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41 - 53 of 53 Comments Last updated Jun 24, 2013
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The King

Edmond, OK

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#41
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Queen wrote:
Oh my god. How stupid can trolls get?
While at the bar last weekend, Clayton Bigsby bet Queen $1 that he could touch her boobs without touching her clothes. Since she had on a turtle neck and jacket, she didn't think it was remotely possible, so accepted the bet.

Clayton stepped up, cupped her breasts and squeezed.

"Hey," Queen said. "You touched my clothes!"

"Oh," Clayton said. "You're right. Here's your dollar."
The King

Edmond, OK

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#42
Jun 23, 2013
 

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In the court room, the Judge look directly in Clayton Bigsby's eyes and said "In all my years on the bench, I can honestly say that I have never had to deal with a more loathsome individual than you. You are a habitual liar who thinks nothing of taking advantage of weaker individuals to satisfy your own perverted needs, paying no heed to the damaged and ruined lives you leave in your wake.You are truly a reprehensible person and you have absolutely no redeeming social values whatsoever."

He then looked at the Rapist and said "You, sir, have chosen your defense counsel
well."

“Paper Or Plastic?”

Since: Nov 11

Albakoikee

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#43
Jun 23, 2013
 

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The King wrote:
<quoted text>
While at the bar last weekend, Clayton Bigsby bet Queen $1 that he could touch her boobs without touching her clothes. Since she had on a turtle neck and jacket, she didn't think it was remotely possible, so accepted the bet.
Clayton stepped up, cupped her breasts and squeezed.
"Hey," Queen said. "You touched my clothes!"
"Oh," Clayton said. "You're right. Here's your dollar."
George is pretty smart. I'm going to use this one next Friday!
The King

Edmond, OK

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#44
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Clayton needed a new hinge for the door he was fixing, so he sent his wife QUEEN to the hardware store. At the store, QUEEN saw a beautiful teapot and asked how much it cost. The manager, SPOOK replied, "That's real silver and it costs $100!" "My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" QUEEN exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Clayton had sent her to buy, and SPOOK went to the back room to find it. From the back room SPOOK yelled, "QUEEN you wanna screw for that hinge?" QUEEN replied, "No, but I will for the teapot.
Tracy

Columbus, OH

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#45
Jun 23, 2013
 

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The King wrote:
Clayton needed a new hinge for the door he was fixing, so he sent his wife QUEEN to the hardware store. At the store, QUEEN saw a beautiful teapot and asked how much it cost. The manager, SPOOK replied, "That's real silver and it costs $100!" "My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" QUEEN exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Clayton had sent her to buy, and SPOOK went to the back room to find it. From the back room SPOOK yelled, "QUEEN you wanna screw for that hinge?" QUEEN replied, "No, but I will for the teapot.
Your failed attempts at humor are offensive. Your intentional harassment is in violation of topix terms of service.
The Queen

Columbus, OH

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#46
Jun 23, 2013
 

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The King runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help.

The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, tells The King that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

Clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, The King demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at The King and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."

The King is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead, so the vet brings in a black Lab. The Lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at The King and says, "I'm sorry, but the Lab thinks your dog is dead too."

The King finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.

The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?!" exclaims The King.

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and Lab tests."
The Queen

Columbus, OH

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#47
Jun 23, 2013
 

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The King was seated next to Clayton Bigsby on a plane. The King turned to Clayton and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Clayton, who had just opened a magazine, closed it slowly, and said to The King, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said The King. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Clayton. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first: A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer poops little pellets, while a cow poops out a flat patty, and a horse poops clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Gosh," said The King. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Clayton, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh!t?"
Big Johnson

Columbus, OH

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#48
Jun 23, 2013
 

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The Queen wrote:
The King was seated next to Clayton Bigsby on a plane. The King turned to Clayton and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Clayton, who had just opened a magazine, closed it slowly, and said to The King, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said The King. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Clayton. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first: A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer poops little pellets, while a cow poops out a flat patty, and a horse poops clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Gosh," said The King. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Clayton, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh!t?"
George is the wrong guy to discuss nuclear anything.

“Hereeeeee'ssss UR Pizza”

Since: May 13

Columbus, OH

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#49
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Big Johnson wrote:
<quoted text>
George is the wrong guy to discuss nuclear anything.
Warts R makin U mad huh
Cindy

Columbus, OH

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#50
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Free Pizza 4 U wrote:
<quoted text>
Warts R makin U mad huh
Those ain't warts. They're his spicklespackler and testiculums.
Big Johnson

Columbus, OH

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#51
Jun 23, 2013
 

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An attractive young woman was seated next to Clayton Bigsby on a plane. She turned to Clayton and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Clayton, who had just opened a comic book, closed it slowly, and said to the woman, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the woman. "How about education? I went to school at Michigan State. Where did you go to school at?"

Clayton drew back irritably and said, "Colby College, where we were taught to never end a sentence with a preposition."

The woman replied, "Ok then, where did you go to school at, asshcle?
Boo

Columbus, OH

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#52
Jun 24, 2013
 

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A drop dead gorgeous young woman was seated next to Big Johnson on a plane. She turned to him and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Big Johnson, who had just opened a gay porno magazine, closed it slowly, and said to the woman, "Actually I'm pretty tired and my neck is killing me."

The woman replied "How about a massage? I'm a physical therapist."

Big Johnson drew back irritably and said, "No way! I don't like females touching me!"
Ulula

Columbus, OH

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#54
Jun 24, 2013
 
RU_Kiddingme wrote:
<quoted text>
My butt really hurts today. Late night with the boys again.
TMI.

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