Children of Gay Parents

Parenting is a complex task, one that doesn't lend itself to easy generalizations ... So in our focus on raising good children, we should respect research that demonstrates that it’s not one’s sexual orientation that determines good parenting or not. (In fact, that’s a ridiculous assumption to begin with; why not suggest that people who have a certain religious perspective make the best parents, or only those who were raised in a house with more than 2 children themselves?) Yet, in an effort to put restrictions on gay fathers and mothers who want to have children, you see some people arguing against them for the sake of the children.

[Edmond]

The Expert has spoken, thanks fedup. Was that from the King James Version of the Book of Hate, or the New International Version?

It's nice that you think you can back up your claims just by putting the word "loving" in each scenario. This shows that you are blind to the fact that many families are NOT loving. Many mothers are not loving, many fathers are not loving. Many children grow up in families where NEITHER parent is loving. Are these good situations for the children? You would certainly say, I'm sure, that such situations are better for the child than if they were with same-sex parents. Living with drunken, abusive, neglectful opposite-sex parents would be MUCH better than living with caring, doting, ACTUALLY LOVING same-sex parents.

How about a child living with 2 loving opposite-sex parents who care for their child all his life, giving him all his needs, and then, when he reaches 18 and finally overcomes the fears and anxieties of coming out to them, they DISOWN him. This was my situation (thankfully, they eventually came around, and we are a family again). But I'm sure you would say this is the proper parental response. This is the "loving" side they should show. Maybe it's "tough love", necessary to salvage what's left of the family, after the rotten apple is cast out.

Your brand of hatred towards homosexuality is exactly what is dividing this country, turning us into the Divided States of America. Your cherry-picking, tribalistic, exclusivistic interpretation of your book of fairy tales (and I just KNOW your issues are religion based) lead you away from scientific fact and research, away from the testimony of grown children of gay parents who attest to the fact that DID grow up in loving homes, away from love in general.

I sincerely hope you learn of someone gay in your life, in your family, and that it leads you, first through agony and humiliation (you deserve it), and then through some soul-searching and a break down of your prejudices, and finally to some real healing.

[Edmond]

I feel very sad for your family. It's too bad that all those gays in your family ("lots" according to you) are all treated as second class citizens by you. It's too bad that you call their love "play". It's all too obvious that by learning to devalue someone's love as "play", that you have learned to engage in pretend-love as well. Your family members that you profess to "love" are only getting your pretend love. You love them conditionally. You tell them that they can be a member of your family, but that they cannot have the same rights as you, or be considered on equal standing as you in society.

You will only ever know false love as long as you base your principles on the archaic, discriminatory teachings of the church. The real love is between people who, against all odds and against the disapproval of their "family", find each other among the hate and are able to make a real commitment to each other, despite being told it is fake, wrong, or even illegal.

I'm sure you actually think you love your gay family members (despite your attempts to demonize who they are). Perhaps you should investigate whether they love YOU back, in light of your assurances that they would make the worst possible parents in the world. Somehow I don't think you're going to get the truth, just some more of that "play" love.

[Elizabeth25]

Wait a second now...I grew up with friends who were beat by their parents, rejected, hated and abused in many ways. I've also had friends who had terrific loving parents. Guess what? I had two mothers, and I love my parents. They were the most supportive loving people I could have ever asked for. I've always felt lucky because I had the parents so many other children should have had. I never had to deal with poor parenting. It does NOT matter the sex of the parents, only how they choose to raise their children. I'm living proof of that.

[Gay And Proud]

Those who argue against gay and lesbian parents are not working in the best interests of the children.

In the United States there is an ongoing problem with thousands of children being forced to grow up WITHOUT parents -- going through the foster care system, often moving from one foster home to another, usually ending up in group homes (or worse -- living homeless on the streets) before they turn 18 and the state kicks them out of the system to fend for themselves. Guess what happens to these thousands of kids who "age out" of the system each and every year? Addiction, crime, homelessness.

Until adoptions pick up dramatically, and stay at high levels each and every year, we will continue to have kids with no parents.

Are these kids REALLY better off with no parent, even a gay or lesbian parent? Are those who argue against gay and lesbian parents willing to put their convictions on the line and personally explain to even a handful of the kids who are "aging out" of the system why they really are better off with no parent at all, no family to call their own?

Real family values put KIDS first -- and are not about trying to punish people who would dare to be parents!

[Gay And Proud]

And just for the record, my same-sex partner and I (who incidentally celebrated our 21st anniversary this year) adopted two wonderful sons from the foster care system in the United States while we were living there a few years ago. I seriously doubt our sons, who were 10 and 13 when we adopted them, would have been adopted if we hadn't come along. Adoptive parents willing to take older kids (kids who are not infants) are rare.

Go to http://www.adoptuskids.org/ for information about US adoption and to see the faces of just a small portion of the kids who need adoptive families.

[Tre H]

http://www.colage.org/resources/facts.htm

# As of 1990, 6 million to 14 million children in the United States were living with a gay or lesbian parent.(National Adoption Information Clearinghouse, a service of the U.S. Administration for Children and Families.)

# There is absolutely no evidence that children are psychologically or physically harmed in any way by having LGBT parents. There is, however, much evidence that shows that they are not.

# People with LGBT parents have the same incidence of homosexuality as the general population, about 10%. No research has ever shown that LGBT parents have any affect on the sexuality of their children.(Patterson, Charlotte J. 1992)

# Research claims that children with LGBT parents are exposed to more people of the opposite sex than many kids of straight parents.(Rofes, E.E., 1983, Herdt, 1989)

# Studies have shown that people with LGBT parents are more open-minded about a wide variety of things than people with straight parents.(Harris and Turner, 1985/86)

# Daughters of lesbians have higher self-esteem than daughters of straight women. Sons are more caring and less aggressive.(Hoeffer, 1981)

# On measures of psychosocial well-being, school functioning, and romantic relationships and behaviors, teens with same-sex parents are as well adjusted as their peers with opposite-sex parents. A more important predictor of teens' psychological and social adjustment is the quality of the relationships they have with their parents.(National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, 2004)

# Most "problems" that kids of LGBT parents face actually stem from the challenges of dealing with divorce and the homophobia and transphobia in society rather then the sexual orientation or gender identity of their parents.

# Same-sex couples raising chidren live in 96% of all counties nationwide in the United States.(2000 U.S. Census analyses by the Urban Institute and Human Rights Campaign)

# The highest percentages of same-sex couples raising children live in the South.(2000 U.S. Census analyses by the Urban Institute and Human Righ

[Fllint]

Ya know, like many things in life, parenting options constitute a spectrum, for example from the Mr and Mrs Cleaver at #1 to to ungodly bad at #50. Poster #1 sounds like if a child cannot have option 1, 2 or 3, then they are doomed to option 50, nothing in between. Life just isn't like that. There are degrees of gayness, degrees of intelligence, degrees of height, weight, skin color, opportunity...very few things are as Draconian as black and white. I think it's very clear that if one were to examine the spectrum ANY LOVING RELATIONSHIP is better than a non-loving relationship. A loved child, whether they have 2 opposite parents, same gender parents, one single mother, one single father is infinitely better off than an unwanted child, PERIOD. IF one is TRULY concerned about the child then it is clear that having a child in a loving atmosphere is always better than in an unloving one. A child growing up learning respect for each other, tolerance, caring for each other, working together with their partner whomever they might be, will be an asset to society. What is so gol'durned hard to understand about that?

[Short Left Index Finger]

If both of your parents are gay,then you know you were a planned pregnancy.

[Tre H]

http://www.colage.org/resources/facts.htm

Facts about kids with gay and lesbian parents

Breauna and RachelIn the United States alone, there are millions of people with one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or transgender (LGBT) parent(s). While research shows that there are no significant developmental differences or negative affects on children of LGBT parents, these youth do report facing significantly more prejudice and discrimination because societal homophobia and transphobia. Youth report that schools are a key place where they face intolerance- from peers, teachers, school administration, and school systems that are affected by the homophobia in our society. According to a 2001 study, students who have LGBT parents experience harassment at the same rate as students who themselves are gay.

[Tre H]

http://www.colage.org/resources/facts.htm

* As of 1990, 6 million to 14 million children in the United States were living with a gay or lesbian parent.(National Adoption Information Clearinghouse, a service of the U.S. Administration for Children and Families.)

* There is absolutely no evidence that children are psychologically or physically harmed in any way by having LGBT parents. There is, however, much evidence that shows that they are not.

* People with LGBT parents have the same incidence of homosexuality as the general population, about 10%. No research has ever shown that LGBT parents have any affect on the sexuality of their children.(Patterson, Charlotte J. 1992)

* Research claims that children with LGBT parents are exposed to more people of the opposite sex than many kids of straight parents.(Rofes, E.E., 1983, Herdt, 1989)

* Studies have shown that people with LGBT parents are more open-minded about a wide variety of things than people with straight parents.(Harris and Turner, 1985/86)

* Daughters of lesbians have higher self-esteem than daughters of straight women. Sons are more caring and less aggressive.(Hoeffer, 1981)

* On measures of psychosocial well-being, school functioning, and romantic relationships and behaviors, teens with same-sex parents are as well adjusted as their peers with opposite-sex parents. A more important predictor of teens' psychological and social adjustment is the quality of the relationships they have with their parents.(National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, 2004)

* Most "problems" that kids of LGBT parents face actually stem from the challenges of dealing with divorce and the homophobia and transphobia in society rather then the sexual orientation or gender identity of their parents.

* Same-sex couples raising chidren live in 96% of all counties nationwide in the United States.(2000 U.S. Census analyses by the Urban Institute and Human Rights Campaign)

* The highest percentages of same-sex couples raising children live in the South.(2000 U.S. Census analyses by the Urban Institute and Human Rights Campaign)

[Tre H]

http://www.apahelpcenter.org/articles/article...

American Psychological Association

Can Lesbians, Gay Men, and Bisexuals Be Good Parents?

Yes. Studies comparing groups of children raised by homosexual and by heterosexual parents find no developmental differences between the two groups of children in four critical areas: their intelligence, psychological adjustment, social adjustment, and popularity with friends. It is also important to realize that a parent's sexual orientation does not indicate their children's.

Another myth about homosexuality is the mistaken belief that gay men have more of a tendency than heterosexual men to sexually molest children. There is no evidence to suggest that homosexuals or bisexuals molest children at a higher rate than heterosexuals.