Pastor's Kids Syndrome?

Pastor's Kids Syndrome?

There are 165 comments on the www.revmagazine.com story from Feb 4, 2008, titled Pastor's Kids Syndrome?. In it, www.revmagazine.com reports that:

Being a pastor's kid has its unique challenges. Families of pastors have unique pressures, blessings, and problems. Learn from other pastors what you can do to help your kids survive the journey.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at www.revmagazine.com.

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someone

Mechanicsburg, PA

#1 Feb 10, 2008
what is this
Jhem

Olongapo City, Philippines

#2 Feb 29, 2008
it's for Christians to understand.
Jhem

Olongapo City, Philippines

#3 Feb 29, 2008
someone wrote:
what is this
it's for Christians.
Mchelle

Lawrence, KS

#4 Mar 13, 2008
It's for everyone to understand. It's the life, the stress, the privileges, and the pressures of growing up under a microscope. Of being watched and judged (which is never deserved) by anyone and everyone who has ever set foot in the church you father/mother pastors. It's the life of growing up as a Pastors kid - something that, unfortunately, only Pastors kids will ever truly understand/relate to.

The best way I have ever heard it being described as is, "Being a pastors kid is like being the child of a celebrity, only without the money ... "
Emjoy

United States

#5 Mar 14, 2008
I am a pastor/missionaries daughter and I am looking for other pastor's kids or minister's kids (teens or grown) who would be willing to share with me some of their real-life stories for a book I am writing. The book addresses issues we as pastor's kids go through and how to deal with them and thrive, not just survive. If you would be willing to participate it would be a huge blessing! I would not share your story/stories until you proof read it in the context of the book and I can change you name if you prefer to be anonymous. Please e-mail me at [email protected] Thank you!
pkkid

Brooklyn, NY

#6 Jul 9, 2008
i have been a pk most of my life and i guess i grew accustomed to it...however there are downsides to it. aside from me being a girl and an only child everything rests on my head. they expect me to take the mantle. which is really hard.. and now bc of what someone else did (sexual immorality) my boyfriend and i have to suffer.. whenever we do something we have to do it in secret.. i mean like going out and stuff. no one in the church can know, bc my parents are afraid they are going to point fingers... it gets me so mad
Kimmijay

Bothell, WA

#7 Jul 14, 2008
Ah, I've been a PK all my life and it has been more negative than positive dealing with "church" people. I was blessed with parents who were balanced and they never put the church before us at our expense. I always remember that I was born into a Pasotral family for a reason and so I might as well serve God and not focus on the people.
Denise

Jacksonville, FL

#8 Jul 15, 2008
i am a PK of a mega church. i dont get along well with other PKs on that church because they are soo defensive when it comes to how a PK should act. they act all holy and all but they are the ones who bend the rules. i know they are hurting because most of our members hate them (they think theyre all that) but sometimes i wanted to slap them and let them know that their actions are ruining the ministry. i am really close to slapping one of them. she is horrible. sorry Lord. Help me!
engineergirl

Philadelphia, PA

#9 Jul 24, 2008
I'm dating a PK and I've stayed with his family for a bit.. Oh man.. His parents are sooo different and the lives of his sisters.. I could never live that way (his mum actually cut up his sister's bikini !!)
Even when we hang out... They need to know wayy too much ... Any clue how I should deal with this pressure.. I'm not a PK..:)
pkp

Cranford, NJ

#10 Jul 27, 2008
Well I am Pk and I am just a kid and it is awfull being juged and I don't like it at all
imago

Capri, Philippines

#11 Jul 31, 2008
i am a Pk and i am proud to be one... :)
holyprincess

AOL

#12 Aug 4, 2008
aI am a pastor nd I was called to minister being singled and divorced with two girls. My daughters feel the church stole her mommie. I believe they felt I was unbalanced. my youngest one is not serving God. I have asked for forgiveness and I dont know how I should win her back- to me or Christ. Need response from pks.
God Bless
Lady12

United States

#13 Aug 10, 2008
Same here, I am also dating a PK but his parents are all up in our business.
I love his parents but it's hard to continue a relationship while living under a microscope
engineergirl wrote:
I'm dating a PK and I've stayed with his family for a bit.. Oh man.. His parents are sooo different and the lives of his sisters.. I could never live that way (his mum actually cut up his sister's bikini !!)
Even when we hang out... They need to know wayy too much ... Any clue how I should deal with this pressure.. I'm not a PK..:)
Calvin

Central District, Hong Kong

#14 Sep 6, 2008
I think loneliness is the biggest issue to deal with. it seems like it's perfectly okay for us to be stepped on again and again while we could not do the same. i think my siblings and i get taken for granted, actually my whole family. just because my dad is a pastor, doesn't mean that ... it's complicated. people have high expectation of us, and we do the right things yet we are dealt with harshly whenever we don't meet their expectation which they don't have for themselves and other churchgoers. we don't get the respect deserved. we are throwing ourselves when serving, throwing our hearts and guts out, and sometimes still get stepped on. i wish we could get the same treatment as other churchgoers.

can't say certain things, it's like a battle going to church. it's a little hard to feel secure at church or be myself. it's kind of like the opposite situation for other churchgoers who come to church for healing, to share problems, there are a lot of problems that i can't share. it's a one way relationship with church for me...not entirely but to a great extent.

as for Holyprincess...i would say give them your attention. share your problems with them so they would understand. go on holiday, like a roadtrip somewhere every once in a while. find support group for them (if there is one).

i know some fellow PKs who felt suppressed and just wanted to earn a lot of money and became rebellious (aren't we all in someways) and it's sad.
Samantha

Mcnary, AZ

#16 Oct 11, 2008
I am a PK. I've been a pk since i was seven, giving me just over eleven years of experience. It wasn't difficult for me until I became aware of how judgemental my church really was. That was in Junior High. Now I'm in college and i still have issues with many of the expectations my church has for my family.

My mom doesn't have the same beliefs as the rest of my family which makes it difficult being a pastor's wife. She had trouble as a teen dealing with family issues and felt abandoned by God. Because of that we will get the occasional reference to my mother and sometimes my siblings absence from church events. They do that to me sometimes too because I'm the Pastor's daughter. It bugs me so much! Why am i not there? When am i going to be involved in something again? I wish I could say "I will when I want, so butt out!" but I feel the pressure to be the good pk and say "I'm sort of busy with school and play productions right now." They assume I'll always be availible to do stuff in church because I was going to church anyway.

I think the hardest part is trying to form relationships. I only really dated three guys in high school. It felt like since everyone knew I was a pk they felt a barrier. I knew the two stereotypes: rebel or goody two-shoe. I got that question from everyone who tried to get to know me. Why should I be defined by my peers by a stereotype? It isn't fair of them or me to think that way.

That's why it was so nice to meet my BF. He didn't really care about which I was, he just liked ME. He was and still is my sanity when it comes to my constant worries. I love him. The only difficult part about our relationship is that he's mormon. Unless he became a presbyterian I don't think we can have a marital future.:(

I'm the pk and I wish we weren't judged so much. We should be seen as imperfect humans... not pastoral child-saints. It shouldn't be so hard to be a christian following Jesus Christ...
Zack

Wichita, KS

#17 Oct 29, 2008
I have also been a PK since birth and find the hardest part by far is dating or relationships,
now being home schooled and traveling to do ministry most of my life most would say you don't know about school pressure or church goers but I have found that they ARE EVERY WERE!, and they tend to seek you out to prove your worth. But that's just the enemy trying to prevent you from your ministry. Now my Dad passed away about two month's ago from a heart attack and i am leaving hurt, regretful, angry and sad times to inter into what are you going to do with your life now stage. though my mom was a large part of my dads ministry she works full time to provide for me and my two siblings, it's tough work but she does it some how. I am just wondering Any PK lost dads/moms and how do you transfer what dad taught you to the younger ones and how aboute those shoes to fill.. WHAT NOW? Any help would be appreciated.. Thanx -Zack
Skay

Vidalia, GA

#18 Nov 4, 2008
im just another pastors kid i guess. ive been trying to find answers for all my question. and because i cant talk to my parent i didnt know who to talk to but other pks. then i found this. and i relized im not alone. but what i dont get is why were labled as bad as we are. my feelings get hurt all the time and im 16. in most ways im not ready for life out of church but i want to get away i dont understand. i work for my parents at our church but its like i never get away. but how long should i go before i say how im feeling. noone really knows me and i dont even know myself. so i guess im asking what should i do. and pks know what to do
Rachel

Doncaster East, Australia

#19 Nov 4, 2008
Hey Skay I know what your feeling I'm a pk as well. it sounds like maybe your parents don't know how you are feeling. diffinatly talk to them about it. It's normal to want to get away from church and not a bad thing. i encourage you to make sure you know Jesus for yourself and not just swallow what you have heard from your church your whole life. please don't just run away from church instead just scale down the time you are spending at church and make sure you have some time doing enjoyable things like going out for tea with friends. when i get flack about being a pk i remember that God does not hold me to a higher standard because i am a pk but because i am his daughter. talk to your parents about a healthy way to balance church time with replenishing friend's time and make sure to know Jesus for yourself. all the best xo
Sarah

Hudson, NY

#20 Nov 24, 2008
I was a PK my entire life and now I am a single parent living on my own.
-Kids are jealous.
-Boys who date you have to be ready for your parents to always be around. My dad chaperoned my fiance and me everywhere when I was 21 years old!!!!
-My parents worried about what everyone would think! I couldn't even drive myself to my boyfriends family's house when his parents were home.
-I was never allowed to be involved in or attend my public schools events.

My point?...Hang in there. Things will change. Don't freak out when you are an adult. You are an awesome person. You have control of your life and can improve it yourself. Go away to college and get smart. Stay attractive and learn as much as you can about REAL life from friends.

God is real. Religion is written by man.
Sarah

Hudson, NY

#21 Nov 24, 2008
I was a PK my entire life and now I am a single parent living on my own.
-Kids are jealous.
-Boys who date you have to be ready for your parents to always be around. My dad chaperoned my fiance and me everywhere when I was 21 years old!!!!
-My parents worried about what everyone would think! I couldn't even drive myself to my boyfriends family's house when his parents were home.
-I was never allowed to be involved in or attend my public schools events.
My point?...Hang in there. Things will change. Don't freak out when you are an adult. You are an awesome person. You have control of your life and can improve it yourself. Go away to college and get smart. Stay attractive and learn as much as you can about REAL life from friends.
God is real. Religion is written by man.

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