The Chronicles of Clayton Bigsby

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The King

Edmond, OK

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#21
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Clayton Bigsby had just finished reading a new book entitled You Can Be the Man of Your House. He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law! You will prepare me a meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a dessert.

After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my
robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands.

Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

Mrs. Bigsby replied, "The f-ckin' funeral director would be my guess.
The King

Edmond, OK

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#22
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Clayton Bigsby appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," Clayton offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.

So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off! Or I'll kick the s--t out of all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago".
Duke for Mayor

Akron, OH

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#23
Jun 23, 2013
 

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-Clayton Bigsby wrote:
<quoted text>I certainly can understand why a child like you would think so. It's almost up there with a baking soda volcano science fair project.
It appears that perhaps you're really not as popular as you had thought you were Paco.

That's quite a comeuppance for you, I'm sure.

woof
Duke for Mayor

Akron, OH

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#24
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Big Johnson wrote:
Damn! There it is again!
The confirmation code for this post is 6666, for the second time in two days.
It must be the mark of the Topix beast; it must be the mark of George!
That's a common mistake people here make, Johnson.

The mark of George is 3100.

woof
The King

Edmond, OK

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#25
Jun 23, 2013
 

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The setting: Old town Hilliard.

One day Ole Ugly Clayton Bigsby come walking into the only bar in town with a big grin on his face.

The bartender says, "What’s with that big grin on your face?”

Ugly Clayton Bigsby says,“I found this girl tied up on the rail road tracks!”

The bartender inquires, "Yeah, so what happened?”

Ugly Clayton Bigsby tells him, "Well, I untied her and we went back to my cabin. And we made love all afternoon. First she was on top, then I was on top, then I took her from behind, heck we even did it sideways!’

The bartender asks Ugly Clayton Bigsby,“Well, was she pretty?”

Ugly Clayton Bigsby replied,“Don’t know… Never found her head.”

Since: Apr 13

Hilliard, OH

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#26
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Duke for Mayor wrote:
<quoted text>
It appears that perhaps you're really not as popular as you had thought you were Paco.
That's quite a comeuppance for you, I'm sure.
woof
Because four trolls have nothing better to do on a weekend? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO L!!!
You crack me up, bad dad.
The King

Edmond, OK

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#27
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before God.

First came one of the straight guys and his wife. God shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."

Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"

Clayton Bigsby turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."
Big Johnson

Columbus, OH

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#28
Jun 23, 2013
 

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The King wrote:
I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off! Or I'll kick the s--t out of all of you!"
Sounds like the time he smacked down a gang of black thugs at Berliner Park, more or less.
They cannot kill a Spook

Clayton, MI

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#29
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Duke for Mayor wrote:
<quoted text>
It really is quite impressive, isn't it Paco?
woof
Not impressive at all. A chinese kid would have made all the ads on topix change to be about Clayton . This is just more proof that the left is dumber than a retarded skunk.
The King

Edmond, OK

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#30
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Two couples were playing cards.

Spook accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Clayton's wife wasn't wearing any underwear!

Shocked by this, Spook hits his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Spook went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Clayton's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

Spook admitted that, well, yes, he did.

She said, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."

After a minute or two, Spook indicates that he is interested.

She tells him that since Clayton works Friday afternoons and Spook doesn't, Spook should come to her house around 2:00 pm on Friday.

Friday came and Spook went to her house at 2:00 pm.
After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex and then Spook left.

Clayton came home about 6:00 pm. He asked his wife, "Did Spook come by this afternoon?"

Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."

Next Clayton asked, "Did Spook give you $100?"

She thinks, "Oh, hell, he knows!"

Finally she says, "Well, yes... he did give me $100."

"Good," Clayton says, "Spook came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."
The King

Edmond, OK

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#31
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Three drunk men had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways. The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.

Clayton claimed that he was the drunkest saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I walked through the door I blew chunks for 10 minutes."

Tip, "You think that was drunk? Hell I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"

Spook proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my wife, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"

The room was silent for a moment. Then the Clayton spoke out again, "Listen guys, I don't think you understand... Chunks is my dog."
Queen

United States

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#32
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Oh my god. How stupid can trolls get?
Zzzzz

Columbus, OH

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#33
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Yawn. Someone plagiarizing old stale jokes is boring.

Since: Jun 13

Hilliard, OH

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#34
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Youin's better stop pickin' on my Clayton!

“The One! The Only! RUKiddingme”

Since: Dec 08

Jersey, Baby!

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#35
Jun 23, 2013
 

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-Clayton Bigsby wrote:
<quoted text>Because four trolls have nothing better to do on a weekend? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO L!!!
You crack me up, bad dad.
Like you haven't been petitioning the mods all weekend to have this thread removed.

You're such a special little snowflake, Georgie.

“Zuzu's Petals”

Since: Sep 10

Bedford Falls

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#36
Jun 23, 2013
 

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-Clayton Bigsby wrote:
<quoted text>Because four trolls have nothing better to do on a weekend? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO L!!!
You crack me up, bad dad.
Four in one! At least he/they could find a funny joke but you ae to remember, low information!
Neutral Party

Louisville, KY

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#37
Jun 23, 2013
 

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Obviously they can't discuss the issues so consider this acknowledgement of weakness on the dissenters behalf.
George Rox

Columbus, OH

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#38
Jun 23, 2013
 

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RU_Kiddingme wrote:
<quoted text>
I've been petitioning the mods all weekend to have this thread removed. I'm such a special little snowflake, Georgie.
Aren't you sweet!

“Hereeeeee'ssss UR Pizza”

Since: May 13

Columbus, OH

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#39
Jun 23, 2013
 

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I consider this tread a tribute to Clayton.

Long may you irritate our trollies and live in their heads rent free.

hahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaha hahhahahha

“Watch it sucka!”

Since: Jun 13

Watts, CA

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#40
Jun 23, 2013
 

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-Clayton Bigsby wrote:
<quoted text>Because four trolls have nothing better to do on a weekend? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO L!!!
You crack me up, bad dad.
Don't you pay these beady-eyed heathens any mind, George. They're just jealous of your superior intellect.

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