Start this year with Parenting 101: Should your child like you?
If experience teaches a parent anything, it is that in order for mature adults to evolve from the tantrums of a four year old at a supermarket, or the moody teenager that hates her parents, then there will be times when parents have to choose whether or not they want to raise an independent mature adult or a lifetime disrespectful mooch.
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Since: Jun 11
#1 Jan 6, 2013
What a STUPID question!!! Should your child like you?!!!
If your child doesn't like, love, AND respect you, you've lost as a parent. I should know, because my father lost on all 3 accounts. And anybody who suggests that in order to win respect you have to sacrifice your children's liking you is ALSO a failure as a parent.
Children don't have to like everything you do, every decision that you make, but that's very different from liking YOU. The article that this headline comes from is actually - in other respects - rather sensible. It points out that actions speak louder than words. I'll give you a different example to the one (a very good one) given in the article: It's not likely to be very effective if you tell your children not to smoke if you smoke yourself. I know of one family where 3 of the children (each at the appropriate age) complained about their parents' smoking and asked them not to smoke... and all 3 later became smokers themselves.(One of them now has 2 young daughters. And guess where my bets go?)
The article also deals with tantrums. What do you do if your child throws a wobbly in the supermarket? Give in to shut them up? You're only teaching them that tantrums WORK! Say "no" and leave it at that? Useless. I've taken children certainly as young as 3 - and perhaps 2 - to a supermarket without their parents' presence. "Buy me that!" "No, because ---" (I always give a TRUTHFUL reason.) TANTRUM!!! "Listen: scream all you want. But, with me, you're NEVER going to get what you want by screaming. If you can convince me that my decision was hasty or based on shaky ground, I'll reconsider. But tears and scream's AREN'T going to do it." [That's the gist, but of course you use language appropriate to the child's age.] TANTRUMTANTRUMTANTRUM!!! I don't care HOW many other shoppers and/or store employees stare at me as if I'm a monster.
That same child, on later trips to the stores with (a) parent(s), will throw tantrums... and often get what they want "if you'll shut up!" They NEVER once throw another with me... and will continue to hold my hand, like, respect, and love me when I on further occasions explain WHY I'm not buying them this or that.
While I'm on this subject: NEVER say "no" just for the sake of it, "to train them that they can't always get their way". If there's no REASON to say "no", why not say "yes"? Saying "no" just to show that you're the boss is a sure-fire way to lose your child's respect. It's possible that they'll turn out to be well-behaved, obedient children >>> and adults. But they won't REALLY respect you.
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