Comments
101 - 120 of 195 Comments Last updated Thursday Jul 24
AnnieOakley

Cumberland Center, ME

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#101
Dec 11, 2012
 

Judged:

2

2

2

I am 35 and a first time mom to a 1 year old. I love my son to pieces, but honestly I'm not sure I would do it again if given the choice. My husband and I had 35 years of freedom and fun and now it's almost daily misery.

Prior to having my son my husband I listened to 8 years of constant child and baby pressure from our relatives. And we got to the point where we had to start getting angry with people whenever they brought the subject up because it was really so relentless.

My husband and I are now 99% convinced these same people were acting selfishly and trying to ruin our life by pressuring us for a child. And the people who were pressuring us to have kids NEVER take our son now and are always to busy when we ask for an occasional babysitter.

And just to clarify, we are excellent parents. My son gets 24/7 love and attention from us and his every need is met. He is our life now and like it or not, we're on board for the rest of our lives.

But let me tell you older married people who are on the fence about kids - a kid will make you miserable, test you marriage and drive you to the financial brink. Make sure it's the really the right direction for you before you take the leap.
Sam

Arnold, MO

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#102
Dec 11, 2012
 

Judged:

1

1

AnnieOakely I think people in genral need to think before having kids not because said "bible say so" or marrige is for breeding only b.s.
Sam

Arnold, MO

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#103
Dec 11, 2012
 
Kelly H wrote:
OMG I think about suicide because I have a kid life is over and you pretty much become a slave to your child
Kelly please take Oceans advice. Also I think maybe given the kid up for adoption might also be needed. If family meamber is willing and able to take your kid and they know that child means majorer changs in their life the better.
Ocean56

AOL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#104
Dec 15, 2012
 
AnnieOakley wrote:
I am 35 and a first time mom to a 1 year old. I love my son to pieces, but honestly I'm not sure I would do it again if given the choice. My husband and I had 35 years of freedom and fun and now it's almost daily misery.
Prior to having my son my husband I listened to 8 years of constant child and baby pressure from our relatives. And we got to the point where we had to start getting angry with people whenever they brought the subject up because it was really so relentless.
My husband and I are now 99% convinced these same people were acting selfishly and trying to ruin our life by pressuring us for a child. And the people who were pressuring us to have kids NEVER take our son now and are always to busy when we ask for an occasional babysitter.
And just to clarify, we are excellent parents. My son gets 24/7 love and attention from us and his every need is met. He is our life now and like it or not, we're on board for the rest of our lives.
But let me tell you older married people who are on the fence about kids - a kid will make you miserable, test you marriage and drive you to the financial brink. Make sure it's the really the right direction for you before you take the leap.
I definitely sympathize. I also had my son when I was 35, and motherhood was a very challenging adjustment for me. I had always known that IF I ever became a mom, it would be to ONE child only. Going through the experiences of pregnancy, childbirth, and the early stages of child rearing affirmed that my decision to be a DONE after one mom was the right one.

It's going to be very hard for a while, there's no getting around it. I've been there, done that, so I speak from personal experience. Another thing; be prepared for the pressure from either in-laws or your own family to have another child after your son starts school full time, if not before. I got that kind of pressure from my former MIL quite frequently, and it was really annoying. If you know you want to remain a done after one mom, you'll have to politely but very FIRMLY tell the guilt peddlers to BACK OFF.

Best of luck to you and your family. It sounds like you're a great mom.:-)
AnnieOakley

Cumberland Center, ME

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#105
Dec 16, 2012
 
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text>
I definitely sympathize. I also had my son when I was 35, and motherhood was a very challenging adjustment for me. I had always known that IF I ever became a mom, it would be to ONE child only. Going through the experiences of pregnancy, childbirth, and the early stages of child rearing affirmed that my decision to be a DONE after one mom was the right one.
It's going to be very hard for a while, there's no getting around it. I've been there, done that, so I speak from personal experience. Another thing; be prepared for the pressure from either in-laws or your own family to have another child after your son starts school full time, if not before. I got that kind of pressure from my former MIL quite frequently, and it was really annoying. If you know you want to remain a done after one mom, you'll have to politely but very FIRMLY tell the guilt peddlers to BACK OFF.
Best of luck to you and your family. It sounds like you're a great mom.:-)
Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it.

You're so right! We've actually been on the receiving end of baby pressure from relatives recently. Telling us in one breath how they're miserable with their two kids and in the next breath telling us we have to have a second one. LOL.

Yeah, I'm done listening to other people.
Ocean56

AOL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#106
Dec 17, 2012
 
AnnieOakley wrote:
Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it.
You're so right! We've actually been on the receiving end of baby pressure from relatives recently. Telling us in one breath how they're miserable with their two kids and in the next breath telling us we have to have a second one. LOL.
Yeah, I'm done listening to other people.
This is only MY personal feeling, but I believe that harassed parents of two or more children often pressure parents of one child to have a second child because secretly, they ENVY you, but they can never admit it.

All of the pressure I received came from parents of two, three and even more kids, and I knew I'd have to be polite but firm, whether they liked it or not. So when I got the inevitable "so when are you going to start trying again" comments, I would tell them "I haven't decided yet, why do you ask?" :-)
Paranoid Tom

United States

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#107
Dec 28, 2012
 

Judged:

1

Geez all you people crack me up. I don't have kids,I don't want kids,and I'm starting to realize I must be bipolar thanks to kids. I let a roomate move in with me a couple months ago knowing he had a kid. The dude came off to me like super white trash but I thought I was being paranoid......nope I was right. His white trash baby momma drops that freaking kid off almost every day. I had finals this month and I swear I wanted to kick his ass out to the curb cuz that kid would not shut up!!! Even though I now hate my roomate with a passion because it seems white trash people have the worst kids,but I hate them both cuz they are messy!!! So it seems that not just having kids sucks,but being around with people who have them sucks......knock on cyber wood
Ocean56

AOL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#109
Jan 10, 2013
 
http://voices.yahoo.com/the-benefits-not-havi...


The Benefits of Not Having Children: Childless or Child-Free?

by Sophie Spyrou - July 23, 2007

Many married couples plan on starting a family over the course of their marriage. But what about couples who have chosen to not have children? Society still expects people to become parents and those who choose not to are often labelled as "selfish", "unnatural" and deficient in some other way. Rather than view themselves as "childless", which implies that they are lacking children, many would rather refer to themselves as "childfree", as they have made the conscious decision to not become parents.
A childfree couple are not in the same category as a childless couple, who would like to have children, but are unable to conceive. Childfree couples are those who have discussed their options with regard to children and have reached their decision. It is based on many different factors, such as a known hereditary condition in the family that they do not want to pass on to any children, or trauma in childhood. Some couples just do not have a maternal or paternal instinct, so they feel it would not be fair to bring children into the world under those circumstances.

Family members of couples who do not wish to have children can place an incredible amount of pressure on the couple to start a family. Parents can be the worst instigators as they dream of welcoming grandchildren into the family and "carrying on the family name". This pressure is often multiplied if the parents do not have any other children who can provide them with grandchildren. As such, family gatherings can be strained and the conversation can easily stray onto the so-called lack of babies. Childfree couples can have a very hard time fitting into their own family once extended family members start to have children. Friends who go on to have children can also start to lose contact with them, as they have less and less in common. The couple may even be viewed with suspicion. Some people mistakenly believe that couples who do not have children dislike children. But in a lot of cases, this is not true.

While children are a blessing and can make a very valuable contribution to a family where they are planned and wanted, childfree couples enjoy many benefits too. They do not have to worry about finding suitable daycare facilities that fit around their work schedules. They can also go out in the evening or for the weekend without having to find a babysitter. Childfree couples are also usually better off financially, as they do not have to support their children from birth to the age of 18 or beyond. That leaves them more money to save or spend in some other way.

Couples who do not have children have more time that they can devote to one another, which can make a couple draw closer together. That does not mean to say that couples with children do not have closeness in marriage; they simply have childcare responsibilities and other distractions to take care of that comes before each other.

In conclusion, it would be wrong to assume that couples who do plan on having children are in any way "lacking". If a couple have both made the decision to remain childfree, then friends and family members should respect their decision and not pressure them to change their minds. After all, even if they did change their minds, the childcare responsibilities would fall on the parents, not on all the well meaning friends and family.

farrah

Manchester, NH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#110
Feb 2, 2013
 
In this age or autism and asperger's syndrome, kids are very hard to raise. Especially when you don't get along with the father. Sharing custody is hell. My son has Asperger's and now Scizophrenia. I regret every day every meeting his father and having my son. I am no a mother's mother and feel it ruined my life. I am depressed and I know my son's future is ruined because of me. I am not a hateful or mean person but I can admit that I never liked being a mother because it interfered with my life. I got my tubes tied after my first child. I have put so much into my son's life: Love, support (unending), hope, money, expectations and unconditional love, never got anything back but a son who doesn't return my calls or take my sage advice. Some parent's are lucky and have fantastic children that have great careers. And I am jealous of those people.
farrah

Manchester, NH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#111
Feb 2, 2013
 
Paranoid Tom wrote:
Geez all you people crack me up. I don't have kids,I don't want kids,and I'm starting to realize I must be bipolar thanks to kids. I let a roomate move in with me a couple months ago knowing he had a kid. The dude came off to me like super white trash but I thought I was being paranoid......nope I was right. His white trash baby momma drops that freaking kid off almost every day. I had finals this month and I swear I wanted to kick his ass out to the curb cuz that kid would not shut up!!! Even though I now hate my roomate with a passion because it seems white trash people have the worst kids,but I hate them both cuz they are messy!!! So it seems that not just having kids sucks,but being around with people who have them sucks......knock on cyber wood
So true Tom. Most of the people who actually have children absolutely should not! It's killing and sinking our civilization as we know it. Peace.
Amy

Miami, FL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#112
Feb 5, 2013
 

Judged:

1

Believe it wrote:
Yep... My retarded wife never took into account that having a child would put strain on us financially. She squeezed out my crappy son and guess what. I am no longer in school persuing my college education. I am working my ass off and coming home to a bitch and a whiny little shit. I am only 22 and I know I cannot live my dreams. I am struggling to maintain financial stability, and I am forced to care for a child I didn't even want. It's a very horrible life for me. So, do not have a kid/kids.
You have taken absolutely no responsibility...should have worn a condom. Seriously. It takes 2 to make a baby. Also, it's inappropriate and offensive to use the word "retarded."
Jordan Daniels

West Palm Beach, FL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#113
Feb 9, 2013
 
Kids are a waste of space. you have no freedom, they cry when they don't get what they want, they are annoying, they leave a mess for you too clean up, they want to know everything, they back talk you when you tell them not to do that, they talk to much, they try to lie when you tell them the truth, they are to expense, you spank them you go to jail, they think that they know everything, they think that there life will be perfect as they grow, they always try to get the last word,you tell them to do something and they don't do they be like no, they ask you a lot of questions, they cry over everything when they don't get there way, they listen to people who cuss then they say what that person says or cuss, they are picky eaters when it comes to good food they don't like it, & more
Ocean56

AOL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#114
Feb 10, 2013
 
Jordan Daniels wrote:
Kids are a waste of space. you have no freedom, they cry when they don't get what they want, they are annoying, they leave a mess for you too clean up, they want to know everything, they back talk you when you tell them not to do that, they talk to much, they try to lie when you tell them the truth, they are to expense, you spank them you go to jail, they think that they know everything, they think that there life will be perfect as they grow, they always try to get the last word,you tell them to do something and they don't do they be like no, they ask you a lot of questions, they cry over everything when they don't get there way, they listen to people who cuss then they say what that person says or cuss, they are picky eaters when it comes to good food they don't like it, & more
Do you say this as a parent or as someone who has observed the often-annoying behaviors of children and decided NOT to be a parent? Just curious.:-)
alex

United States

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#115
Feb 18, 2013
 

Judged:

2

2

1

All you selfish people really need to think about one thing. Your life is not bad because you had kids. No your life is a mass because your selfish.

All the "my life, my plan, my money, my, my, my!"

Yes having a child will require you to stop and spend time and not on things you want to do. And do somewhat strange things called taking responsibility for your own actions.

Keeping your pents on in the bedroom is not a childhood fun game!

Don't blame your own old selfish inability to take responsebility. GROW UP!
STOP TALKING ST

UK

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#116
Mar 6, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

1

This is a extremely sad post I never wanted children as I wanted a life but I did as I met a great man and wanted to he is 20 years older than me (hes 40) and he loves ever moment of it. Yes it's true you can't do all the things you did before but why bother going out and getting drunk and all that other stuff when every morning you get woke up with hello and a lovely smile or gurgle I have two children 17 months and 3 months and yes it can be hard but nothing ever comes easy I don't have any family who can look after my children apart from my 81 year old nan and she does once a year every year on my birthday an it's always the best night of my life doing what YOU want all the time gets boring spending them precious moments with someone who truly loves and cares for you is the most amazing thing in the world. Yes they change your plans unexpectedly and cry and all that bollocks but people who think that a child is useless and worthless should be ashamed of themselves as they don't deserve the pain and fear and constant worry they put there poor mother through and I truly pitty you. You cannot blame your parents for the way you think either if I get any comments back my mother was a scitsrpheric and mY father was no show pissed up abusive alcoholic who tried to kill me and my brother numerous times. Children are the most amiazinh thing in the world THEY LOVE YOU UNCONDITONALY AND ALWAYS WILL IF YOU WANT CHILDREN DO NOT BE DISUADED BY SOME BLOKE WHO AINT GOT THE BALLS TO BE THE MAN HE WAS SUPOSED TO BE/ THE WOMAN WHO IS TOO SCARED OF THE PAIN IT HURTS BUT IT TRULY IS WORTH IT. CHILDREN ARE VERY VERY FAR FROM USELESS AND WORTHLESS YOU WOULD NOT BE HERE YOU STUPID TWAT IF THEY WERE GET OVER YOURESLF AND GROW THE FUCK UP YOU USELESS PEICE OF CRAP YOUR MOTHER DIDN'T DESERVE YOU
STOP TALKING ST

UK

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#117
Mar 6, 2013
 
Very true
Goldie

United States

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#118
Mar 7, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

1

I'm 25 and I do NOT want kids. I just see no reason to. I can change lives and help people in my career or by volunteering in my community and make more of an impact financially and time wise than a parent can, who is probably too busy spending time and money on their kids. Another thing breeders say when they talk about having kids is: "Who will care for you when you are old?" Wow so having kids just so they can care for you sounds really selfish. I work in a nursing home and I'm sure they have kids too but I hardly see them, see how that worked out? I have goals to travel the world, to start an organization, and so many things I doubt I could do if I had a child. I do not want to live paycheck to paycheck, I want to be able to buy what I want. I want to keep my home nice, I don't want my body to be ruined by a baby. My mom had me when she was my age and even though I love her, she did nothing with her life and I'm sure having a kid had something to do with it. I had 2 pregnancy scares when I went off the pill, now I make sure I stay on it. When I am in my 30's hopefully I'll be able to find a physician who will tie my tubes. Hopefully I will be able to find a man who does not want to have kids either, that is something I will not waiver on.
alex

United States

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#119
Mar 10, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

Goldie: we are not against young people having no kids. No! As a dad of 3 kids I do miss out on many thing's, but if I had a chance to try again. I will still have them. Why? Three reasons #3: to give someone else a childhood. I wish to share my life, my joy, to see another person grow and develop.#2: to give a legacy - I reach my potential and I pass it on to someone. Than it's growing and my kids don't have to try so gard to achieve something..#1: hope! As I raze them my hope in a good future is 90% guaranteed. And their future is 140% better than mine!
Ocean56

AOL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#120
Mar 11, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

alex wrote:
Goldie: we are not against young people having no kids. No!
REALLY. The rest of your post after this certainly looked like pressure (to have kids) to me. Some women don't WANT to be mothers, and there's nothing wrong with that.

There is no escaping the fact that becoming a mother makes a girl’s/woman's life much HARDER and she loses most, if not all, of the benefits and comforts she had before she got pregnant. Too many girls/women are PRESSURED into having children by family members and/or religious community, and purposely aren't told just how very hard motherhood is until AFTER they have had a baby. I think it is high time that changed.

Girls and young women who have no children now need to know about these hardships (loss of freedom, loss of sleep, and loss of money being the three biggest ones) long before a pregnancy ever happens. Having this knowledge, long before they ever get pregnant, may help them PREVENT unwanted pregnancy to the best of their ability. If some girls/women decide they never want to struggle with the hardships of motherhood, that is fine too. The choice for a woman to be childfree is just as valid and responsible as the choice to be a mother.
alex

Portland, OR

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#121
Mar 12, 2013
 

Judged:

1

What? I'm not pressuring anyone! I'm simply giving my personal experience ! I'm simply trying to say that having kids don't have to mean that your life is over! When your ready for that you have that option to go for it. Or dont no one is pointing a gun at you and cursing you till you get a kid in your belly!

My point is this kids can also be a blessing! Not only a curse!

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

Type in your comments below
Name
(appears on your post)
Comments
Characters left: 4000
Type the numbers you see in the image on the right:

Please note by clicking on "Post Comment" you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

•••
•••