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121 - 140 of 196 Comments Last updated Wednesday Aug 13
Ocean56

AOL

#122 Mar 12, 2013
alex wrote:
What? I'm not pressuring anyone! I'm simply giving my personal experience! I'm simply trying to say that having kids don't have to mean that your life is over! When your ready for that you have that option to go for it. Or dont no one is pointing a gun at you and cursing you till you get a kid in your belly!
My point is this kids can also be a blessing! Not only a curse!
Actually, many childfree folks ARE pressured to have children, from family members, religious community, and, judging from your latest post above, even total strangers.

I have to wonder why, if you're so happy with your choice to have children, that you appear to be so hot and bothered by a woman who has chosen NOT to have them. Personally, I'm DONE with the whole procreation thing after having my ONE child by choice. More children at this point certainly would NOT be a "blessing" to me. I was glad I was able to resist the pressure on me to have more. For me, having more kids would have made my life UNhappier.

alex

Portland, OR

#123 Mar 19, 2013
I'm not telling you to get 3 kids to be happy. No!

Each man and woman has the free choice to have a child or adopt. I don't plan to have more kids due to $$$. They are expense disaster!

Secondly not everyone can be be a parent and some people are better off finding a parents at their 30's!

I still believe that only a child can make u into a selfishness free human! They force you to stop and to look somewhere else. To have plans for someone. To
Ocean56

AOL

#124 Mar 21, 2013
alex wrote:
I still believe that only a child can make u into a selfishness free human! They force you to stop and to look somewhere else. To have plans for someone. To
Fine, Alex, but that's your BELIEF, which isn't a fact, and I think it's nonsense as well. There's nothing selfish about the choice to be childfree, no matter what you or anyone else says about it.

Bottom line; parenthood is OPTIONAL, not required. The choice to be childfree is as valid and responsible as the choice to be a parent.
Ocean56

AOL

#125 Mar 21, 2013
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dianne-lawrence...

Dianne Lawrence

The Real Threat To Marriage

Posted: 6/04/2012

The religious conservatives have it wrong ... again. Gay marriage will not destroy the institute of marriage. How can people who want to get married end marriage?

In fact, gay men and women who crave marriage are the distraction, the front, the "beard" if you will for the real secret, pervasive threat to the Institute of Marriage ... childless, single, joyous, happy and free women who just can't get worked up about getting married and who do not want children. And our numbers are growing. Nearly half of the population is single and 61 percent of them have never married.

I have been unmarried all my life (60 years) despite being attractive, bright, talented and accomplished. I've had a few men hover around aiming at my ever moving target, and I've had a few men who were too fast on their feet to fall over my extended foot. I had one man hint around about marriage, and the only response I could give him was "Think, man, THINK!"

(Skipping three paragraphs)

I am not against marriage. I know some wonderful unions where two people have lasted and are so well suited one couldn't imagine them with anyone else. In some cases one couldn't imagine anyone else putting up with either of them. I have also seen disastrous unions and placed bets at the wedding as to the number of years or even months it would last. I've seen wonderful unions that ended with the untimely death of the partner. I like the stories of "We knew we were right, right from the start" and they were right. Yet this "right for each other" never came my way. And if it did, I apparently didn't notice.

But contrary to what married folks want to believe, lack of children or husband has many rewards for an adventurous woman. Freedom is not just another word for nothing left to lose. I have had the enormous great fortune to have been able to pursue everything I've ever wanted to do and become the most full version of myself, something I hear gets lost for many women in the middle of endless husband and child demands. I do know that a family can have its rewards: Who can deny the benefits of protection, affection, support? But so many are a hotbed of tangled resentments, unspoken fears and complicated intrigues one can't deny that single isn't better or worse than being married: It's just different. Actually for some of us it seems to work exceedingly well. The secret is out.
FreeForLife

Twin Falls, ID

#126 Apr 12, 2013
I don't have children and I don't ever WANT to have children. I get told all the time that 'I'll change my mind', 'your life will be empty without them', and other bull. Not only am I free now to do what I want, when I want, but my career is hectic enough without me worrying about some troublesome brat at home demanding attention. They are life-sucking, money-wasting, time-consuming and freedom-killing parasites. Not to mention, everyone expects you to always be 'for the children'. Screw that noise. I live for myself.
maxkors

Miami, FL

#127 May 8, 2013
sadeen wrote:
<quoted text>
you don't know how they really feel because they would never tell you. I'm sure they have had their share of misery raising you in addition to the great times. No offense but you will get it later in life.
even my little sweet cabbage patch doll of a mom who is all mommyish and loves kids said if she had it to do over again now, she wouldn't have had kids. OR gotten married for that matter. She's in her 80's now. too late to have a life now.
maxkors

Miami, FL

#128 May 8, 2013
FortySomething wrote:
<quoted text>
Where your parents happy that they had you?
My parents would have been much better off if they didn't have me. Their marriage was fine before I came along. My dad resented having to share my mom with a kid and he was never really interested in me. He was always indifferent and hostile towards me. It really divided my parents although I didn't really know it at the time. Right before he died, my mom whispered to him "you should have never had children" I always felt unwanted by my dad.
Ocean56

AOL

#129 May 11, 2013
To Max: I'm so sorry your dad treated you in such a way that you always felt unwanted by him. Kids really suffer when they know they aren't wanted by one or both parents.

This is why it's so important that the question of whether or not to have children needs to be addressed and resolved before marriage is even considered. If one partner wants children and the other does not, that couple should not even get married, let alone have a child together.
Severine

Lexington, KY

#130 May 20, 2013
I'm almost 27 and don't have kids and don't know if I ever will. I enjoy being with my boyfriend by myself, having all his attention, spending our money how we want, sleeping in late and staying up late. I absolutely loathe the sound of a child crying. I've seen many post pregnancy bodies and they look disgusting. Where I work the boss brings in her two year old and that kid is a nightmare. It constantly screams, hits, and is uncontrollable. Is it selfish to like spending my money on myself, having peace and quiet, enjoying a healthy sex life with my partner? Perhaps some might think so but I love it. We have two pets, and that's enough for me. I dated a man that had a kid and I was constantly jealous of all the attention he gave it and the interruption of our privacy. Not only that, I feel my parents did a less than stellar job raising me, and I have a lot of issues because of it. I would hate to pass all that on to a child. I know all these traits would probably make me a bad parent, so therefore I don't see myself ever having any. I only wish more people would realize this, and stop breeding useless brats that are a drain on the planet.
maxkors

Miami, FL

#131 May 20, 2013
Ocean56 wrote:
To Max: I'm so sorry your dad treated you in such a way that you always felt unwanted by him. Kids really suffer when they know they aren't wanted by one or both parents.
This is why it's so important that the question of whether or not to have children needs to be addressed and resolved before marriage is even considered. If one partner wants children and the other does not, that couple should not even get married, let alone have a child together.
Unfortunately, Back then,"I'm now 47) Parents really didn't even think of not having kids. They just did. If you were a woman in my mom's day, you WERE going to get married. You WERE gonna be a mommy. If you were a man you WERE gonna get married and have kids and if you even thought of doing something out of the norm. You WERE a freak and a weirdo. In the end though. I'm glad I had my dad. The adversity of my childhood made me better off. I'm of the opinion that difficulty in life is often good for you instead of being insulated from disappointment and hardship. I think ppl focus too much on their kids these days. They think that they're the end all and be all of life. They're not. YOu should have your own life as well. Now kids are sooo worthless and spoiled. They grow up self centered and resentful of their parents even though they give them everything they want. I was with a crazy stripper bitch drug addict at one time. She said all she ever wanted was for her mom to tell her no. But she never did and she hated her for it.
maxkors

Miami, FL

#132 May 20, 2013
Ocean56 wrote:
To Max: I'm so sorry your dad treated you in such a way that you always felt unwanted by him. Kids really suffer when they know they aren't wanted by one or both parents.
This is why it's so important that the question of whether or not to have children needs to be addressed and resolved before marriage is even considered. If one partner wants children and the other does not, that couple should not even get married, let alone have a child together.

What sucks is that every girl I like seems to want kids at some point. I went through a 15 year recovery from a brain injury so I lot a lot of time. Now I'm fully recovered for the past few years, Having kids really wasn't I had in mind after everything I went through. I won't date anyone who has a kid. Been there done that. It's not that I don't love kids. It's just I have other ambitions.So really, Having a girlfriend would be awesome but if I have to have kids, then I guess I can do without. Just not worth it.
Freedom gone

Norwalk, CT

#133 Jun 3, 2013
I think most people just assume they will have kids. At no point did I ever think I would not have kids. The problem is nobody REALLY tells you what its like. I guess its socially unacceptable to complain about the negatives associated with having children. To me, the biggest negative about having a child is the loss of my personal freedom to come and go as I please. It was the one thing I did not fully comprehend until after we had our daughter. I can no longer just run out and do errands, go out to dinner, hang out with friends without either bringing my daughter with me, figuring out what to do with her while I'm out, or what to do when I get back. I used to just make a decision to go somewhere, ANYWHERE, then just grab my keys and go. No thought or panning necessary. No more. It sounds like a small thing but day in and day out it becomes frustrating to never have your own personal time or have any real freedom to come and go as you would like. OK I've vented now I feel better.
Woman

Cannock, UK

#134 Jun 6, 2013
A private, personal life is no longer an option. Intimate relationship with your partner becomes a secret, taboo thing that would be sick and disgusting if your kids were to see or hear you.
Even kissing your partner is giggled at as if it's dirty. Kids notice and scrutinise EVERYTHING you ever do. My privacy has gone.
All of your bad traits come forward and it takes so much strength to not just become your own parents, passing on again the faults that you spent your life hating in them.
I only had one and that crept up on me unexpectedly. I planned to never have any. I love mine, but I will never punish myself that way again.
You have to be incredibly self-sacrificing and giving.
Though I enjoy her company and teaching her things.
Ocean56

AOL

#136 Jun 16, 2013
Max wrote: What sucks is that every girl I like seems to want kids at some point. I went through a 15 year recovery from a brain injury so I lot a lot of time. Now I'm fully recovered for the past few years, Having kids really wasn't I had in mind after everything I went through. I won't date anyone who has a kid. Been there done that. It's not that I don't love kids. It's just I have other ambitions.So really, Having a girlfriend would be awesome but if I have to have kids, then I guess I can do without. Just not worth it.

**********

Max, you might want to look into some online childfree forums or social organizations to find more like-minded folks, both men AND women.

There's a group called NO KIDDING! which is more of a social club for childfree singles. There's also a childfree discussion forum called "The Childfree Life." I'd suggest doing a Google search on both groups and joining one or both of them. Good luck.:-)
maxkors

Miami, FL

#137 Jun 16, 2013
Ocean56 wrote:
Max wrote: What sucks is that every girl I like seems to want kids at some point. I went through a 15 year recovery from a brain injury so I lot a lot of time. Now I'm fully recovered for the past few years, Having kids really wasn't I had in mind after everything I went through. I won't date anyone who has a kid. Been there done that. It's not that I don't love kids. It's just I have other ambitions.So really, Having a girlfriend would be awesome but if I have to have kids, then I guess I can do without. Just not worth it.
**********
Max, you might want to look into some online childfree forums or social organizations to find more like-minded folks, both men AND women.
There's a group called NO KIDDING! which is more of a social club for childfree singles. There's also a childfree discussion forum called "The Childfree Life." I'd suggest doing a Google search on both groups and joining one or both of them. Good luck.:-)
Thanks Ocean. Yeah, I've heard of them those sites. Checked them out a while ago. I've been compiling al kinds of compelling childfree articles so if I ever do get serious about someone, I'll be able to devise a covert insidious plan to persuade her.
Ocean56

AOL

#138 Jun 17, 2013
Freedom gone wrote:
I think most people just assume they will have kids. At no point did I ever think I would not have kids. The problem is nobody REALLY tells you what its like. I guess its socially unacceptable to complain about the negatives associated with having children. To me, the biggest negative about having a child is the loss of my personal freedom to come and go as I please. It was the one thing I did not fully comprehend until after we had our daughter. I can no longer just run out and do errands, go out to dinner, hang out with friends without either bringing my daughter with me, figuring out what to do with her while I'm out, or what to do when I get back. I used to just make a decision to go somewhere, ANYWHERE, then just grab my keys and go. No thought or panning necessary. No more. It sounds like a small thing but day in and day out it becomes frustrating to never have your own personal time or have any real freedom to come and go as you would like. OK I've vented now I feel better.
No doubt about it, motherhood is a very difficult adjustment, especially the loss of total freedom to come and go as you please. I do sympathize, I've been there, and I know what you're dealing with. It was a hard adjustment for me too, which is why I had only ONE child by choice, at 35. I would have been a basket case with two or more kids, which is why I carefully avoided getting pregnant again.

This is only my personal feeling, but I think the reason "nobody tells you what it's REALLY like" is because they don't want women to know that until it's too late. I already DID know how hard it can be for moms, because I have three younger siblings, and I know how hard it was for my mom after each pregnancy and birth. That's why I decided that IF I ever became a mother at some point in life, it would be to ONE child only. I've never changed my mind about that, and now that DS is grown, I'm happy to be a "done after one" mom.

The HARDSHIPS of motherhood is something ALL girls and women need to know about, so they can make an INFORMED decision whether to be mothers or not. One can't make an informed decision without knowing all the facts.
Ocean56

AOL

#139 Jun 17, 2013
The way I see it, too many girls/women are PRESSURED into having children by family members and/or religious community, and purposely aren't told just how very HARD motherhood is until AFTER they have had a baby. I think it is high time that changed. Some of the hardships mothers of all ages will face once a baby arrives include -- but are not limited to -- the following:

1. Loss of freedom
2. Loss of sleep
3. Loss of money
4. Loss of education and job/career opportunities
5. Loss of mobility
6. Loss of private time
7. Dealing with colic

There is no escaping the fact that becoming a mother makes a girl’s/woman's life much HARDER and she loses most, if not all, of the benefits and comforts she had before she got pregnant.

Girls and young women who have no children now need to know about these hardships NOW, long before a pregnancy ever happens, so they can PREVENT unwanted pregnancy to the best of their ability. If some girls/women decide they don't ever want the hardships of motherhood, that is fine. The choice for a woman to be childfree (no kids by choice) is just as valid and respectable as the choice to be a mother.
Ocean56

AOL

#140 Jun 17, 2013
Severine wrote:
I'm almost 27 and don't have kids and don't know if I ever will. I enjoy being with my boyfriend by myself, having all his attention, spending our money how we want, sleeping in late and staying up late. I absolutely loathe the sound of a child crying. I've seen many post pregnancy bodies and they look disgusting. Where I work the boss brings in her two year old and that kid is a nightmare. It constantly screams, hits, and is uncontrollable. Is it selfish to like spending my money on myself, having peace and quiet, enjoying a healthy sex life with my partner? Perhaps some might think so but I love it. We have two pets, and that's enough for me. I dated a man that had a kid and I was constantly jealous of all the attention he gave it and the interruption of our privacy. Not only that, I feel my parents did a less than stellar job raising me, and I have a lot of issues because of it. I would hate to pass all that on to a child. I know all these traits would probably make me a bad parent, so therefore I don't see myself ever having any. I only wish more people would realize this, and stop breeding useless brats that are a drain on the planet.
Severine, I don't think there's anything wrong or selfish with the childfree decision, so you won't get any negative judgement from me. My uncle and his wife were childfree and that's just how they chose to live their lives. They enjoyed a large, comfortable home and were free to travel or NOT travel, as they wished. They were a lot of fun to spend time with, and they invited us often after we had left childhood behind.

Don't let the small-minded folks get you down.:-)
maxkors

Miami, FL

#141 Jun 20, 2013
Well after today meeting up with this girl I like sooooooo much. I think I should just forget about dating altogether. She's so cool and I swear she's a Naomi Campbell clone only finer and younger. But I can tell she's got babies on the brain. She's perfect except for that. I don't want to get involved and then end up disappointing her. I'm just tired of the whole thing. Every time I find someone they either have a kid or want a kid. There's just no point in getting started with anyone since it's just gonna end. Some ppl say "maybe you should go for an older girl who's past the age of kids" Right. I'm a guy. Everyone knows how we are.I only date "my type" of girl. I may be 47 but can pass for 30. I'm in pro athlete shape.literally. I run as fast as nfl receivers. I've never gone out with anyone over 27. I've got nothing in common with ppl my age. If I had to go out with some 40 year old. I'd rather just be alone. I don't need the companionship. It's just not worth it at all if I have to throw my life away. I'm only getting one shot at life. I love love love women. Probably more obsessed than most. But I guess I can live without a girl. I suppose I should be happy about the decision and be relieved that the pressure is off me. I don't have to please anyone or spend time and effort attracting anyone. Just need to forget about it and get involved in all the other things I enjoy. It's just I was really looking forward to having a girl after a 14 year recovery from a brain injury. It's all I wanted. But I can't have everything. I'd rather have my freedom. It's priceless. I'm sure I'll be more productive and achieve way more in my life if I was in a relationship. I don't think I'll ever feel lonely. I have friends and tons of interests so now I've made the decision. I'm excited about it.
maxkors

Miami, FL

#142 Jun 20, 2013
everyone thinks, I'm kidding when I say that I don't want kids because when they see with them. I t looks like that's what I want to them. I get sooooo much pressure from girls saying" oh that seems like that's what makes you happy. you're so good with kids. it's like you're one of them". I'm sure I'd be a great proctologist as well. That doesn't mean I want to be one.

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