One by One, Our Abortion Stories Can ...

One by One, Our Abortion Stories Can Change Debate

There are 1167 comments on the Women's eNews story from Dec 9, 2012, titled One by One, Our Abortion Stories Can Change Debate. In it, Women's eNews reports that:

Three drugstore purchased tests had proved it without a doubt. I was pregnant. Sitting on the toilet, looking at the tests lined up side by side on the tub, it was a typically cool and foggy summer day near the beach in San Francisco.

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Ocean56

AOL

#883 Jan 2, 2013
Largelanguage wrote:
Funny how the only friends you have seem to be women. Chances are you probably have daddy issues.
Funny how YOU always have the need to MAKE STUFF UP about people who raise topics you don't like on a public forum.
Largelanguage

Wrexham, UK

#884 Jan 2, 2013
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text>
That's YOUR perception, which doesn't surprise me. Personally, I think this woman was PRESSURED to have children by family and/or religious community, and she bought the whole "motherhood is a blessing, no matter what" ideology. It obviously never occurred to her that she could simply reject the motherhood mandate and feel no regrets about THAT.
This sad story and others like are just proof that the "mothers never regret having their children" MYTH is just that.
Actually she looked at life the wrong way, and by not loving herself she was unable to love her baby. And actually she said she hated what she become, meaning she doesn't like herself and didn't really manage to find herself either to think of herself as a mother. You're foolish.
Ocean56

AOL

#886 Jan 2, 2013
Largelanguage wrote:
Actually she looked at life the wrong way, and by not loving herself she was unable to love her baby. And actually she said she hated what she become, meaning she doesn't like herself and didn't really manage to find herself either to think of herself as a mother. You're foolish.
Again, that's your belief, which doesn't mean it is fact. This and other stories of women who regret becoming mothers when they may have been undecided or unwilling to do so in the first place are proof to me that many women are PRESSURED into having children and caved in to the pressure instead of resisting it.

Motherhood is OPTIONAL, not required, and I think all women need to be aware of that.
Ocean56

AOL

#887 Jan 2, 2013
Largelanguage wrote:
Actually she looked at life the wrong way, and by not loving herself she was unable to love her baby. And actually she said she hated what she become, meaning she doesn't like herself and didn't really manage to find herself either to think of herself as a mother. You're foolish.
NONSENSE. Contrary to what regressive religionists like you want everyone to believe, there's nothing wrong with women (and men) who DON'T want children and enjoy what they call a childfree life.

Parenthood is OPTIONAL, not required. Deal with it yourself.
Largelanguage

Wrexham, UK

#888 Jan 2, 2013
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text>
Again, that's your belief, which doesn't mean it is fact. This and other stories of women who regret becoming mothers when they may have been undecided or unwilling to do so in the first place are proof to me that many women are PRESSURED into having children and caved in to the pressure instead of resisting it.
Motherhood is OPTIONAL, not required, and I think all women need to be aware of that.
Say that to the 16 year old girls who would never want to give up their children.
Ocean56

AOL

#889 Jan 3, 2013
Largelanguage wrote:
Say that to the 16 year old girls who would never want to give up their children.
It would be helpful to give this kind of information to teen girls BEFORE they have sex and end up pregnant.

**********

REALITY SUCKS FOR TEENAGE MOTHERS

http://voices.yahoo.com/reality-sucks-teenage ...

by Melody Landeros, February 1, 2011

Many people read with disbelief the recent story of ninety teenage mothers or mothers to be at one school in Tennessee. Others walk by the checkout counters and see headlines such as one MTV mother doesn't know who exactly is the father of her baby. More people tune into MTV and watch the latest installment of Teen Mother 2. Ask a teenager and they know of at least one pregnant person in high school. With a country that has so much information and supplies about pregnancy prevention, how do we explain this atmosphere that condones, and encourages young girls to get pregnant as young as twelve.

Many people will say blame the media that projects this illusionary picture of teen motherhood as though it is tough, the pregnancy will workout some way in a positive manner for the young mother. Maybe the pregnancy will and maybe the opposite outcome will occur, but once the cameras are turned off the question becomes how did these young women end up in such life changing situations?

Does peer pressure cause young girls to become women too fast? When the mentality of everyone doing it or an acceptance that somehow being sexually active is a rite of passage at such an early age, many girls have intimate relationships long before they are mentally and emotionally ready to handle the responsibility and the consequences of these choices. Many mistaken sex for love and instead of realizing that sex is an expression of love.

Their need for acceptance and love is so great that if that relationship doesn't fill that void in them, they mistakenly believe a baby will fill that void, when the void can truly only be filled by themselves. Self-love and acceptance will fill the void, not sexual trysts or babies. These young women do not realize that a baby is a life altering event and once mothers, all the self-centeredness of teenage years, the parties, the dances, the going out, are gone and life revolves around the baby who is completely dependent on a mother.

Not only does the expectant mother have a life altering event, so do the family and friends that surround them. Friends may be excited in the beginning with their pregnant friend, eagerly anticipating the birth and the few weeks that follow, but life will again flow for their friends. These friends will continue to be teenagers and have that semi-carefree life, and not wish to be tied down with a friend with a baby. Sounds cruel, but this choice is a reality many teen mothers experience.

Click on link below to read the story in its entirety.

http://voices.yahoo.com/reality-sucks-teenage ...

Largelanguage

Wrexham, UK

#890 Jan 3, 2013
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text>
It would be helpful to give this kind of information to teen girls BEFORE they have sex and end up pregnant.
**********
REALITY SUCKS FOR TEENAGE MOTHERS
http://voices.yahoo.com/reality-sucks-teenage ...
by Melody Landeros, February 1, 2011
Many people read with disbelief the recent story of ninety teenage mothers or mothers to be at one school in Tennessee. Others walk by the checkout counters and see headlines such as one MTV mother doesn't know who exactly is the father of her baby. More people tune into MTV and watch the latest installment of Teen Mother 2. Ask a teenager and they know of at least one pregnant person in high school. With a country that has so much information and supplies about pregnancy prevention, how do we explain this atmosphere that condones, and encourages young girls to get pregnant as young as twelve.
Many people will say blame the media that projects this illusionary picture of teen motherhood as though it is tough, the pregnancy will workout some way in a positive manner for the young mother. Maybe the pregnancy will and maybe the opposite outcome will occur, but once the cameras are turned off the question becomes how did these young women end up in such life changing situations?
Does peer pressure cause young girls to become women too fast? When the mentality of everyone doing it or an acceptance that somehow being sexually active is a rite of passage at such an early age, many girls have intimate relationships long before they are mentally and emotionally ready to handle the responsibility and the consequences of these choices. Many mistaken sex for love and instead of realizing that sex is an expression of love.
Their need for acceptance and love is so great that if that relationship doesn't fill that void in them, they mistakenly believe a baby will fill that void, when the void can truly only be filled by themselves. Self-love and acceptance will fill the void, not sexual trysts or babies. These young women do not realize that a baby is a life altering event and once mothers, all the self-centeredness of teenage years, the parties, the dances, the going out, are gone and life revolves around the baby who is completely dependent on a mother.
Not only does the expectant mother have a life altering event, so do the family and friends that surround them. Friends may be excited in the beginning with their pregnant friend, eagerly anticipating the birth and the few weeks that follow, but life will again flow for their friends. These friends will continue to be teenagers and have that semi-carefree life, and not wish to be tied down with a friend with a baby. Sounds cruel, but this choice is a reality many teen mothers experience.
Click on link below to read the story in its entirety.
http://voices.yahoo.com/reality-sucks-teenage ...
Your use of language seems over emphasied, such as, pregnancy SUCKS for teenage mothers. I'm sure you aren't too happy about yours.
Ocean56

AOL

#891 Jan 3, 2013
Largelanguage wrote:
Your use of language seems over emphasied, such as, pregnancy SUCKS for teenage mothers. I'm sure you aren't too happy about yours.
As far as I'M concerned, pregnancy DOES suck for teenage girls, primarily because I think most of them never wanted to GET pregnant in the first place.

Also, life is a lot HARDER for girls who do get pregnant and then end up raising a baby, which is often so overwhelming that they fall behind in their school work and some even have to drop OUT of school. Thank goodness that I never had to deal with all of that. I would have hated it if I had gotten pregnant as a teenager. So I made sure I didn't.
Ocean56

AOL

#892 Jan 3, 2013
Personally, based on my individual experience, I'd have to say that generally speaking, life tends to be much easier for any teen girl, myself included, who ISN'T (or wasn't) a teen mom. Why? Because she isn't overwhelmed with adult responsibilities before she's even completed high school, that's why. Because I DIDN'T get pregnant and become a teen mom, I was able to complete all my classes, assignments, and tests as a high school student. I enjoyed all my summers between school years, doing pretty much whatever I wanted. I never had to worry about paying for diapers and formula, and I was able to keep my freedom to be a normal teenager.

It's wonderful how much freedom a teen girl has when she ISN'T pregnant. Girls need to think very carefully about all they risk losing by having sex and possibly getting pregnant. They need to think about it BEFORE having sex for the first time, not afterward. If they only think of it afterward, it may already be too late.

After graduating high school and having a two-month summer vacation, I began a vocational program in September and successfully completed it nine months later. A few weeks after that, I accepted a job offer in a great city, and things just got better from there. Working at my job gave me chances to earn a good full-time salary with benefits, take classes to learn more job skills -- at company expense -- and advance to jobs with higher salaries.

NONE of that would have been possible if I had gotten pregnant as a teenager and become a teen mom. Having a baby would have made even doing homework and studying for tests in high school very difficult, if not impossible. I might even have had to drop out of school, as some teen girls have done, and wouldn't have gotten my high school diploma. It wouldn't have been possible for me to go to vocational school or work full-time at a top company either. For me to accomplish all that I had wanted and planned for myself, it required me to be a FREE TEEN rather than a teen mom.

Girls can do so much when they are encouraged by parents and community to pursue their educations including college or vocational school and then get good jobs and careers. I was very fortunate to have parents and a community that encouraged education and career for me and other girls rather than the "traditional" paths of marriage/motherhood and not much else. It is much easier for girls to have opportunities for a good education, good employment, and economic independence when they don't get pregnant and become mothers too soon.

“Proud to be a Wiccan Priest”

Since: Jul 09

Jonesboro AR

#893 Jan 6, 2013
Largelanguage wrote:
<quoted text>
Actually she looked at life the wrong way, and by not loving herself she was unable to love her baby. And actually she said she hated what she become, meaning she doesn't like herself and didn't really manage to find herself either to think of herself as a mother. You're foolish.
An opinion that you would like to believe is true.

In the end she stated what she felt. She regretted becoming a mother

And if any one is foolish. it is you trying to spin something to make your self feel better.
Largelanguage

Wrexham, UK

#894 Jan 7, 2013
Kathwynn wrote:
<quoted text>
An opinion that you would like to believe is true.
In the end she stated what she felt. She regretted becoming a mother
And if any one is foolish. it is you trying to spin something to make your self feel better.
She regretted becoming a mother, but maybe in her self deluded mindset she experienced many of "strange" feelings.
Ink

Bensalem, PA

#895 Jan 7, 2013
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text>
Again, that's your belief, which doesn't mean it is fact. This and other stories of women who regret becoming mothers when they may have been undecided or unwilling to do so in the first place are proof to me that many women are PRESSURED into having children and caved in to the pressure instead of resisting it.
Motherhood is OPTIONAL, not required, and I think all women need to be aware of that.
Any mother who regrets giving birth to a child because it's harder than she thought, can give the baby to a loving adoptive family.

“Proud to be a Wiccan Priest”

Since: Jul 09

Jonesboro AR

#896 Jan 7, 2013
Largelanguage wrote:
<quoted text>
She regretted becoming a mother, but maybe in her self deluded mindset she experienced many of "strange" feelings.
You just keep telling yourself that.. In the mean time, I have some special beans I got off of a boy name Jack. I let you have some for a very good price. Along with a bridge..

“Proud to be a Wiccan Priest”

Since: Jul 09

Jonesboro AR

#897 Jan 7, 2013
Ink wrote:
<quoted text>
Any mother who regrets giving birth to a child because it's harder than she thought, can give the baby to a loving adoptive family.
Yeah you tell that to the what is it better than 100,00 kids awaiting adoption..

I love you fools and your naivete.. You dolts, really believe life is just so cut and dry.

That reality is something you make up as you go along.

life is anything, but cut and dry.

It is messy, hard, mistakes are made. People do get hurt. Often times there are no good answers. Just an answer that one has to live with and deal.

Sometimes it means that after becoming a parent an adult realizes that this is not for her. But still does all she can to raise her child. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do.

You fools, would spin a myth that Parenthood is all peaches and cream. It isn't. The hard truth is that parenthood whether one is a mother or the father. It is the hardest job that does not end. To pretty that up with a lot of garbage is stupidity. The most a parent can really hope for is the child does not grow up and become a criminal or worse.

As parents we all find something that makes parenthood worth it. It is different for all of us. Sometimes an adult really does wish she was not a mother, but muddles through all the same. For a teen mother it must be a nightmare even under the best circumstances as she is faced with the reality. She really has no idea as to what to do to really take of her baby. Especially when she herself is still a baby.

Yes, a 13,14,15, even a 16 year old girl to me is still a baby. With all the worries of an adult. With barely enough skills to survive on her own. She has to make adult decisions that would even make an adult wake up in a cold sweat.

That is reality.
Ocean56

AOL

#898 Jan 8, 2013
Kathwynn wrote:
As parents we all find something that makes parenthood worth it. It is different for all of us. Sometimes an adult really does wish she was not a mother, but muddles through all the same. For a teen mother it must be a nightmare even under the best circumstances as she is faced with the reality. She really has no idea as to what to do to really take of her baby. Especially when she herself is still a baby.
Yes, a 13,14,15, even a 16 year old girl to me is still a baby. With all the worries of an adult. With barely enough skills to survive on her own. She has to make adult decisions that would even make an adult wake up in a cold sweat.
That is reality.
Exactly, KW. When I was in my teens and twenties, the LAST things I wanted were marriage and motherhood, especially the latter. I knew all the HARDSHIPS that motherhood involved, and I wanted NO part of them. That's why I didn't cave in to demands for sex from immature guys, both in high school and afterward. I DIDN'T want to get pregnant as a teenager and young adult woman, I wanted to stay FREE.

I think girls and women are still PRESSURED to have children by family and religious community, even when some girls/women are either undecided about children or unwilling to have them. Also, they are purposely kept ignorant of the HARDSHIPS of motherhood until after they have had a baby. By then, of course, it is too late, even for the mothers who have serious regrets that they became mothers at all.

The regressive religionists like Inky and company seem to have the idiotic belief that "you're not a true woman until you become a mother" or something equally stupid. That kind of faith-based NONSENSE is the kind of pressure used on girls and women by their families and religious communities. So I'll go on posting about the hardships of motherhood as many times as I see fit. Whether the religionists like that or not is irrelevant.
Ocean56

AOL

#899 Jan 8, 2013
If girls and women think school or work is hard now, they should know that becoming a mother will be ten times harder. Many mothers and grandmothers don’t tell young girls and women in their family exactly how hard motherhood truly is, for reasons known only to them. I strongly disagree with the practice of keeping girls in ignorance of this. I believe they NEED to know what being a mother will require of them, so they can make an informed decision about being a mother, even if it means some girls will decide not to be mothers at any point in their lives. That is just fine if some don't want to be mothers. Not all girls or women are suited to be moms, and choosing NOT to be a mother is just as valid as the choice to be one.

Some of the hardships mothers of all ages will face once a baby arrives include -- but are not limited to -- the following:

HARDSHIP #1: LOSS OF FREEDOM - Having a baby really does change everything, including the freedom that girls and women used to have in abundance. Once the baby arrives, that freedom will be gone, for at least the next five or six years and possibly longer. Teen girls and young women who become moms can forget about going out with friends, whether to the movies, to hang out at their favorite restaurant or coffee shop, or anywhere else for that matter. If they do go out, they’ll have to take the baby with them if their parents refuse to babysit. If the baby is sick or very cranky for any number of reasons, girls will end up staying home instead of going out. Girls who are still in middle or high school will find it much harder to do their homework assignments or study for exams when they have to care for a baby as well. It will be a very long time before girls get any of their former freedom back.

HARDSHIP #2: LOSS OF SLEEP - The first thing girls and women have to know about motherhood is that newborn babies do NOT sleep eight hours a night. All mothers, myself included, can honestly say that babies can – and do – wake up during the night as many as two or three times. Each time the baby wakes up, mom has to get up with the baby, feed the baby, change the baby’s diaper (which could be a messy one), and then get the baby back to sleep. When my son was a newborn baby, there were nights where I got NO sleep whatsoever. Luckily for me, I had completed high school and post-high school education long before that, so I didn’t have to get up at 5:00am to go to school after having almost no sleep. Those who are teen moms will not be so lucky.
Ocean56

AOL

#900 Jan 8, 2013
HARDSHIP #3: LOSS OF MONEY - Whatever money a girl/woman used to spend on herself will have to be spent on the baby, and that cost is far more than most girls could begin to anticipate. These costs include diapers, food, clothing, baby equipment (car seat, crib, stroller, baby carriers, baby and child toys, etc.) and so much more. Anyone who wants to do the math can begin their research by going to their local grocery store and checking out the baby food and diaper sections. Just make sure you have a notebook and calculator, because you will need to multiply those costs for each item several times per week. That’s just for food and diapers, you haven’t even started on the costs for clothing, baby equipment and toys. That will add a staggering amount to your calculations, and the sum will be far higher than you could imagine. If you plan to put the baby in day care for any amount of time during the week, you will have to add up those costs too. Get the picture now? Having a baby costs a HUGE amount of money, which many girls and young women simply do not have, unless they have wealthy parents.

HARDSHIP #4: LOSS OF EDUCATION AND JOB/CAREER OPPORTUNITIES – As hard as it is to acknowledge, a working mother of any age cannot have the same kind of freedom, flexibility or mobility as a woman without children has. If a girl cannot complete high school due to the demands of motherhood, she will not be able to go to college or vocational school, as both typically require a high school diploma first. That automatically limits her ability to find good employment, and she may well have to settle for a minimum wage job, which pays far less than what is needed to raise a child comfortably. Girls and women who complete high school may find that many jobs require a college degree or vocational school certificate, and without those, she may still not be able to get a job that pays a decent salary. A high school diploma alone is no guarantee of good employment, but all girls need one if they hope to advance to higher levels of education that their chosen job or career requires.
Ocean56

AOL

#901 Jan 8, 2013
HARDSHIP #5: LOSS OF MOBILITY – Those who don’t have children have a rather naďve idea that parents can just as easily take a baby with them whenever they go out. They are half right. Yes, parents can take a baby out with them, but it is far from easy. Even going to the grocery store with a baby can be a huge hassle. First they have to get the baby dressed, which can be difficult when the little one is happy being home and doesn’t want to be dressed to go out. After getting baby dressed, which can take much longer than mom expected, mom then has to put baby into the car seat, get baby out of the car seat when she arrives at the store, then carry baby around until she can find a cart with an infant carrier. Most grocery stores have very few of those, as I personally discovered long ago. Some may not have any. Going to a restaurant with a baby can also be very stressful, especially if baby suddenly begins crying or screaming for unknown reasons. Mothers who walk into restaurants with screaming or crying babies will find themselves the object of hostile stares, which usually last until they finally have to leave.

HARDSHIP #6: LOSS OF PRIVATE TIME – When a baby arrives, a mom will quickly find that she doesn’t have privacy any more. If she used to read books for hours with few or no interruptions, that will no longer be an option for her. If she is a teen mom who needs quiet time to complete her homework assignments or study for important final exams, that won’t be possible either. A baby will demand her attention many times during the day, so she won’t have private time for doing the things she enjoys or needs to complete.
Ocean56

AOL

#902 Jan 8, 2013
HARDSHIP #7: DEALING WITH COLIC – For girls/women who are unaware, colic is a long period of crying, screaming and shrieking that can last for many hours a day, and even all night. It can begin when the baby is as young as three weeks old, and it can go on until the baby is five months old. My son had colic for almost two months as an infant. For me, it seemed more like two years. During that time, the crying usually began in the early evening and would last until past midnight. I would walk around the small apartment, carrying him in my arms, for hours trying to comfort him, but nothing I did really worked. He wouldn’t eat, and he most certainly didn’t sleep, and I was a wreck as a result. Being deprived of sleep, with a colicky baby on top of that, can really feel like torture for a mom after a while. I was no exception.

There is no escaping the fact that becoming a mother makes a girl’s/woman's life much HARDER and she loses most, if not all, of the benefits and comforts she had before she got pregnant. Too many girls/women are PRESSURED into having children by family members and/or religious community, and purposely aren't told just how very hard motherhood is until AFTER they have had a baby. I think it is high time that changed. If some girls/women decide they don't want the hardships of motherhood, that is fine. The choice for a woman to be childfree is just as valid and respectable as the choice to be a mother.

“Proud to be a Wiccan Priest”

Since: Jul 09

Jonesboro AR

#903 Jan 8, 2013
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text>
Exactly, KW. When I was in my teens and twenties, the LAST things I wanted were marriage and motherhood, especially the latter. I knew all the HARDSHIPS that motherhood involved, and I wanted NO part of them. That's why I didn't cave in to demands for sex from immature guys, both in high school and afterward. I DIDN'T want to get pregnant as a teenager and young adult woman, I wanted to stay FREE.
I think girls and women are still PRESSURED to have children by family and religious community, even when some girls/women are either undecided about children or unwilling to have them. Also, they are purposely kept ignorant of the HARDSHIPS of motherhood until after they have had a baby. By then, of course, it is too late, even for the mothers who have serious regrets that they became mothers at all.
The regressive religionists like Inky and company seem to have the idiotic belief that "you're not a true woman until you become a mother" or something equally stupid. That kind of faith-based NONSENSE is the kind of pressure used on girls and women by their families and religious communities. So I'll go on posting about the hardships of motherhood as many times as I see fit. Whether the religionists like that or not is irrelevant.
Just as I will continue to point out that life is not all cut and dry. That decisions are not always going to be the right one or even the best one. That there are times when any decision made is not going to be the appropriate. Just a decision that was made and now has to be lived with no matter the outcome.

For any one to pretty it up with fairy tales and knights in shiny armor is criminal at worse and wishful thinking at best.

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