The 'cool parents' are crazy parents

RENEE A. JAMES ''Without knowing it, you may have just launched someone into a decades-long battle with alcoholism.'' Several years ago, I had dinner with an old friend.

[Dewayne]

I've been all over Europe, and no one over 16 gets turned away from a bar. One of the bartenders at the Hard Rock Cafe in Heidelberg is a 17 year-old high school girl from Arkansas. The main difference between European teenagers and their US counterparts is that parents in Europe tend not to be overprotective ninnies that stunt their children's emotional maturity.

[PABunni]

WELL SAID ~ BRAVO =)

[Ruth Bader]

This sounds like it came straight out of the Prohibitionists propaganda handbook. The prohibitionists are still trying to reverse the 21st amendment and further marginalize adult beverages through ridiculous laws, taxation and regulations. Unfortunately, the effect is that it creates a huge black market ripe for uneducated teens to explore. Way to go, uncool mom! You describe a night of binge drinking compared to teaching young adults how to responsibly enjoy alcohol. That's probably the biggest difference between the Euros and the 'cans. It's quite obvious that you aren't a Euro, because you have "ugly american" written all over you. And during your "European Vacations", I'd bet that you (and your american family) weren't really welcome any pub or tavern, except to leave your money. The pubs and taverns are just not places that Euros want to hear about ugly americans and their ugly americanisms, like alcoholophobia. Many states in the US allow minors to consume alcohol if the minor is accompanied by a parent. Given, this doesn't include the minor's friends, even with explicit permission from their parents, but it's a start. I was served a small "shot" of wine with my first communion at the age of about 14. If we let the kids learn how to drink from frat parties and their older siblings we'll continue to have alcohol poisonings, hangovers, and "bleariness", or we could join the euros in trying to show their kids how to enjoy drinking responsibly. I say it's time to change the legal drinking age to 18 and spend more time teaching our young adults how to behave responsibly. Or you can use the "abstinence" method to teach them that alcohol is bad and hope it takes. I agree that alcohol abuse is a bad thing, but alcohol abuse does not equal alcohol use, like so many prohibitionists would lead us to believe.

[Denise]

Way to go, Renee. Thank you for addressing this issue. I am amazed at how many parents think it is OK to allow minors to consume alcohol as long as they take car keys away. What they don't understand is that there are developmental reasons why alcohol comsumption is so dangerous prior to age 21. One of the biggest reasons is that early use is a predictor of lifetime abuse. Alcohol impacts the young person's developing brain as it is not fully mature until the early 20's. As a prevention education provider and as a parent, I thank you for sharing your conversation with your friend as a means of educating other parents!

[Gail]

I was so glad to read this article and I hope that these 'so called' parents read it too. Just because a person is considered an adult, doesn't mean that they have good judgement. Many don't take responsibility, and just are lucky they haven't been caught. I knew of a woman who also liked being the "popular" mom. Although these kids are now grown with kids, many of them are alcoholics, and still like getting drunk on the weekends, maybe not to the extent of their high school years, but are they the future "popular mom's"? This ladies one son has had 2-3 DUI's now. All in his 20's. Very sad. She still likes being the "Mom" of all the kids in the neighborhood. We'll see what happens with the next generation.

[Laurie]

Renee - what a great article! You were right when you implied you would have lots of negative feedback. What you said is dead on. We need to remember that where parents set the bar, that's how high kids will jump. If spending your weeknights/weekends drinking is your idea of fun, you're missing out on life! Keep speaking Renee, you speak truth!

[Laurie]

Oh, the one comment I forgot to make, is those parents that do feel it is ok to serve their minors are also teaching them to ignore the law. That is NOT "cool" parenting. You think you are teaching them how to drink responsibly, but you are really teaching them to break the law! Which is better?

[Marli]

I see a big difference between allowing your own children to have an occasional drink in your home, and serving alcohol to other people's children. Our daughters (both in middle school) are allowed small amounts of wine for religious reasons, on a regular basis. On the 2-3 other occasions during the year that alcohol is served in our home, they are allowed to taste it if they wish to. I believe that this, along with our example of rsponsible drinking, will teach them a good attitude towards alcohol that will help to see them through the temptations of the teen years.

[Herman]

Marli wrote:

I see a big difference between allowing your own children to have an occasional drink in your home, and serving alcohol to other people's children. Our daughters (both in middle school) are allowed small amounts of wine for religious reasons, on a regular basis. On the 2-3 other occasions during the year that alcohol is served in our home, they are allowed to taste it if they wish to. I believe that this, along with our example of rsponsible drinking, will teach them a good attitude towards alcohol that will help to see them through the temptations of the teen years.

Any other laws you break and assist your children in breaking? Great job, "mom" ...

[steve-2304]

Herman wrote:

Any other laws you break and assist your children in breaking? Great job, "mom" ...

Ever drift through a stop sign? Exceed the speed limit? Bring home a pen from work? Neglect to return the extra change you received from the cashier? Toss a cigarette butt on the ground?

Let's not get too high and mighty there Herm. We all have our minor infractions of the absolute rule of law. It sounds to me like she's a responsible parent trying to raise her kids in the REAL world, not your fantasy Authoritarian State.

[SFW]

I guess my church broke the law then also, by allowing confirmed youth to have wine with communion.

[miller time]

ooo but it's ok to get smasked at college when there 18..i'm sure you can stop that.parents excuse ...well im not there so i can't control it. give me a break.

[CAS-1Cor1-18]

steve-2304 wrote:

<quoted text>
Ever drift through a stop sign? Exceed the speed limit? Bring home a pen from work? Neglect to return the extra change you received from the cashier? Toss a cigarette butt on the ground?

Yes, Yes, No, No, No.
Penalties for each, and I explained the penalties to my kids each time it happened.(CONSEQUENCES, Oh, No! Please, not consequences) That is also how they understand the real world.
Few relate consequences to kids these days; so as to make their kids their "friends" instead of making them their children and actually establish some authority in raising them.

[CAS-1Cor1-18]

Actually, my kids find it wonderful when we get too much change back from the drive-through window, and turn around to give it back. They love the cashier's expression of thanks, so as not to have to explain the shortage to his/her boss. Why is this such a strange occurrence? After all, it wasn't our money to begin with.

[Allentown_Frank]

CAS-1Cor1-18 wrote:

Actually, my kids find it wonderful when we get too much change back from the drive-through window, and turn around to give it back. They love the cashier's expression of thanks, so as not to have to explain the shortage to his/her boss. Why is this such a strange occurrence? After all, it wasn't our money to begin with.

I remember that happening as a kid...was a great teaching moment from my father that I never forgot.

[Herman]

steve-2304 wrote:

<quoted text>
Ever drift through a stop sign? Exceed the speed limit? Bring home a pen from work? Neglect to return the extra change you received from the cashier? Toss a cigarette butt on the ground?
Let's not get too high and mighty there Herm. We all have our minor infractions of the absolute rule of law. It sounds to me like she's a responsible parent trying to raise her kids in the REAL world, not your fantasy Authoritarian State.

You miss the point. I replied to a disgrace of a parent who's basically teaching her kids to follow whatever laws and rules they think are appropriate but ignore and do as they please to one's with which they disagree.

Too many people want to be friends with their kids rather than their parents.

[RonMania]

Ruth Bader wrote:

This sounds like it came straight out of the Prohibitionists propaganda handbook. The prohibitionists are still trying to reverse the 21st amendment and further marginalize adult beverages through ridiculous laws, taxation and regulations. Unfortunately, the effect is that it creates a huge black market ripe for uneducated teens to explore. Way to go, uncool mom! You describe a night of binge drinking compared to teaching young adults how to responsibly enjoy alcohol. That's probably the biggest difference between the Euros and the 'cans. It's quite obvious that you aren't a Euro, because you have "ugly american" written all over you. And during your "European Vacations", I'd bet that you (and your american family) weren't really welcome any pub or tavern, except to leave your money. The pubs and taverns are just not places that Euros want to hear about ugly americans and their ugly americanisms, like alcoholophobia. Many states in the US allow minors to consume alcohol if the minor is accompanied by a parent. Given, this doesn't include the minor's friends, even with explicit permission from their parents, but it's a start. I was served a small "shot" of wine with my first communion at the age of about 14. If we let the kids learn how to drink from frat parties and their older siblings we'll continue to have alcohol poisonings, hangovers, and "bleariness", or we could join the euros in trying to show their kids how to enjoy drinking responsibly. I say it's time to change the legal drinking age to 18 and spend more time teaching our young adults how to behave responsibly. Or you can use the "abstinence" method to teach them that alcohol is bad and hope it takes. I agree that alcohol abuse is a bad thing, but alcohol abuse does not equal alcohol use, like so many prohibitionists would lead us to believe.

Do you have an opinion on this subject? Skip the fluff & get to the point!

[Laurie]

That's one of the reasons that MANY mainline Christian churches today serve grape juice rather than wine. Again, why teach kids that it's ok to break the law rather than teach them to enjoy other kinds of beverages out there. what is the draw for alcohol? My parents NEVER had alcohol in the house, I don't either. Not that I am opposed to it, just don't see the need for it. There is no need when there are so many beverages.

[SFW]

Laurie wrote:

That's one of the reasons that MANY mainline Christian churches today serve grape juice rather than wine. Again, why teach kids that it's ok to break the law rather than teach them to enjoy other kinds of beverages out there. what is the draw for alcohol? My parents NEVER had alcohol in the house, I don't either. Not that I am opposed to it, just don't see the need for it. There is no need when there are so many beverages.

The draw with alchohol for kids is that is a "no no". "Curiosity killed the cat"

[Laurie]

SFW wrote:

<quoted text>
The draw with alchohol for kids is that is a "no no". "Curiosity killed the cat"

I was talking about the draw for adults - there is so much else out there, what's the draw and why do we even have to use it?