Defeating Dolphins only thing Jets can control

His lips fixed in a tight line, Eric Mangini stood emotionless as always. But his watery eyes and soft-spoken voice were those of a man tired, out of answers and clinging to hope.

[Yasha J Banana]

"Defeating Dolphins Only Thing Jets Can Control."

This is a lie! This is a falsehood, and I, Yasha J. Banana, will prove it.

First of all, what?, an entire team can't control their bladder?
Ok, me I'm 96-years-old, sure occasionally I pee in my pants. But these are young, healthy, peppy-perky fellow -- and they can't control their bladders? Feeck! I don't believe it. Yasha J. Banana says, "No! Can't happen!"

Second, what -- they can't control their wives and/or girlfriends? Three-quarters of the NFL has been arrested for assaulting their consorts. If this isn't control I don't know what is.

Thirdly, come on -- they can't control their brothers-in-law. If only I could control *my* brother-in-law. All the time with his get-rich-quick schemes. Wanna hear the latest?... An all-lesbian production of "12 Angry Men."

Fourthly, what, the Jets can't control their libidinal drives? Why, by gosh by golly, every single one of those boychicks is as pure and as chaste as the driven slush. Just the other day the Jets quarterback Bret Fart pledged $25, cash, to the "Miami Home For Wayward Sluts."

The fact is, These New York Jets, every last one of them, are *nothing* like the Miami Dolphins. Now there's a bunch of fellows who *can't* control themselves. Why,. just the other day, Joey Porter was caught running down Biscayne Blvd. with a roll of toilet paper yelling, "I AM UNCLEAN! I AM UNCLEAN!"

Fifthly, what -- the Jets can't control their crabgrass? their dandruff? their psoriasis? their halitosis?... I don't believe it. No sir! Yasha J. Banana doesn't believe it, no sir!

Thanking you in advance for agreeing with me,

Yash

[Your Sixth Grade Teacher]

"His lips fixed in a tight line, Eric Mangini stood emotionless as always. But his watery eyes and soft-spoken voice were those of a man tired, out of answers and clinging to hope."

So starts this story by Kimberly A. Martin.

The only problem is ...

-- Eric Mangini isn't Captain Ahab.

-- Kimberly A. Martin isn't Ernest Hemingway.

-- And "His lips fixed in a tight line ..." does exactly rank up there with "Call me Ismael."

IT'S A FOOTBALL GAME, KIM BABY! That's all it is. Ok, so you wanted to be a novelist -- with your picture on the back of the 38 books you would have published, in 14 different language, except you flunked metaphors in 6th grade.

IT'S A FOOTBALL GAME! It isn't The Siege of Leningrad, toots.

[Hyman Seltzer]

It all depends on what Hank Goldberg thinks.

[Jets Jokes]

Hank Goldberg says:

Both teams suck. Jets lose to the sorry Seahags and the mighty Dolphins play a scoring fest with a 2-11 team and their rookie QB. Anyone from the AFC Least will be one and done in the playoffs, greatest embarrassment in NFL history, cant wait to watch it happen!

[Deputy Dog]

We can always rely on what fat Hank says

[bobby]

i love you i love u i love you i love love love love love dolphins they r soooooooo awesome i love them i love them i love them

[HOTTY me]

hey hey hey what do think that dolphin? i love them!!!!!!!!!!<3

[Jets Jokes]

Jets Jokes wrote:

Hank Goldberg says:

Anyone from the AFC Least will be one and done in the playoffs, greatest embarrassment in NFL history, cant wait to watch it happen!

Hank was right again. It must suck to "love" losers.