Many 'Straight' Men Have Gay Sex

Many 'Straight' Men Have Gay Sex

There are 4403 comments on the WebMD Health News story from Sep 18, 2006, titled Many 'Straight' Men Have Gay Sex. In it, WebMD Health News reports that:

Nearly 10% of Self-Proclaimed 'Straight' Men Only Have Sex With Men Sept. 18, 2006 -- Nearly one in 10 men who say they're straight have sex only with other men, a New York City survey finds.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at WebMD Health News.

Inquisitarian

Ann Arbor, MI

#22 Sep 20, 2006
Silver Spring Dude wrote:
<quoted text>
They're bisexual. Enjoy sex with both men and women. It happens. They're not going straight to gay or gay to straight.
I have to disagree. Saying that someone is homosexual or heterosexual in orientation does not mean they're exclusively so, as most people are capable of feeling some amount of attraction to either sex. It merely represents where their primary orientation lies, illustrating that it is lopsided toward one sex or the other.

'Bisexual' is something of a misnomer, since few people are equally oriented on both genders. Most people I have found identifying as bisexual fall into one of two groups

1) Those who are really gay but not ready to admit it.

2) Those whose orientation is closer to middle of the spectrum than the polar opposites. They may still feel slightly stronger in their attraction to one gender or the other, but not enough so to classify themselves as gay or het.
Inquisitarian

Ann Arbor, MI

#23 Sep 20, 2006
TampaBob, Alan R McGillvray:

Do either of you identify as bisexual? If not, then how dare you presume to pass this kind of judgment on another's orientation? Isn't that EXACTLY the kind of thing gay people have been fighting against with regard to their own orientation?

Are some bisexuals promiscuous? Unless they can prove some 'purity' that neither the hets nor the gays possess, I think it's safe to say 'yes'.

Does that mean all or most are? NO! It only means that some of them may feel more conflicted about their choice of a partner. Just because someone feels a strong attraction to either gender, that doesn't mean they're automatically given to promiscuity.

Shame on you!
Inquisitarian

Ann Arbor, MI

#24 Sep 20, 2006
Stereotyping is stereotyping is stereotyping.

Don't do it.
TampaBob

Tampa, FL

#25 Sep 20, 2006
Inquisitarian wrote:
TampaBob, Alan R McGillvray:
Do either of you identify as bisexual? If not, then how dare you presume to pass this kind of judgment on another's orientation? Isn't that EXACTLY the kind of thing gay people have been fighting against with regard to their own orientation?
Are some bisexuals promiscuous? Unless they can prove some 'purity' that neither the hets nor the gays possess, I think it's safe to say 'yes'.
Does that mean all or most are? NO! It only means that some of them may feel more conflicted about their choice of a partner. Just because someone feels a strong attraction to either gender, that doesn't mean they're automatically given to promiscuity.
Shame on you!
SHAME ON ME? That's rich!

I am a PROUD GAY MAN! I have lived in a loving, strong and committed relationship with the same man for 10 years.

Prior to "coming out" i was married to a woman for 12 years and have a 17 year old son. Until i came to full acceptance of myself as a gay man, i too would stand and pound my chest and say I AM BISEXUAL! ACCEPT ME!

I WAS WRONG!

I thought that i could justify my double life (being a married man and father) with my sexual and emotional trists with other gay/bi/str8 men. Only as i grew to fully accept the fact that i was LYING to my wife that i was or COULD EVER truely love her did i understand that being bi sexual for ME was just an "inbetween" point in my coming out.

Sexually, men and women can be itimate heterosexually and homosexually - thats a tactical expression of fulfilling a need or desire.

Being GAY is NOT about sex. It's about the reality that you're ONLY capable of finding true emotional fulfillment with a person of the same sex/gender.

I stick by my position and challenge ANY self-identified "bisexual" to claim they can enter into a long-term, committed relationship with EITHER GENDER with EQUAL PASSION AND CONVICTION.

Yes, this is a black and white issue for me. Yes, i think that being a bisexual is more about being a hedonist - and hey, if you are, GREAT!

When we have bible-thumpers and religious zealots saying that being GAY is a decision and the way in which we live and love is an ABOMINATION - i feel that bisexuals do us all an injustice by NOT saying proudly that their bisexuality is about sexual satisfaction - and not emotional fulfillment.
Andrew

Sherwood Park, Canada

#26 Sep 20, 2006
TampaBob wrote:
<quoted text>Sorry, you can have sex with EITHER gender, but belive that deep in one's heart they KNOW the GENDER of the person they want to spend the rest of their life with - and that's either MALE or FEMALE.
You are doing exactly what straight conservatives do. You are starting with the basic assumption that if you don't experience it yourself it must not exist - it's just a perversion of the misguided. Just because you can't imagine yourself in love with two or more people of different genders, doesn't mean that such love doesn't exist.

You are a bisexual-phobe and that's fine I guess; it takes all kinds. There are too many people just like you in both the gay and straight communities.
THEAprof

Plainfield, IL

#27 Sep 20, 2006
Perhaps the men in the study were bisexual, but if they was the case then why did they identify as "straight"? Bi or gay, they are clearly in denial about their true sexuality.

I, too, wonder whether "true" bisexuality exists. For years, I considered myself bi (even though I have never once been sexually or romantically attracted to a woman) because it was easier to deal with than accepting that I was a full-blown homosexual. And most men I have known who claimed to be bisexual later admitted that they were really gay. Of course, one's personal experience does not validate a sweeping generalization about sexuality. I will add that a significant study a few years ago found that a SMALL percentage of men (so small as to be statistically insignficant) were genuinely bisexual; it found that bisexuality did exist within 2 1/2% of the women in the study. So conclude what you will...

I don't believe that people who identify as bisexual are necessarily more sexually active than those who consider themselves gay or straight. Even if they are, that really is irrelevant, as it is no one's business but their own (and their partners). I must confess, however, as a gay man, I would never date someone who identified as bi. I would always feel inadequate as his partner -- that there would always be something he wanted that I could not give. I don't believe that makes me "bisexual-phobic." I certainly support the rights of bisexuals, and I don't dislike them as people. I just don't want to date them as a matter of personal preference. Don't we still have the right to some personal preferences? I mean, I'm generally not attracted to men with red hair, but that does not mean I hate them or wish them harm.
dances with weebles

Santo André, Brazil

#28 Sep 20, 2006
TampaBob wrote:
<quoted text>
SHAME ON ME? That's rich!
I am a PROUD GAY MAN! I have lived in a loving, strong and committed relationship with the same man for 10 years.
Prior to "coming out" i was married to a woman for 12 years and have a 17 year old son. Until i came to full acceptance of myself as a gay man, i too would stand and pound my chest and say I AM BISEXUAL! ACCEPT ME!
I WAS WRONG!
I thought that i could justify my double life (being a married man and father) with my sexual and emotional trists with other gay/bi/str8 men. Only as i grew to fully accept the fact that i was LYING to my wife that i was or COULD EVER truely love her did i understand that being bi sexual for ME was just an "inbetween" point in my coming out.
Sexually, men and women can be itimate heterosexually and homosexually - thats a tactical expression of fulfilling a need or desire.
Being GAY is NOT about sex. It's about the reality that you're ONLY capable of finding true emotional fulfillment with a person of the same sex/gender.
I stick by my position and challenge ANY self-identified "bisexual" to claim they can enter into a long-term, committed relationship with EITHER GENDER with EQUAL PASSION AND CONVICTION.
Yes, this is a black and white issue for me. Yes, i think that being a bisexual is more about being a hedonist - and hey, if you are, GREAT!
When we have bible-thumpers and religious zealots saying that being GAY is a decision and the way in which we live and love is an ABOMINATION - i feel that bisexuals do us all an injustice by NOT saying proudly that their bisexuality is about sexual satisfaction - and not emotional fulfillment.
and what if a person only wants sexual fulfillment? what if they don't want to be tied down with a 'mate'like an albatross' hanging around their neck? what if they only want the best sex where they can find it at the moment? many people are secure enough in themselves that they don't need to seek'emotional fulfillment' by leaching it from others.
Rob in AZ

Santa Clara, CA

#29 Sep 20, 2006
dances with weebles wrote:
<quoted text>
and what if a person only wants sexual fulfillment? what if they don't want to be tied down with a 'mate'like an albatross' hanging around their neck? what if they only want the best sex where they can find it at the moment? many people are secure enough in themselves that they don't need to seek'emotional fulfillment' by leaching it from others.
Hi Dances,

if you leach emotional fulfillment from other you do something wrong in your relationship. A relationship should be more about giving than about taking. Thgink of it as teamwork ;-).

I don't mind people having a good time and having fun for fun's sake. Sexuality is a good thing. Yu should however also be considerate and if you do a have a mateyou should be open about your flings or not do it.
Andrew

Sherwood Park, Canada

#30 Sep 20, 2006
THEAprof wrote:
Perhaps the men in the study were bisexual, but if they was the case then why did they identify as "straight"? Bi or gay, they are clearly in denial about their true sexuality.
I, too, wonder whether "true" bisexuality exists. For years, I considered myself bi (even though I have never once been sexually or romantically attracted to a woman) because it was easier to deal with than accepting that I was a full-blown homosexual. And most men I have known who claimed to be bisexual later admitted that they were really gay. Of course, one's personal experience does not validate a sweeping generalization about sexuality. I will add that a significant study a few years ago found that a SMALL percentage of men (so small as to be statistically insignficant) were genuinely bisexual; it found that bisexuality did exist within 2 1/2% of the women in the study. So conclude what you will...
I don't believe that people who identify as bisexual are necessarily more sexually active than those who consider themselves gay or straight. Even if they are, that really is irrelevant, as it is no one's business but their own (and their partners). I must confess, however, as a gay man, I would never date someone who identified as bi. I would always feel inadequate as his partner -- that there would always be something he wanted that I could not give. I don't believe that makes me "bisexual-phobic." I certainly support the rights of bisexuals, and I don't dislike them as people. I just don't want to date them as a matter of personal preference. Don't we still have the right to some personal preferences? I mean, I'm generally not attracted to men with red hair, but that does not mean I hate them or wish them harm.
And I don't think you are bi-phobic either.

But TampaBob is because he:
1. Denies that bisexuality in any sort of respectable form exists, downgrading it instead to the level of blow job in an alley. He puts homosexuality and heterosexuality on one plane, and bisexuality on a lower plane. And,
2. Views bisexuality as a threat to his own definition of what it means to be "gay". He is afraid of bisexual love, and has a need to redefine it as lust/hedonism.

Classic sexual phobia.
dances with weebles

Santo André, Brazil

#31 Sep 20, 2006
TampaBob wrote:
<quoted text>
Ok, then perhaps you should ask Ellen DeGeneres how she feels about Anne Heche!
As it applies to sex, as a gay man i'm sick and tired of folks only seeing a dick-in-an-ass when they think of Gay men (just talking about my perspective here).
There is a big difference between LOVE and SEXUAL INTIMACY. I truely believe that we have the capacity to "love" many people in our lives - but in very clear degrees.
I LOVE my son, but i'm not IN LOVE with him.
I LOVE my exwife, but i came to understand that i was never really IN LOVE with her.
I AM IN LOVE with my partner of 10 years. Our bond is one I thought i could never really have in my life, and i don't take it for granted.
Could i engage in sex with a woman right now if i so choose? Yep. Can i become sexually aroused by seeing a beautiful sexy woman? Yep.
Could i promise to love her and no other the way i love my partner? NO WAY IN HELL.
Please, bisexuality is about sexual contact and sexual intimacy.
Its FINE if you are bisexual. Hell, as i said before - i'm bisexual in that i am fully capable of having and enjoying sex with either men or women.
THE DIFFERENCE is about TRUE LOVE AND COMMITTMENT! I have never met a bisexual person who said "Yep, i can love a man or a woman with equal ease, devotion and committment."
Sorry, you can have sex with EITHER gender, but belive that deep in one's heart they KNOW the GENDER of the person they want to spend the rest of their life with - and that's either MALE or FEMALE.
please explain why it's about 'love','devotion', and 'committment'. isn't it clear that many people do NOT want to spend the rest of their life with anyone at all, male of female, but are perrfectly happy living alone and inviting friends over for occasional casual sex and then letting them go back home rather than clinging to them?
Yobyag

Philadelphia, PA

#32 Sep 20, 2006
OK how did this thread start without me seeing it?!

My presence was requested but I have no idea where to begin.

Comment #1 - STILL NO CURE FOR CANCER - Thanks science folks for yet another meaningless study into the minds of men.

Men are ruled by the little head. Some of us are "civilized" and want a monogamous (not a type of wood) relationship, while the rest are sowing their wild oats anywhere they can. We are all animals at our core. The drive to jump everything with a heartbeat is written into our genes.

Comment #2 - I don't care what you call yourself, if you have sex with both men and women you are a bi-sexual. Just because you don't "identify" with it does not make it a lie.

I am or italian ancestry. I was born and raised in America. I identify as an American. That does not negate the fact that I'm Italian.

Comment #3 - YES these are sweeping generalizations about men. No you don't all fit into my little definition. Please do not attack me with "i'm not like that. You are full of it 'Gay Boy'!"

How was that Bob?
Yobyag

Philadelphia, PA

#33 Sep 20, 2006
You know what? I'm a straight man too. I just foresake all woman and have sex and relationships with men. Can I be a Christian now? I don't practice Homosexuality, I practice hetoesexuality with men. It doesn't count if I'm always on top right? It's not Gay to get a B*** J** only to give one. If I don't kiss him it doesn't count. I never did it with a woman so I'm still a virgin. If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it then I'm staright.
Inquisitarian

Ann Arbor, MI

#34 Sep 20, 2006
TampaBob wrote:
<quoted text>
SHAME ON ME? That's rich!
I stand by my statement.
Inquisitarian

Ann Arbor, MI

#35 Sep 20, 2006
Behavior is not orientation. Orientation does not determine how sexually acitve or inactive a person will be, regardless of whether they're gay, bi or het.

Making a commitment to another person doesn't make one an emotional leech or clingy. That's a very twisted viewpoint regarding relationships, in my opinion.

I don't have a problem with people who have sex without commitment if they're otherwise handling it responsibly. I just don't think it's reasonable to ask us to view someone's one-night stand as equivalent in value to a long-term commitment. This is isn't a judgment of the person involved - it's a comparison of the two relationships to determine what benefits each provides to society. I'm not saying there's automatically no value to a sexual relationship that doesn't involve long-term commitment. I'm merely saying that you're going to have a hard time convincing me that a one-night stand contributes something of equivalent value to that of a long-term commitment.
Crys

Panacea, FL

#36 Sep 20, 2006
Let's keep the venom down, shall we? If we can't have a rational debate amongst ourselves we're just giving the anti-LGBT people a toehold to work with.
TampaBob wrote:
If you identify as bisexual, I ask you only one key question: Deep in your heart, what is the gender of the person you belive you will spend the rest of your life with - or TRUELY LOVE and be DEVOTED TO.
Me as a bisexual? I don't know yet. I'm still a college student, and not even close to ready to make a life-long emotional commitment. I do adore my girlfriend, but we haven't been together long enough for me to make that call. I've dated both genders and while the physical attraction is there for both, so is the romantic factor. As I'm sure you've all heard from the bisexual community, I choose based on the person, not the gender. My bisexuality (I prefer ambisexual, simply because the word flows better) isn't a matter of what gender or genders I have sex with, nor is it that I haven't "decided to be lesbian or straight" as I've been accused previously. It's quite simply that I'm physically and emotionally attracted to both genders equally (which I agree does seem to be rare amongst the bisexual population). When it comes down to it, I love who I love. People are people. Gender is something of a garnish like hair or eye color. For me, it just doesn't matter.

Does that answer? If you'd like, I can try again, though I might not be able to achieve any more coherency than just did.
Yobyag wrote:
Men are ruled by the little head. Some of us are "civilized" and want a monogamous (not a type of wood) relationship, while the rest are sowing their wild oats anywhere they can. We are all animals at our core. The drive to jump everything with a heartbeat is written into our genes.
Funniest thing ever is that my father says the same thing. It's awkward and ironic being in the position of a woman defending the honor of men.(Fun though.) That said, I disagree, but mostly because I think society twists sexuality so much that it's hard to know how men or women would act if left to their own devices. Women have had "thou shalt not enjoy sex!" shoved at them for all but the last two generations, and a lot of girls are still raised to think it's a bad thing and that we shouldn't pursue it. On the other hand, guys are almost expected to be super-sexual in a lot of ways and to constantly be seeking out the next sexual thrill. It's not fair to either gender and creates a ton of issues that we're still trying to handle as a society.

However, considering society as it is rather than as it should be, I find it hard to argue. Sad.
Yobyag wrote:
I don't care what you call yourself, if you have sex with both men and women you are a bi-sexual. Just because you don't "identify" with it does not make it a lie.[QUOTE]Behavior is separate from orientation. I bet there's a lot of people out there who actually do identify as straight or gay that have just had a little thing called "life" happen. Denial, experimentation... It happens. I personally don't see anything wrong with it as long no one gets hurt.(This means safe-sex, not cheating on a monogamous partner, consensual, etc...)[QUOTE who="Yobyag"]It doesn't count if I'm always on top right?
LOL! I think the term is "Latin Bisexual".(No, I don't know where the term came from, but I'm pretty sure it's official since I learned it in a GLBT Psyche Class.) The logic is that a man who only takes the dominate position is technically straight. Yes, it confused me too.
Yobyag

Philadelphia, PA

#37 Sep 20, 2006
Crys wrote:
I learned it in a GLBT Psyche Class.) The logic is that a man who only takes the dominate position is technically straight. Yes, it confused me too.
Wait...you took a GLBT Psyche class?!
What school did you go to?
Maria

Port Orange, FL

#38 Sep 20, 2006
TampaBob wrote:
<quoted text>
SHAME ON ME? That's rich!
I am a PROUD GAY MAN! I have lived in a loving, strong and committed relationship with the same man for 10 years.
Prior to "coming out" i was married to a woman for 12 years and have a 17 year old son. Until i came to full acceptance of myself as a gay man, i too would stand and pound my chest and say I AM BISEXUAL! ACCEPT ME!
I WAS WRONG!
I thought that i could justify my double life (being a married man and father) with my sexual and emotional trists with other gay/bi/str8 men. Only as i grew to fully accept the fact that i was LYING to my wife that i was or COULD EVER truely love her did i understand that being bi sexual for ME was just an "inbetween" point in my coming out.
Sexually, men and women can be itimate heterosexually and homosexually - thats a tactical expression of fulfilling a need or desire.
Being GAY is NOT about sex. It's about the reality that you're ONLY capable of finding true emotional fulfillment with a person of the same sex/gender.
I stick by my position and challenge ANY self-identified "bisexual" to claim they can enter into a long-term, committed relationship with EITHER GENDER with EQUAL PASSION AND CONVICTION.
Yes, this is a black and white issue for me. Yes, i think that being a bisexual is more about being a hedonist - and hey, if you are, GREAT!
When we have bible-thumpers and religious zealots saying that being GAY is a decision and the way in which we live and love is an ABOMINATION - i feel that bisexuals do us all an injustice by NOT saying proudly that their bisexuality is about sexual satisfaction - and not emotional fulfillment.
How DARE you presume that what's right for you is right for EVERYONE! That's an extraordinarily closed-minded attitude and your comments are highly offensive.

I am FULLY capable of loving a man or loving a woman EQUALLY! You have NO right to pass judgement on those of us who PROUDLY claim the label of bisexuality! Go ahead! Challenge me!

Oh, and just so you're aware, I am a Bi virgin so for me it is not about sex. it's about closeness with a fellow human being of any gender!
Kayla

Howell, MI

#39 Sep 20, 2006
As a woman who is a Bi virgin also, I can't say that my attraction to both men and women is based upon a hedonisitic desire for simple sexual pleasure. For me being bisexual has been about knowing within myself that I am capable of falling in love and having a meaningful relationship with either a man or a woman. No one else could figure this out for me, accept for me and no one else can tell me what it is that I feel inside. This is how I feel and I feel that I am can lovingly devote myself to either a man or a woman and therefore I consider myself BISEXUAL.
Carrot Cake Man

Union City, CA

#40 Sep 20, 2006
Crys wrote:
Let's keep the venom down, shall we? If we can't have a rational debate amongst ourselves we're just giving the anti-LGBT people a toehold to work with.
Kinsey proved that we all fall somewhere on a scale between exclusively homosexual and exclusively heterosexual. He started his work trying to prove the infinite variety of biological life--and succeeded. He released his studies at a time many years ago when a clear majority wanted to avoid frank discussion about sexuality. Two generations ago prudes found it convenient to divide gays and lesbians from bisexuals on some sharp line to help themselves in their efforts, then successful, at making laws that hurt us. Now they have gotten the most powerful man in the world on TV several times to talk about extraordinary efforts to hurt us. We need to concentrate on Kiensy's proof of the infinite variety of life and not judge others. It's time we took control of this conversation away from the "religious wrong" and stop letting them divide LG from B.
DiamondDog

Philadelphia, PA

#41 Sep 20, 2006
Lots of men that are gay/bi and on the "down low" and married think that if they take the top or dominant role in anal/oral sex that they're heterosexual because they're not giving oral sex or reciving anal sex, or in some cases it's because they don't kiss. It's all rather silly that in some cases these men think that they're heterosexual becauase they are married to a woman and yet have sex with men in secret or on the "down low".

Contrary to what this article says, many men who are married and who cheat or are on the "down low" do not use condoms/safer sex techniques, and get HIV or other STDs and pass them onto their wives.

Yes bisexuality is real. Let's not be silly about this. Despite what the study last year said how it doesn't exist in men people have actually been believing this flawed study. There are lots of idiots out there that are biphobic like TampaBob. Just be yourself and know that it's THEIR problem not yours.

I'm a bisexual man and I can fall in love with both men and women and have sex with both. I don't get why people can't understand that. Could it be because we're so programmed as a society to think of things in binary terms (gay/het, man/woman) when it's painfully obvious that things aren't that way. I use bi as a label since it's something that people will understand, and I prefer to be seen as myself before my sexuality. Honestly I see orientation labels as just outdated 19th/20th century social labels that are based more on politics than actual sexual behaviour. Just be human.
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