10 year old Daughter touches her 12 y...

10 year old Daughter touches her 12 year old friend penis

Posted in the Parenting Forum

Since: Jul 10

Central District, Hong Kong

#1 Jul 8, 2010
Just want to know what will be the outcome of this experience to my daughter. Bad or good? By the way, she actually stroking the boy not just touching.

Since: Jul 10

Central District, Hong Kong

#2 Jul 8, 2010
Don't know how to deal with this.
paul

United States

#3 Jun 25, 2011
It's normal each sex is curious about the other sex but sit down and talk with her the 12yo should no better
CaDad

Rocklin, CA

#4 Jul 23, 2011
She should be sat down and talked about boundaries!
It is as simple as that.
Berry

Dallas, TX

#5 Jul 28, 2011
What the HECK!At 10 I waz still playing with stuffed animals and barbie dolls this is CRAZY!What has the world come 2?
Pam

Oak Harbor, WA

#7 Sep 29, 2011
My daughter was doing same thing my best friend and I moved in togeather. Her son was about 13yrs old and we left them home alone one night. When we came home my daughter was giving him a blow job. We freeked out about it but later we laugh togeather. We actually had the sex talk with them, we decided to let them explore with eachother.
Nicole

Bellville, South Africa

#8 Oct 4, 2011
It's not always good but often it is normal and harmless. you should never accept it for them to engage in sexual acts or give your approval. However it is normal for kids even younger to experiment with sexuality without understanding it really.

I think if they don't know, that you know about it. They will know its naughty or wrong and stop after the curiosity was fulfilled or most likely one feel uncomfortable next time. They are not sophisticated enough to know how to seduce or control the other by leading them on. Normally the approach is blunt and direct. therefore the next time the chances are good that the other will not be comfortable with the blunt or direct approach of the other. They will learn by their own social experiment how well it is accepted and normally back down.

Intervention can cause an uncomfortable situation for them that might not be necessary since in most cases it end by itself. Often it's a once-off event. It happens once or twice until one shows discomfort. Boys are as likely as girls to show discomfort to the other and it is usually respected after a few failed attempts.

But if they know you know about it, then you MUST react reasonably, if you don't respond they think they have your approval and that will be wrong. Then you indirectly teach them that its right and then they will go further with it, with other friends, in the open and forget about the boundaries.

If they don’t know they you know, they will know they are being naughty and will never see it as normal, it will always be the “the naughty thing”. Its only when they know you know and you don’t do anything, when they learn bad behaviour believing that it’s ok.

If they don't know that you know, you may want to add a few things in general such as after swimming, to tell him or her to cover-up more and call it rude not to be covered "its not good to walk around like that" little things that indirectly teach them about typical boundaries so that they realise that its wrong.

Only if it continues or there is aggression, power play involved or doing things openly, you should start intervening. Because then there is something else involved that is not healthy. It should not become a sexual relationship or victimisation.

Kids will always do naughty things while growing up, they will experiment sexually as they experiment socially. Only some guidelines from everyday parenting will teach them some basic boundaries that are usually more than enough for kids. But even if they know the basic boundaries. Kids will be naughty at times. Its normal play ground behaviour for some twisted child to lift up a girls dress or a girl to pull down a boys shorts for fun while playing and they can weigh up the fun vs intolerance as they learn by their own social system.

I had a boy lifting my dress at school, I slapped him and his friends laughed, but now I’m not harmed by it at all and hopefully nor is he. I laugh about it now. No trauma. Things like this is normal and kids do it all the time and most of the time parents don’t know it. Remain cautious for when things that goes beyond the child’s control or ability to manage that can cause trauma for kids.

Often these things are necessary for kids to learn how to deal with similar life events as they grow. If nobody makes your child uncomfortable, how will he or she learn how to deal with it? If your child never faces a conflict situation, how will they learn? What is important is they the situation is not inflicted by adults or bullies that goes beyond your child’s ability to control. Kids can sort each other out most of the time and let them know what is wanted, accepted or not wanted. Kids learn a lot from their own social rules.
CaDad

Rocklin, CA

#9 Oct 5, 2011
HAHAHAHAHAHAH, NIOCLE YOU SHEDEVIL!!!!!
I SEE YOU HAVE FOUND A COMPUTER TO USE ONCE AGAIN.
Anyways, curiosity is a natural thing-teaching boundaries is also something, we as parents have to do now and then( you would not know that since you mentioned you are not one)
That is why , as parents, we monitor our children, their friends, and their surroundings.
Nicole

Bellville, South Africa

#10 Oct 5, 2011
CaDad: LOL nice to see you again.

1) Well I never said allowing sex between children is right.
2) I did say you need to teach them boundaries
3) I only said it’s normal for kids to experiment, be naughty and that does not turn them into freaks or mean child abuse.
4) I also said that since it is in most cases just curiosity, it doesn't mean it will continue, in most cases it stop by it self right after the curiosity is fulfilled.
5) just because I'm not a parent doesn't mean I don't know what is wrong or right, what is normal or not for kids. I was also a child once remember.

Furthermore you don't know what my knowledge on children, parenting, psychology or laws are to assume i know nothing. You have never put my opinion to the test to know what the outcome is.
Not all parents have a clue either. So if practical parenting is the only qualification required to have an opinion, then I guess you don't need any qualification right! Even the most stupid of the stupid can become parents

Nicole

Bellville, South Africa

#11 Oct 5, 2011
CaDad: perhaps one day you may discover that finding out that understanding your child, and their behaviour may mean more to them than plain discipline alone. Children need to know that even if they did bad things in adults eyes that it doesn’t mean they are bad or anything wrong with them.

The humiliation of catching a child experimenting with sexuality and disciplining them for it may be more damaging than the sexual experiment itself. We all got our sexualities one way or the other through experiments at a point where we thought of it as wrong, naughty or the end of the world if you are caught only later to discover that it’s normal.

But to teach them boundaries is also important, I agree. A child will respect the parent for understanding his/her feelings or actions what comes natural to them and will allow you to have much more influence in a child’s life for the right reasons. You will have much more influence and guidance in a child’s life if you can follow that understanding.
Disciplining children strait on their actions often cause children to build a barrier between them and the parent. This gives parents less influence on the decision children make.
CaDad

Rocklin, CA

#12 Oct 6, 2011
lol-I never said beating them would accomplish anything -I said-teaching them boundaries, being watchful and alert is just something that comes with the territory. Handled correctly, no parent would humiliate their child, they would use it as a " teaching Moment" Nuff said.
anonymous

Grove City, OH

#13 Feb 11, 2012
its just curiosity. They aren't naughty just wondering
anonymous

Grove City, OH

#14 Feb 11, 2012
nichole your note talking to five year olds dont say "naghty".
anonymous

Grove City, OH

#15 Feb 11, 2012
Dont say naughty and its pefictly fine to allow nudity in your house even touching let them learn early when there 14 you leave them alone they'll have sex even if you say NO
Ana

Seattle, WA

#17 Apr 17, 2013
I'm 11 and my I'm three years ahead in body develovement and my boyfriend is 4 years ahead so I have boobs and a ready vagina and he has a nice and ready pens but we have gotten phisacal but no penis to my thing yet and defiantly not for 7 more years
Ana

Seattle, WA

#18 Apr 17, 2013
Just lets us lick and suck its our mouth and our body

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#19 Apr 18, 2013
Oh jeez is this what I have to look forward to when my girls get to that age?

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