Should Wives Have Girls' Night Out?

Full story: WFMZ 28
I'm 29 years old and have been married for 10 years to a man who is 32 years old, and we have great kids. Full Story
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Marina

Kansas City, MO

#1 Jun 1, 2010
I think he is playing on the side so that is why he is paranoid about you going out for a girl's night out. If I were you I would snoop around and I bet you will find out things about him...but that's only if you want to know. Good Luck~
amanda

Chesapeake, VA

#2 Jun 1, 2010
this is crazy...why did no one think for her to offer a parent's night off when he goes out with his friends, she can do the same? and I think going to the movies, spa, or dinner may be easier to handle if he worries about partying down in a nightclub...
Frank

Dallas, TX

#3 Jun 2, 2010
I think you need to think about where you are going on your nights out. There is a difference between going to a movie or book club versus going to clubs and bars. I suspect that he would be more comfortable if you were going to the former. In general, people go to bars to interact with the opposite sex.

I think you need to assess why you want to go out with the girls. Is it to hang out with them, or is there more at play.

At any rate, I would suggest trying nights out with the girls in places other than clubs, and I suspect he may be much more agreeable.
Tammie

Allentown, PA

#4 Jun 2, 2010
I think that Frank is right about why he may not like you going out to clubs, BUT he goes out to bars with his friends. If that's what you want to do, then you should have a right to choose where you wish to spend your time when out with friends. There is nothing wrong with having a few drinks and dancing at a club. Men always forget that we girls watch out for one another and that you are safe with your friends. As for him calling you every time that you go to the mall or leave the house--that sounds like insecurity to me. My husband can't stand it when I leave my house without him because he can't do anything for himself. I simply don't answer his calls if he's bothering me--I can talk to him when I get home. If it is an emergency, he will leave a message and I do check my messages if he leaves one. Your husband should be giving you more space if that's what you need...
Frank wrote:
I think you need to think about where you are going on your nights out. There is a difference between going to a movie or book club versus going to clubs and bars. I suspect that he would be more comfortable if you were going to the former. In general, people go to bars to interact with the opposite sex.
I think you need to assess why you want to go out with the girls. Is it to hang out with them, or is there more at play.
At any rate, I would suggest trying nights out with the girls in places other than clubs, and I suspect he may be much more agreeable.
Whamo

Leesport, PA

#5 Jun 2, 2010
yeah Tammy

like Natalie Hollowells friends watched out for her

bars/clubs = trouble

end of story
Chad

Allentown, PA

#6 Jun 2, 2010
Tammie wrote:
I think that Frank is right about why he may not like you going out to clubs, BUT he goes out to bars with his friends. If that's what you want to do, then you should have a right to choose where you wish to spend your time when out with friends. There is nothing wrong with having a few drinks and dancing at a club. Men always forget that we girls watch out for one another and that you are safe with your friends. As for him calling you every time that you go to the mall or leave the house--that sounds like insecurity to me. My husband can't stand it when I leave my house without him because he can't do anything for himself. I simply don't answer his calls if he's bothering me--I can talk to him when I get home. If it is an emergency, he will leave a message and I do check my messages if he leaves one. Your husband should be giving you more space if that's what you need...
<quoted text>
Wow. Your husband sounds like a big baby!

“Merry Christmas ”

Since: Dec 09

Location hidden

#7 Jun 2, 2010
Sure why not ? Just don't take any drinks from strangers. Always watch your drink or soda !!
Toni

Denver, CO

#8 Jun 3, 2010
I suspect your husband has cheated and this is why he is afraid you will do it too. He goes out more than you and travels for work. He has lots of time to cheat. He knows the game all too well.
yang

Boca Raton, FL

#9 Jun 4, 2010
Guys, always keep your wife at home. If you let her go out and do things on her own it will only create problems. It is in a womans nature to lie, and she will, as soon as you let her out of the house. Keep her busy by keeping the house messy and demanding her to cook and clean. She will be so tired she wont want to go out.
Miss J

Reading, PA

#10 Jun 4, 2010
Sure women should have girls nights out. Why not? Men have been doing it for years. Keep it reasonable like 1 or 2 times a month.
musicmaker10

Duarte, CA

#11 Jun 5, 2010
I am having a problem with my wife to be, we do not live together yet but are planning on moving in soon before we get married. She is asking for a night out once a month with her friends once we are living together. While I understand that time for yourself is very important, I also know that responsibility plays a very big part in a couple's relationship and trust.
I am definitely OK with her seeing her friends and having a night out every once in a while, my main concern is not that I think she'll be cheating on me or not, I think I trust her enought to not worry about where she is or who she is with. My main concern lies on responsibility, she is used to getting home pretty late at night most days of the week, and even though sometimes I am the reason for her being out I know that once we are married everything changes radically (I was married before). I am definitely not OK with her getting home at 1:00 AM, or even midnight, I think that is disrespectful to me and to the roof you live under, I believe, and have seen in other young married responsible women that a good nigh out with friends usually ends around 9:00 PM Am I over reacting? she says I am being controlling but I don't think I am, I just don't think an attached woman should be out alone that late at night, there are responsibilityes at the house, chores to do, and I think she can't see that because right now she has other people who do most of those responsabilities for her at home, after we are married those responsabilities are going to hit her and me very hard. I definitelly can't see myself handling a situation like that, seeing her arrive past 12:00 AM really bothers me and would definitelly be a motive for me to end the relationship before we go any further. Am I exagerating? Am I wrong? should I be OK with her being out that late?
Amanda

Duarte, CA

#12 Jun 5, 2010
I think I understand musicmaker10's point of view, I married at a young age and wanted to keep partying and being with my friends while my husband was at home, he would ask me to stay home but always respected my decisions and would not fight me, I would go out once or twice a month to movies or clubs and would come home at 1 or 2 AM, sometimes 3... The earliest I ever came home was 11 and that was because one of the girls got sick. Even though my husband was understanding eventually he gave up and got tired, he started going out with his friends too and ended up meeting someone else. Now, I was always faithful, but men are men, it is a lot easier for them to pick up a girl at a bar. I remarried at 27 and have been married for five years, I learned my lesson, I now try to enjoy my social life during the day and dedicate most of my time to him. Musicmaker10, you are not overreacting, I believe you are thinking very maturely. If you and your fiancee can not find a solution, if she can not accomodate to getting home early and that bothers you then you should end your relationship before the both of you get hurt.
This goes to all young girls who are in a relationship, be wary of the decicions you make, measure how much you love your man and how much you love your social life. I base my comment on my own experience, I hope you can avoid ending up like me, I now realize that the man I let go was the man of my dreams.
John J

New Boston, MI

#13 Jun 10, 2010
I have the opposite problem. My wife keeps getting invited by her female friends to go clubbing, and she keeps turning them down. I made it clear that I trust her and support her decision to go out if she wants, but she is either too tired, does not want to drive, etc. etc. Her friends are patient and supportive, but understandably frustrated. Another complication is that most of her friends are also my friends and I don't want them to think I'm the one holding her back. In the end, her decision is her decision, but I just think she needs a break every now and then and a chance to bond with other females. Any suggestions on what to do here?
sweetness

Tampa, FL

#15 Aug 6, 2010
Ok I have been married for 14 years I was young when we got married. I want to start going out with my friends and my husbands says no and that my place is at home.He says if I want to go out with my friends it is that I am looking for someone else.That is so not true. I just want to have a good time. To forget about the kids ,the bills,working,cleaning ect... We have been fighting about this for a long time.Why does he not understand that. I do not want any one else and it is just about relaxing with my friends. It should not matter where we are or what we are doing. I know what I would do and would not do.What do I do??????
James the Rocket

Australia

#16 Aug 25, 2010
Marina's post is stunning. No, he is not playing on the side. It is easy for women to cheat when they go out, either clubbing or to strip shows or to their friends house for "strips" (really gigolos, as sex occurs). Men won't say no and most men who are out are single.

We don't go clubbing; a 'boys night' is drinking at the pub, paying pool or darts and talking about football.

Now all this may not happen with any one particular group, girls sex play when they go out, but it is becoming increasingly common. He's worried about how she will feel going back to him after being with those desirable studs (or any confident random guy).

To think he might be cheating himself is absurd! If he was cheating, then he wouldn't care; he'd welcome her absence. The fact that he is jealous means he values you.
James the Rocket

Australia

#17 Sep 9, 2010
Looks like this thread is dead, but I'll say it:

Amanda, your husband ended up going out and meeting someone else because he assumed you must be cheating on him. You've got no reason to lie on this forum, so it appears he was wrong! You never mentioned it, so it never occurred to you! Wow!

As someone said on a similar thread: "It is in a woman's nature to lie." Girls are brought up to be polite and to lie. We men find it hard to trust you, as you are capable of looking us straight in the face and telling blatant lies. I'll be his mates told him to stop being a tool, she's using you. "Men are men"??? 1, 2 or 3am, once or twice a month? You cannot blame him.

You know, this is why some men don't like their women working, or meeting new friends.. it leads to going out, which leads to cheating.

Did you go out with your ex-husband at all?
KeepGitmoOpen

United States

#18 Sep 10, 2010
depends Iím not married but nothing wrong with a bunch of girls going out dancing together yes scummy guys hang out there and try to pick off the weakest in the group. I drop them off and pick them up I donít see anything wrong with that. Plenty of times Iím also drunk that she picks me up. As far as safety concerns they went out before they were with you so itís the same. If your that concerned pick them up after they are done. I actually like this cause I hate dancing and this gets it out of her system Iím also confident in her not to do anything outrageous.

Since: Aug 10

Australia

#19 Sep 10, 2010
Thats a good answer; you have it together.

Okay, so picking her up is a good idea. Have to make sure one doesn't appear to be controlling. The normal way for a girl to get home would be in a taxi, I think... also if you are the only one dropping the girls off and picking them up.. the girls might think of you as 'the insecure one'. But in your case, it looks like she's a good girl.

What you say makes sense. Haven't been in this situation yet, but I do need to get my head around it. I do wonder if she starts asking not be dropped off/picked up... what does a man do then?
john

Worcester, MA

#20 Oct 5, 2010
because of the nature of attraction of the sexes, man seeks woman, woman accepts or declines. Because man knows that he has probably approcached many woman before the one he now is involved with that probably declined his calling. But A woman will be approached by many men but will say yes to one. It is this that men fear. Face it how many match.com requests to woman get from men and then reverse it, how many requests to men get from woman? Thats the way its always been, and will always be. It is a protective to the relationship issue that is the reason that men might object to a woman having a girls night out. It is not insecureity or cheating its because the man loves the woman and wants to protect the bond. It is more primal than anything else. So if your man questions this night our be happy that cares about you. What happenes in the bars and under the influance of booze is not right. I have seen too many people live ruined lives over this. you as well know. another issue is that maybe the couple had sex on the first night of meeting. What was done b4 might be done again?
Reds

Ithaca, NY

#21 Oct 5, 2010
musicmaker10 wrote:
I am having a problem with my wife to be, we do not live together yet but are planning on moving in soon before we get married. She is asking for a night out once a month with her friends once we are living together. While I understand that time for yourself is very important, I also know that responsibility plays a very big part in a couple's relationship and trust.
I am definitely OK with her seeing her friends and having a night out every once in a while, my main concern is not that I think she'll be cheating on me or not, I think I trust her enought to not worry about where she is or who she is with. My main concern lies on responsibility, she is used to getting home pretty late at night most days of the week, and even though sometimes I am the reason for her being out I know that once we are married everything changes radically (I was married before). I am definitely not OK with her getting home at 1:00 AM, or even midnight, I think that is disrespectful to me and to the roof you live under, I believe, and have seen in other young married responsible women that a good nigh out with friends usually ends around 9:00 PM Am I over reacting? she says I am being controlling but I don't think I am, I just don't think an attached woman should be out alone that late at night, there are responsibilityes at the house, chores to do, and I think she can't see that because right now she has other people who do most of those responsabilities for her at home, after we are married those responsabilities are going to hit her and me very hard. I definitelly can't see myself handling a situation like that, seeing her arrive past 12:00 AM really bothers me and would definitelly be a motive for me to end the relationship before we go any further. Am I exagerating? Am I wrong? should I be OK with her being out that late?
Your P**** whipped.......... grow a set
Jesus H Christ

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