Domestic violence: Male entitlement mentality a factor

Full story: The York Daily Record

It's not all about anger. Factors such as anger, alcohol and drug abuse, mental illness or a bad relationship might be contributing factors in domestic violence situations, said Roger Steffy, director of the ADVANCE program, part of Lutheran Social Services of South Central Pennsylvania.
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1 - 12 of 12 Comments Last updated Apr 16, 2013
Mr Rabbit

East Orange, NJ

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#1
Apr 19, 2009
 

Judged:

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Sorry Roger, your conclusions are based upon your own "Weltenschaung" or world view of things. From what I have seen on the beat for years as a cop, most "domestics" erupt from drug & alcohol abuse by one or both partners. The truly violent and incorrigible go to jail and never go into "the program".

The idea of putting hapless men in these "Duluth Programs" solves and helps nothing at all. These programs are just another way to punish men and raise some money for social workers.

I notice that women are not required to go through domestic violence programs or anger management.
Angie

Wernersville, PA

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#2
Apr 19, 2009
 
I agree with Mr. Rabbit. The Duluth model has been proven ineffective time and again. Some people are broken and just can't be fixed. The only thing a victim can do is just get the hell away from them for good!

In this day and age, I don't know why more attention isn't placed on offenders of BOTH sexes! I'm sure that everyone out there knows at least one female perpetrator.(Are you reading this, T.E.R.)?!?
not exactly

East Berlin, PA

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#3
Apr 19, 2009
 
Mr Rabbit wrote:
Sorry Roger, your conclusions are based upon your own "Weltenschaung" or world view of things. From what I have seen on the beat for years as a cop, most "domestics" erupt from drug & alcohol abuse by one or both partners. The truly violent and incorrigible go to jail and never go into "the program".
The idea of putting hapless men in these "Duluth Programs" solves and helps nothing at all. These programs are just another way to punish men and raise some money for social workers.
I notice that women are not required to go through domestic violence programs or anger management.
I came from a home where my father didn't drink. But in our home growing up we kids were shut in the basement with a dirt floor to be taught a lesson many times up untill I was the age of 14yrs.. But from the early age of 5yr. I and my siblings were often beat with a belt and his hands as I matured to 11 and 12 and then we we were hit with boards knocked to the floor kicked in our sides, thrown against walls, pulled across the room by our hair, slappped in the face that our mouths bled and at times we went to school with a puffed up lip. No one in authority did a thing to help us kids or ask any questions or comfort us .. This continued through my 17th year. I recall my father hitting my brother and the neighbor heard it and called the cops. The police came and their warning was if they had to come back again my parents would be cited for disturbing the peace. We lived in a town just West of Mountville in a nice neighborhood where kids played on the pavements, in neighbors yards at the local playground and it was in the late 50's through the 60's and early 70's. I look back over those days and I wonder how I survived. I survived because I just existed as did my sisters and brothers and on the outside and in our church we were the happy family. I believe my hardest roll in life was sitting at the table for a meal with our father and having received a bleeding puffed up lip a couple hours before or from the the night before. Looking at him was hard and it made me feel ashamed. All 8 of us kids expected to carry at least a B average in school and of course we did. My parents never fought with each other. As we developed mature relationships and married each one of us settled for a partner that either abused us physically, mentally, emotionally or all. This included my one brother's relationships where his wife and the one there after abused him both ways. My other 2 brothers became the abusers in their relationships but as for us girls we became the ones abused. My father passed away 25yrs. ago and our mother passed 4yrs. ago and we loved and cared for them untill the end. I sought therapy as also my brother who was abused in his mariaages. One of my sisters did therapy for a short but but it was to emotional for her to handle. My other brothers and siters sought solace in acohol but have since now being in their 50's toned down and settle with a gentler view on life and relationships. And we came from a household that wasn't poverty stricken as some are today. We came from a household where my father expected us at the age of 6 to watch or listen to the news with him or listen to him read the Sunday paper and listen to clasical music. We were expected to be well read and behave in an appropiate manner when in public. But most times in the privacy of our home it was cahotic. Dinking or drugs was not the factor for our abuse.
Male False DV Survivor

Washington, DC

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#4
Apr 19, 2009
 
Gosh ! This is the problem of receiving federal money under VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) Feminsts promote the Deluth Model that MALEs only are the problem and women are genetically incapable of violence. Lock up (only) the male, anger management (MALE only), arrest and prosecute (AGAIN, MALE only). Lorena Bobbit, Susan Smith and Tawana Brawley are laughing their heads off. As a male survivor of False Allegations of DV it's crazy to think women do not have mental or behavioral disorders. BUT THAT's EXACTLY what women's groups and org's want you to believe. NEVER FORGET DUKE UNIVERSITY !!!
King of all Blacks

Monroe Township, NJ

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#5
Apr 19, 2009
 
Did it ever occur to the mind of any that indeed there are some women who deserve a good beat down every now and then, not to mention that some women enjoy a few jabs and a solid right cross across their chops?
I see women every day with teeth knocked out by the guy she is with and her baby's daddy, who have no intention of ever breaking up their relationship. As a matter of fact, sometimes they even provide a way for them to bet the booze so they can come home drunk and give them a 3:00 AM Whopping.
bleeding liberal

Horsham, PA

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#6
Apr 19, 2009
 
I dont want to see another government sponsored program come to life in my lifetime. Since the 60's we have had more "in your face" badge toting government busy bodies invading our homes and schools all in the name of helping women and children. And look what we have to show for it: the destruction of the familes, absent fathers, welfare dependent mothers, boys that dress like girls and vice versa and the hits just keep on coming. No. I dont care if the program being proposed would be for removing the nails from Christ's hands and feet.
TRV

Harrisburg, PA

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#7
Apr 20, 2009
 
The mentality of the people of this town is beyond anything I ever imagined. Male dominance by way of violence or any other way is not and never o.k. It is a fact that men are just stronger physically and can harm a woman with his hands far more than she ever could do to him. I completely agree that part of the problem is the age-old idea that "the men wear the pants" and "the man of the house" is in charge. The facts are the facts. Woman are abused by men FAR more than women abusing men. It is a problem, a serious problem and it needs to change. On the RARE occasion that a man has cuts and bruises to show for a woman abusing a man, then yes she should have to go through the program as well. The issue is abuse, by either party. It is not something that should be ignored, ever, and making excuses on behalf of the abuser is the biggest part of the problem. I have seen people go through this program with some success. I think they should go through it again as a refresher every couple of years, but it can work. And if it helps one in ten and saves one woman or a child, then kudos to the program.
Another Cop

United States

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#8
Apr 20, 2009
 
Men do not usually report domestic violence unless a visit to the hospital reveals same. Even then, men typically make up a story about their injuries, being too embarrassed about it all unless knife or gunshot evidence abounds.

Statistics can be misleading. Again and again, drinking plays a dominant role, not this idealistic stuff about male dominance, privilege, patriarchy, etc. ad nauseum. The other instances where true problems exist from hard-hearted abusers are a much smaller part of the problem that a 26-week course in leftist theories will not resolve. Women are just as likely to be the abuser of children in these cases.

Today, a woman need only pick up a telephone and get a man evicted from his own home without due process, along with loss of gun rights. We see a lot "bad women" that make a career out of it off of stupid lonely men.

As noted above by "Mr Rabbit", women do not receive the same degree of punishment or "justice" from the "system" when they batter and abuse. The VAWA would appear to be nothing more than a way to pull money out of the pockets of families that can least afford it.
I seen it

East Berlin, PA

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#9
Apr 20, 2009
 
Another Cop wrote:
Men do not usually report domestic violence unless a visit to the hospital reveals same. Even then, men typically make up a story about their injuries, being too embarrassed about it all unless knife or gunshot evidence abounds.
Statistics can be misleading. Again and again, drinking plays a dominant role, not this idealistic stuff about male dominance, privilege, patriarchy, etc. ad nauseum. The other instances where true problems exist from hard-hearted abusers are a much smaller part of the problem that a 26-week course in leftist theories will not resolve. Women are just as likely to be the abuser of children in these cases.
Today, a woman need only pick up a telephone and get a man evicted from his own home without due process, along with loss of gun rights. We see a lot "bad women" that make a career out of it off of stupid lonely men.
As noted above by "Mr Rabbit", women do not receive the same degree of punishment or "justice" from the "system" when they batter and abuse. The VAWA would appear to be nothing more than a way to pull money out of the pockets of families that can least afford it.
I know for a fact that men do not report abuse out of shame and fear no one will believe them and that it might look like they are the abuser. My brother was abused for many years by his first wife through her controlling his paycheck and who he could talk to and keeping him from our family. She instilled in him that we didn;'t care about him and this was all her way of control to use my brothers paycheck for her own wants and needs. She finally up and left with a maintanence man in their buillding. But she left while my brother was at work leaving behind their 20 month old in her crib. My brother returned from work 2nd shift to find his child in the crib alone in their apartment, and to find his wife gone with all their savings. He survived that only to meet another woman many years later that he eventually married. Only this time this one was emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. 2yrs. into their marriage my brother left at 2:00 in the morning while she was asleep. He left with his car and the clothes on his back and drove as far as his gas took him and that was 15yrs. ago. 6yrs. ago he finally contacted our family as we thought he no longer lived. The police in our town knowing our family thought there was foul play on this woman's apart but could not proove it all those years. My brothers only fault was he was dyslexic and needed his wife's help to read and write. My brother has since learned reading and writing and has self esteem and is now totally responsible for his own life. He has put the past behind and lives a happy contented life in another state. He at times still talks of those days of fear. The information reveals a violence she had to utility workers and pizza delivery persons most any one she did business with. This lady is long gone with her violence only to have taken it with her to another place. My brother had finally joined a program for men who experience spousal abuse from their mate. There are programs and organizations for men be they far and few in between. From my bothers information we share it is for men a silent abuse and some survive and others take their lives.
Lucy2009

New Orleans, LA

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#10
Jun 29, 2009
 
Another Cop wrote:
Men do not usually report domestic violence unless a visit to the hospital reveals same. Even then, men typically make up a story about their injuries, being too embarrassed about it all unless knife or gunshot evidence abounds.
Today, a woman need only pick up a telephone and get a man evicted from his own home without due process, along with loss of gun rights. We see a lot "bad women" that make a career out of it off of stupid lonely men.
As noted above by "Mr Rabbit", women do not receive the same degree of punishment or "justice" from the "system" when they batter and abuse. The VAWA would appear to be nothing more than a way to pull money out of the pockets of families that can least afford it.
Are you serious??!!!
You are the same type of "Law Enforcer" who laughs when a woman has been beaten by her husband?!
The fact IS MORE MEN ABUSE WOMEN THAN WOMEN ABUSE MEN!!! PERIOD! MOST OF THE FEMALE "ABUSERS" are defending themselves!Most of the times when a woman harms a man it's because he has probably hit her in the past, and now she is "walking on eggshells" around him when she snaps! All it takes is him raising his voice and her reacting for a fear of being assulted as usual.
Take it from some one who has been abused, and in turned "beat the brakes" off of my abuser before finally he left me alone. Yes, he went to the hospital, I'm sure lied about his injuries, but he never laid a hand on me again! I was too afriad to stand up for myself, and when he was arrested for DV, the arresting officer said, "Maybe he's just having a bad day....he seems like a good guy. He just probably needs a little space from the stress of having to provide for a family." You see my abuser is very charming and acted as if he's sorry for maybe a little shove saying, "Well, ya know how it can be when you give all you can and it's still not enough....blah, blah, balh". Not sure what he meant by not enough because we were both working full time outside the house. As a matter of fact I made more money than he did, and he was in control of the finances, but what he didn't mention to the officer is that I had just caught him cheatng on me with a close friend and was in the process of making arrangments to leave. That's when he panic. Stood in front of the door and kept pushing me to the floor with our 7 month old baby in my arms. Not to mention he had battered me when I was pregnant as well.
Well, I had enough!!! I knocked his lights out! I am 5 feet tall and he is 6 foot 2inches tall. I grabbed an umbrella and batter up!! Whatever insecurities he had with me making more money than he, was his issues to get over. I thought I was being supportive by contributing and therefore relieving some of the financial stress by going to work right after having the baby, and suggesting he seek counseling after he had hit me in the past.
My sister is also in an abusive relationship, where once again she is the "breadwinner" and he can't cope. My friend as well, he doesn't physically harm her, but he is mean spirited....Oh she also makes pretty darn close to what he makes, and if she leaves she would not need a dime from him to survive.
I believe a lot of the men today are very lost as women do not need them financially as we once did in this society long ago. Some men are threatened and some feel emasculated. Women are more relationship oriented and men are more ruled by their status/ego.
Yes, I would have a man evicted for not wanting to leave if he has threatened me, verbally or otherwise. I call it, stopping a bad situation from becoming worst.
Congrats

East Berlin, PA

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#11
Jun 30, 2009
 
Lucy2009 wrote:
<quoted text>
Are you serious??!!!
You are the same type of "Law Enforcer" who laughs when a woman has been beaten by her husband?!
The fact IS MORE MEN ABUSE WOMEN THAN WOMEN ABUSE MEN!!! PERIOD! MOST OF THE FEMALE "ABUSERS" are defending themselves!Most of the times when a woman harms a man it's because he has probably hit her in the past, and now she is "walking on eggshells" around him when she snaps! All it takes is him raising his voice and her reacting for a fear of being assulted as usual.
Take it from some one who has been abused, and in turned "beat the brakes" off of my abuser before finally he left me alone. Yes, he went to the hospital, I'm sure lied about his injuries, but he never laid a hand on me again! I was too afriad to stand up for myself, and when he was arrested for DV, the arresting officer said, "Maybe he's just having a bad day....he seems like a good guy. He just probably needs a little space from the stress of having to provide for a family." You see my abuser is very charming and acted as if he's sorry for maybe a little shove saying, "Well, ya know how it can be when you give all you can and it's still not enough....blah, blah, balh". Not sure what he meant by not enough because we were both working full time outside the house. As a matter of fact I made more money than he did, and he was in control of the finances, but what he didn't mention to the officer is that I had just caught him cheatng on me with a close friend and was in the process of making arrangments to leave. That's when he panic. Stood in front of the door and kept pushing me to the floor with our 7 month old baby in my arms. Not to mention he had battered me when I was pregnant as well.
Well, I had enough!!! I knocked his lights out! I am 5 feet tall and he is 6 foot 2inches tall. I grabbed an umbrella and batter up!! Whatever insecurities he had with me making more money than he, was his issues to get over. I thought I was being supportive by contributing and therefore relieving some of the financial stress by going to work right after having the baby, and suggesting he seek counseling after he had hit me in the past.
My sister is also in an abusive relationship, where once again she is the "breadwinner" and he can't cope. My friend as well, he doesn't physically harm her, but he is mean spirited....Oh she also makes pretty darn close to what he makes, and if she leaves she would not need a dime from him to survive.
I believe a lot of the men today are very lost as women do not need them financially as we once did in this society long ago. Some men are threatened and some feel emasculated. Women are more relationship oriented and men are more ruled by their status/ego.
Yes, I would have a man evicted for not wanting to leave if he has threatened me, verbally or otherwise. I call it, stopping a bad situation from becoming worst.
Good for you. Now go have a good life with no one violating your person. Peace, happiness , and real love to you.
Joy

Santa Rita, Guam

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#12
Apr 16, 2013
 
King of all Blacks wrote:
Did it ever occur to the mind of any that indeed there are some women who deserve a good beat down every now and then, not to mention that some women enjoy a few jabs and a solid right cross across their chops?
I see women every day with teeth knocked out by the guy she is with and her baby's daddy, who have no intention of ever breaking up their relationship. As a matter of fact, sometimes they even provide a way for them to bet the booze so they can come home drunk and give them a 3:00 AM Whopping.
I assume you don't believe that some MEN deserve a good "beat down" every now and then???!!!! You are obviously one of those abusive men! Shame on you!!!!

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