became accepted I wet the bed and probably always would. By my mid teens as long as I dealt with my own wet sheets or soaking nappies not much was ever said.

“i cant cope anymore FML”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#12 Jan 15, 2013
hi slice thanx for showing me this and writing it theres lots of useful stuff here
Alice

Newcastle Upon Tyne, UK

#13 Jul 20, 2013
Thanx, Alice xxx

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