Pastor's Kids Syndrome?

Feb 4, 2008 Full story: www.revmagazine.com 165

Being a pastor's kid has its unique challenges. Families of pastors have unique pressures, blessings, and problems. Learn from other pastors what you can do to help your kids survive the journey.

Full Story
Lilly

United States

#148 Apr 15, 2012
boxed wrote:
<quoted text>
not only PK's dear, maybe you don't see but even pastors has their own pressures, check yourselves, maybe we're being to selfish. What's wrong from being a good kid?
Yes, but the difference is that our parents chose to be pastors and we were born into our position as PK's
Vanessa

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#149 May 28, 2012
I hate being a pastors kid!!!
I can't even be happy people can't accept me because my views and beliefs are different!
Im judged everyday ! Its awful
Vanessa

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#150 May 28, 2012
Lilly wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes, but the difference is that our parents chose to be pastors and we were born into our position as PK's
I totally agree
BRENTON

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#151 May 28, 2012
No DAMN PERSON CAN SAY "I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL". ONLY A PK CAN UNDERSTAND ANOTHER PK...
DJ a PK

San Diego, CA

#152 Jun 19, 2012
She has to be convinced that you love her more then a building or a group of people that only know you by your title. She has to know you are her Father (a higher calling in my opinion)
holyprincess wrote:
aI am a pastor nd I was called to minister being singled and divorced with two girls. My daughters feel the church stole her mommie. I believe they felt I was unbalanced. my youngest one is not serving God. I have asked for forgiveness and I dont know how I should win her back- to me or Christ. Need response from pks.
God Bless
DJ a PK

San Diego, CA

#153 Jun 19, 2012
Pastors choose to be pastors PK's have no choice....there is nothing wrong with being a good kid, but having to put on a "good kid" show all time will cause identity issues when you are an adult, I know this.......God Bless you Pastor or Pastor's wife, I know your calling is hard, but please remember it is your calling and you used your free will to choose it =).
boxed wrote:
<quoted text>
not only PK's dear, maybe you don't see but even pastors has their own pressures, check yourselves, maybe we're being to selfish. What's wrong from being a good kid?
Josh

Kabul, Afghanistan

#154 Jun 30, 2012
I became a PK around junior high. I am now 28. By the time i graduated high school the pressure was on me. I did not want to become youth group leader. I wanted to live my own life. I didn't want everyone watching me constantly. So I decided to join the Marine Corps. It was a great way to escape the pressures of church and gave me a way to let people keep thinking highly of me. So i did 9 years in the military and it was time to get out. It was then time to decided if I should go back to my home town or somewhere else. I thought and thought about it and decided to go for higher pay than go back home and be expected to go to church every Sunday. Yet the pressure is still there I would love to go home to live but I don't want the pressure. Don't get me wrong I love my family and friends and would love to go back, but I would rather just live free with my wife and visit everyone every once in a while.
Olivia

Schenectady, NY

#155 Jul 14, 2012
Zack wrote:
I have also been a PK since birth and find the hardest part by far is dating or relationships,
now being home schooled and traveling to do ministry most of my life most would say you don't know about school pressure or church goers but I have found that they ARE EVERY WERE!, and they tend to seek you out to prove your worth. But that's just the enemy trying to prevent you from your ministry. Now my Dad passed away about two month's ago from a heart attack and i am leaving hurt, regretful, angry and sad times to inter into what are you going to do with your life now stage. though my mom was a large part of my dads ministry she works full time to provide for me and my two siblings, it's tough work but she does it some how. I am just wondering Any PK lost dads/moms and how do you transfer what dad taught you to the younger ones and how aboute those shoes to fill.. WHAT NOW? Any help would be appreciated.. Thanx -Zack
I am so sorry for your loss i am a pk and i know how you feel my parents are all to busy with the church and i am the oldest of four the best you could do is be am example for your siblIngs have prayer and devotion with them and just be there for them- i hope i helped :)

Since: Jun 11

Jacksonville, FL

#156 Jul 17, 2012
Hi Zack,
Wow, so sorry for the loss of your dad.As your family works through the grief process are there any older people you look up to for advice? Maybe just talking to someone you trust would help, even a counselor. One step at a time is always a good plan too :)May God's presence and comfort be tangible in your life!Life will always be difference, but it can be still be good...and God can help you with your siblings as you lean on him. It's great you want to help your siblings....just remember that you can do what you can do. God has to fill in the spots that only He can :)
Josh

Mississauga, Canada

#157 Jul 17, 2012
I am a PK since birth. Being a PK is tough. Real tough. Expect to be judged on everything by everyone. Expect to ALWAYS be watched wether it is at the movies or walking the streets. If you are in a big church like me the people that will recognize you and watch you are everywhere. I have always had to have a smile on my face for even people that have stalked and tried attacking my family. There is tremendous blessig to be had by belonging to a God fearing pastor family. There is a great draw back too. My life has multiple sections all differant. My dad is very stressed alot. And that deffinetly effects our family. I rarely see him. And spending actual stress free time as a family is nearly impossible. I understand the enourmous amounts of pressure that my dad faces, but it is wearing him down. He is not the same at home as else were. He is just exausted. And if he sits down he cannot help but fall asleep. He works upwards of 65 hours a week.
I think i wrote this because i feel very distant from everybody. Family, church, "friends". I am not looking for someone to say good luck or just keep trusting God. I love God. I relize he is Lord. But being a PK seems tougher then what my simple friends have. I guess the grass always looks greener though...
Soldier

Red Hook, NY

#158 Aug 4, 2012
I know that God didn't want my dad's choice of life to make me hurt so much, but it does. I just moved I used to be a Missionary Kid, and now I'm back to being a PK. My cheeks have never hurt so much in my life from smiling. I feel anxious all of the time, my mom practically lives "over the edge" it seems like no matter what I do, it's wrong with my mom. She is so stressed and somehow it became my job to keep her stress levels low. How did that happen? I'm only 14, so it doesn't help that all of this started to happen while I'm just naturally moody. I'm supposed to be above my age, there shouldn't even be an issue there. In the country that I lived in before I was able to just hop on my bike and burn off all of the extra stress, it became more complected when I got here. I can't really remember the last time that I actually felt hungry... and I don't want to eat either, if anything I should be able to control what I eat.

It's just not realistic to expect so much from me, I can't keep my little sister, my older brother, and my mother in line without completely loosing it. It's ridiculous to restrict how I am allowed to feel to only the positives. I'm supposed to be a role model I believe that I play the part well, but if anyone were to actually take on "the way that I am"... no one should be that anxious, confused, and disoriented all of the time. How am I supposed to handle the weight of my whole family and then add on making sure that I set good examples for "the little ones" at church?

Everything is so fake that most of the time I'm not sure what is real not, I'm not even sure of what my real feelings are anymore.

Since: Jun 11

Jacksonville, FL

#159 Aug 6, 2012
Hey there Soldier.

You said "How am I supposed to handle the weight of my whole family and then add on making sure that I set good examples for "the little ones" at church?"

My answer is that you're NOT suppose to handle all of that. That weight doesn't belong to you! Give it back to God when those burdens start feeling heavy. You are fourteen, suppose to go through normal ups and downs, discover who God made you to be and pursue Him wholeheartedly. Find someone you trust to talk to! Tell your parents how you are feeling-unless they too were pk's they probably have no idea how you feel.

Sorry it's so hard at times! but just be you, follow God and love HIM and try not to feel responsible for things you have no control over. It's a journey but God helps us as we cry out to Him :) I've been writing a book for pk's b/c I went through these things too. Now, in my early 30's I am truly free of others expectations and have sorted through all the PK junk! Feel free to e-mail me to chat if you'd like..albritton4@hotmail.com

:) Emily
hardlife4pk

Toledo, OH

#160 Aug 29, 2012
I'm a pk and life has been bumpy..there's so many exceptations people except you 2 have both my parents r preachers which makes it harder. I've been a preachers kid since I was 6 and every little thing u do people either talk about u or watch u. In my family my parents put church before family which hurts..don't get me wrong I love going 2 church but it seems like my whole is surrounded by the church...I have a brother and sister. My brother is going in college and my sister is about go 2 college and when she leaves I know its going 2 hard on me. I'm a pk to african parents..one thing that is hard is every little mistake you do people say. "The pastors daughter or the pastors child. I'm 13 and I just wish people could understand the life of a preachers kid
jajda

Kilkenny, Ireland

#161 Aug 31, 2012
Hi Emjoy, you ve written a book about being a PK? I would love to read it. I became a PK when I was 5. And to make things worse I grew up in a communist country, where being a pastor or his family was quite a risk. So a lot of fear and anxiety involved everywhere.

Living in a free country know, I still struggle to find where I belong. Church used to be my family (actually church and family was one) After emotional break down in my early twenties due to too much involvement in the church, I had to leave everything behind. My country, my "ministry" friends. I had to get professional help (which was never accepted and trusted in the church culture where I come from)..

I m much hopeful and joyful and Jesus is healing my soul .. but still .. I feel lost .. would be great to read something from somebody, who is further down the road ..
Oliviapk176

United States

#163 Oct 8, 2012
Josh, I'm a pk and I completely understand you. Yes, u r right only pks can understand. I'm not going to sugar code things for you because I know you know who God is, so I'm not going to say trust in God because you know that but I am going to say that you need to talk to your father...no matter how much you don't want to. You need to tell him that God put the man (husband/father) to be the head of the household and in his case God also put him in charge of sheep. But you need to tell your father how you feel. Tell him that sometimes you feel that he is so busy watching over his sheep that maybe he is forgetting the first responsibility God gave him, which is to take care of his family. Tell him you
Don't want him to quit but you want the attention that he gives his congregation even more attention (the picking up the phone when someone from church calls, the taking time to stop whatever he is doing to help someone from the congregation, and taking the time to meet with them). Even of its something as simple as every Saturday going to old country buffet (resturant) and just having family time. We have an old country buffet that is walking distance but instead we go to one 40 min away so that we don't run into anyone (so that it will only be family time). I hope I helped :) be blessed
Josh wrote:
I am a PK since birth. Being a PK is tough. Real tough. Expect to be judged on everything by everyone. Expect to ALWAYS be watched wether it is at the movies or walking the streets. If you are in a big church like me the people that will recognize you and watch you are everywhere. I have always had to have a smile on my face for even people that have stalked and tried attacking my family. There is tremendous blessig to be had by belonging to a God fearing pastor family. There is a great draw back too. My life has multiple sections all differant. My dad is very stressed alot. And that deffinetly effects our family. I rarely see him. And spending actual stress free time as a family is nearly impossible. I understand the enourmous amounts of pressure that my dad faces, but it is wearing him down. He is not the same at home as else were. He is just exausted. And if he sits down he cannot help but fall asleep. He works upwards of 65 hours a week.
I think i wrote this because i feel very distant from everybody. Family, church, "friends". I am not looking for someone to say good luck or just keep trusting God. I love God. I relize he is Lord. But being a PK seems tougher then what my simple friends have. I guess the grass always looks greener though...
Briana

Lebanon, PA

#164 Oct 9, 2012
I have been a pastors kid/ missionaries kid all my life. I am wandering if I will ever find someone who will love me and actually put me first instead of the church. I'm don't like this feeling of loneliness and I cant get any of my questions answered.
Jchef

Kawaguchi, Japan

#165 Nov 9, 2012
I'm a pk of a huge church, my dad has a few churches all over he teaches in every few days of the week. He writes books too, anyway I've been struggling all my life back and forth and I feel like I'm the furthest away from him right now. I seek and can't find. I see him in other pple but I can't find a route to him.
PKinSA

Durban, South Africa

#166 Jan 19, 2013
Sims wrote:
Hey there to al of u! I am also a PK, and yeah its tough, but its not the end of the world guys. And i relate 2 u and al ur problems,challenges, joys, pains n hurts. I have somehow made it because in South Africa, we hv yearly PK'S camps, where we talk, cry, comfort one another, sing and have alot of fun. I have been able 2 deal with my probs, and not 2 say that my problems were solved. So hold on and establish those forums in your regions. Have faith, be strong, fix your eyes on Jesus!
Hi Sims...where are you in South Africa?
DaDisciple

San Antonio, TX

#167 Feb 7, 2013
Hey guys, I recently became a "Pk" the only difference is that i'm 27, married with 3 kids and i dont live with my parents.(lol) I had an idea of the struggles you guys go through, but this place has allowed me to go in deeper as far as what the issues are and how to tackle them.

Recently, i felt from the Lord to put together a "PK" retreat for our ministry. As I was brainstorming, i came across this and lets just say that it has opened my eyes even more to how hard you guys have it. Which also confirmed that this retreat i'm trying to organize is really from God.

I pray that God may put peace and understanding in your hearts. Know that you guys are special, not because you are "PK's",but because God sent his son to die on the cross for you and your sins.
Sam0420

Cincinnati, OH

#168 Mar 5, 2013
I have been a preachers daughter for 28 years. I've seen more hate and ugliness in the church than in the bars. My parents always shoved us to the side. The church always came first. I started having a drug problem. Swept that under the rug. Never talked about it to me. And everything that didnt look good for the family was treated that way. Now I can't walk in the church. I have such strong hate for church and it's members.

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