Dear President Obama,
I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health. We're planning to simply walk across the border. We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immmigration quotas and laws and we will need your assistance to make a few arrangements.
I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here so would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over?
Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1.Free medical care for my entire family.
2.English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services that I might need.
3.Please print all Mexican government forms in English.
4.I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking, bi-lingual teachers.
5.Tell their schools they need to include classes on American history and culture.
6.I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.
7.Please plan to feed my grandkids free breakfast and lunch at school, even in the summer.
8.I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can have easy access to government services.
9.I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico but I don't plan to purchase auto insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
10.In case one of the Mexican police officers doesn't get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
11.I plan to fly the American flag from my rooftop, put U.S.A. decals on my car and have a gigantic celebration every 4th of July in my front yard. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12.I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
13.Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice to and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.
14.I want to receive free food stamps.
15.Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.
16.I'll need income tax credits so, although I don't pay Mexican taxes, I'll receive money from the government.
17.Please arrange it so the Mexican government pays $4,500.00 to help me buy a new car.
18.Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me and all my family members in the Mexican Social Security program so that we'll get monthly income in our retirement.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. from his country.
I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.
Thank you so much for your kind help.
You're the man Hombre!!