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Ocean56

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#61
Jun 6, 2012
 

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FortySomething wrote:
May I remind you of the topic of this forum. It's about if kids will ruin your life. As for the rest of your statement, all I can say is that you didn't understand what I meant.
I am well aware of what the topic of this forum is. The poster who began this thread said "kids will ruin your life," no "if" anywhere in the subject line. That can definitely be true when people who were undecided about or unwilling to have children cave in to pressure from family, friends or religious community to have them anyway.

I understood what you meant just fine. I just don't AGREE with what you said. Big difference.

Since: Jan 12

Western Hemisphere

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#62
Jun 6, 2012
 
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text> Funny how quickly you chose to take offense, though. I wonder why that is.
You wonder why that is? Because it IS offensive when the uninformed with no background on a particular situation try to play Dr. Phil and point fingers when they don't know what they're talking about.
Ocean56

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#63
Jun 7, 2012
 

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GlobeStar wrote:
You wonder why that is? Because it IS offensive when the uninformed with no background on a particular situation try to play Dr. Phil and point fingers when they don't know what they're talking about.
As I said before, I simply made a general statement. It was NOT directed at you personally.

You're obviously angry that you had a child with serious problems, which was obvious to me from reading your first post here. Sorry, but if you only wanted a child with NO problems, you shouldn't have BECOME a parent in the first place. Parents aren't guaranteed perfect children, in case you didn't know.

Since: Sep 10

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#64
Jun 7, 2012
 
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text>
I am well aware of what the topic of this forum is. The poster who began this thread said "kids will ruin your life," no "if" anywhere in the subject line. That can definitely be true when people who were undecided about or unwilling to have children cave in to pressure from family, friends or religious community to have them anyway.
I understood what you meant just fine. I just don't AGREE with what you said. Big difference.
You said that me post was 'complete nonsense', so how can you now say that you understood it? My post stands to reason in my view, so what exactly do you disagree with it?

Since: Jan 12

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#65
Jun 7, 2012
 
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text>
As I said before, I simply made a general statement. It was NOT directed at you personally.
You're obviously angry that you had a child with serious problems, which was obvious to me from reading your first post here. Sorry, but if you only wanted a child with NO problems, you shouldn't have BECOME a parent in the first place. Parents aren't guaranteed perfect children, in case you didn't know.
That's true, your parents didn't get the perfect child, in case you didn't know.
Ocean56

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#66
Jun 7, 2012
 
Post #51 - GlobeStar wrote:
We had one daughter. She was always a disappointment. Ran away at 17, took up a life of drugs and crime, living in shelters. Will be 40 this year, looks like a worn out hag, has never brought us any joy. Would have been better had she never been born.

**********

There's quite a lot of anger in your statement, I think. I guess your daughter wasn't exactly what you expected?

Oh, and MY parents weren't expecting or demanding a perfect child, in case you didn't know.
AGREED UPON

Van Nuys, CA

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#67
Jun 26, 2012
 

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Yep... My retarded wife never took into account that having a child would put strain on us financially. She squeezed out my crappy son and guess what. I am no longer in school persuing my college education. I am working my ass off and coming home to a bitch and a whiny little shit. I am only 22 and I know I cannot live my dreams. I am struggling to maintain financial stability, and I am forced to care for a child I didn't even want. It's a very horrible life for me. So, do not have a kid/kids.
I totally feel you on this subject matter. I am married and have a two year old son. My wife and I are are both in the entertainment industry and have pursued years of our dreams in acting, writing, and producing. After having a son, the last couple of years have been very difficult. She is forced to work a 9-5 that she dreads going to everyday. I am in between jobs as the entertainment industry is never a steady place unless you get that major break. So I am forced to either work a 9-5 myself or live off unemeployment while trying to make a name for myself. I miss meetings and auditions and opportunites because of having a child. It would be totally different if we were established or not in the industry and just wanted to work and make a living. For the last two years our dreams and ambitions have been delayed and put on hold. We have attempted to go hard at our careers but how can you put in 100% when you have such a distracting thing as a child? We can't even afford child care here in California so I'm forced to stay at home and take care of my kid and scramble to find a babysitter whenever I have gigs or meetings which is pretty hard considering everyone you know has a day job as well. I see you are 22. That's a tough age to realize that all your dreams of being succesful have been thrown out the window. We are 30. Imagine being that age and still feeling unaccomplished. They say having a child should make you more ambitious and determined and is such a blessing. I can see how most "average" people can say that. As I said...if we just wanted to work and live check to check and had no major desires it would be different. Considering our profession...having a child makes matters so much more difficult. We can never go to the movies. We can never go out to a nice dinner. We don't even like going to the store or crowded public places because he is so BAD! I'm not going to sugar coat it. He is a terrible 2 and there is not much you can do about it. It takes a lot from you. You spend more time focused on this child than on your own endeavors. So to anyone reading this who has many goals and dreams...my advice to you is to pursue everything you can before making the mistake of having a child before you are established. I said mistake only if it isn't in your plans. There is nothing we can do at this point. It just sucks knowing that you have a more difficult time being successful than someone without kids because of the time consumption you have to devote to that child. We have friends with no children and they live the life. Weekend getaways, always going out to eat, always have money to spare and they are just working class people. But because its just the two of them they can spare it. They have no intentions on having children anytime soon. He is starting a major business and she is pursuing her career. They planned it right and that's what you should do to avoid being in a situation you never planned for or wanted. Best of luck in the future and still chase your dreams! You never know what could happen!
Ocean56

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#68
Jun 28, 2012
 
AGREED UPON wrote:
There is nothing we can do at this point. It just sucks knowing that you have a more difficult time being successful than someone without kids because of the time consumption you have to devote to that child. We have friends with no children and they live the life. Weekend getaways, always going out to eat, always have money to spare and they are just working class people. But because its just the two of them they can spare it. They have no intentions on having children anytime soon. He is starting a major business and she is pursuing her career. They planned it right and that's what you should do to avoid being in a situation you never planned for or wanted. Best of luck in the future and still chase your dreams! You never know what could happen!
I know how difficult it must be for you at this point. The years from infancy to when children start school are definitely the hardest for parents. That's why I made the choice to stop at just ONE child. No WAY was I going to go back to the days of pregnancy/infancy when DS started school and I got SOME of my freedom back.

Can I ask you one question though: did you and your wife have a child because you both really WANTED one, or was it because you thought you were "supposed to" or were pressured into parenthood?
kgd

Willingboro, NJ

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#69
Jun 30, 2012
 

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I am I single 20 year old mom n yes kids do ruin ur life n it sucks even more when ur bd waits until after u have kids to act like a fuckin loser... It ruins ur social life it ruins ur body n ur busy but always bored if that makes sence... I don't regret my son n ima good mom but sometimes I just wish I thought things out alil better
Ocean56

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#70
Jul 1, 2012
 
kgd wrote:
I am I single 20 year old mom n yes kids do ruin ur life n it sucks even more when ur bd waits until after u have kids to act like a fuckin loser... It ruins ur social life it ruins ur body n ur busy but always bored if that makes sence... I don't regret my son n ima good mom but sometimes I just wish I thought things out alil better
A lot of parents deeply regret their decision after the baby arrives, mostly because they really didn't know how very HARD it is to be a parent.

I'll ask you the same question I asked the previous poster. Did you really WANT to have a child at this point (20 is rather young), or were you pressured into it for some reason?
mkl1978

Fort Lauderdale, FL

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#71
Aug 22, 2012
 

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I am childless by choice, I just know its not for me...People have no idea what its gonna take to be a "good" parent. I had lots of friends who did not sugar coat it at all. They tell me your not missing anything lol, Ill stick with being the fun aunt. Ive seen plenty of losers who came from good families, homecoming queen who became crack head, 40 yr son who never moved out, etc...Good luck to you parents!
Emily

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

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#72
Aug 22, 2012
 

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My God, I honestly cannot believe some of the responses on here from people who are already parents. How freaking selfish you all are! So you don't get to go to fancy dinners or to the movies all of the time or have fun jobs or weekend getaways- grow the hell up, people! You played and now you have to pay.
You know, being a parent is what you make of it. It's a crap shoot in some ways, I'll give you that, but so what? Life is crap shoot! Oh, so you don't have the life that you had before you had children? Boo hoo! Want some cheese with that whine??? Did you actually expect for things to remain the same once a teeny, tiny baby came into your life with EVERY WAKING NEED needing to be tended too?
I have 2 young children, both under the age of 3. My husband and I decided to start a family a year into our marriage and I got pregnant right away. Our second child was a surprise but I wouldn't give her or my first up for ANYTHING. As a matter of fact, I am what you'd call a "fierce" mother. I would gladly cut the heart out of any fu%*er who messed with my children and then feed it back to him. I would stop a bullet from hitting my children, I would do ANYTHING to protect them. It's called being a REAL parent. How can some of you say that your children, the tiny, defenseless little BABIES who came from you, are beings you wished you'd never had? What would you do if something happened to your child? Would you feel bad or just give a sigh of relief? Maybe YOU people shouldn't have been born instead!
Children don't ask to be born, people. Children themselves aren't a blessing- the blessing comes from knowing that you are raising a HUMAN and you are doing it as best as you WANT to do it.
One last thing: karma is a motherf&%$er. Read into that all you want, but I'm sure that y'all will figure it out.
Ocean56

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#73
Aug 30, 2012
 
Emily wrote:
My God, I honestly cannot believe some of the responses on here from people who are already parents. How freaking selfish you all are! So you don't get to go to fancy dinners or to the movies all of the time or have fun jobs or weekend getaways- grow the hell up, people! You played and now you have to pay.
Actually, many people are PRESSURED into parenthood by family, religious community and other busybodies when they really didn't WANT children to begin with. I think those folks are the ones who regret becoming parents the most, but that's just my view.

I knew from the start that IF I ever became a mother, it would be to ONE child only. I stuck by that decision, loved being what I call a "done after one" mom, and have never regretted that decision, although there were some nosy busybodies who made the snarky comment that I would regret my decision one day. Nope, that didn't happen.

For those who are currently undecided about having kids, I would just say this; if you have ANY doubts about your ability or willingness to be a mom or dad, DON'T DO IT. Sure, there's a 50% chance you would love being a parent, but there's the other 50% chance that you would HATE it. To me, that's too much of a gamble to make. Once the kid arrives, it's too late to change your mind, even if you realize you don't like parenthood as much as you thought you would.

Parenthood is OPTIONAL, not required, no matter what some pronatalist propagandists want everyone to believe.
Audrey

Irvine, CA

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#74
Oct 5, 2012
 
Narcotized wrote:
I am a dad trapped in the monotony of parenthood. I used to have an interest in life. Fishing, surfing, sex in the morning, jumping out of planes, alcoholic benders...Those things are gone forever. No one is to blame but me. It was my choice not to pull out. Too late for that now. We tried to stop at one, but apparently the doctor who did my vasectomy must not be able to identify simple anatomy. Or, maybe "GOD" miraculously repaired the ole' vas deferens. I love my wife so I do what is expected in my newly acquired role. Up to work in the morning (the best part of my day) and home in the evening to help with the feeding, diaper changing, bathing and bedtime tasks. I handle the tantrums, messes, and arguments with a straight face showing no emotion. Showing anger only lets them know they have won. My soul (if I had one) is gone. I do not hate my two children, I just hate what being a dad has taken from me. I am trapped in a life that I cannot escape. All you can do is stay calm and go through the motions society and suburbia expect of you. I always think to myself that it could be worse. There could have been three children. No Ann Landers, I would NOT DO THIS AGAIN.
This is SO incredibly sad to me (I'm not judging here... I'm older and childless). I have a feeling its not uncommon either.
shoulda stuck to no

Florence, SC

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#75
Oct 16, 2012
 
I'd say don't do it ur life really is over I had one that wasn't so bad but then I got with this amazing guy and he really wanted kids n just kept on and on oh I'm not good enough n this n that so I had 2 children n he's a great dad n takes care of them but he comes home @ 8:30 pm goes to bed @ 12am n back up @ 6 am so dnt spend bout 3-5 hrs with them while I'm with them 24-7 but he's seen how difficult it is on his wkend off n one day we were eating n he said god I wish it was just us like u the one that wanted them it ain't too bad now I pay my aunt to keep them everyother wkend so its a lot better for me I went 2 yrs straight with them no free time no nun bc my aunt couldn't keep them bc of her schooling but feel better now don't feel like an imprisoned slave so much now
Ocean56

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#76
Oct 17, 2012
 
shoulda stuck to no wrote:
I'd say don't do it ur life really is over I had one that wasn't so bad but then I got with this amazing guy and he really wanted kids n just kept on and on oh I'm not good enough n this n that so I had 2 children n he's a great dad n takes care of them but he comes home @ 8:30 pm goes to bed @ 12am n back up @ 6 am so dnt spend bout 3-5 hrs with them while I'm with them 24-7 but he's seen how difficult it is on his wkend off n one day we were eating n he said god I wish it was just us like u the one that wanted them it ain't too bad now I pay my aunt to keep them everyother wkend so its a lot better for me I went 2 yrs straight with them no free time no nun bc my aunt couldn't keep them bc of her schooling but feel better now don't feel like an imprisoned slave so much now
I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now. Reading your story reaffirms my "done after one" decision, which I have never regretted for a second. I would never want to be with a guy who wanted me to have more children, since ONE is my number, and I'll never go beyond that. I know my limitations, and I know better than to exceed them.

Personally, I believe it's much better to BREAK UP with the guy who wants more kids than cave in to his demands for more children and be miserable later on.
Victoria

Egypt

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#77
Oct 28, 2012
 
Believe it wrote:
Yep... My retarded wife never took into account that having a child would put strain on us financially. She squeezed out my crappy son and guess what. I am no longer in school persuing my college education. I am working my ass off and coming home to a bitch and a whiny little shit. I am only 22 and I know I cannot live my dreams. I am struggling to maintain financial stability, and I am forced to care for a child I didn't even want. It's a very horrible life for me. So, do not have a kid/kids.
I understand exactly what you feel -- I am a woman who was forced into having kids I never wanted -- had twins!! so there is always someone worse off than you!! I was in your position and know what I did? I dumped them on their dad and his family who denied me that abortion and left. I am a part time mom, I do my job, my I have not given up my dreams. The way I see it is -- anyone who traps another person forcefully, must also pay a heavy price....
Victoria

Egypt

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#78
Oct 28, 2012
 
A life spent with unwanted kids builds resentment. Many people stick on because they feel guilty for leaving -- in my opinion, the person who wanted the kid is the one who should be left with them. If a woman tries to trap a man with kids, he should be strong enough to resist, end the relationship or be smart enough to make her sign a document saying she will not hold him for child support for the next 18 years. And for women who are trapped by men, families, religion, society and culture, they should have the courage to let others who 'trapped' them take the responsibility... I know, because I did.
Ocean56

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#79
Oct 30, 2012
 
Victoria wrote:
I understand exactly what you feel -- I am a woman who was forced into having kids I never wanted -- had twins!! so there is always someone worse off than you!!
I'm just curious; were you pressured by spouse, family, in-laws, or a combination of all three? I know that many women are PRESSURED into having children they never wanted, and most of them end up being very resentful mothers.

Personally, my view is that if a woman -- or man -- has any doubts about having kids or is sure she/he doesn't like or want children, then DON'T DO IT. The pronatalist propagandists are fond of saying things like "why not take a chance, you may fall in love with the child." The best response to such stupid things is "and what if I don't?"

In any case, no matter what pronatalists insist on believing, there is NOTHING wrong with the choice NOT to have children. Not every person is suited for parenthood, and the childfree choice is just as valid and respectable as the choice to parent.
Pregnant

Bensalem, PA

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#80
Nov 2, 2012
 

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Omg, I made a Hugh mistake in getting pregnant. I used to have the best life traveling all over, eating in great restaurants, fun social life. Everyone kept scaring me saying your 40 years old if you don't have kids now you will regret it for the rest of your life. Well now I'm pregnant 35 weeks along and miserable. I'm having the worst pregnancy. Every symptom you could imagine. I'm scared out of my mind. I have no support whatsoever. My single friends stopped calling once they found out I was pregnant and always in agony/throwing up/ super depressed. My married friends with kids are busy trying to handle there own lives. My father passed away and I never got along with my mother. I'm now unemployed got laid off during my pregnancy and am too sick to work. I'm watching all my savings get drained away as I'm purchasing baby items. And I'm only at the beginning. I'm depressed everyday, cry everyday. I am trapped in a life I never wanted. Why the f@ck did I listen to those people about my age. I was happy being myself before pregnancy. Now I am a hollow empty soul. I look like a zombie due to lack of sleep and the baby isn't even born yet. All I can say is one and done. I can't ever do this pregnancy thing again. I used to love having sex, now no interest whatsoever. I'm in a living hell prison.

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