Since: Feb 11

Location hidden

#84 Apr 22, 2012
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text>I have to agree; teen girls probably don't know what the real costs are, and that goes for the teen guys as well. It would be a great learning experience for teens if their parents would begin taking their teen daughters and sons along when grocery shopping so they could see first hand what the COST of these items are.

Whether a teen gets pregnant or not, at some point teens are going to leave the home, either for college, to start a job, or something else. They have to know the real costs of the things they use every day. This way, they will be able to buy these things when living AWAY from home, when their parents aren't buying their stuff for them anymore.:-)
true. What really pisses me off is that they're totally not concerned with giving their child a happy life with opportunities. Even IF they receive government assistance, how will they throw their child birthday parties or put presents under the tree? Do they realize how huge the achievement gap is for students who live in poverty? Do they WANT their kids to suffer?
Ocean56

AOL

#85 Apr 23, 2012
Butter_cup wrote:
true. What really pisses me off is that they're totally not concerned with giving their child a happy life with opportunities. Even IF they receive government assistance, how will they throw their child birthday parties or put presents under the tree? Do they realize how huge the achievement gap is for students who live in poverty? Do they WANT their kids to suffer?
I doubt these kids (that's what they ARE, just kids) WANT their babies to suffer later on, they just refuse to accept the fact that the REALITY of teen pregnancy/motherhood isn't going to match what their dreams of it are.

In MTV's "16 and Pregnant" documentary, I've seen each of these girls go on and on with the "I know it will be hard, but I know I can do it" fantasy BEFORE the baby is born. Any time the girl's mother tries to give honest details about how REALLY hard it will be, or ask the girl how she is going to buy diapers, formula, clothing, etc. when she has no money and isn't old enough to get a job, the girl gets angry or upset. She angrily tells her mother she's "being negative all the time" and words along those lines, and sometimes ends the conversation.

Then, when the baby finally arrives and the girl and her boyfriend or family takes him/her home, it is a very rude shock when the girl realizes that the baby is waking up as many as three times during the night, and she has to go to school the next day. She runs out of what little money she had VERY quickly buying diapers and formula, and has to start asking parents or relatives for money or just help with the baby.

It just keeps getting HARDER after that, and she finally realizes that what her mom had been saying all along was true. Almost every segment ends with the girl saying she "had no idea how really hard motherhood is" and often wishes for her old life back. Which, of course, is not going to happen.
Ocean56

AOL

#86 Apr 24, 2012
The best way for a teen girl to KEEP her freedom is to avoid sex with partners while in high school and throughout all her levels of education afterward.

ALL girls need to know that NO birth control method is 100% guaranteed against pregnancy. There is a very small chance that a girl could still get pregnant, no matter what form of BC she is using. Too many girls believe that because they're on the pill they "can't get pregnant." That is so NOT TRUE.

http://www.stayteen.org
Ocean56

AOL

#87 Apr 25, 2012
Personally, based on my individual experience, I know that life tends to be much easier for teen girls who are NOT teen moms. Why? Because she isn't overwhelmed with adult responsibilities before she's even completed high school, that's why. Because I DIDN'T get pregnant and become a teen mom, I was able to complete all my classes, assignments, and tests as a high school student. I enjoyed all my summers between school years, doing pretty much whatever I wanted. I never had to worry about paying for diapers and formula.

It's wonderful how much freedom a teen girl has when she ISN'T pregnant. Girls need to think very carefully about all they risk losing by having sex and possibly getting pregnant, and they need to think BEFORE having sex for the first time, not afterward. If they only think of it afterward, it may already be too late.

After graduating high school and having a two-month summer vacation, I began a vocational program in September and successfully completed it nine months later. A few weeks after that, I accepted a job offer in New York City, and things just got better from there. Working at my job gave me chances to earn a good full-time salary with benefits, take classes to learn more job skills -- at company expense -- and advance to jobs with higher salaries.

NONE of that would have been possible if I had gotten pregnant at 16 and become a teen mom. Having a baby would have made even doing homework and studying for tests in high school very difficult, if not impossible. I might even have had to drop out of school, as some of these girls have done, and wouldn't have gotten my high school diploma. It wouldn't have been possible for me to go to vocational school or work full-time at a top company either. For me to accomplish all that I had wanted and planned for myself, it required me to be a FREE TEEN rather than a teen mom.

Girls can do so much when they are encouraged by parents and community to pursue their educations including college or vocational school and then get good jobs and careers. I was very fortunate to have parents and a community that did encourage education and career for me and other girls rather than the "traditional" paths of marriage/motherhood and not much else. It is much easier for girls to have opportunities for a good education, good employment, and economic independence when they don't get pregnant and become mothers too soon.
cookies

Washington, DC

#88 May 19, 2012
Hi am 14 teen and i would like to have a baby now i can take care of my baby.
Ocean56

AOL

#89 May 20, 2012
cookies wrote:
Hi am 14 teen and i would like to have a baby now i can take care of my baby.
HOW are you going to take care of a baby when you haven't even graduated high school and are too young to get a job? Obviously you have no idea how EXPENSIVE raising a baby is. So here are a few things you really need to know, BEFORE you make the huge mistake of having sex and possibly getting pregnant.

One of the most overlooked factors of being a teen mom or teen dad is how much it really costs to care for a baby and child. Many teens have no idea whatsoever how truly EXPENSIVE it is to buy all the supplies a baby will need, even in the first two months.

So back in March of this year, just to do a little research myself, I took a notebook with me on my last shopping trip to the grocery store, and wrote down the costs for items that parents will need for a baby. Here's a short price list:

Diapers - Huggies (to 14 pounds) 40/pkg.$9.99
Formula - Enfamil, newborn, 6 2oz. btl/pkg.$7.99
Wipes - Pampers baby wipes, 72/pkg.$2.79
Bottles - Evenflo, 3/pkg.$5.69
Bottle cleaning brush, 1/pkg.$2.99
Pacifiers - Nuk, 2/pkg.$3.69
Diaper rash cream - Desitin, 1 tube $5.45
Baby powder - Johnson's lrg. economy size $4.59
Baby wash - Johnson's lrg.$2.79
Baby shampoo - Johnson's med. size $3.99

The above are just the BASE prices, which were priced on 3/26/12. The cost for diapers and formula will quickly multiply, depending on how much formula the baby needs and how many diaper changes the baby must have to keep his/her skin healthy. Diapers must be changed quite frequently to avoid diaper rash, which occurs as a result of babies being in a wet or stinky diaper for too long.

Let's assume, just as an EXAMPLE, that the baby will have to be changed six times a day. The cost of diapers, which is $9.99 for a package of 40 can multiply as follows:

6 diapers per day, x 7 days = 42 diapers
42 diapers per week, x 4 weeks =$168 per month

The cost of formula can multiply a lot too, depending on how much formula is used per day. When my son was a newborn and infant, he could easily consume a bottle at each feeding, which could be 2 or 3 ounces. If the baby is bigger, he/she will need more at each feeding.

The base cost for a six-pack of Enfamil ready-to-use 2oz. bottles is $7.99, which is really $8.00 minus a penny. It can multiply as follows:

2 six-packs per week @$8.00 =$16.00 per week
$16.00 x 4 weeks =$64.00 month

Remember, these figures are just ESTIMATES. Parents may choose different types of formula, but they have to know what the cost is, and they'll have to multiply it for a monthly estimate.

Also, these costs are for diapers and formula ALONE. Parents will also have to buy clothes, a car seat (required by law), crib, stroller, infant seat, baby toys, and the list goes on.

It will be difficult, and in some cases impossible, for teen parents to buy all these necessities for a baby when they are too young to even work if they are younger than 16. Even for older teen parents, they still must graduate high school to be able to get better jobs.
Ocean56

AOL

#90 May 20, 2012
Babies are EXPENSIVE (continued)

HIGH TICKET BABY NECESSITIES

In every segment of the "16 and Pregnant" documentary I've seen, the girl who is pregnant makes the point that she had no idea how EXPENSIVE raising a baby is. Too often, doing the math to find out what items are needed and how much each item will cost wasn't done until the teen girl was several months along. IMO waiting several months to find out what costs are involved is a huge mistake.

The MUST-have items that a teen needs to have if she plans to keep and raise the baby are as follows:

1. Car seat (required by LAW)
2. Crib
3. Stroller
4. Diaper bag (with portable changing pad)
5. Special garbage pail for diapers

This is IN ADDITION to the above list, which was for everyday items like diapers, formula, bottles, wipes, pacifiers, and other things that mom will need every day. Some car seats can go as high as $200, and a crib can cost $200 or even more. I remember paying $500+ for my son's crib, and the car seat was about $150. That was over 15 years ago, and I am sure the prices for some of these items have gone up, depending on how expensive the store is.

Teens need to be aware of how EXPENSIVE it is to raise a baby, preferably BEFORE a pregnancy occurs but definitely before the baby arrives. Doing the math and buying these items, IF the mom decides to raise her baby, should never be left to the last two or three months.
Ocean56

AOL

#91 Jun 3, 2012
Girls, if you want to avoid getting pregnant in the first place, you need to THINK SEX THROUGH. Think past the moment before you are IN the moment.


- Think about how you'll feel losing your virginity.
- Think about missing your period.
- Think about having to tell your parents that YOU ARE PREGNANT.
- Think about having to give away a baby so you can go on with your plans.
- Think about giving birth.
- Think about having an abortion
- Think about putting your plans on hold maybe forever.
- Think about how much it will cost to raise a baby to adulthood ($100,000 or more)
- Think about what you'll be giving up (all your FREEDOM)
- Think about colic (anywhere from 1 to 6 months of it)
- Think about trading in your cute teenage outfits for dumpy maternity clothes
- Think about painful, drippy breasts
- Think about a child with a disability
- Think about changing lots of stinky diapers, day AND night.
- Think about losing lots of sleep
- Think about "What if he leaves me."
- Think about getting a HUGE belly and gaining a lot of weight
- Think about morning sickness, anywhere from 1 to possibly 6 months of it
- Think about suffering through painful hours (possibly days) of labor
- Think about getting almost no sleep at night after bringing the baby home
- Think about a baby possibly vomiting all over you (that happened to me more than once when DS was an infant)
- Think about listening to a crying, screaming baby instead of being out having fun with your friends
- Think about missing out on prom, graduation, college and dream career
- Think about the next 18 years of GIVING THINGS UP

The more girls THINK about the very real hardships of motherhood before having sex in the first place, they might be far LESS likely to take the risk of having sex and possibly ending up pregnant.
Serendipity

Lincoln, NE

#92 Jun 19, 2012
Becca, only YOU and the FATHER should determine what is best for you both and for your child with respect to parenting. A baby requires a LOT of love and care and attention in order to grow up healthy and happy.

I never had an abortion, but I made the mistake of delaying having children until my education ended-- that was the biggest mistake of my life! I have not had children and am unlikely to be able to adopt any at my age due to the prejudices/age discrimination of twenty something social workers.

I cannot relate to you how stupid and sad I feel having waited to have children, while many of my relatives and friends became mothers and fathers.

It is popular today to recommend not becoming a teen parent. But when fertility rates are in decline and adoption alternatives are not readily available, sometimes perhaps it is a grave mistake to listen to politically (and sometimes medically) correct advice. Do what is best for you, the father and your baby.
Ocean56

AOL

#93 Jun 21, 2012
Serendipity wrote:
It is popular today to recommend not becoming a teen parent. But when fertility rates are in decline and adoption alternatives are not readily available, sometimes perhaps it is a grave mistake to listen to politically (and sometimes medically) correct advice.

**********

Of course it makes sense to recommend NOT becoming a teen parent, because teens are NOT READY to become parents in the first place.

IMO encouraging teens to become parents by using fears of "declining fertility rates" as YOU are doing is completely irresponsible.

Since: Feb 11

Location hidden

#94 Jun 21, 2012
Serendipity wrote:
Becca, only YOU and the FATHER should determine what is best for you both and for your child with respect to parenting. A baby requires a LOT of love and care and attention in order to grow up healthy and happy.

I never had an abortion, but I made the mistake of delaying having children until my education ended-- that was the biggest mistake of my life! I have not had children and am unlikely to be able to adopt any at my age due to the prejudices/age discrimination of twenty something social workers.

I cannot relate to you how stupid and sad I feel having waited to have children, while many of my relatives and friends became mothers and fathers.

It is popular today to recommend not becoming a teen parent. But when fertility rates are in decline and adoption alternatives are not readily available, sometimes perhaps it is a grave mistake to listen to politically (and sometimes medically) correct advice. Do what is best for you, the father and your baby.
you seriously recommended that a 14 year old CHILD have a child of their own because YOU regret not having children earlier? You are seriously messed up.
Ocean56

AOL

#95 Jun 22, 2012
Butter_cup wrote:
you seriously recommended that a 14 year old CHILD have a child of their own because YOU regret not having children earlier? You are seriously messed up.
I totally agree with the above. A 14-year-old girl has NO business having children herself when she is probably still in MIDDLE school.
Jules

Streetsboro, OH

#96 Jul 16, 2012
Butter_cup wrote:
<quoted text>
true. What really pisses me off is that they're totally not concerned with giving their child a happy life with opportunities. Even IF they receive government assistance, how will they throw their child birthday parties or put presents under the tree? Do they realize how huge the achievement gap is for students who live in poverty? Do they WANT their kids to suffer?
I think you are very confused because yeah MOST teens who want a kid dont think about that but there is a small group that does and I am one of those people in that small group that knows they cant do certain things and they dont have the money for the kid which is why i have waited four years and still waiting until i am done with high school and have a job.
Ocean56

AOL

#97 Jul 24, 2012
Jules wrote:
I think you are very confused because yeah MOST teens who want a kid dont think about that but there is a small group that does and I am one of those people in that small group that knows they cant do certain things and they dont have the money for the kid which is why i have waited four years and still waiting until i am done with high school and have a job.
I'm glad you are waiting until you have graduated high school to even think about having sex or becoming a mother. That being said, a lot of jobs require more education than just getting one's high school diploma. Many require some vocational training first, which can take anywhere from nine months to two years. Some jobs even require a college degree.

I'm wondering what KIND of job you want. Don't you want a job that you really enjoy doing, rather than just any job you can get?
Ocean56

AOL

#98 Jul 25, 2012
REALITY SUCKS FOR TEENAGE MOTHERS

http://voices.yahoo.com/reality-sucks-teenage ...

by Melody Landeros, February 1, 2011

Many people read with disbelief the recent story of ninety teenage mothers or mothers to be at one school in Tennessee. Others walk by the checkout counters and see headlines such as one MTV mother doesn't know who exactly is the father of her baby. More people tune into MTV and watch the latest installment of Teen Mother 2. Ask a teenager and they know of at least one pregnant person in high school. With a country that has so much information and supplies about pregnancy prevention, how do we explain this atmosphere that condones, and encourages young girls to get pregnant as young as twelve.

Many people will say blame the media that projects this illusionary picture of teen motherhood as though it is tough, the pregnancy will workout some way in a positive manner for the young mother. Maybe the pregnancy will and maybe the opposite outcome will occur, but once the cameras are turned off the question becomes how did these young women end up in such life changing situations?

Does peer pressure cause young girls to become women too fast? When the mentality of everyone doing it or an acceptance that somehow being sexually active is a rite of passage at such an early age, many girls have intimate relationships long before they are mentally and emotionally ready to handle the responsibility and the consequences of these choices. Many mistaken sex for love and instead of realizing that sex is an expression of love.

Their need for acceptance and love is so great that if that relationship doesn't fill that void in them, they mistakenly believe a baby will fill that void, when the void can truly only be filled by themselves. Self-love and acceptance will fill the void, not sexual trysts or babies. These young women do not realize that a baby is a life altering event and once mothers, all the self-centeredness of teenage years, the parties, the dances, the going out, are gone and life revolves around the baby who is completely dependent on a mother.

Not only does the expectant mother have a life altering event, so do the family and friends that surround them. Friends may be excited in the beginning with their pregnant friend, eagerly anticipating the birth and the few weeks that follow, but life will again flow for their friends. These friends will continue to be teenagers and have that semi-carefree life, and not wish to be tied down with a friend with a baby. Sounds cruel, but this choice is a reality many teen mothers experience.

**********

Click on link below to read the story in its entirety. The article is too long to fit in one message.

http://voices.yahoo.com/reality-sucks-teenage ...
Ocean56

AOL

#99 Jul 28, 2012
This might help girls see the difference between the two lifestyles of being a free teenager and being a teen mom BEFORE they make the mistake of having sex and possibly ending up pregnant.

If anyone can think of more benefits of lifestyle #1 or negatives of lifestyle #2, please go ahead and add them.

**********

LIFESTYLE #1 - LIFE AS A FREE TEENAGER:
- Keeping up grades, studying, doing homework
- Participating in after-school activities
- Going to school dances and parties
- Relaxing during summer vacation
- Having fun at the junior or senior prom
- Graduating high school and attending after-graduation parties

LIFSTYLE #2 - LIFE AS A TEEN MOM:
- Missing school, falling behind in classes
- Getting up two or three times at night to feed a baby
- Endless diaper changes, including stinky ones
- Losing friends who don't want to be around crying babies
- Staying home with a crying baby while friends are out having fun
- Missing high school graduation, or even having to drop out of school

Any girl who is even THINKING about being a teen mom needs to read the above before making the decision to have sex.
Ocean56

AOL

#100 Jul 28, 2012
For girls who mistakenly believe that teen motherhood would be easy or fun, here are the actual negatives involved.

TEEN MOTHERHOOD NEGATIVES:
- Missing school days
- Falling behind in school work
- Losing sleep at night...for many nights
- Worrying about how to pay for formula and diapers
- Staying home with a crying baby instead of going out and having fun
- Constantly changing wet and stinky diapers
- Giving up favorite sports, activities, and hobbies
- Missing out on prom
- Losing friends who don’t want to be around babies
- Losing out on the college or vocational school of choice
- Dropping out of high school
- Having to settle for low-income or minimum-wage jobs
- Always being short of money
- Giving up all dreams of education and career for a long time, perhaps forever
- Feeling trapped and unhappy all the time

TEEN MOTHER POSITIVES:
NONE

The way I see it, there are no positives of teen motherhood at all. The only people who
insist it’s a either a “good thing” or it “isn’t that hard” fall into one of two categories; 1. those who never wanted girls to have a higher education and career in the first place, and 2. girls who are already teen mothers and have to make the best of it. Girls who aren’t pregnant now cannot afford to let themselves believe that being a teen mom is better for them than higher education and career. The best way to escape the trap of poverty, or to avoid falling into it, is education. Without that education, girls risk being trapped into near or actual poverty for
a very long time, maybe for life. Poverty is NOT fun, for mothers or their children.

So, girls, the next time a boyfriend pressures you for sex, ask yourself — and your
boyfriend too — this question: is that 20 or 30 minutes of fun worth the possibility of
me ending up pregnant and losing all my chances of getting a good education and career? Hint: the only sensible answer is NO.
Jules

Youngstown, OH

#101 Sep 27, 2012
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm glad you are waiting until you have graduated high school to even think about having sex or becoming a mother. That being said, a lot of jobs require more education than just getting one's high school diploma. Many require some vocational training first, which can take anywhere from nine months to two years. Some jobs even require a college degree.
I'm wondering what KIND of job you want. Don't you want a job that you really enjoy doing, rather than just any job you can get?
Sure i want to have a good job but guess what I also want to be a daycare provider! I already watch kids sometimes overnight when they are NOT potty trained you dont know that even seeing it from start to finish it wont change anything about the way i think or the way i will be!
Ocean56

AOL

#102 Sep 29, 2012
Jules wrote:
Sure i want to have a good job but guess what I also want to be a daycare provider! I already watch kids sometimes overnight when they are NOT potty trained you dont know that even seeing it from start to finish it wont change anything about the way i think or the way i will be!
By "day care provider" does that mean you want to open up your own day care center one day? If that is the case, you really need to know that you will have to meet certain requirements from your local city and state government before taking that step.

These requirements may include certain things you don't have yet. There are too many day care centers that are BAD because the owners didn't take the trouble to make sure they were in compliance with these city/state requirements, and had to be closed down. I know that as a parent I would never have taken my child to a day care provider who didn't even finish high school, let alone college.

If you want to be a day care provider, fine. But if you want to be a really GOOD one, make sure you have the required level(s) of education first.


jodi

Homer Glen, IL

#103 Nov 16, 2012
Caylee wrote:
Hi Becca.
I am a teen mom. I was blessed with two beautiful twin girls. I do not regret having them. They are the greatest thing to ever happen to me. However, I do think you strongly think about it because as soon as you have your baby, all your personal time is gone.
Hey I was also blessed with twin girls althought their not identicle. I don't regret having them but I also wanted to be a mom since I was 12 and waitng untill I was 16 taught me patience and responsibility. Gabrielle and Mia are my life but I had to realise drinking and full nights of sleep are over. I suggest you do what I did get a miminum wage job or work around the hou$e look up bottle costs and diaper and how often babies eat and use them feed your doll every two hours even in the middle of the night use your cell phone alarm to go off every two hour$ feed and burp the "baby" and random diaper changes do it for two weeks and then you'll know if your ready to be a mom I did that at 12 and it encouraged me to wait four more years.

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