Kids will ruin your life
Ocean56

AOL

#143 Jun 23, 2013
maxkors wrote:
everyone thinks, I'm kidding when I say that I don't want kids because when they see with them. I t looks like that's what I want to them. I get sooooo much pressure from girls saying" oh that seems like that's what makes you happy. you're so good with kids. it's like you're one of them". I'm sure I'd be a great proctologist as well. That doesn't mean I want to be one.
Max, I think you're doing the right thing by NOT caving in to pressure to have kids, whether it's from family or anyone else.

By the way, my childfree uncle didn't get married for the first and only time until he was 48, and his wife was a great gal and also childfree. They enjoyed a happy, childfree marriage for 27 years, until she passed away. My uncle passed away eight years later. They enjoyed life on THEIR terms, and didn't apologize for their decision to anyone. I always admired them for that.

I guess my point is that finding a childfree partner IS possible, so I'd say don't give up completely. Although it's probably a good idea to take a break from the "dating game" for a while.:-)
Parent

South Weymouth, MA

#144 Jun 24, 2013
Kids are a waste of time. I have a daughter who is 13 years old... Shouldn't she be living on her own by now?!?!? She does the dishes and makes me put my plate in the sink instead of her picking it up, isn't that ridiculous? Every time she vacuums the floors and I walk in with my shoes on she asks me to take me shoes off!! It's my house ill do what I want she can just re vacuum the floors. The little crap wants allowance even though she barely does anything except for cleaning the house and tutoring her younger siblings. She also hates how I eat. She's been diagnosed with misophonia or whatever, she just needs to get over it! And whenever she wants something she'll asks my wife and I to pay 1/4 or 1/2 of the thing. Wtf she can just get a job. Sometimes she doesn't even clean the kitchen or do the dishes because she has to study for a test or for finals. She wasn't even planned like my first child. Long story short kids suck.
kmg

United States

#145 Jul 12, 2013
I have a6 year old and a1 year old and I'm off honestly say if I had to do it all over again I would not. I'll take very good care of them because I was raised to do that and I have a moral and legal applications . but it is not at all because I want to
. I reminisce daily on my own life I had a 28 when I had no kids my own place money in the bank two cars and freedom .. and I'm disappointed daily if I look around and see what it is now. I'm borderline going to for sure but I try to stay focused and count my blessings to stay positive. Sometimes I ask myself if I should move and leave them with her dad says they are male boys. But I'm still trying to fight against it and just be responsible but there is no happiness in it The only fanfiction I haven't actually knowing that I am being responsible. I had a really good relationship before I had my first final is now 6 I had a really good relationship before I have my phone now that is one that daily borders on a break up.. all because we are emotionally physically drained and its like we live in a cage. I'm so resentful of my kids and I just wish I had a redo button I don't want anything to happen to them I just wish I could redo all of this. I honestly can't remember when I have actually been happy.. kids have ruined my happiness and I just want this godforsaken motherhood over.. I don't want to care for anything worry about anything all I want to do is focus on me and my happiness daily I dream I'm just moving away to another state enjoying my life the way I want to.. deep down inside I know that we have in the Sun is actually going to ruin my second relationship the best decision I ever made in my life was to get my tubes tied not to become a mother .
I feel guilty feeling this way with all the people that live with themselves and wants a lot of other people just because they want to see people miserable like them do now .. do not have children you will regret it for the rest of your natural born life life if nail nothing but a daily chore.. something to just get up do get through and go to sleep for the next miserable day .. if you decide to have kids after reading this I do not feel sorry for what's going to happen to your life and your relationship ..
kmg

United States

#146 Jul 12, 2013
And I've taken my own consensus in all my friends so the exact same way
Ocean56

AOL

#147 Jul 14, 2013
kmg wrote:
I have a 6 year old and a 1 year old and I'm off honestly say if I had to do it all over again I would not. I'll take very good care of them because I was raised to do that and I have a moral and legal applications . but it is not at all because I want to.

I reminisce daily on my own life I had at 28 when I had no kids my own place money in the bank two cars and freedom .. and I'm disappointed daily if I look around and see what it is now. I'm borderline going to for sure but I try to stay focused and count my blessings to stay positive. Sometimes I ask myself if I should move and leave them with her dad says they are male boys. But I'm still trying to fight against it and just be responsible but there is no happiness in it The only fanfiction I haven't actually knowing that I am being responsible. I had a really good relationship before I had my first final is now 6 I had a really good relationship before I have my phone now that is one that daily borders on a break up.. all because we are emotionally physically drained and its like we live in a cage. I'm so resentful of my kids and I just wish I had a redo button I don't want anything to happen to them I just wish I could redo all of this. I honestly can't remember when I have actually been happy.. kids have ruined my happiness and I just want this godforsaken motherhood over.. I don't want to care for anything worry about anything all I want to do is focus on me and my happiness daily I dream I'm just moving away to another state enjoying my life the way I want to.. deep down inside I know that we have in the Sun is actually going to ruin my second relationship the best decision I ever made in my life was to get my tubes tied not to become a mother .
I feel guilty feeling this way with all the people that live with themselves and wants a lot of other people just because they want to see people miserable like them do now .. do not have children you will regret it for the rest of your natural born life life if nail nothing but a daily chore.. something to just get up do get through and go to sleep for the next miserable day .. if you decide to have kids after reading this I do not feel sorry for what's going to happen to your life and your relationship ..
KMG, I am SO sorry for your situation, and I can tell you I totally sympathize. Motherhood was a hard adjustment for me at 35, when DS arrived, and to this day I'm very grateful I didn't cave in to the pressure from now-ex husband and former in-laws to "have another baby, what's one more?" My health, happiness, and sanity is what that "one more" would have cost me, big time. I don't care what others may say; for me, being a happy "done after one" mom is much better than being a very UNhappy mom to two or more kids.

I can assure you that you won't get any negative judgment from ME for what you're feeling. I've read this same kind of sad story from too many women who were directly or indirectly pressured to marry and/or have children and are now deeply regretting that decision. I guess all I can say to you is try to hang in there, although I know it sounds like another meaningless platitude. Hugs.
Amber Lance

Bellingham, WA

#148 Jul 27, 2013
Believe it wrote:
Yep... My retarded wife never took into account that having a child would put strain on us financially. She squeezed out my crappy son and guess what. I am no longer in school persuing my college education. I am working my ass off and coming home to a bitch and a whiny little shit. I am only 22 and I know I cannot live my dreams. I am struggling to maintain financial stability, and I am forced to care for a child I didn't even want. It's a very horrible life for me. So, do not have a kid/kids.
It is one this to express some regret and feel burdened by your child, but to call your child crappy and a whiny little shit is just plain awful. Do your wife and son a favor, leave them and let them go live a better and happier life without you in it. The way I see it, clearly you neither want or DESERVE your child. Do him a favor and let him go.
Amber Lance

Bellingham, WA

#149 Jul 27, 2013
Yeah, having kids is hard work. Sometimes it sucks and sometimes you wish you could be doing other things with your time, energy and money. They whine, make mess, destroy things, eat up time, energy and money and sometimes drive you up a wall. Why do you think I am here? Because I 100% agree that children and MY children can be a total pain in the butt and they are a hard work and even sometimes a real burden in a 100 different ways. But, as annoying as kids are, as long as you raise them right and realize all of the effort, money, time stress and annoyance does pay off if you also selflessly provide them with everything they need to become wonderful adults. Wonderful adults that will call to check on you, spend time with you on holidays, be there when you are old and sick and possibly alone because all of your friends and spouse are dead. And they are someone to bury you, mourn you and then pass on parts of you and memories of you to the world and your grand children.

Yes, they are hard work and a lot of stress and burden. I could not agree more. But if any of you parents can also not appreciate or see any, not even the smallest single scrap of the happiness, joy and love a child can bring in to your life... you need to do your children a favor and maybe give them up for adoption or leave them with a spouse or family member that can and does love and appreciate them.

For every annoyance a child brings, there is also a positive. Like teaching your child something and passing on to them something you know or learned. Watching them grow, change and develop. Or watching them smile and laugh and take pleasure in the simple pleasures in life, like bubbles or leaves falling from a tree or playing in snow. Or having them hug and kiss you and tell they love you.

My son just pissed me off and ripped up and envelope I needed, my other kids just made a huge mess in the hall. I was also trying to nap because they suck away all my energy and they woke me up by hitting me in the face with a pillow. But as I was trying to fall asleep, one of my sons laid with me and held my hand, and it was wonderful to feel his soft and warm little hand in mine as I fell asleep. My other son just learned how to sing manamana today, and it was so adorable and funny. And my other son learned how to swim on his own in swim lessons and I was very proud.

A lot of bad, A LOT of bad. But a lot of good, and I would say A LOT of good.
Amber Lance

Bellingham, WA

#150 Jul 27, 2013
And anyone who is truly and positively 110% sure they do NOT want kids and hate children can do themselves and any possible future children a favor and get fixed so they are sterile. You have control and a say over that.
Steph23

Bromley, UK

#151 Jul 30, 2013
Ive just found out that im pregnant and after reading all this youve definetely helped me make my mind up in what path im taking!!!
Ocean56

AOL

#152 Jul 30, 2013
Amber Lance wrote:
And anyone who is truly and positively 110% sure they do NOT want kids and hate children can do themselves and any possible future children a favor and get fixed so they are sterile. You have control and a say over that.
FYI, Amber, it ISN'T so easy for a childfree woman to "get herself fixed" as you seem to believe. Many doctors refuse to perform a tubal ligation on women who are under 30, even when a woman who NEVER wants children requests to have the procedure done.

I've heard stories of childfree women -- and men too -- who have had to go to several doctors before they finally found one who would perform a sterilization procedure. Some CF women are still looking.
Ocean56

AOL

#153 Jul 31, 2013
Amber Lance wrote:
Yeah, having kids is hard work. Sometimes it sucks and sometimes you wish you could be doing other things with your time, energy and money. They whine, make mess, destroy things, eat up time, energy and money and sometimes drive you up a wall. Why do you think I am here? Because I 100% agree that children and MY children can be a total pain in the butt and they are a hard work and even sometimes a real burden in a 100 different ways. But, as annoying as kids are, as long as you raise them right and realize all of the effort, money, time stress and annoyance does pay off if you also selflessly provide them with everything they need to become wonderful adults. Wonderful adults that will call to check on you, spend time with you on holidays, be there when you are old and sick and possibly alone because all of your friends and spouse are dead. And they are someone to bury you, mourn you and then pass on parts of you and memories of you to the world and your grand children.
So are you basically saying that people "should" have children to be adult caretakers for them when they're senior citizens? What a RIDICULOUS reason to have children, IMO. Parents who have kids ONLY for that reason are setting themselves up for a huge disappointment. Why? Because there is NO GUARANTEE that adult children will stick around to be adult caretakers for elderly parents, that's why.

The way I see it, if a woman or man has ANY doubts about becoming a parent, if that person doesn't really like or want kids, but is being indirectly or directly PRESSURED to have them, DON'T do it. The decision for a woman or man to be childfree (no kids by choice) is just as valid and responsible as the choice to be a parent.

Parenthood: OPTIONAL, not required.
Sooawesome36

Carpentersville, IL

#154 Aug 1, 2013
GlobeStar wrote:
We had one daughter. She was always a disappointment. Ran away at 17, took up a life of drugs and crime, living in shelters. Will be 40 this year, looks like a worn out hag, has never brought us any joy. Would have been better had she never been born.
Tell her that she is a fucking disappointment. Your life sucks because of her. She made you give up your dreams and aspirations and your time to take care of her. Then she repays you by becoming a drugged up bum. She's a disgrace to EVERYONE, not just you. People like her bring a bad name to humanity.
Sooawesome36

Carpentersville, IL

#155 Aug 1, 2013
Parent wrote:
Kids are a waste of time. I have a daughter who is 13 years old... Shouldn't she be living on her own by now?!?!? She does the dishes and makes me put my plate in the sink instead of her picking it up, isn't that ridiculous? Every time she vacuums the floors and I walk in with my shoes on she asks me to take me shoes off!! It's my house ill do what I want she can just re vacuum the floors. The little crap wants allowance even though she barely does anything except for cleaning the house and tutoring her younger siblings. She also hates how I eat. She's been diagnosed with misophonia or whatever, she just needs to get over it! And whenever she wants something she'll asks my wife and I to pay 1/4 or 1/2 of the thing. Wtf she can just get a job. Sometimes she doesn't even clean the kitchen or do the dishes because she has to study for a test or for finals. She wasn't even planned like my first child. Long story short kids suck.
I hope this is a joke...
Ocean56

AOL

#156 Aug 10, 2013
Sooawesome36 wrote:
Tell her that she is a fucking disappointment. Your life sucks because of her. She made you give up your dreams and aspirations and your time to take care of her. Then she repays you by becoming a drugged up bum. She's a disgrace to EVERYONE, not just you. People like her bring a bad name to humanity.
Maybe the girl who ALLEGEDLY became a "drug addict" (according to the word of one poster who might be taking a few liberties with the truth) MAY have done so because her life sucked growing up. Growing up with angry and resentful parents would make any child miserable.

Even in the 21st century, many people are still PRESSURED to become parents, and cave in to that pressure instead of telling the nosy parkers to STFU and mind their own business. This often leads to anger and resentment directed at their kid(s) because they never WANTED kids in the first place, but were pressured by family, friends, or religious community to have them.

Parenthood is an OPTION, folks, not a requirement. If you know you DON'T like or want children, you are making the wise and responsible choice NOT to have them. The childfree (no kids by choice) lifestyle is enjoyed by many individuals and couples. If that is what you want, go for it, and don't let the guilt peddlers' negative judgments spoil it for you.
Ocean56

AOL

#157 Aug 11, 2013
There is a great cover article in the August 12, 2013 issue of TIME Magazine, titled "The Childfree Life." I think anyone who is undecided about or even unwilling to become a parent needs to read it.

The article is very supportive of those who choose NOT to have children, although there are always those who see the childfree choice as a "threat" of some kind. Why the critics of the childfree see it that way is beyond me, since a person's choice NOT to have children doesn't affect anyone else's choice to have them in any way.
Unhappy Father

Boise, ID

#158 Aug 20, 2013
I have a 9 year old and a 1 year old. You are right. Children ruin your life. I never wanted any but agreed because my wife wanted them more than anything. Yes, I love them but they have completely ruined my life. Money is spent faster than I can earn it. There no time for anything I used to enjoy. No marriage is destroyed because my once beautiful attentive wife has turned into a crabby stranger who has/does absolutely nothing for me. I have souvenirs from the last times we were intimate...~ 1 and 9 years ago. By about 7am on Saturday, I'm praying for Monday to come so I can not be home anymore. I can't say "don't have kids" to anyone on the fence but what I can say is that before I did this I got a ton of BS reports from parents who had to keep it politically correct. You know the advice is false when, as soon as they see the look of horror on your face, they quickly add "but it's all worth it." No, it isn't worth it. This is the largest expense of my life, even greater than taxes. What do I get? A few happy moments sprinkled in year after year of misery.
Ocean56

AOL

#159 Aug 21, 2013
Unhappy Father wrote:
I have a 9 year old and a 1 year old. You are right. Children ruin your life. I never wanted any but agreed because my wife wanted them more than anything. Yes, I love them but they have completely ruined my life. Money is spent faster than I can earn it. There no time for anything I used to enjoy. No marriage is destroyed because my once beautiful attentive wife has turned into a crabby stranger who has/does absolutely nothing for me. I have souvenirs from the last times we were intimate...~ 1 and 9 years ago. By about 7am on Saturday, I'm praying for Monday to come so I can not be home anymore. I can't say "don't have kids" to anyone on the fence but what I can say is that before I did this I got a ton of BS reports from parents who had to keep it politically correct. You know the advice is false when, as soon as they see the look of horror on your face, they quickly add "but it's all worth it." No, it isn't worth it. This is the largest expense of my life, even greater than taxes. What do I get? A few happy moments sprinkled in year after year of misery.
Of COURSE these parents add that quick "but it's all worth it" line when they see "the look of horror on your face." I had the same line tossed at me by parents of two or more children trying to bulldoze me into having a second child after DS started school full time. They wanted me to join what I call their "misery loves company club." Too bad for them, I didn't cave to the pressure, and I'm much better off for not doing so. DS is better off as well.

UnhappyFather, I can assure you that you won't get any negative judgement from me because you're feeling this way. If I HAD caved in to the pressure from ex-in-laws and other acquaintances to "have another baby, what's one more," I would have been very unhappy as well. All I can say is that I definitely sympathize, and I hope things will get better for you as the youngest one gets older. Best wishes.
jeff davis

Plano, TX

#160 Aug 29, 2013
I use to have money and free time... then I had kids
Ocean56

AOL

#161 Aug 31, 2013
jeff davis wrote:
I use to have money and free time... then I had kids
Okay, I have to ask; WHY did you have the kids then? Did you really want to have them or were you PRESSURED into having them? There's a big difference between the two.
Jeff Davis

Plano, TX

#162 Sep 4, 2013
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text>
Okay, I have to ask; WHY did you have the kids then? Did you really want to have them or were you PRESSURED into having them? There's a big difference between the two.
A little of both it sucks and I miss my freedom I use to have. I had to sale my sports car and now I consistently live paycheck to paycheck. And now my wife nags more than ever if I could go back in time I would.

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