Dr. Laura Berman

Dr. Laura Berman

There are 18 comments on the NBC 5 Chicago story from Jun 14, 2008, titled Dr. Laura Berman. In it, NBC 5 Chicago reports that:

Dr. Laura Berman is the director of the Berman Center in Chicago, a specialized healthcare facility dedicated to helping couples find fulfilling sex lives and enriched relationships.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at NBC 5 Chicago.

Doc Smith

Mount Prospect, IL

#1 Jun 21, 2008
First let me introduce myself. I'm a doctor, and my wife and I have been swingers for 8 years now. We have three children, a dog and drive a minivan. Neither of us do drugs and only rarely drink. Neither of us have an STD or have ever had an STD.

This is in response to Dr. Laura's take on Swinging. For someone who thinks she is a sex expert, she seems to know very little about a large group of the population, and I'm rather annoyed by TV 'experts' who don't do a little bit of research and education before making public statements.

Swingers are VERY normal people for the most part, in fact I'd say more normal than the general public as a whole (I'm a doctor I know people).

So here are some interesting factoids about swinging, I have read and discovered over the years.

1. The most common jobs for swingers are teachers and health care professionals. Police and fireman are a close second.

2. The STD rate is lower among swingers than the general population.

3. Most swingers are white, and middle to upper class. There is of course variation in this, and swinging is increasing among minorities.

4. Most swingers vote Republican, with a Libertarian slant. White, middle-upper class, this no brainer here. Not all republicans think the God almighty is worried about where you stick your dingus if everyone is happy with it.

5. If you know 50 people, odds are you know at least 1 swinger, statistically speaking. This is a VERY conservative estimate, the number is most likely higher.

6. The divorce rate among swingers is not higher than the general population, and appears to be a bit lower.

Now for some other things. Swinging won't fix a broken relationship, it will just break it faster.

Most swingers are picky about who they play with. Not all, there are those who jump into any bed out there, but they are the minority. Swingers are not 'sex fiends'

Most swingers you see on TV programs doing interviews in a sweeps week are the dregs. Swinging is a hobby of ours, its made our relationship simply awesome, but we are not going to go picket for equal rights or deal with people who think God is worried about our genitals more than war and famine.

I'm not here to recruit people into swinging, nor do I seek peoples approval. I think there are a lot of couples who would really benefit from it and others who shouldn't even think about it (more of the latter), but just wanted to give my .02 and inform people who are not hostile to swingers but never really thought about it, as to who we are as a group.

Since: Jun 08

Norwich, UK

#2 Jun 21, 2008
I know some swinger couples, and I have to say they are among the nicest people I know. I would imagine being very grown up and self secure is an important prerequisite for any couple considering that sort of thing.
intuition897

Oakville, Canada

#3 Jun 21, 2008
I just wanted to comment on the podcast about swinging, with your guest Stephanie.

Stephanie tried swinging after a few years more or less trapped in a "shotgun" marriage and ended up divorced after insecurities and jealousies reared their ugly green heads when her husband started disincluding her from the fun. I'd just like to say that, while Stephanie's scenario is sadly common, it falls short of the ideal. There ARE ways to include swinging in your marriage or partnership and still maintain a highly functional, healthy, loving, and very devoted relationship with one another. There are ways around the problems she and her husband experienced, and part of it could've been just that they weren't cut out for it (eg. were unwilling to change their beliefs about love and sex and marriage). But they started having these problems and instead of stopping when they started having doubts, they continued and allowed nagging doubts to turn into full-blown melt-downs. I hear their story and all I can think is that they didn't communicate with one another. Failure to communicate is like a putting a bullet in your marriage. They assume the worst and don't bother to ask one another, "Is this really the way it is?...or am I just being crazy?" They probably should've started with the big question: Is he really with me because he wants to be? Or is it because he knocked me up and now feels trapped?

Couples that go into swinging with burning questions about the integrity of their relationship are just begging for trouble. People don't need to be superhuman, nor do they need to be completely free of jealousy, nor do they need to be robotic and emotionless; they just need to be willing to see themselves for who and what they are, be brave enough to admit that they don't like what they see, and strong enough to commit to changing it...because they love themselves enough to be better than they are, and they love their spouses enough to want to be the husband or wife they know their spouse deserves.

Swinging, at its best, is not about selfishness or irresponsible mindless debauchery. It's not about being unable to satisfy or be satisfied by one another. It's about adding to an already great relationship. It's about offering freedom, and allowing one another the dignity of a choice, giving one another the opportunity to SHOW that they love each other. My husband has no babysitter. He's free to do as he pleases, free to have sex with whomever he wants. He has no excuse to lie to me or deceive me. There's just no need. I don't want any man I need to babysit, and I expect better of him than that. I love him enough to expect more of him. If he wanted another relationship, I'd even be OK with that as long as it didn't interfere with everything we worked so hard to build together. We just want one another to be happy, and I intend to spend the rest of my life working toward that goal. And still, even though we've been married 14 years, if we told anyone about our inclinations, we'd be told that we don't know what love is, that we shouldn't be married, that we can't be a "REAL" couple, that we should be ashamed of ourselves, that our relationship will inevitably fail... I know couples who have been doing this for over a quarter of a century and they're still making people sick with their newlywed-like bliss.

I'm just saying, never say never. When people fail at swinging, I have yet to see a case where there wasn't something wrong within the relationship. That's like saying guns kill people. Guns don't kill people; stupid people with guns kill people. Unless you know the dangers and can handle the responsibility, don't even pick it up.

There's more to swinging than the talk shows would have you believe.
ymmm

United States

#4 Mar 12, 2010
My husband and I have had a great and strong relationship for years now and just recently tried out swinging and truly loved it.. it is an experience that brought us closer to each other and created a bigger bond..we crossed a line that society has set and we feel so much happier and satisfied with our relationship. It was an experience that has made me love him even more... I feel like I can trust him more now. We've met several swinger couples already and they are definitely more content than the rest of the population that are probably driven by insecurities in their relationship. We are glad we tried it and enjoyed it.. its a lifestyle we plan on keeping. At the end of the day we chose each other and plan on being together for the rest of our lives ..
Curious

Salisbury, NC

#5 Jun 30, 2012
number is most likely higher.
6. The divorce rate among swingers is not higher than the general population, and appears to be a bit lower.
Now for some other things. Swinging won't fix a broken relationship, it will just break it faster.
Most swingers are picky about who they play with. Not all, there are those who jump into any bed out there, but they are the minority. Swingers are not 'sex fiends'
Most swingers you see on TV programs doing interviews in a sweeps week are the dregs. Swinging is a hobby of ours, its made our relationship simply awesome, but we are not going to go picket for equal rights or deal with people who think God is worried about our genitals more than war and famine.
I'm not here to recruit people into swinging, nor do I seek peoples approval. I think there are a lot of couples who would really benefit from it and others who shouldn't even think about it (more of the latter), but just wanted to give my .02 and inform people who are not hostile to swingers but never really thought about it, as to who we are as a group.

Thanks for writing! How did you avoid STDs? Condoms are a must of course.
What about oral sex? Did you wear condoms/use dams for that? HPV, gonorrhea, etc can be transmitted that way. Most folks do not like latex for oral sex, is it hard to get partners to agree to that?
anonymous

United States

#6 Jul 2, 2012
Fantastic reply! We started in the LS as a gift for each other. We have been married over 20 years and there is nothing we would not do for each other. Most people I know who do not swing are either riddled by guilt or animosity due to sexual feelings by one ore both that are in fact natural. If you are in a honest, trusting relationship than you have already talked about and have chosen what is best for you both. If not, then there is some communication, selfishness or trust issues that need to be addressed.
Thanks for reading my 2cents
Happy

Culver, IN

#7 Dec 16, 2012
My wife and I have been married for 20 years. We started living the swing lifestyle recently. Our sex life has always been good but our relationship hasn't. She had Afew affairs over the years because I went one way she went the other so we decided to try it. Now were both so much closer can't keep our hands off each other truly in love again. We only swing together same room. And the best part is we have met true lifemy long friends. Best thing we ever did period. Im not saying its for everybody but it works for us. I would say try it before passing judgement we have never been more in love.
Traybird

North Hollywood, CA

#9 Sep 8, 2013
My husband an I are just strating to look into it.
I would love any advice on how to get started, books I should read, forums, the rules...
Just started

Denver, CO

#10 Sep 16, 2013
My husband and I have a very strong relationship. I have always wonderwd about the swingin life style. We recently 'swung' with some friends of ours and it was amazing. Our relationship has been so much better since then and we are just amazing at how much closer it made us. My question is how do people find swinging couples or I hear things about swinger groups?
Maxim
#11 Sep 26, 2013
I have ordered 2 times from this website PILLSMEDSHOP. COM . I called yesterday the customer care and asked for a discount as i was about to order twice the regular amount.
Kat Abmer

Denver, CO

#12 May 29, 2014
Traybird wrote:
My husband an I are just strating to look into it.
I would love any advice on how to get started, books I should read, forums, the rules...
Hi you two, Seen your comment we are in about a year and having a blast! Hit us up for some advice.
Kat Abmer

Denver, CO

#13 May 29, 2014
Just started wrote:
My husband and I have a very strong relationship. I have always wonderwd about the swingin life style. We recently 'swung' with some friends of ours and it was amazing. Our relationship has been so much better since then and we are just amazing at how much closer it made us. My question is how do people find swinging couples or I hear things about swinger groups?
Hi you two, I see your from Colorado. we are in the LS about a year now and having a blast! Hit us up for some advice on meting people.

Since: Apr 14

Location hidden

#14 May 29, 2014
Just started wrote:
My husband and I have a very strong relationship. I have always wonderwd about the swingin life style. We recently 'swung' with some friends of ours and it was amazing. Our relationship has been so much better since then and we are just amazing at how much closer it made us. My question is how do people find swinging couples or I hear things about swinger groups?
Your relationship can't be that good. You need others to keep it going.
Jim Gargano

Glen Ellyn, IL

#15 Jul 22, 2014
Anyone that is married and looking at this site, as well as any other site discussing swinging, please remember this. Use your head a little instead of relying on the testimonials of people online that you never met.

All of the people that have tried swinging to spice up their marriage and had it blow up in their face, or drifted apart, or just decided to be with someone else will not be here posting or any other site talking about this subject. You should know the only people that will be commenting on this subject are the people looking into it but haven't done it yet just like you, and the few select people that have been successful at it. The people that have been hurt or traumatized by trying this will not be surfing the web on this subject simply because they are running from it or don't want to admit to their failure. People that like to promote their success like leaving comments.

Think through what swinging will actually look like, and feel like, after you have done it because it absolutely cannot be undone. You cant un-have sex with someone. Do you remember the bond you felt each time you had sex with someone, especially your current spouse? We all know that when you have sex with someone it changes everything.

If you think you will see your spouse the same way or even better after having sex with someone else you are simply not thinking. You absolutely will not see them the same way so if you like the way you feel about them now I wouldn't tempt fate. Regrets are lifelong.

I firmly believe no matter what the successful swingers may say that they never had a deep love, lust, or bond with their spouse and thats why they can be successful having sex with other people. They may say their love for their spouse grew stronger afterwards but that is probably just another way of saying thank you for accepting my desire to have sex with other people and still stay with me to meet the needs I have with you feeling. They want to have sex with multiple people and glad they have another person who accepts it. Staying together as a couple never has nor ever will mean you have a bond with that person. It means you share housing expenses.
Tross4

Ypsilanti, MI

#16 Jul 1, 2015
My wife and I recently had our first swing experience and loved it. You couldn't consider us "successful swingers" being that we're new to the lifestyle. However, since we've actually tried swinging, as apposed to just speculating about it, let me share my two cents.

Im afraid your making huge assumptions:

1. You state that "successful swingers were never truly "in love" or deeply in lust?
- Well I can tell you from experience, at least in our case, you are completely wrong. It seems quite presumptuous of you to pass judgement on other peoples relationship integrity without knowing anything about them nor the lifestyle they live.

2. Love and Lust are not one and the same thing. Many people who secretly cheat on their spouses do it because they desire sexual variety, not because they don't love their significant other. Swingers are people who enjoy sexual variety but don't feel compelled to lie to their partner. As a traditional monogamous couple, many people aren't even "allowed" to look at a stranger with desire in their eyes - what a limiting belief, that its somehow wrong to be attracted to someone other than the person your already with! I'm not religious but for those so inclined I'll say, if God didn't mean for us to desire sexual variety, then God would have made it impossible for a person to want someone outside of their primary relationship. And I think we all know human beings are not wired this way!

3. Let me ask, do you actually even know what swinging actually "looks an feels like" as you say? My guess is you've never attempted swinging before, so how could you possibly know what it "looks like"? It actually takes a great deal of trust, openness and honesty to swing with your partner. It takes a "higher level" of consciousness and relationship security to participate in this lifestyle successfully. So my advice to you is to challenge your beliefs and don't knock it till you've actually tried it yourself.

Michelle

Elgin, OK

#17 Jan 20, 2016
Doc Smith wrote:
First let me introduce myself. I'm a doctor, and my wife and I have been swingers for 8 years now. We have three children, a dog and drive a minivan. Neither of us do drugs and only rarely drink. Neither of us have an STD or have ever had an STD.
This is in response to Dr. Laura's take on Swinging. For someone who thinks she is a sex expert, she seems to know very little about a large group of the population, and I'm rather annoyed by TV 'experts' who don't do a little bit of research and education before making public statements.
Swingers are VERY normal people for the most part, in fact I'd say more normal than the general public as a whole (I'm a doctor I know people).
So here are some interesting factoids about swinging, I have read and discovered over the years.
1. The most common jobs for swingers are teachers and health care professionals. Police and fireman are a close second.
2. The STD rate is lower among swingers than the general population.
3. Most swingers are white, and middle to upper class. There is of course variation in this, and swinging is increasing among minorities.
4. Most swingers vote Republican, with a Libertarian slant. White, middle-upper class, this no brainer here. Not all republicans think the God almighty is worried about where you stick your dingus if everyone is happy with it.
5. If you know 50 people, odds are you know at least 1 swinger, statistically speaking. This is a VERY conservative estimate, the number is most likely higher.
6. The divorce rate among swingers is not higher than the general population, and appears to be a bit lower.
Now for some other things. Swinging won't fix a broken relationship, it will just break it faster.
Most swingers are picky about who they play with. Not all, there are those who jump into any bed out there, but they are the minority. Swingers are not 'sex fiends'
Most swingers you see on TV programs doing interviews in a sweeps week are the dregs. Swinging is a hobby of ours, its made our relationship simply awesome, but we are not going to go picket for equal rights or deal with people who think God is worried about our genitals more than war and famine.
I'm not here to recruit people into swinging, nor do I seek peoples approval. I think there are a lot of couples who would really benefit from it and others who shouldn't even think about it (more of the latter), but just wanted to give my .02 and inform people who are not hostile to swingers but never really thought about it, as to who we are as a group.
My husband and I are swingers. As an experienced swinger I must disgree with some of what you have written. I am curious if you have tested research data on divorce rates in the lifestyle or if you speak from personal experience? I have noticed the divorce rate to be at least the same or even a bit higher than the general population. I do think that some couples join the lifestyle for the wrong reason and put their relationship on the fast track to distruction. What concerns me is the number of divorces among apparently happy marriages that come to an end after 20 plus years. The reason I most often here is, "It couldn't be helped. I found my soul mate." It is so disheartening to see the pain in the other half of the marriage who thought they already had their soul mate. Yes, this happens in non swingers too but it seems to happen far more in the swinger community.

Anyone considering a swinging lifestyle needs to really talk about why they are doing it, what they want from it and have clear cut boundaries. Go slow! Hurt feelings and drama happen frequently with newbies and it makes everyone uncomfortable. You must be very secure in yourself and your marriage. If you are not do not become a swinger!

Since: Jan 16

India

#18 Jan 26, 2016
hi

i dont know about this
Rudboy

Canada

#21 Sep 1, 2016
Jim Gargano wrote:
Anyone that is married and looking at this site, as well as any other site discussing swinging, please remember this. Use your head a little instead of relying on the testimonials of people online that you never met.

All of the people that have tried swinging to spice up their marriage and had it blow up in their face, or drifted apart, or just decided to be with someone else will not be here posting or any other site talking about this subject. You should know the only people that will be commenting on this subject are the people looking into it but haven't done it yet just like you, and the few select people that have been successful at it. The people that have been hurt or traumatized by trying this will not be surfing the web on this subject simply because they are running from it or don't want to admit to their failure. People that like to promote their success like leaving comments.

Think through what swinging will actually look like, and feel like, after you have done it because it absolutely cannot be undone. You cant un-have sex with someone. Do you remember the bond you felt each time you had sex with someone, especially your current spouse? We all know that when you have sex with someone it changes everything.

If you think you will see your spouse the same way or even better after having sex with someone else you are simply not thinking. You absolutely will not see them the same way so if you like the way you feel about them now I wouldn't tempt fate. Regrets are lifelong.

I firmly believe no matter what the successful swingers may say that they never had a deep love, lust, or bond with their spouse and thats why they can be successful having sex with other people. They may say their love for their spouse grew stronger afterwards but that is probably just another way of saying thank you for accepting my desire to have sex with other people and still stay with me to meet the needs I have with you feeling. They want to have sex with multiple people and glad they have another person who accepts it. Staying together as a couple never has nor ever will mean you have a bond with that person. It means you share housing expenses.
Tried it. Destroyed one of the best relationships of my life.

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