Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

[Pan troglodytes]

Well my story is like a carbon copy of so many on this board. I truly feel sad for all of you going through this ordeal. This has devastated me. Here's my story. In July of this year, my wife dropped me off at work. A couple of hours later, she left me a voice mail saying she didn't want to be married to me. Her reasons were all over the map and it was all my fault. That day she got half of her stuff from the house. I returned home from work that day to find all of her belongings gone. She had gone to her parents. Over the next few days I tried to communicate with her but she was filled with anger. My wife has battled depression for 5 years. We have been togethger 10 years and married for 6. She was a wonderful woman but the drug Effexor made her emotionless. She was put on 225mg of Effexor from 150mg in early July due to crying bouts. 3 weeks later she left me. She has had no emotion whatsoever throughout the past 4 months. She believes the drug has nothing to do with her decision to leave. She blames me for all tha marital problems. We had a good marriage but we had our fights and issues but always got through them. I believe this drug changed her. 4 months later, today she sent me an unexpected email saying she regretted hurting me so much. She says she is now down to 75mg now but I don't know if I should believe her. Makes sense if she is showing emotions coming off this drug. She has started the legal process and wants a divorce. I told her I won't do any of it as it's not what I want.

[Pan troglodytes]

I just wanted to add a couple of things to my previous post. This was a complete surprise to me that she was leaving me. The day before she left me, we were holding hands walking our dog together(we have no kids). We have been separated for 4 months now. She left the marital home to live with her parents then in an apartment. I haven't seen her in 3 months sinced this is too painful for me to see her. I know that she has been dating as a friend of mine saw her with another man once. All our communications have been through the phone. She gave me the dog which is unsual as this dog was her baby. Just shows how this drug Effexor can take away your soul.

[Topazia]

Pan troglodytes wrote:

.... I believe this drug changed her....

Those six words tell the whole story for thousands of former Effexor users. SIMD: Substance-Induced Mood Disorder. I think it changes the user's brain chemistry. I am two years off the stuff and still suffering effects. Nasty crap.

[bear]

To Tigerlilly
I was not refering to you when I said there was to much name calling on this forum . I would like to see every one stop that crap Topazia included.
If you have nothing helpfull to say keep it to youself.I also feel that doctors can not be trusted .I have seen GPs physcologists and phychiatrists and all pushed for me to take the drugs I was very reluctant in the beginning I did not want to go that way but was not able to cope and gave in in the end ,thinking, well they are the professionals .Then the physical things started going wrong with me joint pain body aches all over , my vision , headaches ,weightgain and this list goes on ,so then I try to get myself off this shit and discover WITHDRAWAL more great fun .What I want to know is will this ever end!

[bear]

To add to previos post I have been married happily for 24 years and its only been since effexor that we have had any nasty arguements .I know it is me, I was always the type who would let things just go over my head now Im the one ready for the fight.I dont like this about myself ,I want my old life back.

[been there done that]

Looking for Greenie
from paxilprogress.org Re: Emily
Re paxilprogress.org "My girlfriend Emitly and OCD" I can no longer post there due to a disagreement with the moderator. If you want to know more about me you can find my posts under "been there done that" on the paxilprogress site. It is a good withdrawal site but in my opinion is lacking when it comes to other issues maybe because the moderator although she has watched and read what goes on in withdrawal has not lived it herself. Withdrawal is a dangerous time and the issues I was posting were scaring people new to withdrawal. That is all the time I am willing to waste on that.
The last post you made stated you understand about what people did in altered states. I may know what Emily is feeling or can give it a close guess and altered state is not what is going on here. Let me try to get you to understand what I suspect is happening here I am not as gifted as you with the written word and at 23 months post cold turkey withdrawal still have brain fog.
I have smoked a joint or two and drank some rye in my life and while the feeling was an altered state it was brief here in lies the trouble What ssri/snri change in your brain you have no chance to recover and seems almost like a toxic thing to get worse over time.
For me something snapped in my brain I WAS a COMPLETELY different person. It is hard to tell when it happens as it is so gradual. I would never have seen what the drug was doing to me if I didn't get sick and had to quit. I don't think I would have ever "woken up" while taking antidepressants I would have died or killed somebody else that is how it was going to end.
If you are too hurt and caught up in your pain to help Emily I would understand however with your understanding of what is going on you are in the best position to see she gets some help. Maybe you can talk to her family show them the pp posts or maybe just copy some parts if it is too graphic. Perhaps moving back to the midwest where she has support and family freinds ect would help her to get thru withdrawal. Just a thought but she will need support and it seems she doesn't have any where she is living now. It is so obvious how much you love her I wish you both well.
Although she has hurt you terribly it wasn't her and she can get herself back again with a slow taper and it will take a long time.
If you would like to reach me I can be found at this link
http://www.experienceproject.com
/group_profile.php?g=169541
I extend this invitation to Emily too having been where she is an even worse she may need someone to talk to .

[been there done that]

bear wrote:

To Tigerlilly
I was not refering to you when I said there was to much name calling on this forum . I would like to see every one stop that crap Topazia included.
If you have nothing helpfull to say keep it to youself.I also feel that doctors can not be trusted .I have seen GPs physcologists and phychiatrists and all pushed for me to take the drugs I was very reluctant in the beginning I did not want to go that way but was not able to cope and gave in in the end ,thinking, well they are the professionals .Then the physical things started going wrong with me joint pain body aches all over , my vision , headaches ,weightgain and this list goes on ,so then I try to get myself off this shit and discover WITHDRAWAL more great fun .What I want to know is will this ever end!

I had the physical issues too as well as many others you can find information about effexor issues at effexoractivist.org the site is read only but there is live link to some of the same people at tribe.net effexoractivist

If you are interested in my personal posts you can find me at paxilprogress.org under "been there done that" I can no longer reply to posts there as I am banned. It is a good site to for information and support about withdrawal if you are ready to withdraw. Good luck to you.

[bear]

To been there done that
thanks for your reply. I have been effexor free now since April 09. I came off by taking out granules I beleive this is the only way it was a long process but I made it .The thing is this physical stuff is still affecting me .I will keep reading up to get as much info as I can in the meantime .

[been there done that]

Keep reading and it will come it seems to be a gradual process in understanding what is going on with these sort of drugs. I think that is why they are still on the market people calling the shots are not taking them and understanding the fallout takes a long time to dawn on people. It is one of those things that if you have not been there is almost impossible to explain. As it does not relate to most human experiences.
I am still having some physical issues but they are greatly reduced. I did not taper so it may be different and have read that it is. I recall reading posts by those that did taper and seems they have issues for a couple of years after taper is done. I am not sure how the timeline pans out exactly as there is no official research. I have heard that cold turkey prolongs withdrawal. We could maybe compare stories.
I still have sexual dysfunction, pain right side of body, head aches, food reactions, memory issues fatigue come on suddenly and is complete but less often than it did. I need to spend some time thinking this thru as there are many areas affected.
What I can say is I am better than I was will I ever be good maybe hope so.
I am hoping to start attempting to get some kind of life back soon. As I have lost everything home job friends ect. It is hard to say the double impact of loss plays into the recovery. Maybe if I was in my own home or even city it would be easier to bounce back not sure. What I do think is this if you have been able to keep any of the sameness of your old life build on it and use it as a starting point.
I think it is normal to have a few years of issues after quitting. Most people say it comes in waves and I agree with that.
One thing that I have that I have not seen any other place are sores that come and go. They are always in the same places two or three will come at the same time. When they come I am sick with what seems like withdrawal. They take about six weeks to go thru their entire process beginning to end for that time I am sick when they are gone I am have stepped up a step on the healing stairs. I have no idea what they are or more important how they relate to the rest of withdrawal. I have been to countless doctors and have had a few apts with a dermatologist every time I go back to see him I need to get another referal by the time I get in they are generally gone. The couple of time I have made it in when they were there he refuses to do any testing the countless creams make not difference in the sore coming or going.
I have just been thru one of these six or so wk periods with the sores and am now starting to feel better and expect to but up another step soon it is odd how this works.
have you noticed or read anything like this?

[Greenie]

Hello everyone!:

My girlfriend Emily has become an entirely different person from SSRIs-- a person she is disgusted by. She feels like she has been possessed by a demon and cannot break Lexapro's grip. She is currently on 10mg. Our relationship is in shambles. I am trying to help her the most that I can. You can read about her story at http://www.paxilprogress.org/forums/showthrea...

To: Been There Done That

I hope Emily contacts you. You have posted some very influential things here which have had a positive impact on Emily. I am very thankful to you and all others who shared their stories on this great thread.

How long was your taper from SSRIs? Emily had previously tapered from 20 mg of Paxil to zero in 5 months. She had been on SSRIs for 8 years. Her withdrawal symptoms were intense, with depression and horrible crippling OCD. I think the taper might have been done too fast. The Paxil Progress site recommends a 10% reduction every 3 weeks minimum, while others I read recommend 5% every 3 weeks. Perhaps if she tapers again, a slower taper will have less negative side effects.

I do know cold turkey is very dangerous. My father went cold turkey from Prozac and 10 years later he is still a different person. Although there might be other factors at play since he has multiple health/mental issues.

Family and friends are important for support, and I wish Emily had them when she was in withdrawal. Emily was/is still in Los Angeles while they are in the Midwest. I wish they were with her now in her mixed-up state. From what Emily has described, her new-found Califonia friends are a negative influence and selfish beings, some with which she has engaged in reckless dangerous behavior. She needs a sense of normalcy. She needs them to help her.

To all:

Does anybody else on this thread have advice/experience with tapering?

As she is now living in the Greater Los Angeles area, does anybody know of any support groups Emily can benefit from?

[bear]

Been there done that
Yes my symptoms come and go.One of the things I suffered badly from was nightmares I would be so deeply asleep and always the same dream I would dream I was asleep and someone was in the house and I could not wake up my husband would have to wake me because I would be shouting for help(god knows what our neighbours must think)this was every few days after coming off effexor.I thought this had stopped but 2 nights ago had another.While on E I had NO sex drive nor could I reach orgasm I am happy to say both have come back .Head aches is a strange one I suffered badly from head aches before E also while on it and dureing withdrawal now I rarely get one.I definately have memory problems and my attention span is very short .No problems with sores though I will keep an eye out if I come across anything like that in my search for answers.

[shaken]

I respect your opinion, but I have lived this experience, and have the witness of those around me who saw the personality changes that were happening in me, when I was blind to it. It was only with the drug effexor that I experienced these mental and emotional effects. I have used paxil, prozac, and a multitude of other antidepressants trying to decrease the weight gain, or lack of sexual desire... which lead me to effexor. As you for mentioned, the majority of antidepressants decrease the sexual drive, if not suppress it completely, I know been there, experienced that. The sexual drive was not depressed but uncontrollable. I do find it interesting, that even the drug company will caution you about problems with gambling, as it is an overwhelming compulsion that these people experience, but there is nothing about the sexual aspect, although some mention,"or any other changes that are uncharacteristic to the individual",(not a quote but referenced). As I had said before, I am antidepressant free now for over a year. I do not experience these urges anymore. I look back now and cannot believe where I had been. And again this is not just my personal opinion, but also the testimony of those closest to me. Some people may take effexor and never experience the same effect I did, some may, It is the same as any drug, they ALL come with side effects, but you may be one who never has a problem, however, my desire is to let anyone who wants to use this medication, to be aware, and those closest to them to be aware. The changes come slowly, and the individual using it may or may not see, or if do, do not care, because they feel "good". This is my caution.
This by the way was the only antidepressant, which for me, I did not feel tired, gain weight, or feel sexually depressed, rather I felt energized, and what I would have described as normal at the time. Interesting right!

[comeback kid]

shaken wrote:

I respect your opinion, but I have lived this experience, and have the witness of those around me who saw the personality changes that were happening in me, when I was blind to it. It was only with the drug effexor that I experienced these mental and emotional effects. I have used paxil, prozac, and a multitude of other antidepressants trying to decrease the weight gain, or lack of sexual desire... which lead me to effexor. As you for mentioned, the majority of antidepressants decrease the sexual drive, if not suppress it completely, I know been there, experienced that. The sexual drive was not depressed but uncontrollable. I do find it interesting, that even the drug company will caution you about problems with gambling, as it is an overwhelming compulsion that these people experience, but there is nothing about the sexual aspect, although some mention,"or any other changes that are uncharacteristic to the individual",(not a quote but referenced). As I had said before, I am antidepressant free now for over a year. I do not experience these urges anymore. I look back now and cannot believe where I had been. And again this is not just my personal opinion, but also the testimony of those closest to me. Some people may take effexor and never experience the same effect I did, some may, It is the same as any drug, they ALL come with side effects, but you may be one who never has a problem, however, my desire is to let anyone who wants to use this medication, to be aware, and those closest to them to be aware. The changes come slowly, and the individual using it may or may not see, or if do, do not care, because they feel "good". This is my caution.
This by the way was the only antidepressant, which for me, I did not feel tired, gain weight, or feel sexually depressed, rather I felt energized, and what I would have described as normal at the time. Interesting right!

I completly agree with everything you have said. When I look back it seems like a bad nightmare. My life then could make a good hollywood drama. The only saveing grace I had was my wife. She was relentless in the fight to get me back. I am so thankful she stuck in there and helped me come back from the worse experience of my life. It blows me away everytime I think about it because I tourchered her to the depths that most could not endure. I am effexor free and have been since June 6th of this year. I am not taking any form of antidepressant. I supplement and diet which works for me. I am happy again unlike before where I just exsisted. My wife and I still deal with the hurt I caused on a daily basis but we are going to make it. Why? Because we both know effexor was the devil that possesed me. I am back to my loving, careing, true self. I have come to see that I'm lucky, lucky because the majority of effexor users don't recover from the devestation this "shit" has caused. The only reason I am still drawn to this forum is due to the desire to help other couples to overcome their tragic experienses. The most important thing for everyone to remember is while on effexor,"you, in your normal state of mind, would not have done these terrible things." Effexor, "the devil" did it. Focus on this and it will help, it helped us.

[btdt]

I understand you wanting to help other people I do too. Those of us that know have a responibility to the rest I think maybe something good can come out of all this loss and pain. These experiences are so hard to understand even for those living them maybe especially for them while taking the drug. I was taking the blame head on as I thought I was the only one in this post you will see my eureka.
Here is a link to a post on paxilprogress.org which speaks to the issue of personality changes.
http://www.paxilprogress.org/forums/showthrea...
I have posted a couple some are mine.
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 5,380
Re: Some things I've noticed...
__________
I have read all of the posts that I can and when I read them I think "that is me". While in high school and college I never even touched alcohol. I just didn't have the desire. Since starting Paxil I have gradually increased my alcohol intake to the point that I think that it is scaring my husband. I find myself drinking to the point of "numb" just so I can lay in bed and forget everything that is happening.
I need to find the post where the lady was talking about how she became a big flirt. That is me. It has gotten a lot worse this past year and I believe that it led me to "crossing the line" with students. I am totally shocked at my behavior but I find myself acting that way without even knowing that I am doing it.
I have sooooooooo much research to do. I have a court case and if research can help to explain my behavior then I am going to go for it. Then I am going to start weaning myself off of this crap.
scotia21
Re: Some things I've noticed...
__________
Quote:
Originally Posted by scotty
Kim, Ryan is totally embarassed by some the the stuff he did while on paxil!! Totally out of character behavior for him while on paxil.
that's about how i would describe myself also... really all i can say. I'm usually a somewhat shy and reserved person. On paxil and ssri's in general along with xanax..........
i once chased down a guy that cut me off and pulled up beside him with my video camera in hand
it was but for the grace of God that i didn't tell the state trooper that pulled me over for going 75 in a 55 on the interstate to "go **** himself*
our old neighbors.. i kindof adopted their kids and one Christmas i bought them huge gifts.. they moved shortly after.
i was aggressive and impulsive.. even abusive to my family in how i would respond to them... i'm horrified and shocked at this behavior.
the little voice we all have that advises against doing things was almost completely snuffed out... i had no trouble writing a note to our one department manager telling him to get with the program and keep his department straight.. "i was just a store clerk at the time".
I once wrote my manager a note telling her my coworker wasn't worth the paper her check was printed on.
There was an area we weren't supposed to go in in our back room, it was the computer person's office.. so i took it upon myself to write "karen's office" in marker.... on the carpet.
I was more loud and arrogant. To think some 20 plus million people walk the streets of the US on these drugs. That's like 7 times the size of Chicago.
__________

__________
Exactly ! My husband would tell me not to talk to students out of the classroom but I was determined that it wasn't a bad thing - so I did it anyway. I used to be a rational person. I am now realizing that Paxil has changed my personality sooooooo much.
gina

[btdt]

part 2
My first post to this thread here:
that
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,856
Re: Some things I've noticed...
__________
I know I am once again posting prematurely as I can only tolerate the first page. Then ran for a drink as it is way too much for me. In a previous post I wrote do you think a daycare worker could become a stripper because of a drug. Some one wrote back that they thought that possible. I couldn't accept it. Wrote back some dribble about acountability being in short supply these days and how could I ask all those I have hurt to not blame me but a drug! They deserve something or some one to blame if that has to be me so be it....BUT as I read the first page...my soul lurched and screamed for freedom.
I often thought over the years of the beginning when it all started when one day I took the mortgage money and went to the casino. I am a single parent so that was a big stupid deal. I actively sat in the car just before my driveway and thought about it. Thought of my son and how this act would destroy us. That point in time stands out as a turning point because for all my life he came first that day I didn't feel anything I didn't care....
I went from being baptised to stripping within a few years. I started stripping at 42. That my friends is no small task.
I went from the woman at Take Back the Night who wrote on the strip bar walls and took on a bouncer who knocked me down to -well the juries out on what I became....some one I would have pitied or loathed.
So be glad all you changed was the colour of your clothes or the type of jewlery you wore...not to trying to minimise but really. If I manage to get thru this I am not sure I can pick up the peices there is not much left of the ones I loved I have all but destroyed them all. I am going to post this at the start thread for the engaged guy and hope his girlfreind sees it before it's too late. Maybe some good can come from all this mess. I really **** my pants and my life is in the toilet.
Ps somebody had made a post previously about shitting their pants meaning wrecking their life so that is what I am referring to in the last sentence.
This was post #90 of this thread there are over 5000 views so a lot of people have looked I am sure some of them have had the same problem.
105
#105
been there done that
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,856
Re: Some things I've noticed...
__________
Wat is an op?
For me this thread inspired for the first time some acceptance that drugs changed who I was and am. I previously could not comprehend it. That is a HUGE realization that I can still only take small bites regaring this subject. It is extremely emotionally painful and worthy of a bump as it is so important. I would like to say to the long time posters that this site is massive and can be difficult and even overwhelming to new people like myself. There is a lot to learn and I think many who first come here are in wd which u know makes the brain fog and seize. Imaging yourselves discovering it today during withdrawal to search one thing can result in as many as 100 or more threads to search thru.
I am not complaining as at least the information is on here somewhere and it is the only game in town. Just asking for some grace to new folks.
I can only see 5 out of 6 pages posted. So there may be more not sure my computer is acting very badly lately so if I disappear it is broken.
I hope this helps other people.
comeback kid so glad you had your wife and still do:)

[btdt]

Greenie wrote:

Hello everyone!:
My girlfriend Emily has become an entirely different person from SSRIs-- a person she is disgusted by. She feels like she has been possessed by a demon and cannot break Lexapro's grip. She is currently on 10mg. Our relationship is in shambles. I am trying to help her the most that I can. You can read about her story at http://www.paxilprogress.org/forums/showthrea...
To: Been There Done That
I hope Emily contacts you. You have posted some very influential things here which have had a positive impact on Emily. I am very thankful to you and all others who shared their stories on this great thread.
How long was your taper from SSRIs? Emily had previously tapered from 20 mg of Paxil to zero in 5 months. She had been on SSRIs for 8 years. Her withdrawal symptoms were intense, with depression and horrible crippling OCD. I think the taper might have been done too fast. The Paxil Progress site recommends a 10% reduction every 3 weeks minimum, while others I read recommend 5% every 3 weeks. Perhaps if she tapers again, a slower taper will have less negative side effects.
I do know cold turkey is very dangerous. My father went cold turkey from Prozac and 10 years later he is still a different person. Although there might be other factors at play since he has multiple health/mental issues.
Family and friends are important for support, and I wish Emily had them when she was in withdrawal. Emily was/is still in Los Angeles while they are in the Midwest. I wish they were with her now in her mixed-up state. From what Emily has described, her new-found Califonia friends are a negative influence and selfish beings, some with which she has engaged in reckless dangerous behavior. She needs a sense of normalcy. She needs them to help her.
To all:
Does anybody else on this thread have advice/experience with tapering?
As she is now living in the Greater Los Angeles area, does anybody know of any support groups Emily can benefit from?

Greenie
I think the paxilprogress people have a good handle on withdrawal but it is general if she finds 10% too much she can cut back to 5% thing is her body will tell her.
I have quit several of these drugs all cold turkey in the early days there was no withdrawal according to the doctors and drug companies. That got many folks diagnosed with other illnesses. There is a list of them somewhere I maybe able to find if anyone needs it also there is another list of drugs given to treat what we now know are side effects.
Untill people using antidepressants started talking to each other we were all in hell alone thank God for these site eyes are opening. Good luck. Keep in touch.
There are so many different sites with so much information from all over the world with the same issues but these drugs are still being sold it makes me wonder what the governing people are thinking.

[Riptide63]

I hadn't posted i awhile but after catching up I hope that this forum can get back on track with support and kindness to those of us affected by these demonic drugs. To PAN, my heart goes out to you as I have been exactly were you are and have had all love and hope ripped away with no warning. My Wife has broken my heart a dozen times since April and it's a bit worse for me than most as we have to work together. She evidently recently decided to go "cold turkey" off of Prozac and thats led to incredible problems. I wouldn't wish this kind of hell on anybody.........ever. To Lord of Logic, thank you for your guidance in the latest crisis, you will not be forgotten.

[Pan troglodytes]

Riptide, thanks for your words. Our stories are quite similar. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to have to see your wife everyday at work and to see her be a shadow of herself. Cold turkey is not good, a slow taper off the drug would be better. But as you know, your wife probably won't listen to a word of advice from you. Hang in there.

[Riptide63]

Your welcome Pan. Slow burning hell here.....I really thought a couple of months ago I had turned the corner and that I could somehow start moving forward but it just hasn't happened. I'm terrified to see a doctor myself, scared of what they may say. Some days(like yesterday) are completely lost, I find myself working on autopilot thinking about punching my own ticket to get away from it all. This shit should be banned period.

[Roy]

Riptide: I started this thread. Although I expected the responses that have come in, I am still stunned by the number of similar stories. For what it's worth, as time progress, things do get better as you go through the grieving process and come to grips with this tragedy. It is critical that you take care of yourself. Otherwise, 2 people can become irreparably damaged instead of one. Eat right, get enough sleep, exercise and don't self medicate. All the best.