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901 - 914 of 914 Comments Last updated Feb 18, 2014
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Knock off purse seller

Denver, CO

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#992
Sep 15, 2012
 

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What to say to an idiot:

"I'd like to introduce you to a stranger...YOUR BRAIN! Oh that's right...your mother taught you NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS!"
funny stuff

Kingston, Jamaica

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#993
Oct 13, 2012
 
Anger Management

David to son: "When I punish you how do you control your anger?"

Son: "I start cleaning toilet."

David: "How does that satisfy you?"

Son: "I clean it with your toothbrush."

source: http://funny-stuff-1.blogspot.com/2012/10/fun...
funny stuff

Kingston, Jamaica

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#994
Oct 13, 2012
 
Family Mix-Up

Wayne went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married. His father was happy for him. He asked Wayne who the girl was, and he told him that it was Pamela, a girl from the neighborhood.

With a sad face the old man said to Wayne,'I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother.'

Wayne again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same. So he decides to go to his mother.

'Mama I want to get married but all the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.' His mother smiling said to him,'Don't worry my son, you can marry any of those girls. You're not his son!!

source: http://funny-stuff-1.blogspot.com/2012/10/fun...
funny stuff

Kingston, Jamaica

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#995
Oct 13, 2012
 
Impulsive Wife

Charmaine comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.

She reaches for a Baseball Bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband Andrew there, reading a magazine. Andrew says: "Hi Darling, Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Hope you said Hello to them"

source: http://funny-stuff-1.blogspot.com/2012/10/imp...
funny stuff

Kingston, Jamaica

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#996
Oct 13, 2012
 
Work Phone

The phone bill was exceptionally high. Delano called a family meeting to discuss. Delano: "This is unacceptable. I don't use the home phone, I use my work phone".

Wife: "Me too. I hardly use the home phone." Son: I use my office mobile I never use the home phone. All of them shocked and together look at the maid who's patiently listening to them.

Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal?

source: http://funny-stuff-1.blogspot.com/2012/09/wor...
Cris Jerico

United States

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#999
Dec 13, 2013
 

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A match once ended 3-1 which Van Hooijdonk played. He scored 2 freekicks. Some of the fans complained that the reason they lost was that the referee gave away too many penalties
Sarah

Coventry, UK

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#1001
Jan 31, 2014
 

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Q-What has no eyes and no nose
A- no idea
Joe Mamma

Denver, CO

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#1002
Jan 31, 2014
 

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Respect 71, Sniper II, Brian G. and all the rest of his socks are a joke! LOL
Hookenlooper

United States

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#1003
Jan 31, 2014
 

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I heard this joke about Ophar Wilfrey. I forget the first part but the punchline is...Not on my melons you don't!

Bwwwaaahahahaha
d pantz

San Antonio, TX

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#1004
Feb 2, 2014
 

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I hope nobody posted this one yet...
d pantz

San Antonio, TX

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#1005
Feb 2, 2014
 

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The following scene took place on a BA flight between Johannesburg and London. A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man. Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air Hostess.

"Madam, what is the matter?" the hostess asked

"You obviously do not see it then?" she responded. "You placed me next to a black man. I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat."

"Be calm please", the hostess replied. Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available."

The Hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later "Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the economy class. I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there is also no seat in the business class. All the same, we still have one place in the first class." Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued. "It is not usual for our company to permit someone from the economy class to sit in the first class However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone sooooo disgusting."

She turned to the black guy, and said. "Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please take your hand luggage because a seat awaits you in the first class. " At the moment, the other passengers who were shocked by what they had just witnessed stood up and applauded.
Michael gatien

Ann Arbor, MI

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#1006
Feb 5, 2014
 

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a couple with no children were inside and were winding down and getting ready for bed when the wife told her husband "Draw the curtains". He said "ok" and went to get his sketch pad. A few minutes later, no curtains were drawn but the husband said "I am drawing them, am I not. The wife says "I didn't LITERALLY mean to draw them, I meant for you to close them. "Oh" said the husband, "just next time tell me to close the curtains.
smile awhile

Burton-on-trent, UK

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#1008
Feb 18, 2014
 

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my wife is kinky when we go to bed she always draws the curtains' OPEN' then she says have you got a gag for me' I said that's alright you dont talk that much' then I said would you like a lttle something to wet your appetite' she said that's your best gag this yea i said yes dear and you are known for your big appetite;
smile awhile

Burton-on-trent, UK

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#1009
Feb 18, 2014
 

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my wife is kinky when we go to bed she always draws the curtains' OPEN' then she says have you got a gag for me' I said that's alright you dont talk that much' then I said would you like a lttle something to wet your appetite' she said that's your best gag this year i said yes dear and you are known for your big appetite

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