What students need

What students need

There are 4 comments on the Dallas Morning News story from Dec 11, 2006, titled What students need. In it, Dallas Morning News reports that:

My wife spent a few years teaching in a mostly low-income elementary school. The main thing I remember her telling me was that parental involvement was a near-perfect predictor of her students' performance.

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DeadBOLT Dad

South Bend, IN

#1 Dec 11, 2006
I want to be far more involved in my children's upbringing, but my ex-wife either doesn't call em to tell me about an event at our children's school, or gives me such short notice that there is no way for me to get my work schedule changed so that I can attend.

How are non-custodial parents supposed to be involved in their children's lives when we are excluded from our children's lives by the custodial parent, we are told by the courts that the only contribution to our children that matters is a support check, and local prosecutors won't enforce our visitation rights?
Victor Dmitruk

AOL

#2 Jan 31, 2007
Why expect cooperation from an ex who won't cooperate? In the email age, go directly to the school. Provide your email address and ask each teacher (or your child's counselor or principal or assistant principal or???) to keep you posted by email on what is coming up. You may have to send the email each week, but it is well worth the miniscule effore involved (unless this is just a way to stay mad at your ex!?).

“USA 110 - MEX 3”

Since: Dec 06

Garland, TX

#3 Jan 31, 2007
DeadBOLT Dad wrote:
I want to be far more involved in my children's upbringing, but my ex-wife either doesn't call em to tell me about an event at our children's school, or gives me such short notice that there is no way for me to get my work schedule changed so that I can attend.
How are non-custodial parents supposed to be involved in their children's lives when we are excluded from our children's lives by the custodial parent, we are told by the courts that the only contribution to our children that matters is a support check, and local prosecutors won't enforce our visitation rights?
You are in an unfortunate situation and I sympathize with you. You are very right with regard to the courts ONLY caring about child support and the whole entire system is geared up for "ransom payments" in order that you MAY get to even visit with your child. It is terrible that kids know more today about such things as custody battles, custody evaluations, child support payments and many of them learn how to manipulate their parents REALLY well and lie and play little games trying to get the "better deal", the new Nintendo games or whatever, truly sad because kids don't realize the long term damage of what they are doing and the ex's usually hate the ex parent more than they love their kids.

I often think of when I was a child and when it came to school it was pretty basic:

1. You must bring home homework, if you did not have homework, my dad always created homework by telling me to read the next chapter and be chapters ahead and he always put the responsibility on me to get my assignments and to complete them.

2. The teacher is not the enemy, she is a teacher and to be respected.(period)

3. I had to have straight A's in conduct, no excuses, he would not tolerate bad behavior in the home and especially at school and that was that.

4. My dad knew what I was capable of doing in school and he held me to that standard, yet at the same time pushed me to next level.

But I notice that nowadays some kids are being held as pawns to extort their ex's for money, control and revenge. This has pushed the agenda that will benefit the kid way to the bottom of the list, unlike when my mom and dad were together, they did not have a mission to destroy each other by using us kids.

Wish it was different for you, I share your pain and frustration.
DeadBOLT Dad

Indianapolis, IN

#4 Feb 13, 2013
Victor Dmitruk wrote:
Why expect cooperation from an ex who won't cooperate? In the email age, go directly to the school. Provide your email address and ask each teacher (or your child's counselor or principal or assistant principal or???) to keep you posted by email on what is coming up. You may have to send the email each week, but it is well worth the miniscule effore involved (unless this is just a way to stay mad at your ex!?).
This is definitely not a way to stay mad at the ex - I don't need an ulcer or heart problems.
I have a strange work schedule and I can't afford internet access because child support takes half of my net pay (I'm at the library right now) so I used my rare overtime pay to give my kid's teachers a stack of SASE's to keep me informed.
It's not perfect, but it's the best that I can do right now.
To add insult to injury, the previous version of my state's visitation guidelines required the custodial parent to keep the non-custodial parent informed about a child's school activities.
The new version requires a non-custodial parent to contact the school to find out what the child's school activities are.
My guess is that the courts didn't want to trouble itself with enforcing this clause because they lack the ...political courage to sanction a custodial parent, so they eliminated it.

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