Why Did I Get Married?
Or domestic partnered *eye roll*. Yes this is another question that came out of family mixing from an unmarried (yet partnered) cousin who doesnt know why I bothered. But its come up a lot from various people over the years.
Of course, the sad thing was, as ever, the blinkers of privilege; she could have just looked round and seen the reason for herself. She would have seen how the whole family treated her relationship of 11 months as a long term partnership but still acted like my decades long marriage was a temporary fling, a passing insanity, something Id grow out of or all about sex. I have done everything legally possible in the UK to make my relationship official and I still have to fight to have it recognised even by my own family. Let alone official institutions, work colleagues or the public at large.
See, this is one of the things that irritates me when straight folk dont understand the fuss about marriage. They can take the protections, legal rights and status of marriage for granted because they not only have them but they dont always need them either. Even for non-married straight folks, our society provides a level of respect and legitimacy for heterosexual pairings.
Or, to be overly simplistic, even when you arent married, society will often infer some level of married-ness upon you. Because straight couples are not just the norm but also the ideal, they are granted legitimacy AS couples. As a family lawyer, I have seen straight unmarried couples have more recognition and support for their relationship or dissolving their relationship than I have not just for unmarried GBLT couples but also for domestic partnered GBLT couples. Every shred of respect, of officialdom, of any kind of recognition I have seen for my relationship or any relationship between GBLT people with the same-sex had to be fought for tooth and nail and even then thats often not enough.
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“Headed toward the cliff”
Since: Nov 07
Tawas City, Michigan
#1 Mar 20, 2012
Good article, I can definitely relate. I swear there are still time when it feels like my parents think my 25+ year marriage is something I'll grow out of if I just meet the right girl! Unfortunately that's why they're likely to vote for the marriage amendment in Minnesota this year; they simply don't see my marriage as a "real" marriage. The irony being all their hetero children are on their 2nd or 3rd marriages already.
Oh well, you can't change old people, even when they're family.
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